#me crying over them and muttering 'u dumb selfish bitch'

[empty-dream]

If I had a nickel for every time I met a twisted male character so selfish that he destroys the very thing he loves then becomes eviler and the entire thing made me sad for a month, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

[lollytea]

Fearless (part 1/3)

(Ty/Louie fairytale au fic. i am simply a bitch writing about my au and my oc so it is all very catered to me personally and im aware not a lot of ppl will read it. but if you DO read it, i love u so much. i guess tw for blood/serious injuries relating to teen characters. nothing too graphic but be warned. Also if you’re curious, info on the au here, here and here.)

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[OCTOBER 22ND, 6:19PM] The sky was bleeding pink and orange and Louie tried to focus on it. Didn't take much brainpower to appreciate a sunset. He clung to the sight with desperation, muttering the simplest thoughts under his breath like a mantra.

It was pretty. He liked sunsets. He liked pink. He liked orange. The distraction wasn't working. The unpleasantness that was already writhing in his stomach churned. His finger was on his temple, idly tracing delicate circles against the tightly wrapped bandage. His head hurt. The point where his shoulder met his upper arm was also dressed. The stitching still had to heal up. That hurt too. Louie was pretty stupid. Which was not something he usually thought. But it was a real kick in the confidence when someone sharp-witted did something stupid. And it was a real kick in the heart when someone who didn't wanna hurt anybody ended up hurting somebody. This was stupid. He had already tried reading as a means of distraction. Too hard. Too many words. Way too much of a strain on his mild concussion. This was so, so stupid. Sitting by his windowsill, he hoped this dumb bandage would be gone soon. His forehead felt sticky and damp with sweat. He was stupid. He wished Webby were here. If she were, she'd be in the courtyard below his window sparring with Dewey. At least then, Louie could watch and keep his mind occupied. No. No, that wasn't right. If Webby were here, she would've attached herself to Louie by now, hugging him tight until his injury healed. If it had been any other incident, Louie would let her, crumbling into her arms and whimpering about the pain as his amazing, magical sister made it all ebb away. But this wasn't any other incident. If Webby were here, he wouldn't be able to accept her hugs. The very idea rubbed him the wrong way. If anyone was entitled to healing hugs, it wasn't Louie, it was--.... His face twisted up. Webby wasn't here. She was off on some quest with Lena. Probably wouldn't be back for days. So there was no point in dwelling over hypotheticals. Louie would heal on his own. They were both gonna have to heal on their own. The sunset was fading.

It was pretty. Pink... Orange.... He couldn't do this. 

Why was he doing this?! Louie always knew himself to be a coward but this was to a pathetic extent. Depraved even. He felt sick. 

He couldn't. He just couldn't. Every additional second he spent hiding in his room was weighing him down. It was suffocating. But he couldn't leave. He was too scared.

Freezing up just like always. Just stop being so fucking scared! He would have to confront what he did eventually. There was no way around it. So, why couldn't he just go now? Louie had far worse things in his life to be dreading. Far worse. A ticking clock of trepidation was seated deep inside him. A predestined future he couldn't rewrite which, on all accounts, should render him paralyzed. But he wasn't. This was the sort of thing to demolish him. Apparently. Stupid. This shouldn't be overdriving his other senses. This shouldn't be flooding his mind. He shouldn't be drowning right now. This shouldn't have his hands shaking. This shouldn't have him pacing the length of his room. This shouldn't be stealing the oxygen from his lungs. His brain was pounding against his skull, protesting his rapid back-and-forth movement. He was dizzy. He shouldn't be crying. Fuck it! He was always crying, who cares about that?! Just stop panicking, just stop crying, just stop being so selfish for once and just own up. Louie's back crashed against his door, gasping for breath. Stars were blotting his vision and he couldn't breathe and it was the end of the world. Okay. Okay. He was spiraling again. That was all it was, it would be okay. It would be okay. The prince's bed chambers, alive with the choking sound of contained distress, subsided to complete silence for just a moment. Inhale. Exhale. And then all to be heard was a small, crackling voice straining to sing himself a quiet little lullaby. ___________ [OCTOBER 22ND, 10:07AM] "Your highness, don't be an idiot. You can't just---Hey! Wait up!" "H'oh boy..." Louie's eyes flicked to the high heavens. Right now he felt like he was tasked with personally escorting this goddamn boy across this goddamn forest by the goddamn ankles. He whirled around impatiently, crossing his arms with a flourish. "Pick up the pace, Tiberius. We don't have all day." "Can you maybe not be a huge pain for like... I dunno, five minutes?" Snapped Ty, his dearly devoted retainer and most notorious pain-in-the-tail. "Can you maybe loosen up? Y'know it's a real mood killer when there's a paranoid guy on my case all the time, insisting that the whole world is out to get me. Being constantly reminded of my fragile mortality? Woo, talk about fun times." Scowling, Ty stumbled his way over a protruding tree root. "You've got a bad habit of attracting danger, you know that, right? I'm pretty sure it's a Duck thing." The remark slapped the annoyed expression right off Louie's face. Ty quirked an eyebrow. "What's that look for?" Before he could further analyse, Louie sharply turned on his heel and strode on. "It's a Duck thing." He said, keeping his tone even. Both of them knew it was a Duck thing. Ty just didn't know the half of it. "Your highness," He heard Ty gripe. "You know this is a bad idea. A prince shouldn't be out in the open like this without proper protection. And I'm unprepared right now. I can't--" If Ty weren't yakking so much, Louie wouldn't know if he was still there. He wasn't wearing his armor for once so the familiar clank and clatter of metal was nonexistent. "You got your sword, right? You can do a lot of damage with that thing." "Yeah but no juice. And I need juice. See, 'cause what if we get in a tight spot and you--?" "What do you think is gonna happen, Ty?! For the love of all that is gold, It's just a party." "It's never just anything." He grumbled. Ty jogged ahead a little, matching his pace to Louie's. His footsteps alongside him were purposefully heavy So, he was stomping now. Real mature. Louie rolled his eyes. He was fully aware Ty was pissed, he didn't have to go above and beyond to make his anger known. "You really think I'm an idiot who doesn't take safety precautions? I'll have you know keeping Prince Louie alive isn't just your problem. Prince Louie is pretty serious about that too." He gestured to himself. "If you haven't noticed, I'm incognito today. I've got no crown, no mantle, no status whatsoever. And look at these ugly peasant threads," Louie pointed out, tugging at the hem of his dull green tunic. "It's actually kinda depressing how drab I look. I'm never gonna do this again actually. But! See how committed I am right now? Who's gonna recognize me? As we're all aware, I'm pretty well known for my pizzazz." "Just 'cause you stop being a prince doesn't mean danger stops existing." "No but it makes you way less of a target. Now, are you really gonna spend your whole day off bitching at me?" 

