#maybe that 1st pie plate but with the second filling.

[zeus-japonicus]

I’m just listening to episode 8 and screamed when I realised a second before Alestes did.

>:3c EXCELLENT

[scaredofrobots]

The Failed Advent Calendar

For @petalstofish who is my fellow “skip everything its Christmas” pal. This is a prequel to THIS which is also Petals’ Fault. Lily Evans attempts an 84 Day Advent Calendar FFN

October 1, the sun rose over the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and caused several individuals  within the sixth year dorms of Gryffindor tower to be filled with excitement and anticipation for a variety of reasons.

In the boys dormitory, James Potter woke up before the sun and headed down to the Great Lake to begin preparations for his Halloween prank. He bid goodbye to his sleeping mates and cheerfully made his way with Hagrid’s recommended “squid snacks”.

In the girls dormitory, Lily Evans was still sleeping. She had her “October 1 Christmas Jumper” laid out to wear for her Invitation Only Big 84 Days Until Christmas Event to take place that evening in the Gryffindor common room and was dreaming of dancing Sugar Plums.

While James was attempting to communicate with the Giant Squid through morse bubble code, his mates were planning their “Lilytober” activities on their way to breakfast and were blissfully unaware of the plans created for them by the woman who their favorite month had been named after. Remus had to go to the library to return a book, so Sirius and Peter gleefully headed toward the Great Hall after promising to bring him some tea and toast to charms.

Later, Sirius would reflect upon the moment he should’ve known that the entire month was going to go to shit was when he was greeted at breakfast by an all too cheerful Lily Evans.

Lily Evans, who he had only been friends with since August 22nd when she completely drank him under the table at the Longbottom’s wedding and somehow still successfully talked them out of not only the underage magic citation but the underage drinking citation. James had been suspicious when Lily greeted Sirius so cordially on the train on September 1st. But Sirius simply said “I had a ‘Chat with Evans’ and the Longbottom’s wedding and we are now mates”. He shuddered to think how disgustingly besotted James would get if he knew not only how much of a lush the love of his life was but also how good she was getting out of trouble.

However, on October 1 Sirius was just glad to see his newly found mate- holding a plate filled with his preferred breakfast (50% bacon, 25% toast, 10% eggs and 15% potatoes) that he didn’t even think to be suspicious.

“Hello Sirius!” Lily said offering him his plate as he sat down, “Sleep well?”

“How come you got him breakfast?” Peter asked pouting

“Like the dead. It’s October 1st you know” Sirius said, salting his eggs.

“Really, it’s like I don’t even exist” Peter interjected as he spooned some porridge onto his plate

“YES! 84 days until Christmas you know! And of course you exist Peter, I just never know what Marauders will actually be at breakfast besides Sirius ” Lily responded, passing Peter the bacon.

“OI! It’s the most important meal of the day and you do not want to see Sirius Black without his breakfast ” Sirius said as he snatched another piece of bacon from Peter’s plate.

Lily only laughed before handing each of them an envelope. She watched nervously as they each opened them. As they read over the invitation Lily began to explain herself.

“So since it is the beginning of the countdown to Christmas,” she started nervously, “I have activities planned for each evening for the next 84 days. I would invite James but I know he is mad in October and I tried to speak to him about it yesterday but he grunted something about October being sacred”

“It’s the month for the big prank….you’ll love it this year Lily- really….James is going to try and” Peter started but was interrupted by Sirius throwing the crust of his toast at him.

“Do something completely mental and probably fail and we will not divulge the secret to you Evans so don’t even try”

With a huff, Lily responded “I am aware of the great prank planning and execution. I am also aware of the quidditch obligations and how bored you lot get without your fearless leader so I decided to include you in my First Ever Annual 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar!”

Sirius and Peter exchanged a look before Lily continued to ramble

“Some of the activities are repeated both indoor and outdoor, of course. And naturally we have several evenings dedicated to Christmas Pageant rehearsal- then there are all the letters to Santa and I am hoping that maybe we can get two Christmas trees each time we are getting a tree so we have six trees instead of three but then we have to plant baby trees to replace the old ones and I don’t know how much time we will have to sneak out and get back. And before you even ask, Sirius, yes there will be food and drink and occasionally alcohol how the hell else do you think I got Marlene to agree. So please please join us? I know it is a lot but it’ll be good for us to bond as a group this year and I just think we could do with a little cheer?”

