#meh - haven't done one of these since myspace first started to become a thing (damn i'm old) lol xd

[lady-nevermore]

Tagged by: @kibitoshinkai​ 

A - Age: 25 going on 26 

B - Biggest fear: Loss/Losing a loved one, The possibility of Nothingness after Death aka the thought of my consciousness just dissipating into nothingness/losing all sense of self after death really scares the crap outta me on a hyperventilating/panic attack kinda level, Heights/Falling, Drowning, Bugs/Insects/Arachnids, Oh, and let’s not forget about Sleep Paralysis, that can be a real bitch too (haven’t had one of those in a really really really long-ass while, welp here’s hoping I didn’t just fucking jinx myself *sigh*). -___-;

C - Current time: 10:25 PM

D - Drink you last had: Vanilla Chai Tea

E - Every day starts with: Waking up perplexed and trying to contemplate what little I can remember of my fleeting dreams, before they slip outta my grasp completely.

F - Favorite song: Tbh, just like with books, films and anime/tv-series, I’m fond of a lot of different varieties of genres of music, and can never really just stick with one sole fave song (from punk-rock, soft rock, indie rock, jazz, hip-hop, r&b, pop, electronic, etc); So for now let’s just say that I’m really digging J-pop/J-rock, RWBY/RvB ost, YYH ost, a mix of several Anime opening/ending themes, 80′s/90′s rock/pop songs, Green Day, etc. ^^;

G - Ghosts, are they real?: Heh, If someone had asked me this years ago, my stubborn smart-ass teenage self would have scoffed and probably would have disputed against this to no end, convinced of the illogicalness of it all. But surprisingly enough, coming from a semi non-religious/agnostic person like myself…..I gotta say: Yes on this one. And I say this for Three reasons. 

The first being, that deep deep down, the mere thought of my consciousness just dissipating into nothingness after death, and losing all sense of self just really really makes me uneasy and overall just really scares the living-shit out of me, on an almost hyperventilating panic-attack kind of level. 

For another, when I was but a mere youngling (around 7-12), we lived in a “supposedly haunted house” (let’s just say that I remember there were times when things def. felt really really off, uneasy, and just plain eerie, the chills down my spine didn’t help either). Who knows maybe growing up with YYH subconsciously helped me not be so damn freaked out about it all, and helped me handle the possibility of it with a bit of grace. lol xD

The last reason, a real personal and selfish one at that, is that deep down, a part of me really wouldn’t mind if the idea of an “afterlife” did hold some real truth to it, mostly cause the thought of meeting up with an old friend of mine that has long since passed from this world, is a rather comforting thought. 

H - Hometown: Back in the day, as a teenager, my friends and classmates would often exaggeratingly refer to it being just: (plain-ass boring), but in reality it was nothing more than a small, quaint, peaceful little town called: Fairfield.  

I - In love with: I’ve always been in love with the art and craft of storytelling; just any and every amazingly well-written / crafted fantastical stories of fiction, in any form of media, whether it be via the written word/books, through anime/web series, TV series, films/movies, videogames, etc. Speaking of which, besides RWBY, I’ve gone and spiraled right back into being in awe of Yu Yu Hakusho, and just how amazing Togashi is at his craft. ^_^

J - Jealous of: Nowadays, nothing really. 

Though the few times I’ve actually felt real envy, were a couple of times as a child …..And the main reason for that was due to the fact that I didn’t have the best childhood, let’s just say that emotional abusement, and domestic house fights all thanks to my super religious Catholic, and overall a pitifully poor excuse of an Aunt who was living with us at the time, obviously didn’t leave me entirely unscathed (hence why I have anxiety problems as well as trust issues, why I used to sometimes have a sorta hard time with religion, struggle with the concept of having faith. But yeah, I guess I’ve sorta made my peace with it all……But back to the matter at hand, that’s why, as a kid, I envied those, whom I presumed must of had a nice, stable and so-called “normal” childhood.

….Yup, though that was indeed a particularly dim time in my life, I’m just glad that Yu Yu Hakusho helped get me through most of that shit, which was nice, well that and the possibility that our old-house was “supposedly haunted” (so yeah, I could sorta relate to Yusuke on some of these levels, which at the time helped me to feel less alone and less of a misfit than I thought I previously was, especially in regards to not having the best or normal living situation, nor the best childhood, and that a team/group of friends was also a real possibility of the word “family”, it’s why I don’t take betrayal lightly and why I value the concept of friendship / loyalty / camaraderie so damn highly, it helped to fill a much needed void). ^^;

The other time I felt a twinge of jealousy were a couple of times during my pre-teens/teenage years (mostly for stupid silly little reasons), like feeling a bit insecure about my place in certain friendships, but being reassured later on that I wasn’t being replaced, or overlooked. (like I said it was stupid). ^^;

N - Number of siblings: None, I am an only child.

O - One wish: I wish could have gone about things a little bit differently in the past….. So many things that were left unsaid, things I didn’t realize back then that I had taken for granted or should have appreciated more. 

Oh, and let’s not forget the stupid, silly, face-palming moments I had as an adolescent that still haunt me/make me slightly cringe from embarrassment to this day; some I’m willing to accept and can even look fondly back on …..but, there are a few stupid moments (things I’ve said that had slightly hurt others) were I wish I could just go back in time and slap myself upside the head for, or at least take back and erase all together). -__-;

But in all seriousness, there is one thing I really wish for. Remember that old friend of mine that I mentioned a while back in this post…..well, it’s been about 8 years give or take since they passed away from cancer, I was 19 when it happened, and I know I’ve made my peace with that ages ago, but there are still times I really wish I hadn’t taken those moments with my friend for granted; looking back I really wish I had taken the time to really appreciate it all a lot more.