The glare Ty shot him was petulant at best. "Well, I didn't wanna. But I got dragged along on this little adventure so guess I gotta." Louie pursed his beak, irritated. He did not drag Ty along anywhere. 

"Come to think of it, I don't remember saying you had to follow me." Well, that came out as harsher than intended. Ty didn't seem hurt. At least, there was no sign that he was. No expression cracked his stone mask. "I've got a duty." Louie scoffed. Ty and his stupid duty. It was really starting to wear on his nerves. But not today, absolutely not today. On this fine, glorious day, Louie was intent on having fun. He would show up at this little forest shindig and he would drink and dance and schmooze and whatever else any carefree person at a party would do. He would forget about everything that was eating at him. He wasn't gonna let it consume him, he wasn't. He was gonna live. While he still could. His sixteenth birthday loomed closer. Six months left. "Sorry." Said Ty, unprompted. The shadows festering in Louie's head cleared out as he snapped back to the present. Ty had his eyes firmly downcast, a noticeable slump to his posture. "It's not like I wanna be running around killing the fun all the time. I really don't. But I gotta." Louie said nothing. His eyebrows rose in quiet astonishment as he studied Ty's side profile. He remembered when Ty first came into his life. Twelve years old, brandishing a sword too big for his body and grinning lopsidedly in an unmistakably trouble seeking sorta way. A real firecracker of a boy, loud and bright. Hungry for adventure and excited to throw himself head first into the action. He remembered one of Ty's earliest and most confident statements. When he lowered himself to bow to Louie in his uncle's throne room and declared that the prince would never fear for his life again. Because Ty would protect him and Ty was fearless. Louie believed him. Make no mistake, Ty had plenty of bite back then too. He had disliked Louie and the feeling had been mutual. But he never doubted that Ty had spoken the truth with his entire heart. Ty was fearless. When Louie was with Ty, he was safe. He believed that and he always had. Despite how they clicked as well as a dagger and a keyhole. Despite Ty being annoying. So annoying. He was still annoying. But it was different now. Louie couldn't pinpoint when that permanent glowing smile of his had dwindled and a thin frown had become Ty's default expression. His sword, something he always used to proudly haul around over his shoulder, now unceremoniously sheathed against his belt. Although Louie had noticed that his right hand never strayed too far from the hilt.   Protecting royalty with your entire being was an all-consuming duty and it seemed, at some point, the reality of such an allegiance had slapped Ty across the face. He had this distinct way of holding himself now. Always stood straight and rigid, coiled up with agitation. He was prepared to fight at a moment's notice but it was clear the thrill of doing so had been long since drained out of him. He still smiled. He still laughed. But only sometimes. Ty was annoying because he was paranoid. Because he was snarky. Because he was too stiff, too protective. And man, what Louie wouldn't give to have Ty's former brand of annoying back. At least never made him feel sorry for the guy. "Can I ask you a favor?" Louie finally spoke, pushing back a drooping tree branch so they could walk below it "You can try." Ty shrugged, his gaze still fixed ahead. "What if we just turn off this whole 'Prince and Retainer' thing today. Whadd'ya think?" He turned to him blankly, complete with a slight tilt of the head that made Louie a tiny bit weak. "Wha....?" Ty was simply not computing. He looked as though Louie was throwing out algebra equations and he was supposed to solve them right on the spot. And he was not a math guy by any means. The cute clueless expression was making it a little hard to focus. Louie swallowed. "Listen." He began, his thumb dragging itself across his sweaty palm as he struggled with how to phrase this. Louie had a way with words, always had. But he had a tendency to trip over his own tongue when Ty was involved. Especially when Ty was staring at him with his soft cande-light eyes and doing that stupid adorable head tilting thing and-- "You need a break." Louie blurted out. "You're stressed like constantly and it's getting kinda insufferable and I think your Dad would sick a dragon on me if his barely fifteen year old son suddenly kicked it 'cause of a paranoia overload so I think you should just forget about being my big strong hero for today and come hang out with me at this stupid peasant party and we can just be two regular kids instead of a royal and his bodyguard do you think you could give me that Tiberius?" It was only in the following beat of silence that Louie realized how fast he spat that all out. He struggled to catch his breath. One second. Ty blinked. Two seconds. A flicker of vacant eyes and then a rush of realization. And then disbelief. And then-- Three seconds. His brow scrunched together and a snarl crinkled his muzzle. His eyes flared. Oh, he was mad.... "Are you crazy?!" Ty shouted. He was beside himself with a malfunctioning mix of fury and incredulity that had him stammering his words. "You-You can't just--.....D-do you even-- you don't...do you realize how disrespectful that is? For you to say it? For-For me to do it?! I was given this duty by the King! The fucking King! To just suddenly "turn it off" would be--....I can't--!" Maybe "mad" was an understatement. "Ty--" Louie tried. He was cutting across Louie, treading back and forth on their forest path,. Not going further, not going back. Just walking to nowhere for the sake of being too scandalized to possibly stand still. Louie was attempting to get Ty's attention by grabbing his tunic but he kept shaking him off. "I'd be a disgrace! An embarrassment! I'm trusted