With a sigh and a nudge from Peter, Sirius begrudgingly agreed  “Alright Evans, show me this list and I’ll let you know if we are in”

With a squeal, Lily rummaged in her bag and pulled out two feet of parchment on which was written an extensive list of 84 activities complete with illustrations and glitter:

Jingle Bell Hunt

Ornament Making

Christmas Charades

Christmas Pageant Auditions

Decorate Dumbledore’s office

Movie Night

Make Paper Snowflakes

Indoor Snowball fight

Build a Gingerbread house

Make Christmas Candy

Story Night

Make a bird feeder

Random acts of Kindness

Write letters to santa

Indoor Snow Angels (for two hours)

Movie Night

String popcorn

Hang tinsel in the hallways

Indoor Snowmen Making Contest

Gingerbread Hunt

Story Night

Serve a meal to the house elves

Donate old clothes to a charity

Make Christmas Candles

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

Christmas Caroling

Movie Night

Christmas Caroling

Sledding

Ice Skating

Eat cookie dough

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

Make Christmas Cards

Story Night

Paint Wooden Toys

Dress Up Like Elves

Knitting Party

Movie Night

Write Letters to Santa

Decorate room like north pole

Hang christmas lights outside

Make Hot Cocoa and Snuggle

Story Night

Make Christmas Sweaters

Ride a Santa Train

Find Deer and make them pull a sleigh

Ornament Making Round 2

Movie Night

Jingle Bell Hunt Round 2 Outside

Outdoor snowball fight

Outdoor Snow Angel Making (2 hours)

Write another letter to Santa

Story Night

Re enact “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

CANDY CANE HUNT!

Lifesize Gingerbread Houses Outside

Christmas Caroling Round Two

GET OUR CHRISTMAS TREE

DECORATE OUR CHRISTMAS TREE

Pie making

Pre pre Christmas feast

Christmas Card Delivery

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

Random Act of kindness Day

GET OUR SECOND CHRISTMAS TREE

DECORATE OUR SECOND CHRISTMAS TREE

VISIT SANTA

DRESS LIKE ELVES AND GO CAROLING

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

GET OUR THIRD CHRISTMAS TREE

DECORATE OUR THIRD CHRISTMAS TREE

CHRISTMAS SWEATER CONTEST

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

FINAL MOVIE NIGHT

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

Cookie making and cookie dough eating

Winter Wonderland Building Contest

Nutcracker Race

Look at Christmas Lights

SET UP THE NATIVITY

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

Christmas Pageant Rehearsal

CHRISTMAS PAGEANT AND CHRISTMAS DAY

While they were considering the list, Sirius and Peter both reflected on the Marauder Code:

Nothing on the list was a threat to their masculinity (Marauder Code Section 1 Part D)

Every event had the opportunity for mischief (Marauder Code Section 1 Part A)

And provided ample opportunity to  Prove to Lily Evans that James Potter was not a bullying toerag and an upstanding bloke (Marauder Code Section 4 Part A)

“Alright Evans, we agree to your mad list and will attend every event that we can” Sirius proclaimed crossing his hand over his heart, Peter followed suit. Lily squealed again and hugged him- and then Peter.

Despite their initial reservations, most of the sixth year Gryffindors were enjoying the 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar.

Granted, it was only day 6 and they were enjoying Miracle on 34th Street in the room of requirement and drinking butter beer and Lily hadn’t nagged anyone about responsibility or homework all year. Because of this and despite the fact Christmas was ages away, all of the 6th year Gryffindors (except for James Potter who was last spotted dragging a tutu and several pairs of tap shoes toward the Great Lake) were feeling festive.

In fact, in the courtroom scene when all the mail was brought in Sirius Black cried real tears and had to admit to Remus that this was “actually not a shit movie” and that “they could watch Die Hard next time”.

The festive mood carried the Marauders  to their dorms and they had forgotten it was October until they were hit with the undeniable smell of wet lake clothes and greeted by a bruised and soaking James who  was meticulously pulling chunks of slime from his hair.

“I’ll get there mates!” James was saying in a peppy mood “Come Halloween you’ll regret telling me this was a bad idea and wish you’d helped”

After a quick muttering a quick “scourgify” with his wand pointed at James’ head Remus told him, “No, you’ll be glad we made a plan B”

Once James had left the room to take a shower Peter asked “What Plan B?” through bites of his leftover Christmas cookies (Lily had surprised them on day 2)

“We’ll come up with something” Remus responded, vanishing the remaining slime from the floor.

