#mazerp

[capricxs]

"things you said under your breath"

she still had on her work clothes. normally that didn’t mean much but the small heels and the long flowy dress with her far too wiry bra was starting to feel all too tight. her feet ached from standing too long, her hand had cramped from grading home work to then filling out stacks of paperwork. she’d have to call off dinner with vincent. but canceling dinner followed by a phone call hours later close to tears saying she needed to come over.

she did. more than anything.

she thought her clothes smelled like cigarettes too much. she’d already smoked half a pack, but driving to his place, she smoked another three and she was convinced it was in her hair by now. 

her knees trembled and she sat in front of his home for a while. didn’t move. just rested her head against the steering wheel for a while. she figured maybe having her lights on still had given her away. there was a tapping on her window and she jumped up, looking to see vincent, dressed for bed, his coat wrapped tightly around him, “maggie,” he said, muffled by the glass.

she scrolled her window down, looking up at him with her large, glossed over crystal eyes. “hey,” she cracked.

“comes inside.” he reaches through the window, touching her cheek.

“i’m so tired.” she whispers, knowing is she spoke louder, it’d crack even more. “i want to stay here forever.”

“my bed’s a lot more comfortable.”

she pouts, nodding her head and reaching for her purse. scrolling the window up, she takes the key out of the ignition and finally gets out. she doesn’t wait to get inside, her arms are immediately thrown around his neck, sticking her face into his skin, breathing in the smell of fresh shower.

his arms wrap around her waist, rubbing her back soothingly. “you smell terrible.”

“i know,” she croaks.

he pulls away, holding her face in his hands. “can you come inside now?”

she nods, and her hand is taken in his, leading her up the steps into his home, where her shoes finally come off for the first time in hours. she audibly sighs at the relief, moving on to shrugging her coat off. her helps her hang it up, and takes her purse from her. “hungry?” 

she shakes her head. for some reaosn, it was that moment when she decides to break. shoulders slumped, hand pressing to her forehead as the tears begin to fall. “i’m so exhausted!” she exclaims through her sobs. his arms find their way around her and she shakes her head. “i’m constantly shaping my life to other people, i don’t get to live my life. i’m a fucking door-mat.” 

“no. stop, shh.” he rubs her back, kissing her forehead. “not you’re not.”

“i just want my own life! but the second my shit brother calls i’m driving out to fucking connecticut to bail him out of jail and tuck him into bed. i can’t just live for myself, vincent. i— i can’t put my own priorities before other’s.” she wants to say it so bad, it’s on the tip of her tongue— this is why he left. this is why i can’t be loved. but she know it would be unfair to say that in front of him. no matter how much she’s thinking it, how much she wants to say, and believe, that the reason her life has lacked stability and love is because she holds terrible people too far close to her.

“maggie.” he whispers against her skin. “you are the kindest, strongest woman i know.” he pulls a hand back to peel it from her face, wiping her wet cheeks. “you love with everything in you, and sometimes it hurts you more than it does good. you can’t be mad about that.”

“but you suffer because of it.” 

“i would think i’m the greatest benefactor of it, actually.” he smiles, trying to stoop to her eye level. “but there’s some side effects to it, yeah.”

“you don’t deserve this, why are you trying to justify me being a shit girlfriend because i’m nice? how many times have i cancelled on you? it’s shitty.” she frowns, wiping her own tears away. “i’m tired of disappointing you. i can’t imagine what you had planned tonight and i just fucking ruined it to take care of my brother who’s done nothing for me.”

“that’s not important right now.”

“but it is, vincent!” she steps back from him. “why can’t you be upset at me? why does everything have to be perfect. i’m mad at myself, why can’t you just tell me i need to fix it? why can’t you tell me i need to do better?”

he stands there, arms by his side, his shoulders rolling in a shrug. “you seem to be doing it yourself right now.”

she scoffs, throwing up her hands. “maybe we’re both just fucking soft, huh?”

“hey,” he starts again, but she holds up a finger.

“no. maybe you don’t want to call me out because you’re afraid of what will happen. maybe i’m just as afraid of me saying no to my family. maybe we’re both so fucking afraid and we’re just going to pretend that everything is great and perfect and romantic and i’m going to be here disappointing you time and time again until one day it’ll be too much.”

“maggie,” he sighs, sliding his hands into his pockets.

“we’re both just going to me timid and shy and never have any conflict because our sex is good and you make me laugh and i make you smile and when we’re together it’s good but clearly it’s not perfect but we’re both getting older and we’re too afraid to be alone to really deal with it. until it’s too fucked up to fix. and then i’ll do something to really drive the nail in the coffin and you’re going to be off with a plane ticket to peru and i’ll be stuck with a mortgage and we’ll both be back to—”

“margaret!” he barks, stopping her words abruptly. 

she stands there, five feet away from him, her eyes agape, tears streaming down her cheeks. she’d never heard him raise his voice. never had him use her full name like that before. he’d use it teasingly, between kisses and tickling fingers. but this felt different. this was harsh.

“do you hear yourself right now?” he squints, his hands still in his pockets, suggesting his cool composure, yet intense attitude by his gaze. “do you know how unbelievably unfair you’re being right now? you’re comparing me to your ex. you’re comparing me to everything in your life.” he raises a hand out of his pocket, running his fingers over his beard. “you know what? yeah, i was fucking disappointed when you called off tonight. you know why it’s not an issue? because i trust you. because i know whatever the reason is, it’s a good one. even if you don’t think that person is worth it, and i know they don’t deserve you love and attention, i know you’re off being the good person you are. do i hope one day you grow past it and stop doing those things for people like your brother? of course. but the amount you care for other people is one of the things i like most about you. and you give that amount of care to me. so yeah, i am okay with putting up with it right now.” 

she stands there in silence, hearing his retaliation, tears still streaming down her cheeks. but he doesn’t stop, “the only thing that’s going to truly hurt this relationship is the fact that you’re constantly thinking about ways that it’s going to fail. you’re going to ruin it by thinking about how it’s going to get ruined. and that’s heartbreaking, because you don’t deserve to be thinking about how this isn’t going to work out.” he presses his lips together. “maybe we are both scared of being lonely, but you’re scared about another failure. i just want to be here, with you. enjoying what we have and letting it be what it’s going to be.” he lets out a sigh, his other hands sliding out of his pocket. “if you want to be sad that your brother is ruining things, fine. let’s be sad. but don’t use this as a way to self sabotage. it hurts too much for me to watch it.”

maggie’s not sure how much time actually passes before she speaks. her throat is closed and she knows she’s crying by what he’s said. not because it hurt— well, it did hurt; but it hurt because it was true. she wanted nothing more than to get on her knees and beg for forgiveness but she knew that’s not what he wanted right now. she needed to be an adult. he wanted her to stop being her own worth enemy. so she was going to do that. for him.

“no one’s ever made me feel the way you make me feel,” she croaks out in a whisper, and her eyes are still on the hard wood floor.

“what?” he asks, genuinely unable to hear her.

“no one has ever made me feel so vulnerable and exposed, and open for the deepest cuts, yet when the blows come, they’re truths filled with a kind of love and i’ve never felt that before. it’s one or the other, i’ve never gotten both.”

“ah,” he nods, stepping forward. “you deserve the best, maggie.” he takes her hand, bringing it to his lips. “you are good, and i adore you. everything about you lights up my life but you’re far from perfect.” he kisses her open palm. “but i want us to grow together. we can be better versions of ourselves. maybe i have been a bit avoidant.” he presses his lips into a line. “i’m just as imperfect.”

she let’s out a sigh, watching him kiss her wrist, pulling her close, against his chest. “can i please wash your hair. i would love to kiss you more but this is really overwhelming.”

“okay,” she nods, feeling his hand reach up to wipe her cheeks again, then grabbing her chin and holding her for a deep kiss. one that lasts for far too long, but fills every part of her body with warmth.