by the royal family to keep--...to keep you safe! I-I can't just walk around with my liege like I'm on vacation and not be on guard! You don't even get it, you--" "Ty!" Louie said loudly."You wanna maybe listen for a sec?!" Frankly, he was surprised Ty halted his tirade. His eyes were blown wide, stunned and Louie wasn't quite sure why until he followed Ty's look, snapping down. Seems in his effort to get a hold of the guy, he had instinctively reached out and snatched Ty's wrist. They stood frozen for a moment, each set of eyes boring into the touch that tied them together. Louie's fingers began to uncurl. Then he decided no. His grip on Ty tightened with a purposeful squeeze. Ty met his gaze, looking....panicked? Confused? Didn't matter. He could besottedly dissect his unreadable facial expressions later. Louie inhaled, deciding to shoulder his dignity for just a second. No safety rails of snark this time. Ty might make fun of him for being sincere later but this was important. "Don't you miss being a kid with nothing to worry about?" Louie implored. "Because if we're being real, I don't think we're ever gonna get to live like that again." Ty muttered something to himself, shaking his head a little. "But listen," Louie continued, taking a step into Ty's personal bubble. Ty took an automatic step back. But since he was still holding his hand, Louie was led a step forward. It was difficult to tell with the pink fur but he could've sworn Ty reddened. "Look I know it's weird for me to be asking but....can't we just take a risk today? It's just a party in the woods. Literally the least likely place to find any danger in the whole kingdom." "We shouldn't--" "Ty, please." Honestly, Louie was a little surprised at himself. He hadn't even planned for Ty to accompany him anyway. But in the heat of the moment, everything had shifted upside-down. Turns out there was something inside him willing to beg. Something that wanted more than anything, for Ty come along. He just wanted a simple memory of just killing time with Ty. Separated from the castle and everything that reminded him of his fate. He would like to smile without a hint of dread for once this year. So, he said just that. "I'm not just trying to make you come along 'cause I'm stuck with you. That's not it." He swallowed. "You're--....you're cool. You're fun. I wanna have you around. You know, when you're not so worked up and you're just being yourself, I like hanging out with you." He tugged Ty's hand a little. Further from his sword and closer to Louie. "I want you to come with me. And I want you to try having fun too." He may as well just tell the idiot he thought about him every time he saw a sunset. The hand he was grasping flexed its fingers. Ty abruptly broke eye contact and glanced to the side, his tongue poking out to pierce the tip of his jagged tooth. His indecisive face. "I just--.....I dunno...." He muttered. "If something happened to you--" "Nothing's gonna happen to me." Said Louie immediately. "I've got a good feeling about this. And c'mon Ty, that coming from a coward?" "You're not a coward." He said, barely a whisper. He was now staring at the ground. "I promise." "Huh?" Louie smiled tightly as Ty looked to him questionably. "I promise nothing is gonna happen. I'm gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Now, can you do me this favor and maybe, I dunno, trust me?" The look Ty gave him was a little sad, but it was soft. And then with only a tiny twitch, it shifted into something else entirely. It was trust. Blind trust. Maybe stupid trust. A minuscule pang of guilt jabbed at Louie. Of course he wanted Ty to trust him. He needed him to if there was any hope of achieving his goal here. But objectively, he really shouldn't. Louie was hiding way too much from him. It wasn't fair. Then Ty broke the world, shattered orbit and played around with reality itself by cracking a smile and Louie forgot every coherent thought he ever possessed. He would never put on record just how long he spent pre-preparing jokes, gunning to get the corner of Ty's lips to flick upwards. Made him seem kinda desperate. Which he was not. Ty had that oh, so stereotypical "cute boy" smile. It was crooked, cocky, it was utterly obnoxious. Louie hated it. And worst of all, it was like a little spell to kick Louie's heart into high speed. Sometimes it dazed and confused him like a blinding light flash. But other times, it was warm and if he stared long enough, he'd fall asleep. Louie loved Ty's smile. Every time he tried to convince himself he didn't, he ended up dwelling on it too much and the way his mouth would quirk up would play in his mind on a maddening loop and then it would be too much to handle and the truth that he loved it would always overpower him. So, whenever that happened (like right this second.) he gave up and admitted it. To himself, anyway. He loved Ty's smile. He loved Ty. ......Wait. That last part was new, hold up. Rewind. But he didn't get the chance because Ty was talking now. Still a little dazzled, Louie didn't catch what he said but he figured it was good since he was still smiling. And then that smile broke into a huge grin, his eyes flashed with trouble and his hands were on Louie's shoulders and-- "Race ya!" Ty cried. With a light push, Louie was stumbling backwards and Ty kicked off into a sprint. For a brief moment, Louie could only gaze after him, stupefied. Love, huh? Like the real deal? That was crazy. But then he snapped out of as he recalled the audacity of this bastard. "You just pushed your liege!" He shrieked, receiving a loud "WOO!" from Ty as a response. And then Louie was grinning. He was giddy. He didn't quite know if he forgot about love in that instance or if it was the force powering him but he was tearing off after Ty, yelling about the latter's totally unfair head start. In hindsight, he should've figured it was love a long time ago. Who else would get him to run for no reason?