The following weeks passed in much the same way. Lily forcing them to do mad Christmas activities, James vanishing toward the Great Lake muttering, and an overall pulsing of excitement about the general holiday season.

Occasionally Peter would ask “But what about plan B? But this was usually after a fantastic item being checked of the 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar and Sirius and Remus would brush him off with something like

“You worry too much”  Sirius told him as he pummeled Lily with 12 paper snowballs on day 8 or,

“We’ve got loads of time”- Remus as he added another bunch of tinsel to the hallway outside of charms on day 18.

On day 20, Sirius was surprised to find Lily Evans and James Potter in deep discussion as he entered the great hall for lunch.  As he approached the table he heard James say “right- charms- brilliant. Later, Evans” and without so much as a flirty smile or an acknowledgement to his best mate, James Potter ran from the great hall leaving behind an entirely full and decent meal.

As he sat behind said plate and pulled up another Sirius asked “Did Prongs have some sort of prank epiphany?”

With a huff Lily told him, “I have no idea what your daft mate is up to. He was muttering about animal training and I told him ‘Well you know they say you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink- but if you’re clever enough you can charm them’. Then he started asking me about all sorts of charms for animal training and did I know if Flitwick knew anything about training aquatic animals. Then I was asking if he meant aquatic mammals and he told me there were no aquatic animals and you know how I feel about dolphins Sirius so I had to explain to him that they are not fish and that I don’t know if you could train something like a squid and that he should talk to Hagrid and not Flitwick. Then he stood up- thanked me about charms and left”

Blinking at her owlishly, Sirius asked “How do you breathe when you talk so fast?”

Whacking him with the Advent List, Lily told him “Shut Up Prat. I’m off to set up our gingerbread hunt! We’ll be in teams- and they are riddles so you might want to reconsider Peter.”

“OI!” Sirius started

“Peter brings a lot to the group dynamic- you tell me that all the time- some days I even think you believe it” Lily finished and swooped out of the Great Hall.

Day 21 of the 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar had been Sirius’ favorite night. He, Remus and Lily acted out the entire Christmas Carol with assistance from the house elves and any time a ghost appeared they would play a round of truth or dare. By the end of the re enactment, Sirius was so invested in his final line of“God Bless Us Everyone” he didn’t even notice his best mate dragging himself up the steps to their dormitory covered in seaweed. Later, he noticed an odd smell in the dormitory but was so invested in preparing for Day 22, Feeding the House Elves a Meal, he forgot to ask what it was.

On Day 24, Sirius was seriously invested in making the 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar an annual event. For all of her absolute madness, Lily Evans was a lot of fun. He also felt he had felt he and Peter has made significant progress on Section 4 Part A of the Marauder Code if the daily lunchtime conversations he interrupted between James and Lily were any indication. He had even begun  plans to lock Lily and James in a closet on Day 42 , make Hot Chocolate and Snuggle, when tragedy struck.

Day 24, Make Christmas Candles, ended the 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar tragically and, in the opinion of one Sirius Black and one Lily Evans, much much too soon.

It all had to do with “Plan B”. While Remus and Sirius were quick to dismiss the need for such a plan. Whether it was truly from “ABSOLUTE FAITH AND TRUST IN OUR LEADER PRONGS” (Sirius) or “I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK FROM THE FULL MOON YOU WORRY TO MUCH” (Remus)- they had somehow lost sight of the importance of the Halloween prank. So, naturally, Peter Pettigrew took it upon himself to create his own Plan B.

The fact that Plan B involved storing a multitude of fireworks in the very abandoned classroom that Day 24’s activities were being held was an unfortunate coincidence.  Making the candles had gone splendidly. They had made enough candles to gift to all their professors and had taken a few extras to make s'mores.

Peter, who was in the middle of a story about his favorite Christmas present, panicked when his marshmallow caught fire and tried to shake it off the stick when it went flying. Right into the pile of fireworks.

As chaos descended, nearly all of the Gryffindors began to stampede out- knocking over the candles which naturally landed on any and every flammable surface and causing an inferno. While they were running Lily called out  “Did you all forget you are wizards? Use your wands” but only Sirius heard her and stayed behind to try and fix the problem before they were caught.

Miraculously they had managed to put out all of the flames and somehow vanish the fireworks before Filch arrived with McGonagall on his heels.

