#might reblog the post again to see what other nibbles i get bc this was fun

[quillyfied]

top 5 pirates

Aha! The vagueness of what pirates you meant automatically means I can wriggle out of how my knowledge of historical pirates has significantly diminished since my POTC-induced pirates phase in high school and skip straight to fictional pirates, which I will do so immediately!

First: Ed "Blackbeard" Teach, Our Flag Means Death

Invented not only having eyes, but making an entrance, wearing definitely historically accurate leather, and falling head over heels for a man covered in his own blood and looking like an unfortunate wet noodle accident. Searingly clever, beautifully complex, an ADHD King we can all get behind. I drool enough about him and his character on the daily but truly, is there ever such a thing as too much appreciation for a man who's good at the ugly bits of piracy but longs for softer things? And is played by a multi-talented actor who goaded an incredibly skilled stunt double into pulling off the most impressive whip maneuver to make it look like he'd gotten his balls whipped? (And, of course, honorable big mentions to the rest of the cast, you're all doing great jobs sweeties.)

Second: Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean franchise

If you were a kid in the aughts, this guy was life-changing. Quippy, expressive, an unconventional strategist, and got to have fights in the coolest places (the water wheel three-way duel in the second film lives in my brain as a top cinematic fight). Did he influence my desire to own tall boots and layered jewelry long before they were fashionable in my teenage years? Yes. Yes he did. And his fluid morality was equally interesting to watch. Not sure if he ever crossed into antihero territory, but it was certainly entertaining to see the guy you were rooting for double-cross the other heroes you were also rooting for and wonder how he was going to talk his way out of this one.

Third: Westley, The Dread Pirate Roberts, Princess Bride

Now this guy, this guy was the original quipmaster supreme of clever plots. Perhaps only a pirate in the loosest definition, since he abandons piracy pretty much immediately the second he sees Buttercup again and we never see him on a ship, but those skills don't leave--and his sword fight with Inigo is another banger of a fight scene. Dashing, romantic, sarcastic, and determined, delivering a scathing bluff the likes of which I haven't seen before or since, Westley is a sly rogue I personally wouldn't like to be in the way of.

Fourth: Silver, Treasure Planet

You want to talk about pirates with grey morality but hearts of gold, plus excellent character design and voice acting, it doesn't get much better than Mr. Silver the Cyborg here. In a richly-animated movie stuffed full with more atmosphere and unique character design than you can shake a stick at, for Silver to stand out as not just a main support character, but a fully-realized one with a complicated past and a truly frightening dark side along with genuine emotional depth is quite a feat. I haven't read "Treasure Island", so I don't know how far the script changed for this film, but he's a standout for Disney pirates--and fictional pirates in general, tbh.

Fifth: Captain Shakespeare, Stardust (movie)

What can be said about this magnificent man that hasn't already been said? The performance was stellar, and done in such a way that Captain Shakespeare's cross dressing, while humorous because of how flirty and over-the-top he acts here in front of his mirror despite danger right behind him, doesn't feel like the butt of a cruel joke. He's still a capable captain and leader, and he gets to embrace the soft side of himself while still maintaining a good relationship with his crew and a tough reputation. If piracy as a genre is about freedom, I think this guy might have been one of the first to start challenging the hyper-violent, hyper-masculine image of a pirate on the fictional screen.

So many pirates to love (or hate), so little room!