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (14) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex)- Ortega

a/n: hey hey hey! welcome to chapter 14 of n19f and thank u all so much for the love (and tears) over chapter 13. i’m sorry for breaking all ur hearts! hold tight to see where things go from here. the only way is up, right? as always plsssssssss send love and ur fav moments to my blog or to AQ! my fav food is delicious validation yum xoxo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: Brooke decided that she couldn’t give Vanessa what she was looking for, and headed to her flat to have an important conversation.

this chapter: the girls deal with the aftermath, Monet and her flatmates provide a distraction, and Scarlet has a revelation.

***

Scarlet looked at the door to the lecture theatre once, twice, three times, the biting of her nails an awkward accompaniment to her worrying. The clock seemed to tick in time with her heart, although she supposed it wouldn’t compare a bit to how Vanjie would be feeling.

Sighing deeply and drawing a little star on the edge of her notebook, Scarlet reflected on the events of the past few days. She and Yvie had been sitting watching some dumb Netflix show and procrastinating and had been contemplating what to have for dinner when a message came through on the old Branjie Sweepstake chat from Silky, Scarlet unable to believe it was her from the way she was typing.

Silky: Hey ladies so some of you prolly already know but Brooke ended shit with Vanjie earlier today. She’s pretty cut up about it understandably so just making you all aware so that none of you put your foot in it. Also just keep things on the chat as normal although V will prolly not be out at any nights out any time soon xxxxx

“Holy shit, Yves,” Scarlet had gasped, looking at her girlfriend who was also staring at her phone in shock.

“Well, fuck. She did it,” Yvie blinked at her phone, sighing heavily. There was a small pause of guilty silence, as if the pair of them were contemplating the knowledge they had withheld from Vanessa. Yvie gave a curt shrug. “Guess we can kiss goodbye to ending uni on a high, then.”

“Oh, Yvie, don’t be so selfish! We’ll all be fine, Silk’s trying to keep things as normal as she can for V’s sake!” Scarlet rolled her eyes at Yvie, her girlfriend ever the pessimist.

“Yeah, but you can’t deny things are gonna be a little bit awkward, babe. I’m not here for all that shit, we’re meant to be fully-functioning adults in, like, five months’ time. Not babies with drama issues.”

“The only baby with drama issues in our friendship group is me,” Scarlet raised an eyebrow, Yvie laughing and pulling her close. “We’ll all still be friends, Jesus. I’m just worried about V. God, I’m a shit friend, aren’t I? I knew this was coming and I sat by and let her think everything was fine-”

“You are not a shit friend,” Yvie insisted, squeezing Scarlet’s side so hard she felt her ribs might break. “I did the exact same. Besides, Vanessa’s an idiot if she didn’t see it coming. You can always tell when people are being off with you.”

“Hey, that’s unfair. You can tell that, but whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not is a different story,” Scarlet added thoughtfully. “Like if you started giving vibes that you wanted to break up with me. I feel like I would just lie to myself about it because I’d so desperately want it not to be true.”

“Aww, baby,” Yvie smiled, kissing the top of her head. “You’re adorable. You’re also dumped, by the way. Ha ha ha, dipshit. I broke up with you and you didn’t even know I was going to.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Scarlet thumped her girlfriend with a pillow.

After that, the pair of them had gone to Yvie’s living room in search of Nina, where they got two for the price of one- Nina and Brooke, sitting on the sofa, Nina talking gently to Brooke and the other girl staring so hard at the wall Scarlet was convinced she was going to rip a hole in the space-time continuum. They’d both sat down and spoken about the entire situation, but not in too much depth- Brooke explaining that her feelings towards Vanessa had changed, and she wasn’t sure she was what she wanted anymore.

“Wait, you weren’t sure? Do you not have to be pretty sure about something like that before you break up with someone?” Yvie had asked, her eyes narrowing. Nina had cast Yvie a glare and Brooke had tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling.

“I’m not really sure about any area of my life, Yves, so why should this be any different?”

Scarlet was jolted out of her daydream by the door to the lecture theatre swinging open, her heart rate rising only to find it plummeting again when two random girls from the course came through. A shot of adrenaline gripped Scarlet, however, when a girl traipsed in behind them that at first she didn’t recognise. Then swallowing a small bubble of horror as she approached Scarlet’s bench, she realised that the girl was Vanjie. Her dark hair hung like a witch’s over her face- matted and tangled with the frizz a telltale sign of Vanessa having slept in it and not bothered to brush it either. Her face was a pale, makeup-less mask with a decidedly grim, almost mournful expression. The outfit she was wearing was shapeless, a far cry from the ever-fashionable girl Scarlet knew she was, and the black joggers and huge navy jumper Vanessa had on could well have been the outfit she’d slept in. As Vanessa slid in beside Scarlet, she barely gave her eye contact.