Filch entered first bellowing, “I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE ONE OF THEM- It’ll be expulsion for sure this time Black”

Before either of them could speak McGonagall interrupted,“What is the meaning of this? Really I’ve come to expect this sort of thing out of you Sirius but Ms. Evans I don’t understand why you of all people are here unless you caught this miscreant in the act”

Sirius began to think up no less than 126 excuses and was ready to spout them all off when Lily interrupted, “It’s my fault Professor. I was trying to make some Christmas Candles for my 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar and when I lit them- I guess I got the wick or something wrong- they exploded. And Sirius just happened to hear the explosion and come running. It’s my fault”

Turning to Sirius with a sharp look she asked “Is this true Mr. Black?”

Not missing a beat Sirius said “Yes ma’am and might I just say you are looking lovely tonight and Evans really shouldn’t get detention for this- it is her first offense you know”

“Maybe so” McGonagall started, “Nevertheless Ms. Evans, while I appreciate your enthusiasm… there are still two months until Christmas Eve and I think we will be all be better off if we see no more Christmas cheer from you until December. If I spy any more Advent activities before then I will make you serve detention. To be safe I’ll be taking 24 points from Gryffindor and will request you put this room back to its original condition”

Before she could complain, Sirius poked Lily in the side which prompted her to say “Yes Professor, Sorry Professor”.

This seemed to satisfy their head of house who snapped her fingers and Filch who skulked out of the room after her.

Turning to Lily with a large smile Sirius said, “No too bad Evans! Only 24 points. Bit sad we still have 60 activities on the list but we can do 31 of those in December and then….” he trailed off as Lily began to cry in earnest.

“I…..I….worked so so hard to plan all of those Sirius. We were…… ss-s-upposed to go c-c-caroling t-t-tomorrow! I had it all worked out with Hagrid and everything and……and…..now…..” she wailed, throwing her arms around his neck.

“There, there Evans. We’ll find some way to go caroling tomorrow. And Minnie will never know”

The next day, October 25 dawned early for Sirius Black. He took the map, cloak and headed out towards Hogsmeade.

“Where are you going?” Remus asked as he rolled over.

“I’ve got to have a ‘Chat with Evans’ today. It’s time we ended this Advent madness”. The lie seemed to appease Remus who said “Bout bloody time” as he settled back into his pillows.

As he descended the steps, Sirius saw James rushing off ahead of him and called out “Prongs! Its Saturday what are you doing?!”

“Squids are most docile at sunrise- Padfoot! See you soon!” James responded as he vanished from view.

The day passed quickly. Preparing for the “Chat” or really “Getting drunk and Caroling to Hagrid’s animals and then crying over the end of  The 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar” proved more difficult than Sirius thought. He wasn’t sure why he cared about making the shrieking shack look like a winter wonderland for Lily but he supposed somehow she had Christmas Cheered her way into his heart and he was only trying to help James out since he was distracted by his mad plan for a prank.

At dinner- Sirius stormed into the great hall, demanded “EVANS WE NEED TO CHAT” and dragged her from the hall, trying hard not to laugh at her fake and frankly pathetic complaints.

As they walked up the path to the shack he told her “Nice Jumper”

“Thanks” Lily said a little wistfully, “It’s my two months till Christmas jumper which was McGonagall approved this morning as not a violation of my detention contract after I cleared that room this morning”

“Well file tonight under ‘NEVER TELL A PROFESSOR’ so you keep to that contract”

When they entered the shack, Lily cheered.

“Four Christmas trees…..and it looks just like the North Pole….and…is that….”

“Firewhiskey? Yes Evans, we are going to get piss drunk. Cry about the end of the 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar  and then go sing badly to all of Hagrid’s animals”

Hours later, Remus found his boyfriend and fellow prefect skipping around the astronomy tower singing

God rest ye merry, hippogriffs, Let nothing you dismay, For Lily and Sirius Will feed you Christmas Day, And save you all from Slytherins Who all are dirty gits O tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy, Oh tidings of comfort and joy.

“OI! YOU TWO” he said, rolling his eyes as they collapsed into giggles onto the floor “It’s past curfew and Sirius your best mate is in the hospital wing”

“No, my best mate is singing Christmas Carols with me on October 25” Sirius managed between fits of laughter.

“It’s actually now the 26th and past curfew. I’ll get you both back to the dorm” Remus said and grabbed each one by the elbow.