[mingyubias]

nahhhh if u get the audiobooks u can just skip his pov chapters bc u wont lose any plot whatsoever lmao

[capricxs]

👫 for vincent & maggie yay!!

send 👫 for headcanons abt our ship !

these two are such a power duo…. like two Soft Creatures who are here to benefit the world i mean i’m Blessed. i think after they’d been dating for a substantial amount of time, someone would have brought up to someone (maggie probably asked tbh) to do a partnership with his shop and the school. he would have donated a bunch of books and do book drives for the school, etc, and they would have helped promote it to the parents of students, which is good for business ya know ? so here you have the hot couple who not only benefited the school greatly, but also helped his business, and vincent can see all the little kids and their parents come to his bookstore on the weekends to pick up some new books, or just parents themselves helping a small business to pick up their books. 

maggie’s little pup’s name is bunny (don’t @ her, she let her niece and nephew name her) and she’s a real gem. i think they spent a lot of dates taking sammy on walks, because sammy needs them and so does vincent apparently. granted, they started dating in the cold winter so they weren’t long walks and were hardly exciting, but when it gets warmer, maggie would love to be that bitch who wears that cute floral dress and takes her pretty dog to cafes and sit outside wehre she can enjoy the sun and vincent just has to come along but he takes the best pictures of her looking absolutely Radiant. not to mention spring probably looks good on him, too. literally, people Crops are Watered when they walk by the three of them and see them.

vincent is the Chef in this house i don’t think maggie… really compares. she probably really wanted to one date night. like got everything and got a recipe and was going to make some real nice dinner for vincent because he always tries to cook smth so nice for her. turns out mmmm that didn’t happen. byt eh time he actually came over, she was crying in the kitchen with her dress half covered in burnt dust from the food and it… honestly smelled terrible. the who apartment was burnt and he had to open all the windows and just hold her for a bit to tell her it’s all okay. she just wanted to return the favor for once and make a nice meal for her man but she couldn’t even do that and he just wants that Domestic Vibe for once and ofc vincent was like ‘that doesn’t matter’ but she was just overwhelmed and disappointed, and honestly so hungry bc she saved her tummy for all the food she was going to make so it was just,,, all bad things. ultimately, she changed into something else and they got something to eat instead. she was really puffy faced though, and most of her makeup was off so they just went to some diner. but it was a cute diner nonetheless. now if maggie’s cooking, she keeps it Very Simple. like…. spaghetti sauce form a jar and some noodles.

*cracks fingers* alright, ready ?? so maybe it’s a year,,, a little over a year,,, after they’ve been dating. vincent is already Fully aware of her last relationship. maggie comes to work one day and sees all her coworkers freaking out in the staff lounge over This Bitch (did i give her a name ??? don’t think so. let’s call her sonya) and maggie comes in like ??? and everyone turns around and sonya,,,, who at this point i think is a bit jealous of maggie rubbing her Perfect Boyfriend in everyone face for the last year is like ‘i’m engaged to your ex boyfriend now look at my big sparkly ring !!!’ meanwhile maggie has to relive all embarrassment of Everyone all over again and honestly can’t even fucking think right bc this bitch’s ring is bigger than the moon and maggie has to go to vincent’s place that night completely Out Of It and when he asks her what’s wrong she tells him everyone and now she has to live out this whole engagement at work w this bitch rubbing it in her face and reminding people that she Did That. and like,,,, it’s not that maggie’s upset bc she got the guy bc honestly like good on her, maggie’s got one better she is Over That Chump,,, but like ??? she has to Relive That Experience every fucking time and everyone is being reminded that she was the one who didn’t cut it and wow can u believe the insecurities come back and like some days it’s a cliche competition of whose boyfriend/fiance is cuter or better, and other days maggie just Off and so close to snapping on this bitch for keeping The Worst Day of her Life right in front of her face so i’m sure it’s some tense months for maggie around vincent and she really doesn’t want it to be bc that’s some baggage that should mean anything. but i think she gets invited to the engagement party out of pity and it’s the first time she actually sees her ex in over two years and ofc vincent gets to come and she can Definitely rub him in their faces (and probably tell him to fuck her in his study when they had a couple glasses of wine which really Did make her feel better) anyways i could go on about this Concept forever. enjoy.

[capricxs]

👫 for laney & james,,

send 👫 for headcanons abt our ship !

i’ll start soft bc i know this is gna get Heavy Real Fast

i’m not trying to say that james is a multi talented queen but he’s a multi talented queen. i mean,,,, he writes beautifully, he cooks beautifully, he sings beautifully. he picked up guitar in college so he’s literally a heaven sent angel i didn’t want to write a god but i guess i just kind of did. anyways… catch him some early sunday morning with laney still asleep, only to be awoken by his sweet hums and the light plucks of a guitar string as he just plays around with sounds and tunes to see if something sounds good and honestly it does sound like heaven

james doesn’t really spend much time at her place bc well,,, her family is there and why go when he has their own place where they can be alone? not to mention he knows she’s not super crazy about being there. but her cat really,,,, is not his favorite thing. not only does it look terrifying but said cat probably does not like james very much and he has gotten bitten a couple times trying to pet the cat. he’s stopped trying. he and the cat remain respectful distances away from one another. 

it’s not Great Forever bc we have two really really fucked up people here and listen…. james fucked up - ness was so deeply rooted i can’t imagine it doesn’t slip through the cracks sometimes. not on purpose. but there’s nights where he disassociates so bad, where his hands shake and the only thing he wants or feel could make him feel any close to a real human being is whatever substance he can get his fingers wrapped around. people aren’t magically fixed, and it might be over a year since getting clean but james is a completely magic fixed prince nor is he some troubled prince who struggles like james was a top notch a+ terrible person for a really long time and he has to rewire that just as much as his sobriety. he tries not to have that bleed into his relationships but there has probably been a time or two when he’s texted laney last minute to cancel on plans and just drops off the face of the earth for a bit. i mean literally. he’s not at his apartment, likely not even in the country he just up and left. texts her to tell her he’s fine but he had to fucking meditate in some mountains or whatever. this doesn’t happen a lot but the Good Catches Up to him sometimes and it has to implode.

on another sad note, james who foundation of life has essentially been ripped out form under him since rehab. most of his friends aren’t alive, or they didn’t have enough money to bail them out of whatever trouble they go into and now sit in prison, where they also rot. even now, more keep dying and a little part of james cracks each time. each time he gets the phone call that one more person didn’t make it out this time and he has to go to a funeral of junkies with too much money and he has to see people he loved get put in the ground and that’s… so heavy for him. he went really hard, and his friends did too and he was lucky, and he doesn’t get why he had to be the one who made it out alive and they don’t. and i think sometimes he dumps that on laney, which isn’t fair, but ur man james over here can’t handle all this Weigh sometimes and he jsut needs to cry on the kitchen floor because this world is brutal and unfair and nothing makes sense and he just wants someone to understand that he feels like he’s drowning most of the time and how come in a world of drowning people he’s the only one with just enough air to stay alive. he’s a sweet prince but boy does he have a lot of baggage. 

[capricxs]

i do not want, but crave the k askjfsjask

idk but it’s some type of k

james always waits until they’re all passed out to begin opening. it’s all chaos, though. everyone opens and once and he watches laney open her’s. he’s leaning in close to see the paper pull back to show a box of chocolates. she coos and looks up to his mom and gives her a polite, and warm thank you. she nods back, as if it was her pleasure to give laney such a gift. he knows she just didn’t want laney to be left out.

“if you forget to take those home i will eat them.” he leans in to whisper to her. “i’m just letting you know now.”

she scoffs, hitting his chest. “no way, i’m not forgetting these. i’m eating them when i get home.”

“you know what’s a fool proof way of not forgetting them tonight?” he grins.