“Hey babe,” Scarlet greeted her supportively, the other girl still not looking at her as she took her notebook out of her bag. “How’re you holding up?”

Vanessa gave a completely mirthless laugh as she scrambled at the bottom of her bag for a pen. “Aha. Not great, to be honest.”

Scarlet was hit by a wave of emotion. She reached out and squeezed Vanjie’s free hand. “Oh, Vanj, I’m so sorry.”

“Please-” Vanessa said, her voice choked and warped, two tears hitting the blank pad in front of her. “Please don’t be nice to me, it’s gonna set me off again.”

Scarlet could’ve cried herself at the state Vanjie was in. She watched their lecturer enter the hall and begin setting up. “Babe, we don’t have to stay here if you’re like this.”

Vanessa straightened herself up, tilted her head towards the sky and wiped two fingers under her lashes. “No, bitch. It’s been four days, I said I was coming to uni today and that’s what the fuck I’m going to do. The bitch might have broken my heart but I’ll be fucked if she’s taking a 2:1 from me either.”

Scarlet’s heart hurt a little hearing Vanessa talk about Brooke that way, but then reason kicked in and she supposed Vanessa wasn’t going to be down to shower Brooke with platitudes for the time being. She watched as Vanjie tilted her head back down, gravity doing little to stop more tears from rolling down her face. She gave a sniff and, in lieu of a tissue, wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jumper. Then, she used the other sleeve to mop up her tears.

“Stupid fucking cryin’, goddamnit,” Vanessa muttered angrily, growing frustrated with herself. Scarlet hurriedly reached into her own bag and brought out a small packet of tissues, wordlessly handing one to Vanjie. With gratitude, she blew her nose on it, the sudden noise causing a girl in the row in front of them both to turn around, her gaze lingering just a second too long on the crying Vanessa.

“What the fuck are you looking at, hoe? You want your face rearranged? You could fuckin’ do with it,” Vanessa snapped angrily, the girl quickly turning back around. Scarlet had had enough. In one movement she swept all of her and Vanjie’s things into her cavernous Hermes bag and shoved at her gently.

“C’mon. We can get the lecture notes later. You need a coffee and a talk,” she insisted, clamping a hand over Vanjie’s mouth as she opened it to protest. Scarlet rotated Vanessa’s shoulders towards the direction of the door and practically frog-marched her down the stairs and out of the door seconds before the lecture began.

“I need a fuckin’ wine and a talk,” Vanessa quipped, before the floodgates suddenly opened and the girl’s face crumbled like a ruin. Scarlet immediately crushed her in a hug. She rubbed her friend’s back and sushed her quietly as Vanessa’s chest heaved with sobs, her crying eerily quiet as if she had nothing left to give. Scarlet felt a wave of guilt crash against her, the thought of what she’d known and kept from Vanessa perhaps having been able to help the situation in some way being almost too much to handle. Just as she was about to let it out and confess it all to Vanessa she felt the girl take a huge deep breath and pull out of the hug. Her face was blotchy with red tear marks, but a small, albeit unhappy smile was plastered across her face.

“Sorry. It’s out now, no more cryin’. I promise,” Vanessa sighed, looking to the floor sheepishly.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Come on,” Scarlet slipped her arm through Vanessa’s, holding the girl up as if she was about to fall down. “Let’s go to the union. Then I can get a coffee and you can get a wine.“

They walked in somber silence, Scarlet giving Vanessa’s arm a supportive squeeze every now and then. She wondered what it would be like to feel how Vanessa was feeling in this moment. Like utter shit, obviously, Scarlet thought as she had to stop Vanessa from stepping into the path of a cyclist, so wrapped up was she in her own world. Somehow they reached the pub in the union without Vanessa suffering any fatal accidents. As Scarlet looked around and noted how quiet the place was, she felt relieved. At least they wouldn’t have any awkward run-ins with anyone they didn’t want to.    

"I’m not even that in my feelings about it. Or no- I didn’t expect to be as in my feelings as I am,” Vanessa began, sitting down at a small table for two and shrinking into herself on the chair. “Like, we weren’t nothin’ serious or anything. So she technically didn’t even break up with me.”

“Yeah, but you still had a connection. That’s still shit to break off with someone,” Scarlet offered, shrugging her jacket off before she could give Vanjie her full attention.

“I know, but…ugh, I’m annoyed at myself, really. Like I shouldn’t have got so attached…but I thought maybe she…maybe we’d…whatever, I’m not makin’ sense,” Vanjie continued, shaking her head and running her hands through her hair to punctuate the end of her sentence.

“No, you are making sense! You’re totally valid. Of course you’re going to get your hopes up if you’re seeing someone that often and sleeping with someone that often,” Scarlet nodded, hoping she was reassuring her friend. There was a small silence where Scarlet wondered whether or not she should ask what she wanted to ask. “‘Ness, how did Brooke actually-”

“Dump me?” Vanessa gave another humourless laugh and shrugged, pulling the sleeves of her jumper over her hands. “In the nicest possible way, obviously. Fuckin’ bitch, can’t even give me anythin’ to be mad at her for. She came to my flat. Sat me down and was just like…yeah, this isn’t working. I feel like we want different things, and I can’t give you what you want right now. Did the whole you’re an amazing person schtick but by then I’d stopped listenin’ cuz ya girl was tryna focus on not cryin’ in front of her. Succeeded, though. Until the second after she left, obviously.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, I’m so, so sorry,” Scarlet sighed, guilt consuming her.