“Where’s Pete- crying at Potter’s beside?” Lily asked, and found this to be hilarious.

After many more jokes (none of which were funny to Remus at all). And many more badly rewritten Christmas Carols, Remus somehow got them back to Gryffindor tower.

“Right, well….Marlene said that if you interrupted her beauty sleep tonight  Lily she would have your head- since James is in the hospital wing you can have his bed”.

“BUT REEEEEMMMMMMMUUSSSS” Lily whined “He smells like the great lake. What is he on about anyway? Is he”

“Shit” Sirius interrupted suddenly sober “We need a Plan B Remus. If Prongs is out for the count we need a new prank and we have less than a week”

“Is James-” Lily tried again

“I KNOW!” Remus exploded “But Pete’s Plan B literally crashed and burned and we’ve been so invested by the Christmas activities we forgot to make one”

“Wait I think I can” Lily started

“SHIT SHIT SHIT. Prongs is going to be so sad. When will he be better did they say?”

“At least a week. Pete is panicking and she gave him a calming potion but-”

“OI!” Lily yelled as they got to the top of the stairs

The boys stopped bickering.

“I have a question and it’s important. I’ve been trying to s…solve the mystery”

“O…..k” Remus said raising an eyebrow at Sirius

“Is James….is he….trying to train the Giant Squid to tap dance on Halloween”

Both Mauraders burst out into the same fake laugh

“Of course not”  

“That’s ridiculous”

“Whatever would make you think that Evans”

She ignored this and plowed on “Because if he is- the solution is pretty obvious…I mean wouldn’t you just stun it and then charm the tap shoes to dance so it’s the illusion he is dancing. Is the squid a he? I’ve always wondered?”

Stunned to silence Sirius stared at Lily Evans, who was apparently a brilliant prankstress when she was drunk.

“How did you figure this out Lily?” Remus asked- puzzled.

“I’m not a completely clueless idiot. He’s been rambling about animal training and asking me all sorts of questions about my childhood tap lessons and is at the lake every bloody day at breakfast and everyone knows that is when squids are most docile”

Before Remus could interrupt Sirius pinched him and muttered “Shuttup she’s got that gleam and I think she is about to say something else brilliant”

“And really- it would be quite a good prank. Especially if you transfigured the Squid into a pumpkin or something and then had it charmed to transfigure back when the phrase ‘Tuck In’ was said. Then you could have all the ghosts come in and play their God awful Halloween ballad they always want to play. I bet the house elves would help you.”

With a look and a nod Sirius said “Help us, Evans. Help Us.”

“Alright,” Lily said, “But James can NEVER know I helped. This is only because of the Christmas ban”

The next week passed by in a blur and even Lily had to admit prank planning and execution was almost as fun as the 84 Day Advent Activity Calendar.

After much begging and pleading, Peter had somehow convinced the nurse that James should be released from the hospital wing from the feast. Peter was dejected when he told James “We didn’t have a plan B”

and they both trudged down to the feast. James had never been so depressed on Halloween and had never felt sorrier for himself.

Even the fact that Lily Evans was sitting next to him and smiling at him couldn’t raise his spirits.  Halloween was ruined. The squid was stupid. His mates were stupid. He was done with the whole stupid month of October when Dumbledore announced “Tuck In” and the largest pumpkin on the head table exploded and in its place-

stood STOOD the fucking animal that had given him nightmares, an embarrassing rash and no less than 6 broken ribs.

The squid stood and James nearly wept when the ghosts burst in playing their horrid Halloween waltz and the squid began to tap dance down the center of the great hall. As all the students cheered James looked over to his friends who simply winked and began to play off their typical

“It wasn’t us” routine.

Each line was superb and James was surprised that Lily had no negative comments. In fact as the Mauraders escorted James back to the hospital wing and Lily followed them.

They chatted for a bit and relived the finer moments of the dance with quiet glee. James couldn’t believe that Lily Evans was there with them. It was getting late and Lily had to leave for rounds but before she left she leaned down, kissed him on the cheek and told him “it was a brilliant prank James, really”.

As she passed by Sirius she gave him a wink and touched her nose in a very Santa Clause fashion and Sirius began to guffaw with laughter.

James missed all of this however, he was too busy holding his cheek and smiling. “Did you see that! Lily Evans kisses me on the cheek! It’s a Halloween miracle”

“No mate,” Sirius said, “That’s a Christmas Miracle. Tis the Season after all.”