#micaela if ur reading this ur awesome lol

[tenbees]

this bi woman i know told me to my face that its harder to be bi than it is to be straight or gay, because people expect you to either be attracted to men or to women. so if a woman says she’s only attracted to men, then people dont question her.  if a man says he’s gay, people dont expect him to talk about women and wont talk about women with him.  but bi people confuse people because they’ll talk about their attraction to men and then to women and people dont know how to treat them. oh, and if people assume she’s straight when she’s only ever talked to them about men (and excessively at that, even her straight friends have told her to calm down and not obsess over men as much as she does), it hurts her feewings :’( and you cant tell bi women in ~wlw~ spaces that you dont want to hear about her male celebrity crush/her boyfriend, because bi woman being attracted to men is just as queer as her being attracted to women!

i told her that the pressure isnt to pick either or, its to pick the opposite. that bi women are pressured to only act on their attraction to men, because that saves them from being dirty homosexual sinners. that no one says to a lesbian ‘oh thank god you’re only attracted to women, now if you were attracted to men too then we would have a problem’ that’s just such a fucking idiotic thing to think. why the fuck would a het society punish the women who are still attracted to men more than the women who are literally incapable of it?  in what world outside your oppressive lesbian fantasy is society pushing women to denounce their attraction to men and only date/have sex with women?  where the fuck is this happening? has this happened to you in person or have you only read people complaining about it happening theoretically online? and the fantasy that bi women are the only ones who have their sexuality doubted! lesbians are told its a phase too! lesbians are told the right dick will come along and we’ll learn to love men! lesbians are told we should just give men a chance!

she told me that she’d never thought about it, but that she might ‘concede’ that there’s actually pressure for bi women to choose men because it’s socially acceptable, that she’d have to mull it over. mull it over? like do you live under a fucking rock? she’s never dated anyone but you have to know on some level, logically, that society treats het relationships differently from gay relationships, or you’re just being deliberately ignorant because then you won’t feel as ~valid~. no ones gonna see her and her future boyfriend walking down the street and harass them because they can sense a ~queerness~ to their relationship.

she said it’s easier to be gay because you have to be open about it. that you’re doing what society doesn’t want you to do anyway, so you might as well embrace it. do you think i came out of the fucking womb flippantly talking about being a lesbian, that i didn’t suffer first to get to the point i’m at today where i come off as nonchalant about it? do you honestly think it’s easier to have to choose between saying i have a girlfriend, outing myself in the process, not knowing how strangers will react, and having to lie about 90% of my personal life for my own safety? do you know how suffocating the weight of that constant lying is? i honestly think you can’t understand it unless you’ve experienced it for yourself.  i can’t talk about my life without outing myself as a lesbian. i can’t exist in public with my girlfriend without outing myself as a lesbian. and being able to pick and choose who you feel safe coming out to because you’re only anecdotally attracted to women and probably wont ever date one is a privilege.

i honestly feel no solidarity with your average bi woman. they experience the smallest bit of homophobia, relabel it biphobia, and then act like gay people couldn’t have experienced the same thing. they refuse to consider that gay people are even bigger targets, at that. we’re also told it’s a phase. we also have our sexuality ignored. we’re also told to pick a side--the right side, that is, being heterosexuality. we’re also ignored in ~queer~ spaces--but because same-sex attraction will always be shunted to the side in favor of het attraction, which they apparently feel is their god-given right to talk about no matter the circumstance. i don’t have anything in common with a woman who is functionally straight.