“No, bitch, don’t be. It wasn’t your fault-”

“But, fuck, it might have been,” Scarlet began, Vanessa’s face growing alert and curious. She sighed, wondering if she’d regret her decision. “At Monet’s party…Yvie told me that Brooke had said to her she was having second thoughts about the pair of you.”

Vanessa narrowed her eyes slightly. Scarlet held her breath. She could see the cogs turning in her head. “But that was weeks ago.”

Scarlet clenched her stomach muscles. “Yes.”

Vanessa’s face grew into a snarl, and she gave a bark of a laugh. “Oh fuckin’ Jesus, it gets better. So not only has she sat on this for about a month, but she’s also told the whole friendship group about it. Fuck, Scarlet, do you not think I would’ve wanted to know somethin’ like that?”

“I know, I know, fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to know! I didn’t even want to get involved, but Yvie told me and then I just had the information in my head and I didn’t know whether I should tell you or mind my own business, and I’d promised Yvie-”

“Oh, you promised Yvie, that’s alright then. Fuck your friend ‘cuz you made a promise to your precious lil’ girlfriend, that’s fine. Good to know how much I mean to you, Scarlet,” Vanessa spat out bitterly.

Scarlet’s stomach was now tighter than she’d ever felt it in her life. She thought back to what Yvie had said, about the friendship group and about how it would all start falling apart. She thought about if she’d told Vanjie sooner, if her and Brooke could have talked it all out and stayed together. Unexpected tears started welling in Scarlet’s eyes. Trying to calm herself she took a long, deep breath through her nose, which turned into a sniff. The noise made Vanjie look up from staring down at the floor, and her hard expression softened into one of regret.

“Fuck, Scar, I’m sorry. Shit. Please don’t cry,” Vanessa murmured, reaching across the table and squeezing her hand. “It’s not your fault. Okay I’m mad at you, but even if you’d told me what the fuck good would it’ve done?”  

As Scarlet wiped at her eyes with her free hand, Vanessa gave a heavy sigh. “She still wouldn’t have wanted me.”

Scarlet drew her last tissue from her pocket and wiped her nose with it. “But I should’ve told you. Maybe you’d have been less attached three weeks ago-”

“Scarlet, three weeks ago I liked her just as much then as I do now. It was never a gradual increase with that bitch. Liked her just as much the day we met as I did the day she broke up with me,” Vanessa said the last portion of her sentence quietly, breaking Scarlet’s heart in the process. She gave a world-weary shrug as she spoke again. “S’just hard trying to un-like her. Well, in that way, anyway.”

“Do you think you can even be friends with her again?” Scarlet wondered, biting the side of her finger as she worried about the answer.

“I mean, yeah, I guess. I just kinda need my space from her just now, you know? Which is hard, ‘cuz…obviously we’ve all got the same friends and I don’t want to have to hide away from them just to make things less awkward,” Vanessa frowned, Scarlet nodding sympathetically.

“Well, you’ve always got me.”

Vanessa gave the tiniest genuine smile which made Scarlet want to squeal with joy. “I appreciate you, boo.”

There was a small silence in which Vanessa seemed deep in thought. Finally, she spoke. “Did Brooke say anything to Yvie about it?”

Scarlet wondered if she should tell Vanessa about the “wasn’t sure” comment. She decided that the last thing Vanessa needed right now was any potential false hope. Instead, she sighed. “She hasn’t been very talkative about the whole situation. Just basically told her the same as she told you.”

Vanessa put her palms against her eyes and rubbed harshly. “Well. That’s that then.”

Just then, Scarlet heard a small scream of delight. Looking up and over Vanjie’s shoulder, she spotted Monet with two of her flatmates heading towards them. Monique, the girl whose hair was previously lilac, now had a mane of huge pink chopstick curls, and Cracker’s blonde hair was loose over her shoulders. Anxiously looking to Vanessa, she wondered if this was the right time for more people joining them. Before she could make a decision, Monet had reached them and was leaning over Scarlet making to hug her.

“Oh my God, hey! Fancy seeing you both here,” she smiled, giving Scarlet a hug and moving to hug Vanessa. “V, how are you, baby? Nina told me. Oh, not in a bad way, just…so I knew.”

Monet held the hug with Vanessa longer than she had with Scarlet, the other girl smiling gratefully as she pulled away. “I’m alright, bitch. Not great but not the worst I’ve been.”

Scarlet watched as Monet’s flatmates hovered awkwardly. She gave them both a smile. “Hey! Cracker and Monique, right? We met at the flat party. You’re welcome to grab a couple seats! We were going to get drinks, but we got sidetracked chatting.”

Cracker gave a smile of gratitude and pulled over two chairs for her and Monique, then a third chair for Monet.

“Hey,” Vanessa greeted the pair of them, looking down at her outfit awkwardly. “Well shit, this is embarrassin’. I look like a bag of trash.”