“what?” she looks up at him.

his fingers finger the back of her neck, rubbing over the chain resting against her skin. “you stay here.”

she looks around, her cheeks getting a bit pink. “your parents are staying though, right?”

he shakes his head. “my dad gifted my mom with a hotel night stay in the city. they’re leaving after dessert.”

laney can’t help but let a small smile slip from her lips as she looks down form the box. “yeah, sure. you could probably use some help cleaning anyways.”

“yeah, that’s a good reason.” he grins.

“romeo! open you presents.” susan shouts at him and he rolls his eyes, his cheeks turning pink.

so he does. he thanks his grandparents for the book, and his parents for the sweater which he will probably wear soon. he gets the gift of an old fergie album from don, which he says is the greatest gift of all. he doesn’t own a fucking cd player and he’ll never touch it but jokes on don because he loves fergie.

he hears laney laugh with the rest of the family during jokes, and the watch the kids open their presents and jump with excitement when they see the new toys they got from their uncle, or their grandparents, or when they get a book from great grandma and grandpa, which makes james smile. as they watch, he can’t stop running his thumb over the chain on the back of her neck. it feels good, knowing it’s there. knowing he’s hanging on her neck like that. he catches her rub the pendant between her fingers at one point. when she notices he’s watching her, her cheeks turn pink and she puts her hand back down. he couldn’t keep his grin hidden no matter how hard he bit down on his lip.

maybe he was right in his comment. maybe waiting is dumb. because really, when will things be better? sure, he was right in saying no to laney that first time, but it’s been over a year now and no one makes him feel stronger than laney, so why shouldn’t he be making this happen? his mom got his hesitance but she also said that she trusted him. and his biggest fear? the possibility that someone gets hurt so bad that someone relapses? well isn’t that just as much a possibility now?

“thank you, uncle jamie!” glenn, who is only a year younger than sam, rushes up to him and he has to pull his arm away from laney, so he can hug him back when his small arms wrap around him.

“you’re very welcome, kid.” he grins, patting his back when his pulls away. once he rushes back to take a look at his new toy, james rests his back against the couch, but he holds himself back from touching her, feeling like he was caught in the act.

it was long after presents that the youngest kids were getting cranky. a couple of his cousins has to leave, so james made sure to send them home with some pie as they did. he left laney in the living room to fend for herself, where he had a feeling his family just might eat her alive. he was right, because when he peaked around the corner to see what was happening, his cousin mary was sitting right next to her, looking at the necklace on her and grinning wide. he went back into the kitchen before his face got too red and he finished packing up dessert and handed them to his cousins as the pulled him in, telling him how much they loved him and how proud they were. he smiles, saying the same back to them, and he starts dishing up the rest, the room just a big more quiet with a few people gone.

they all sat in his living room, eating their dessert and talking even more.

“james.” laney says quietly, and he tilts his head to look at her, chewing his pie. “here.” she swipes her finger across the edge of his lips, then pulling her finger to her mouth to lick off the sugar, “you’re good now.” she smiles, and he swears her might just tackle her now.

“i’ve never been so excited to clean with you.” he says, still holding her gaze, but mostly looking at her lips.

she bites her lips, and nods. “yeah, me too.”

he finally looks away from her, jumping into a conversation with one of his uncles and cousins. it’s all banter and he even hears laney chime in, which makes him smile. he hopes she feels a bit more comfortable here. he wants nothing more than for his family to become a part of her life. 

eventually, family starts to trickle out. some have to go to other sides of the family, his autn is taking grandma and grandpa home so her family leaves with all of them collectively. his parents have their bags packed and are ready to head to their special night away. they come up to james as they’re at the door, his mom giving laney a hug and telling her it was so nice to meet her, and she hopes to see her again soon. james walks them to the door, giving them tight hugs and exchanging i love you’s and we’re so proud of you. james just tells them to send him pictures of the hotel and not to have too much fun. it makes his dad laugh and he makes some sort of innuendo that james pretends he didn’t hear.

when he comes back he finds laney talking to one of the little ones, looking at the toy she’d gotten for christmas, and laney trying to help open it from it’s intense packaging. he smiles, leaning against one of the walls and just taking in how good she looks in the picture. she looks like she’s meant to be here.

“hey, man, we’re heading out.” don says, clasping a hand onto his partner, ken’s back. “we’re having a thing in a couple weeks, you two should come.”

“what’s a thing?” james says carefully, eyeing the both of them. don is only a couple years older than james, but ken and don have been together since they met in college. ken’s family isn’t too keen on the relationship, so he comes to most family gatherings. 

“well i’d say it’s a fancy party but i’m sure it’s got nothing on your fancy parties.” ken lets out a sigh. “oh how i would dream to party with decaprio.”

“i never—-”

“don’t say it, james. in my mind you partied with him and i want to keep it that way.”

james purses his lips and nods. “so i don’t need to break out my tux kind of fancy.”

“no.” don shakes his head. “you look like a fine dining party no matter where you’re going to i’m not worried about you. there’s just going to be some food and drinks— we’ll make sure we’ve got stuff for you guys, we found some really great soda when we traveled out to the midwest, so we like… bought cases of them and took it back.”

“what are we celebrating?” james raises an eyebrow.

the two look at each other and press their lips together. james squints but it only takes a few moments before his eyes widen. “oh shit—!”

“shh, keep your fucking mouth shut.” don steps forward. “we didn’t want to make christmas about us, so we’re telling everyone later.”

“why didn’t you tell me, you assholes.” james hits don in the chest.

“he literally popped the question two days ago, i knew you were going to be neck deep in this, i thought i’d say it now. we’re going to have everyone over later.” 

ken pokes out a finger. “if you tell darlene i’ll personally come here and kill you.”

james’ mouth hangs open. “you want me to not tell my own mother?”

“not your secret to tell.” don shakes his head.

james visibly pouts and stomps his foot a little. “fine. but i’m telling laney.”

“well she’s invited too, so i hope you would. it’d be a very big surprise to come to find out she’s going to an engagement party.”

james sighs, his lips curling into a smile. he pulls the two of them into a hug, holding them tightly. “i’m so happy for you guys. i love weddings so much.” he whispers. 

they hug him back and ken lets out a laugh. “good, we’re getting married just for you.”

“i know.” he says muffled. he pulls away, patting their shoulders. “well i’ll let you tow go. you probably have lots of planning to do. if you need to borrow anything i… really went out for decorations and i’m happy to share.”

“well keep it in mind, thanks. take care, man.” they part their ways and james shuts the door behind them. susan and morris and their kids are the only ones left at that point. laney sits on the floor with kara as they play with her new toy. he strolls back in, sitting on the couch to watch them all wind down.

“jesus christ— fuck!” laney calls out from the kitchen and james stops the vaccum in the livingroom, resting it beside the garbage bags of wrapping paper and toy packaging. he runs into the kitchen, looking and laney staring at her top. “i got ham juice on it!” she pouts.

“take it off now, we’ll get it soaking.” he holds out his hand. she stares at him for a moment, blinking at the request. “time is of the essence, laney, the faster we get it soaking the quicker it comes out. take one of my shirts in the room.” she stares at him for another few moments. he sighs, putting his hand over his eyes. “there.” he feels ehr shirt rest in his hand and her footsteps lead to the bedroom, where the door clicks shut and he moves to his laundry closet where he grabs the stain remover and moves to the bathroom, turning on the water and filling the sink so he can pour the stain remover on the shirt and let it soak, hopefully taking care of it.

“are you alright, though, laney?” he comes out of the bathroom, knocking on the door.

“yeah i’m okay.” she says. 

he presses his hand to the doorknob, and he feels out the silence. “may i come in?”