My old friend was the type of person who said they considered themselves as “obnoxious” (which always left me rather perplexed and made me raise an eyebrow skeptically at them in response; I never once considered them as obnoxious, I mean stubborn sure, optimistic and always trying to look for the good in any situation as well as an incredibly kind and gentle soul, for damn sure, quick-witted, wise, with a brilliant mind when it came to arithmetic and science most definitely (something I really respected, admired and even left me a little in awe with how natural and easily these two subjects came for them, considering I can’t even solve a sudoku puzzle to save my life, that’s how bad me and math don’t mix lol), was incredibly open-minded (a trait I always had but later became even more reinforced and ingrained into my psyche in thanks to them) even though they were religiously devoted and faithful to a tee (something I still struggle with from time to time but have long since their passing, semi changed my perspective on), something which used to cause us to butt heads here and there, was a massive Star Wars, Lord of Rings / Tolkien, and Firefly fan, was real fond of the color green and Tigger from Winnie the Pooh (hence their fave TTFN aka Ta Ta For Now farewell they’d give), was the type to give the best out of the blue bear-hugs, was someone whom like myself really loved the rain (used to say that they considered it quite cleansing to the soul) was the person who first introduced me to the wonders of Tea, was a bright light in my life that helped healed the scars and broken remnants that remained from my really messed childhood, was someone I greatly admired as well as respected, and was maybe even a little more of a playful dork than I could ever wish to be (I mean, for fuck’s sake, we used to have actual poke-wars and keep tabs of who was winning). lol xD  

But never, never did I once think that they were annoying or obnoxious.

……..I just wish it could have occurred to me at the time to have told them that face to face (back when there was still time), and reassured them otherwise, I mean looking back at it now, in hindsight, it was obviously something they were always a little insecure about and just played it off half-jokingly, something I never even realized till now, and It kinda twinges/tugs at my heartstrings a bit (in regret) that it just never really occurred to my stupid, oblivious, teenage self back then to have told them otherwise. 

I just hope that deep down my dear old friend knew how much we cared, how much they really mattered to us in the end, as well as how deeply and sorely they’re still missed (cause not a day goes by where I don’t think of them). But most importantly, I hope they knew that they were someone I was real damn proud to consider and call: Friend. :’)

P - Person you last texted: My Mom

Q - Questions you’re always asked: Besides the typical, “What’s up?” or “How are you?” lol xD…. Lately it’s been things like: What are your thoughts / speculations on what’s to come for the latest season of RWBY and the like, which is nice, considering the hiatus we’re currently on. ^-^

S - Song last sung: More like hummed; I had that damn catchy Level E Opening Theme song stuck in my head a few nights ago, and ended up humming it whilst in the shower. lol x)

T -Time you woke up: 6:00 A.M. 

U - Underwear color: Black and White.

V - Vacation destination: Japan would be pretty cool. :D

W - Worst habits: Besides my bouts of indecisiveness, speaking fast when I’m nervous, and insomnia from time to time as well as coffee being my vice? o.o 

Hmm - Welp, let’s see….I can be a real worry-wart, and have a bad-habit to unnecessarily over-think and mull over even the littlest things, especially over past or upcoming situations (I can thank my anxiety/social anxiety for that one).

I also have a really hard time when it comes to opening-up/baring my soul aka letting others get too emotionally close to me. Rest assured, I’m not proud of it, but it seems like keeping to myself or keeping others at arm’s length seems to be my go-to comfort-zone / coping mechanism when it comes to avoiding getting hurt, and what’s worse, if it get’s really bad, I tend to do this subconsciously and pull away or distant myself emotionally for a bit, especially on harder days, when I’m more susceptible towards my depression, which really really fucking sucks cause if there’s one thing I really value rather highly, it’s the concept of loyalty / friendship / camaraderie a great deal.

....And it’s not like I want to deliberately push people away, the problem is that over the years it has manifested itself as a goddamn reflex, hence it being one of my more worse bad habits that I sometimes still find myself struggling with at times (and it doesn’t help that as an introvert, I prefer to really enjoy time on my own / quiet moments to myself a lot more). 

Tch, I’m starting to sound like a loner / lone wolf here. -____-;

....Either way, I guess I gotta thank my fucking social anxiety/apathy/depression and overall past trust-issues for this one as well. *sigh* Trust me, I know I have issues, and if this affects you in anyway, just know that it ain’t nothing personally against you, I know/am well aware that I’m the damn problem.  -__-;

X - X-rays you’ve had: Dental X-rays when going to the Dentist, but yeah that’s it really (never broken a bone in my life). ^^;

Y - Your favorite food: I’m actually really partial to: Italian and Chinese food, though I’m always down for doing a small cook-out/grill out once and awhile. 

Z - Zodiac sign: Western Zodiac (Leo) / Chinese Zodiac (Sheep/Ram).

Tagging: @angelotics , @theamazingflyinglion , @the-dork-knight-dot-exe , @spidersmiceandeverythingnice , @bottomofthewell , @nightjasmine10 , @1nerdygurl , @desenhosrabisco , @yangsmash , @hellfire47 , @boserwulf , @red-moon-eclipse , @youko-fairy , @ravenhull , @animatedjoke , @tifa-the-bacon-goddess , @fionaandcake27 , @howtobook101 , @blueteamproblem