“A cute bag of trash,” Monique replied casually, Vanessa blinking a little in response, taken aback by the compliment. Moving on as if she hadn’t said anything, Monique gave a curious gaze at Monet and Vanessa. “So wait, what happened?”

Monet gave an awkward grimace, but Vanessa filled in the silence for her. “I got broken up with the other day.”

Monique’s face dropped in shock. “That girl broke up with you? Girl, that’s a fuckin’ gag, what? You’re so stunning! An’ she’s like…a slice of white bread.”

Vanessa let out the first genuine laugh Scarlet had heard her emit that day. “Bitch, no, stop it. She’s beautiful too. She just didn’t want a girlfriend. People want different things.”

“Yeah, that’s true. My ex wanted somethin’ different too. Apparently that somethin’ different was Naomi with a model body an’ an onlyfans account. Stupid fuckin’ man, thinkin’ I wasn’t gonna find that shit out,” Monique reeled off, Scarlet barely able to keep up with the pace she was talking at. “But anyway, that was, like, six months ago now. Anyway the point I’m makin’ is that it didn’t take me long to feel better, baby, so don’t worry.”

“The ten rebounds probably helped,” Cracker quipped from beside her, Monique shoving her as Scarlet, Monet and Vanessa all let out a laugh.

“Seven, actually! Come correct, whore. Anyway, we can’t all be as loved up as Miss Monet over there,” Monique raised her eyebrows, Monet rolling her eyes in response. Cracker excitedly turned to Scarlet.

“Oh my God, do you guys know what she’s doing?”

“Cracker,” Monet warned, her voice tinged with caution. Scarlet was interested.

“What’s she doing?” she asked, Monique’s face lighting up excitedly. Monet waved a dismissive hand.

“Guys, this is notthe time or the place to be talking about sappy, cheesy, Valentine’s Day bullshit,” Monet said exasperatedly, with a glance Vanessa’s way. The girl in question was leaning forward with interest, resting her elbows on the small table in front of her.

“Well yeah, Valentine’s Day can suck a dick, but if this is stuff about you and Nina then I’m listenin’,” Vanessa smiled calmly, Monet going slightly red at the thought of having to explain.

“It’s really no big deal-”

“Oh my God, it IS,” Cracker jumped in, hitting Monique excitedly.

“Will you two fuckin’ chipmunks go and find Alvin and stop molesting us! It ain’t anything big, I’m just…maybe…gonna ask Neens if she wants to be my girlfriend.”

Scarlet’s mouth dropped open, unable to contain her excitement. She gave a little squeal and clapped her hands. “On Valentine’s Day?”

“On Valentine’s Day! With a treasure hunt!” Monique continued, gushing with excitement. Monet rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, bitch, can you date me instead?!” Vanessa chimed in, her mouth wide open in shock. “A treasure hunt?”

“It’s honestly no big deal!”

“It IS a big deal, fuck off Monet!” Cracker snapped, clearly fed up with her flatmate downplaying the situation. “So she’s getting all these pictures of Wills…Will Schuester from Glee, Will from The Inbetweeners, Will Young…then she’s getting loads of umbrellas and putting them in a pile- ‘cause obviously they all start with a 'U’,”

“- then -” Monique cut in.

“Why do I feel like I’m no longer in charge of anything in my life?” Monet interrupted dryly.

“- then she’s getting loads of bee-themed things, like honey, yellow stuff, Burt’s Bees lip balm-”

“They know what fucking bees entails, Monique!” Monet exclaimed, Vanessa snorting and Scarlet suddenly so glad of these three girls for the distraction they were providing from her friend’s shitty situation.

“- then she’s putting loads of stuff in a pile that belong to her, so obviously if I was Monet, it would all be ‘MY’ stuff,” Monique continued, ignoring her embarrassed flatmate’s interruptions.

“What’re you doing for ‘girlfriend’?” Scarlet asked excitedly, on complete tenterhooks. Monet opened her mouth to speak, but Cracker got there first.

“She’s made a playlist. A playlist,” she repeated, full of glee. “Of songs with the title ‘girlfriend’. Which there are surprisingly many of.”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Monet, I hate you. It’s amazing. She’s gonna love it,” Vanessa smiled, seemingly genuinely enthused about her plan. Monet was now incredibly flushed in the face.

“I mean, she might misinterpret the whole thing. She might go ‘Will umbrella yellow objects songs’ or some shit.”

“Which knowing Nina, she probably will,” Scarlet offered, eliciting a laugh from Monet. “But it’s cute. ‘Ness is right, she will love it.”

“Thanks, girls. But no telling her, okay? Shit, I’m already so fuckin’ nervous and it’s still ages away,” Monet wiped her (presumably sweaty) hands on her jeans.

“Are you two doing anythin’ cute and vomit-inducin’ for Valentine’s Day?” Vanessa asked Cracker and Monique. The pink-haired girl tilted her head and gave a little smile.

"Damn, you tryna ask me somethin’? You move on fast,” she winked, Vanessa covering her cheeks with her sleeves.

“Shut up, bitch! You got some amount of nerve, tell you that,” she rolled her eyes, trying to look annoyed. Scarlet could tell she was secretly flattered.

“Well, I’m just going on a date with a girl I’m seeing. We’re trying to downplay it, but I’m highkey freaking out,” Cracker smiled bashfully, Monet sticking her tongue out at her.

“Kaaaameron,” she mocked, batting her eyelids. Cracker swatted at her.

“At least I have a date, bitch! What’re you doing, sitting on Tinder all night offering your services to every person you swipe?"