“uhm…” she pauses. “yeah, sure.” 

he twists the knob and enters the bedroom, seeing her standing there, one of his white tees hanging off of her frame. she’s holding something in her hands, looking down at a frame. he comes to stand beside her, looking at the picture. “ah, for graduation, all brady wanted was to go to disney land. i don’t know why, but he was really excited about it.” next to him stands brady, with the classic mickey mouse hat, and balloon. the eighteen year old beams, and james stands next to him with some sweet treat and a dimply smile. his parents hold them tightly, beaming with the kind of proud parent glow. “he had such a good time. i think he just wanted to be a kid for a day before he had to go off and be an adult for the rest of his life.” he smiles faintly. “he really committed to that. somewhere i have a picture of him with goofy and donald.”

laney laughs, and then it fades off. “i would have loved to meet him.”

“he would have loved to meet you, too. he probably would have swept you off your feet and you would have left me for him.” he laughs. “he was much more charming than me.”

“not possible.” laney shakes her head.

“oh, it’s very possible. he was so cool. like the coolest guy in school. like he was charming and flirty and had just a pinch of asshole that made him exciting like brady was the guy.” james takes the picture from her hands to look at it. “he was a fun person, and a really good brother.” he presses his lips to the side. he feels laney’s hand reach up to his shoulder, her face pressing into his arm. 

“he’s be proud of you.” she says.

“i know.” james nods. he would have disappointed brady, too. but he knows where he stands now, brady would be proud. he sets the picture down, turning to face laney. “i means a lot to me that you came today. i know christmas isn’t at all your thing.” 

“i had a really good time.” she grins. “it means a lot you wanted me here.”

“of course i did.” he reaches up, brushing away her hair.

“i should finish the dishes, huh.” she says. “i tried to pick a shirt that mattered the least, i hope this one is okay, in case i get more ham juice on it.”

“well i would say it doesn’t matter, but it looks so good on you it just might.” he smirks, reaching to tug at the hem of the fabric. “you should wear my stuff more.”

she hums, pulling away from his grasp to leave the room, going back into the kitchen. he watches her move, feeling the confidence in her wake and he knows it’s going to be a tough night.

cleaning was a breeze. they put on some music and both their voices filled the apartment as they sung along. finally james joined her in the kitchen where he put dishes away and she started a second load into the dishwasher. it was nice, simple. he put his hands on her waist whenever he moved past her. then there was the one moment where one his older song came on and he took laney by the waist, swaying her around to the music, holding her hand tight and dipping her back and feeding off of her giggles. 

he was back to radiating. standing there in the kitchen alongside her as their hands got clammy from washing all the dishes, their mouths hurting from laughing and smiling so much. the apartment was back to being clean and he offered if she wanted to watch a movie, eating the rest of the leftover dessert. she agreed, so he got himself changed out of his christmas clothes and into something comfier, taking the paper plates into the living room, putting on some garbage christmas movie on netflix. sitting down beside her, he sets the plate in her lap and it’s not long before her body leans into his. 

“this movies sucks.” she says after about twenty minutes.

“took you that long to notice, huh?” he’s setting their paper plates on the coffee table, pulling his feet back.

“i’m not very entertained.” she says.

“me either.” his fingers reach forward to rub the back of her neck, feeling over the chain. 

“james,” laney starts.

“yes, laney?” he smirks, looking at her. she’s got her eyes forward on the screen. he can feel her a bit tense under his touch, but he waits.

“waiting is dumb.” she says.

“i agree.” he reaches to cup the back of her neck and in unison, their heads turn completely and she’s grabbing fists of his shirt, their mouths finally meeting. it’s open and hot and needy. she’s warm, he lips are soft and full and he doesn’t stop. he’s not going to pull away. he keeps kissing her. keeps kissing her until she feels her tongue tease against his and he’s getting up from the couch so he can crawl over her.

everything. all of it. it’s been a year of so much back and forth and all this teasing and standing on the edge and lustful dreams and romantic fantasies and all of it comes down to this. he’s pushing her back against the couch, reaching behind her to free her hair from the tie, letting it spill around her as he kissing her more. he’s biting her lip, holding her tightly, letting his hand run over every part of her. he feels her breast over her shirt and the moan he earns only has him kissing her more. he’s kissing her deeper, faster, more urgently. it’s an overwhelming feeling of wanting everything all at once, and so much of it. 

she’s got her fingers tangled in his hair and nothing’s felt better than when she whispers his name, half out of breath. he sees her with her eyes half open and her cheeks flushed, lips puffy. he keeps going back for more. their kisses keep meeting halfway and they’re both desperate for it. clawing at each other to get closer, for more intimacy. he’s reaching under her shirt to feel her shirt, feeling her tones stomach, feeling the underwire of her bra. before he can make any moves, she’s tugging and he leans back to pull away at his shirt, his skin and all his tattoos exposed her in a different context. he stays there for a moment, looking down at her, out of breath, hair in a halo around her glowing face. her shirt tugged at and disheveled. but she’s smiling. her finger tips reaching up to his stomach. “you’re so beautiful.” she says softly, less as a discovery but the way you say about your favorite art piece.

he sighs, leaning back down to take her face in his hands and kiss her again. her back arches, pressing into his. he’s already half hard, and wonders if she can feel it through her jeans. “laney,” he purrs. his hands move to push her shirt over her chest, until she leans up a bit to throw it off completely. her skin is so smooth and delicate and he watches her chest raise and fall quickly. he lowers himself, pressing kisses to her neck, biting gently in places. her fingers go back to his hair, pulling just a bit the moment he sinks his teeth into her skin. but then he’s further down and reaches her breasts, where he kisses and nips along the hem of her bra. she huffs, feeling his hand reach up to feel her other breast. she’s leaning up again, reaching behind her to undo the clasp and shrug off the material. he thought he was hasty to touch her, but she was just as hasty to feel him.

his lips, his tongue, his teeth. every bit of him feels her. he listened to her sounds and reactions and did what she likes, and avoided what she didn’t. he melted the way she said his name through her moans. she begged for more. he wanted nothing more than to give it to her. he slides further down his hands running over high thighs, still covered by her pants. his eyes look up at laney, and she’s still breathing thick, her fingers brushing back his curls and she nods. without another thought, he’s unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them away from her feet, throwing them on the ground and kissing his way up her thighs, nipping at the soft skin inside and listening to her whimper and beg. he can feel her heat, and how wet she is through her panties. he wishes he could keep teasing for longer; drag it out over the rest of the night, but james wanted to know what she sounded like when he makes her cum. 

[capricxs]

put james & laney in the 24h diner from the drabble checklist? 🥓

diner: our muses eat at a 24 hour diner

some days were easier than others with laney. that’s not meant in a bad way. some days were hard because all james wanted to do was kiss her. or worse, the days when every inch of his skin screams to be on her. when his fingers wanted to peel the clothes off of her and kiss her body senseless and make her feel good in ways she’s probably never felt.

but there are days where none of that comes up. days when he and laney are just friends. good friends. the kind fo friends where everything is easy and falls into place and they can laugh and have fun and no touch is calculated or an excuse to get closer. nothing has a double meaning and he’s not speaking in some idiotic prose to her. she’s just laney and he’s just james and they’re just hanging out together.

this time they’re hanging out in the diner. he wanted pancakes and something awful and greasy to fill some kind of void in his body that craved something awful. it was an ungodly hour. he picked her up and she snuck out of her house and seemed not to have woken any of her family members. that’s what she said to james, at least. and then finally they got there and laney probably wasn’t even that hungry, just getting an order of hash browns, but jame son the other hand had a stomach to fill, and needed pancakes, bacon, sausage, hash browns, a constant refill on his burnt and terrible coffee. and even if this was coping for a jozing that he couldn’t quite figure out yet, james was in a pretty good mood. he wasn’t totally sure why.

he was pretty sure it was just being around her and they were just having a good time. laney makes life a lot easier to breath.

she’s beside him in the booth while they’re eating, just sitting next to each other casually. maybe this would have been more intimate, being next to each other like this, but james is shoving food into his mouth and grunting along to her talking as she does so. it’s not flattering in the slightest, but she doesn’t seem off put by it.

finally, when he’s done eating, and he’s just nursing his terrible cups of coffee, he has more of his body turned to her. his tones arm draped along the back of the booth, nearly around her shoulder, as he leans in thoughtfully. he likes these moments where he doesn’t feel as pressured to say things. he can just listen and take in information from laney. he likes that he’s not required to do something grand like formulate something charming and witty. he can just be. 

he’s pretty sure they’re there for hours. he keeps getting more coffee, and after a while, feels bad so he gets a slice of pie to make their lounging seem worth while. they share it together, but he mostly just listens to her talk. laughs when he needs to laugh, hum thoughtfully when he needs to hum. it’s easy. he wish things were this easy more often. just between them. it feels like they’re always battling themselves around each other. this time they can just exists.

[capricxs]

☛ (the manhandling starters) xo

☛ - press a finger to my muse’s lips to shut them up

james loved his parents. he really enjoyed spending time with them. but holidays were really rough for them, collectively. thanksgiving, especially, was hard. brady was coming home to see them the day just before. wounds are fresh all over again and james is usually at his most fragile on thanksgiving. needless to say, they don’t spend that holiday together. it’s not a bad thing, james it alright with it. his parents spend it with their friends, and james goes to his own support systems for it.

friendsgiving was a really nice thing. it was being put on by someone else in the group this year, and anyone who didn’t have family, or didn’t want to spend it with their own that day, got to be there. everyone filled their stomachs with good food and had their laughs. holidays weren’t easy for most of them, so at least they could help each other stay in the right direction. moments got quiet and things were solemn from time to time, but someone always would say something that was so right, they’d feel just a bit better about being a bunch of recovering addicts, having their lives be constantly challenged and tempted to fall back into their vices.

most everyone was in the lving room after the dinner. after the dishes had been put away and leftovers had been divvied up into tupper ware for everyone to take home at the end of the night. james, however, was stuck trying to find the bathroom. his own place was modest, he didn’t live in some stretch of a villa that was big enought o size his hollywood ego. he always felt those places were lonely, anyways. he had a good condo that one month’s rent was still the price of a used car, and was furnished to look like he had money, but he liked to think it wasn’t such a douchey place. and this place was similar to james’ lavish but modest place. but a condo is different from a home. homes are like mazes personalized to the person or persons living in them. foreign to anyone else there.

“james,” laney calls behind him, and he turns. “it’s right here, bud.” she pushes a door open and he shakes his head with a sigh. “they sent me because they know you’re hopeless.”

he groans, walking into the bathroom. “of course they do. and of course they sent you.” the group members weren’t idiots. they all see the eyes they make at each other. how their bodies interact when they’re together. even at dinner, sitting next to each other. there were multiple times when his hand pressed to her thigh when she made a joke, or when her hand reached up to grab his when he tried to grab some rolls for the forth time. they weren’t idiots. and neither was james.

“you should pee.” she finally says, and he nods. 

stepping in the bathroom, he shuts the door. once he’s finished reliving himself, and his hands are washed, he comes out of the bathroom to see laney standing in front of a small closet, picking through. “are you really snooping in kevin’s closet?”

“come look at this.” she says quietly. he shouldn’t, but he does. whatever curiosity she has, it spreads to him and now he needs to know. “did you know kevin played with bowie?” there’s a picture of their group member, standing on a stage with a bass, playing beside the very david bowie. 

“shit,” james says quietly, taking the small album. he begins to flip through, seeing the varying icons that stood beside him. suddenly, there was a weight in his stomach. “there’s probably a good reason we don’t know this.” he doesn’t want to share it. being a rockstar has it’s cliches, and those cliches get you in a group with a bunch of sobering addicts.

and then it dawns on laney, too. “yeah, you’re right.” she takes the book from him and closes it, putting it back on the shelf. 

then there’s voices, and the two panic. quickly, james does all he can think of and he shoves her into the closet, closing the door behind him and wrapping them in darkness as they hear the voices approach them. “what are you doing, james?” she hushes a yell. he can’t see her face but he can feel her breath standing this close. their bodies are touching and he knows, if he could see her, this would be over.

“stop talking.” he says casually, pressing a finger to where he estimates her lips would be, and when he’s wrong, his other fingers franitcally meet up to where they really are, keeping her quiet as the voices stop right in front of them, saying something about the two’s whereabouts.

there’s more chatter, and the two finally decide to leave them. they mutter something about the two finally hooking up, and just leaving them be. it makes his cheeks warm and he’s thankful for the darkness because he’s pretty sure he might catch some shit for it if she saw. instead, the sound dissipates and they’re back to silence, standing pressed against each other, his fingers still touching her lips.

“can i say something to you?” he says quietly. “do you give me permission to say something that might go where we don’t like to go.”

“please.” she whispers. his fingers move from her lips and the glide to her jaw, his thumb rubbing across her cheek.

“my mind tells me if i kiss you in the dark then it means nothing because no one is here to see it. everything in my body vibrates around you and i can’t see you standing in front of my but i feel you. i feel every bit of you and now just your body but i feel your heartbeat and your soul and your consciousness and i feel it pressed against mine. and maybe we’re just constantly in the dark and now that we’re physically in the dark, i can see everything i feel when i’m with you in the light.” his hand moves to cup her chin, his thumb pressing to her bottom lip, and then moving up to her cupid’s bow, to her nose. his thumb running along the slope of her perfect nose until he reaches her forehead when he runs his fingers through her hair and to the back of her neck. down the curve of her very meticulous spine, following the curve with his delicate fingers until the dip where her body can mold into his. his hand presses there, stopping before he can reach her ass.

“but if i kiss you in the dark then i’m a coward who doesn’t deserve to kiss you in the light. i’m disappointed that reality is so terrifying to me that the only way i feel safe is when i’m wrapped in some cloak, protecting me from it. it’s not fair.” he leans closer, distance between them shrinking. his body hunches and his forehead finds her’s. “i wish i could be better for you.”

“james,” she breaths, her hand reaching to cup the side of his face. “you are the best you can be for me. we’re all just being the best version of ourselves we can be in that time.”

“i suppose you’re right. i just wish i was better. that way i could have the things i want.” his thumb rubs against her back and he holds her there. they’re silent. it’s dark, and it’s silent, and he wants her close in the darkness. this is where he’s most safe. this is where he’s most himself, when there’s no eyes looking to see him. where nothing matters.

[capricxs]

✨ nonverbal rp starters xo

✨ Playfully shove my muse’s shoulder

         having laney over was nice. he was nervous bringing her over at first. like if she crossed the threshold of his home, they’d be in some risky territory where he wouldn’t be able to help himself, and they’d end up sharing skin. but it’s just been fun spending time with her. since she made him pick up board games, they spend a lot of time doing that. they hang out, watch movies, play games, just sit around and talk. since that car ride, he keeps most thoughts to himself, but sometimes she catches him.

he’s amazed how good she is at catching him when he’s falling in his thoughts. she prods him. she asks him what he’s thinking about, and sense his hesitance and tells him it’s okay to say it. so he does. he spills his words and they fall easily and with grace and he feels like he’s just let heavy weights from his diaphragm. he felt sinking, and then in just a few questions, and light poking, he lets it out.

they’re standing in the kitchen now, though. james spent all this time cooking for her and now he’s asked her to help him put away the leftovers and do dishes. she keeps getting in his way and he keeps trying to nudge her from being in his space. it’s no such luck, she keeps stepping in front of him.

“i’m literally going to throw you out my window.” he can’t help but laugh, stepping around her to put the stack of tupperware in the fridge. for someone so tiny, she manages to take up a lot of space.