"Ouch,” Monet half-gasped, half-laughed. Unfazed, Monique shrugged.

“Hmm, prolly. Well, unless something comes up out of nowhere,” she said nonchalantly, checking her nails. Scarlet cast a quick gaze between her and Vanessa. Cracker snapped her out of her rapidly snowballing thoughts.

“What about you and your girlfriend, Scarlet? You doing anything nice?”

“We’ve booked a nice restaurant. It’s a horrifically overpriced set menu, but neither of us have ever really spent Valentine’s with anyone before, so we don’t really mind paying for the experience,” Scarlet smiled, feeling herself grow excited at the thought of getting to sit at a fancy table with candles and prosecco and seafood and chocolate desserts and just celebrate the fact that the pair of them were in love-

Well fuck. Scarlet hadn’t seen that coming. Cracker was replying to her, but she couldn’t hear her. Scarlet was only consumed by the one thought in her mind. She was in love with Yvie. Really properly in love with her. Of course she was, it was so fucking obvious! Why hadn’t she realised it before? Scarlet wanted nothing more than to find her girlfriend and tell her, but with a pang she remembered the hurt Vanessa sitting in front of her and knew where she was needed the most. Although she didn’t seem too hurt at the moment. Monique was telling a story and the heartbroken girl was leaning in, listening intently, her eyes sparkling.

“Hey, were we not getting a drink? My mouth’s drier than Ghandi’s flip-flop here,” Monet said suddenly, cutting Monique off mid-story. She rolled her eyes and took her purse out of her bag, promising to buy everyone’s round.

“Uh, leave me out actually. I think I’d better head off,” Scarlet excused herself, the thought of having to tell Yvie that she was in love with her becoming her number one priority. Feeling guilty, she looked to her friend. “If that’s alright, Vanj?”

“Yeah, boo, don’t worry about it! I’m actually havin’ fun for the first time in days,” Vanessa smiled up at her, casting a gaze to Monet who smiled back.

“Yeah, we’re way better than your other friends,” she said, sticking her tongue out at Scarlet who did the same back.

“We’ll look after her, Scarlet, don’t worry,” Monique smiled, taking Vanessa’s hand and giving it a little squeeze, then letting go again almost as if the interaction had never happened. The only evidence to suggest otherwise was a small blush on Vanjie’s face. Scarlet was intrigued by that whole dynamic. On one hand, she wondered if harmless flirting with Monet’s friend might do Vanessa the world of good, especially if Monique kept showering Vanjie with compliments the way she was doing. On the other, she wondered if Vanessa was altogether ready for a potential rebound. Not allowing herself time to think it over too much, Scarlet said her goodbyes, blew a kiss in Vanjie’s direction, and headed out of the pub and down the stairs of the multi-floored union, immediately messaging Yvie.

S: Are you on campus???

A reply came back within seconds.

Y: yeah my lecture just ended babe! Want to meet?

S: I’ll come to you

Scarlet raced to Yvie’s building, the crowds bustling about in the square that separated the union and the lecture buildings blurring into the background as Scarlet half-walked half-ran to get to where she knew Yvie would be. At that moment she saw her- dressed in her ripped blue jeans and her enormous black puffa jacket, her hair swept up into two wild, untameable space buns. As soon as Yvie saw her her entire face lit up in a smile and if Scarlet had been in any way unsure of how she felt before that, she knew without a shadow of a doubt now.

“Hey, baby! How are you?” Yvie greeted, going for a hug. Scarlet instead took both of Yvie’s hands in hers, gripping them tightly. Yvie’s face was instantly awash with shock.

“I need to tell you something important,” Scarlet insisted, pausing for a moment before she could say it. Yvie blinked at her, confused.

“Right, so…you’re pregnant?” Yvie deadpanned, her face still concerned. Scarlet was unable to help herself letting out a laugh. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“Yvie, I’m in love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you, and I don’t know how I didn’t realise it until now. I’m ready, and I’m saying it, and I mean it. And I really hope that-”

Scarlet was shut up by Yvie pulling her close and kissing her gently in one swift movement. In that moment, it seemed as if it was their first kiss all over again, but so much better- the two girls fit together like pieces of a jigsaw, the way Yvie kissed and tasted so comfortingly familiar to Scarlet now as if she’d known Yvie’s lips her whole life. When they pulled away, Yvie instantly pulled Scarlet back in for a cuddle. With her head against Yvie’s chest, Scarlet could hear her heartbeat racing.

“Scarlet, fuck…I’ve been in love with you for so long. Since, like. The Christmas dinner.”

“Let’s never break up, okay? To go through what Vanjie’s going through, or to put you through that…ugh, it’s all so horrible,” Scarlet sighed heavily, tightening her grip around Yvie’s waist. Yvie gave a soft chuckle.

“So this is us, then, is it?” Scarlet could hear the smile in her voice, and she squeezed her eyes shut and willed this moment to stay as bright and clear in her mind as a memory as it felt right now living it.

“This is us, baby. You’re stuck with me.”

Yvie pulled away, and at once Scarlet could see the love painted on her face as she looked at her. “Well, I think being stuck with each other sounds pretty good to me.”

As they both walked away and Yvie held Scarlet’s hand in her own and spoke about what to have for lunch, Scarlet thought about how good she had it and how lucky she was.

She had to agree that being stuck with Yvie sounded pretty good to her too.