“i’d like to see you try.” she snorts, putting some pots into the dishwasher. he tries with everything in himself, but fails as his eyes scan over the curve of her ass. she’s wearing that pair of jeans he hates. the one that hugs her so perfectly, he always thinks about peeling them off.

“i could with ease, don’t test me.” he shakes his head. it’s his turn to stand in her way where she can’t put away a clean dish. they just hold eyecontact for a minute. they do that. where he feels he’s speaking monologues to her in just the seconds of silence, and they stand there, electricity racing between them. but they’ve been here so much. no one’s lying here. there is something.

“move.” she says, her voice a bit shaky, and he catches it. when her hand reaches to shove his shoulder, he moves quickly, reaching to grab her arm and tug her closer. she’s pressed against him, their bodies flush, the other hand holding the plate acting as a barrier between them as it’s trapped in his chest.

james never takes his eyes off of her’s. god, they’re so beautiful. they were like forests on fire; green and electrifying. his whole body lit up, feeling her against him. it’s a bold move and he wonders if he’s making a mistake. these brash moves—- these impulsive choices he makes, it could ruin them. but he feels her thighs pressed against his own and he hears her trembling breath, her pupils dilating, and he’s pretty sure it’s over.

his free hand takes the plate from her hand, setting it on the counter carefully, away from it’s place, but removed from them. he can feel her breasts against his chest, feel the warmth of her thighs through the fabric of his slacks. and he wonders if she’s wet.

“are you going to kiss me?” she asks quietly, so quietly, and her tone laced with a sort of silk that makes him want to sink her teeth into her. he wants to be surrounded in her sounds.

“no.” he breaths, holding onto her arm still. just standing here, feeling her and being so aware of every part of his body, he’s pretty sure he’s getting hard, and she’s noticed, too.

“you want to.” she says. and while he’s hard, and they’re looking at each other, he’s pressing his thigh further between her’s. the move which makes her perfectly pouted lips part, earning a slow gasp, and her now free hand gripping his bicep. “james,” she purrs, grinding down slightly on his thigh. he does want to. “if you wont kiss me, then touch me.” she begs.

he considers it. he thinks about pressing her against the kitchen counter, letting his hand slide into those perfect jeans, and letting her ride his fingers until she whimpering and begging him to let her finish, until she trembles and shakes in his arms and rests her head against his shoulder and tells him how good he made her cum. he thinks about her hands run over his slacks, feeling how hand he is, touching him over the fabric as he hisses. he thinks about her on his knees, taking him in her mouth as his fingers grip her hair. 

but those are all bad ideas. so he pulls himself off of her, and with a sudden exhale, too, like the chain between them was broken. “i shouldn’t, i’m sorry.” his hand runs over his hand and he leans against the counter. “i’m so sorry laney.” the guilt is seeping in. he’s going to lose her completely like this. god, it’s so unfair. dangling her on a string like he’s going to give her what she wants, and then ultimately not. he’s treating her like shit. he’s clean but he’s not a better person. she’s like his new drug and he’s afraid he’s going to ring her dry until he finds a new fix.

“james,” she steps forward, trying to pry his hand from his face. she’s tryign to reach him, trying to get herself into his brain to help ease him down from the ledge he’s clearly standing on inside himself. “just talk to me, james.”

“i should take you home.” he says abruptly, looking up. “i’m sorry.” he’s frowning, and god, he knows he means it when he says it, but it’s not good enough. it’s never good enough. he tells himself he should let her go, but he’s selfish and he wants to keep seeing her. it’s dangerous, and it’s going to ultimately blow up in their faces.

[capricxs]

😱 nonverbal again yay!!

😱 Make a silly face at my muse

some days, people just aren’t built for the meetings. but he also knows the importance of showing up every week. there’s some folks who are years clean, and they feel the need to come bi-weekly, or even sometimes once a month, but then you have those who aren’t really so good yet. james and laney are far from that spot as they sit across from one another in the large circle. his eyes keep finding her’s and he’s seeing something in her that doesn’t look normal. her eyes are heavy and her arms are crossed, wearing a large hoodie that swallows her figure. 

he carefully mouths you good? and she just nods, mouthing back a tired. 

ah, so that explains that. maybe she didn’t sleep much last night. he’s been there, too, so it’s not so far off that she maybe struggled. showing up here and now, she needed to be apart of it, but he can see her brain switching off, her head lulling downward as she keeps nodding off as people share their stories. not really a good look, now is it.

if the circle was bigger, he’d kick her, and tell her to wake up, but instead she just holds eye contact until she nods herself back up, her eyes widening for a moment. it doesn’t really help with convincing that she wasn’t just sleeping. when she does, she meets his eyes and they hold it there for a moment. he does the only thing he can think to do in that moment, and his eyes slowly cross.

he’s unable to see her eyebrows knit together, looking at him with close confusion, until his lips start to pull downward in a bit of a pout. then, before anyone can notice, he immediately snaps into a thoughtful expression, looking around and nodding. he looks back to her for a moment to see her hoodie-covered hand press to her lips to hold back a smile. after a few more moments, he makes another absurd face again, retaining it for just a few seconds before someone else sees. from the other end, he might actually hear her giggle.

after waiting a few minutes this time, listening to who was speaking, but his eyes drift back and her eyelids are heavy again, and he quickly makes a face to grab her attention.

“james,” there’s a warning tone in the voice that pulls his attention back up, looking to the woman leading group. “glad to see you’re making a mockery of the session this week.”

his cheeks go hot and he looks at his lap, his fingers playing with each other. “my apologies, ma’am. laney was falling asleep i was just trying to keep her awake.” he smirks, looking up at her to see her mouth hang open.

“you rat!” she exclaims, but a few more people in the group chuckle at the banter. “well i’m definitely not sleeping now that i’ve been publicly embarrassed.” she crosses her arms, sitting back with a pout.

“good. now we can actually treat this like a productive group, rather than middle school.” she speaks, gesturing for the person sharing to continue.

james finds laney’s eyes again, and he winks playfully with a smirk, to which she rolls her eyes.

[mingyubias]

mazerp: youre not, it did and my eyes hurt hardytoms: It got darker 😠

i really refreshed and thought that somehow my screen saturation got fucked FJDCNKM

[capricxs]

“Aw, you didn’t have to get me anything.” christmas starters xo

christmas starters or wtvr

christmas was often times easier than thanksgiving. he does manage to spend time with his parents, and while james is the only one of the three who finds the importance of going to church on christmas even, they all still collectively spend time with one another. this year, they’re coming to stay with him. he promised to host everyone since he has the space in his apartment.

he also invited laney. it was beyond her holiday but he thought it might for her to have a place to go, even if she has no emotional connection to december 25th.

he stands with his long slacks and his rather festive button up, leaning back in the kitchen with his glass of sparkling apple juice, watching laney with a smile. “i like this.” he reaches forward with his empty hand to tug at the hem of her shirt, making her move closer.

he’s glowing. absolutely radiant. he has his family crammed into his apartment, the chatter is lively, they’ve come forward to give them their support and tell them how proud they are. words are just words but hearing all of your aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins tell you they think you’re doing so well, and that it’s being noticed, james couldn’t be more over the moon. and he had the opportunity to share that elation with laney, right here in his kitchen.

it’s one of those celebratory moods where he wants to kiss her from bubbling excitement.

“yeah?” she says with a smile and looks down at it. it’s silky and shiny and even if it dips a bit low to show just the slightest of cleavage, it hangs off her skin like she’s royalty and he wants to peel it off her. “thanks, james.” he’s still rubbing the fabric between his fingers, biting his lip to keep his grin down. he’s thinking about her. his face says it all as he looks at the fabric and thinks about having his arms around her and kissing her in hallways away from pestering family members. nipping her neck in the bathroom when it’s their only chance to be along. her giggles telling him to stop and that his family is right outside. her strangled gasps when his hands wander a bit too far.

“you did a good job on the party, james.” she speaks again, pulling him from his thoughts with a hand on his arm. he looks up with raised eyebrows, only to have his face soften when he processes the words.

“thank you. sorry i didn’t answer your texts for a few days, i was getting the place ready.” and ready it was, decorates from head to toe, it looked like a photograph from a better homes and gardens magazine. there’s little figurines on tables and around them. wreaths hang around everything. there were stringed lights and the soft layer of christmas music playing under all the voices. his tree was the most glamorous and upscale thing he’s probably ever partaken in. it scales at almost eight feet and even james struggled to reach the top of it when he was putting it together. it screams money but it looks bright and happy and that’s all james cares about. 

the place smells like spices and ham. it was his first time cooking the christmas ham and everyone said it was delicious. the mash potatoes were smooth and creamy and he liked sitting at the dinner table next to laney, his hand sometimes finding her leg as he listened to the stories his family shared. he broke apart rolls to gather everything left on his plate. the ham was nearly picked to the bone and he’s thankful there wont be much leftovers, but he enjoys the bits that are on his plate. 

he was expecting a bombardment of questions about the young lady coming to christmas. james had hardly spent the holidays with his family. the first year, when he was just starting to make it, he brought someone home, and she was polite, but his mom said there was something off about her. she wasn’t bad, but james liked her a lot more than she liked him and that caused more problems than otherwise. and then after that, he much rather preferred going to loud rambunctious christmas parties where he could do lines off of some girl’s tits who dressed like santa’s little helper. last year he’d just gotten out of rehab and didn’t have much words to share.

but he’s good. this is good. then there’s laney and he’s just excited to share her with his family. his grandpa said something about her when he introduced her. something along the lines of, “i knew hollywood had all the beautiful people but i never imagined this beautiful.” his uncle made a passing comment at the dinner table when he caught james and laney whispering together that they were even more gross than his cousin molly and her fiance mike. james had prepared for all the embarrassing comments, and maybe a sabotage of a mistletoe, but they’re behaving well.

a part of him thinks his mother might have sent a family-wide email telling them to behave well. he still talks to his parents almost every week. he talks to her about laney more often than he likes to admit. there’s his therapist and then there’s his mom, and she’s the one person he can talk about he feels. how much he wants to be with her but he’s afraid. she’d never even met laney but she told him she was happy he found someone who makes him a better person, and she’s proud that he’s trying to be smart about this one, and how she loves seeing him care so much about a good person. he knows they worry. he’s pretty certain both his parents are thankful he’s found someone clean just like himself, even if they both understand the dangers.

“but there’s dangers no matter who you chose. you both knows what’s at stake and that’s important, jamie.” his father had said the night before when they were talking after their christmas movie.

they were all kind. his mother beams when she finally shakes laney’s hand, telling her how much of a pleasure it is to finally meet her. she says the pictures don’t do her justice and gives her a wink. even if she told everyone else to be cool, that doesn’t mean she can’t embarrass the shit out of james regardless. his dad was much more cool. and for that, he’s thankful.

even after dinner, with everyone finding their places to lounge and nurse their full stomachs, he and one of his cousins start collecting the plates and begin washing some things so the cleanup after they all leave isn’t so bad. don starts wiping the messy counter tops as james moves the bigger pots and pans into the sinks. “where is laney’s family?” he asks, his tone obviously careful.

“at home i imagine.” he shrugs, tilting his head to look at him. “they’re jewish.” don nods his head with a hum, shaking out the crumbs from the rag into the sink.

“i like her.” he says. laney was obviously a bit shy. they’re down to earth liberals who get along well but they’re a bit rambunctious when they get together. but with his hand on her leg and his obvious glee sitting beside her, he was fortunate enough to see her start opening up at the dinner table, inserting her own jokes and having conversations with some of his cousins. 

“good. i like her, too.” james chuckles.

“god, i couldn’t tell.” don rolls his eyes. “it’s not like you literally have glitter coming out of your eyes every time you look at her.”

james feels himself cringe, crossing his hands over his chest. “is it really that bad?” no one’s really talked to him about how it looks. sure, in the group it comes up to be a subtle joke now and then but no one really talks about it.

“you really have no idea how you guys look.” he shakes his head. “like they talk about sexual tension but this… transcends that. like there’s so much romantic tension. you two are literally bursting with mush it’s hard to watch. i can’t imagine what it’s like when you guys are alone.”

“it’s fun if we don’t think about it too much. and then when we do it’s a bit of a train wreck.” james pauses. “wait… so like, she looks like that too?”

he gives him a look that drips sarcasm, that says come on, really? “it’s almost worse. you guys look at each other like you’re making out in your brains. i always want to cover the kids’ eyes.”

james laughs, and can’t help grinning as he bends down to start the dishwasher, crammed with all the dishes. “that’s good to know.”

“i hope we see her next year.” don says genuinely, reaching into the fridge to grab a coke. “and frankly, i’m glad you’re hosting. don’t think i could handle grandpa and uncle richie getting drunk for another year.” james laughs, standing when he hears the dishwasher start running. “i’ll be happy to host next year. this is a lot of fun.”

don takes a sip of his pop, leaning to give james a pat on the arm. just as he walking out of the kitchen, in comes laney.

so she’s right, it is a good party.

she doesn’t manage a reply about the texts, because in comes sam and kara, trotting with big grins on their faces. “when are we going to open presents?” kara tugs at his shirt and he bends down, lifting her up with a groan and setting down his glass to brush back sam’s hair. he’s a bit too old to be picked up now, but james still beams down at him. 

“i don’t know, kara.” he looks at her now that their nose to nose. “i think this should be a democracy, don’t you think sam? did you collect votes from everyone?”

her tiny fingers are playing with the collar of his shirt. she gives him a puzzled look and then asks, “what’s a democracy?”

“it’s when everyone votes to decide on laws and stuff.” sam kicks in.

“nice job, kiddo. that’s the condensed version, yeah.” james grins, looking at laney who’s watching this all unfold. “so i want you guys to take a vote from everyone here to see if they want presents or dessert first, okay?” james sets kara back down and puts a hand on laney’s hip to nudge her. “excuse me, darling.” he says under his breath to reach into the drawer behind her, pulling out a notepad and pen. “sam, i trust you with collecting votes.” he hands them to him, and he nods. the two then run off, starting with their uncle don.

“that’s clever.” laney giggles.

“that’ll keep them occupied for a bit while everyone relaxes. but also—…” he cuts himself off, raising a finger. “i’ll be right back okay?” 

“alright?” she says with a question in her tone.

james trots out into the living room where most everyone is residing. he gets up to the tree where he snags one of the small boxes from under the tree, when he turns around, he feels almost every eye on him. “oh shut up.” he rolls his eyes.

“romeo proves himself to be the most romantic once again.” his oldest cousin, susan says with her arms crossed over her chest. “morris why don’t you take notes from james?”

“dear, if you wanted me to be more like james you would never have gone out with me.” he shakes his head.

“yeah, he’s right.” she sits back with a pout. “well go on, kid, do your thing.”

“oh, thank you for your permission.” james rolls his eyes again and morris gives him a reassuring pat on the back. he trots back into the kitchen where laney’s scrolling through her phone. he clears his throat and she looks up a bit started, but then smiles.

he’s got his arms tucked behind his back but that alone gets her tongue to click. “james…” she sighs. he pulls the box around and walks right in front of her holding it out. “you really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“i know, and that’s why i did.” he smiles, taking his lip between his teeth to keep his grin under control. he gives the box a light shake, gesturing for her to take it.

she sighs, taking it front him. it’s got gold wrapping and a large sparkly gold bow on it. in sharpie it’s scribbled with laney on it in what it’s normal shaky handwriting. but the letters are big enough anyone could read it if they saw it sitting there. her fingers run over the bown for a moment before she pops it off, leaning forward to stick it on james’ chest before she goes back to untucking the wrapping paper from the corners. 

“come on, open it like you mean it.” he smirks.

“it looks too pretty.” 

“well so do you but that doesn’t mean anything.” he smirks, and she blushes, shaking her head before ripping off the rest of the wrapping. it’s a white box. plain and simple. he feels his hands start to shake a little so he sticks them in his pockets, his stomach growing uneasy.

she lifts the box open and lets out a small gasp whens he sees the silky fabric pop out. she sets the top of the box on the counter and reaches in, pulling out the intricately patterned scarf from it’s place. “james, this is beautiful.” it’s a crisp maroon color with swirling shapes and gold lining around it. he’d fold it just perfectly to see the crane’s face when she opened the box. “oh my god.” she says quickly, fully pulling it out of the box.

there’s a clink on the ground, and she lets out a small noise as she pulls on of her feet back to look under her. there’s a small glimmer of silver on the floor and she bends down, picking it up. “jesus christ, james.” she stands up, unfolding her hand for the delicate charm on the chain to show on her palm. it’s a bit rusted over, with a woman’s face pressed into the silver. the pendant is the size of a dime and her fingers keeps tracing over it. “where did you get this?”

“i took a trip to paris about a month ago. i know someone there and he took to this old little antique shop tucked away, i just saw this and it made me think about you.” one of his fingers reach out to run over it. “if you asked me why, i honestly don’t think i could tell you. frankly i think most things make me think of you.” he says carefully. “oh, that makes me sound weird.”

“no, i get what you mean.” she laughs, but then it goes silent between the two of them. “james this really is…”

“too much?” he fills in for her.

“no it’s lovely.” she smiles, putting the scarf back in the box so she can reach to grab his chin, leaning on her toes to kiss his cheek. “it so lovely. i mean the scarf is beautiful and this necklace is stunning and i don’t know what to say.”

“you don’t have to say anything.” james shakes his head, pursing his lips. he wonders if maybe it is too much. gifts are an intense thing and he was swept up in the gesture but maybe it’s too close to that line they don’t like walking along and he’s made her uncomfortable. she’s pulled back, her hand running down her chest until she’s back to the box, putting the necklace on top. “may i?” he says, gesturing to the necklace. 

“yeah.” she nods.

he plucks the chain from the scarf, and she turns around, pushing her hair up so he can reach around, pressing the chain open and locking it around her neck. he lets it fall against her neck, his fingers feeling her spine on the back of her neck. his two fingers running over the bumps of her skin. he can see goosebumps start to form. “i think i mostly liked you having a piece of me with you, even when i’m not there.” he can’t see her face. he can’t gauge her reaction, and he knows that’s when he says the most. “i know your not mine but it feels like it. i know we want it to be and maybe this reminds us what we’re aiming towards, you know?” she turns around, her arms falling to her side.

he’s not bringing his eyes up to meet her’s. instead, his fingers pick the pendant from her collar and feel it in his fingers. he can feel her watching him. “or maybe it shows us that waiting is dumb.” his breath is a bit shaky, and he hears her inhale, too. finally, he looks up at her. everything in his chest escapes him and he really takes in everything. her eyes shimmer and he wonders if she’s welling up with tears or if she’s just sparkling a bit more than usual. her eyelashes spread over her cheeks when she blinks and he can make out the faint outline of her freckles under her makeup. she smells like vanilla and cherries with the slight musk of her cigarettes and he feels himself moving closer to her. his breath hasn’t caught up to him yet but his eyelids are heavy. his tugging on her by the chain and she’s leaning up. he can hear as the box slips from her hands and clacks to the ground. her hands reach to grab at his sides, holding tightly.

“uncle jamie!” kara comes running and james feels himself launch off of laney, clasping his hands behind his back as he bends down to look at her. “we got our votes. it’s presents first!” 

“well alright. guess we’re doing present, huh?” he let’s out a breath which he’d been holding for far too long. “someone’s got to pass them out, how about you do it.” he pulls her in to kiss her head. “i’ll be out in a second, you can start.”

she nods, and bounces out of the room to announce they’re doing presents. james turns around, looking at laney. “i’m sorry.”

she’s got her hand pressed to her lips and shrugs. “it’s fine. better this way, right?”

“i don’t know if i believe that so much right now.” he takes her empty hand, pulling her in to kiss her cheek. “but let’s tackle presents, okay? clearly not a good time to have a moment with my family around.” 

she blushes, nodding. “alright.”  james bends down to pick up the box, folding the scarf properly and sticking it back in the box. closing it, it hands it back to her. “this really is such a lovely gift, james. the scarf, too. it’s stunning.” 

“you’re welcome.” he smiles, tugging her hand until they’re out of the kitchen when he let’s go, finding an empty stop for them on the couch and sits down, his arm resting on the back as kara begins passing out gifts. mostly to the other kids, bouncing with excitement. every once in a while there will be a box planted in his lap. and even one lands in laney’s. he sends a thankful glace to his mom and she gives him a wink. 

now u gotta wait for part two

[capricxs]

🤝nonverbal

i’m too lazy but it’s holding hands

james knew he had a cool exterior. he knew he was a lax guy who radiated energy that seemed to ease those around him. james, on the inside though, spent a lot of time analyzing his surroundings and figuring out what was happening, what he should do, what he should say. how should he breath? how should he act? he was an intense creature and he knew that. he had a lot of anxiety in his body, though.

he hated events like this. they were good. they were little tests to his nature and he knew they were good for him to make sure he was still holding himself well. that he didn’t break and ask for a drink. he was holding himself accountable. if he wanted to get back into films, or whatever he had in mind for himself, he had to make sure he was strong enough to handle a simple fucking party.

but at least lancey was there. she kept him grounded. not to mention she got it. she was also working to keep her mind steady and clear as they stood around with the group of people, all talking about their projects or their latest trips and their craziest parties. james would just nod. people would ask about what he’s doing next and he’d mumble something about working with a bunch of ideas, hoping one lands.

maybe he needs a muse but he knows that’s bullshit. he just wonders if he’s not talented. 

his hands are rubbing together a bit nervously as laney stands beside him. she’s in heels and comes up higher than usual. he’s not used to it. he’s used to having to tilt his chin down to look at her. she was still shorter than him but at least they were closer in height. she looked magnificent, though. the second he saw her he was certain he’s crumble to dust.

“you doin’ okay?” she asks, reaching a hand up to his shoulder. he’s still rubbing his hands together as his eyes scan over everyone. they’re chatting, they’re having a good time. this used to be his colleagues. he looked up to a lot of them. he spent so much time with so many of these people and now he just feels like an outsider.

“it’s really hard.” he let’s out a sigh, looking down at her. “the last year or so of my life has been spent getting clean, my only world is with people who are recovering. now i’m getting back into all of this and i don’t feel like i should be here. but i don’t want my whole life to be defined by being a recovering drug addict. i want to be the me i was but without all the other stuff.” he let’s out a long sigh after explaining himself. the nice thing was, he could say all this to laney with such comfort. and for the most part, she got it.

she rubbed his back and nodded. “i think you just have to relearn who you are here, in this world.” he purses her lips and looks up at him, “it’s going to be scary, and you’ll feel weird, but we both know you want it. i can see you’re that excited kind of nervous. this is the world you love, james. you might not be drinking or using here, but you still can’t let the fact that you did get the better of you. recovering is so much more than just being clean. you have to take you life back.”

he could kiss her. and jesus he wants to. he wants to press his hands into the dip of her back and thank her with his lips. he doesn’t, though. he just keeps his eyes forward and lets his clammy, nervous, and shaky hand, reach forward to grab onto her’s. “just a few more minutes. i just need a few more minutes.”

she uses her other hand to wrap on top of his, her thumb giving him a tender rub. “take as long as you need, james. we’re not going anywhere. neither are they.”