#mizzourah | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

potatoes83 · 4 months

Text

Random...

Had a funeral to attend yesterday, on her side of the family. Which meant after all the couple thousand miles of driving from our trip, we had two days at work, immediately after work Friday, a 3 1/2-4 hour drive up to a hotel with the funeral Mass the next morning. And then right back home. Today has thus been a lazy, albeit productive day.

There is such a beauty in the Catholic Mass generally, but when it is then part of a... for lack of a better expression, special occasion, such as a wedding, or a funeral, it adds such a true richness. There is comfort in the ritual, even those who haven't been for quite some time to their "parents' church" that they were brought up in instinctively remember the phrases, the gestures, the steps of the liturgies. All acting as one, together. And then there's the community of it, the priest actually knowing the person, instead of some totally rando funeral director who has probably never even met this person trying to tell you their life story as if they were besties.

I remember my, oh, it had to be my great grandfather's funeral, at some funeral home somewhere (we were not a family of church-going folk) and the dude kept trying to slink in that down-home familiarity, repeating several times how "Hank" had been born and raised in "Rollah, Mizzourah" (that's the town of Rolla, Missouri in an over-the-top "look how Southern I am, Blanche from the Golden Girls eat your heart out accent")... Rollah, Missourah, Rollah, Missourah, and it was just so obvious, though I'm sure he was doing his best, that he had no idea whatsoever about this man's story that wasn't included on a 3x5 card. And even at whatever young age I happened to be, it just seemed... obnoxious. Disingenuous. Enough so that it still sticks in my somewhat eidetic memory to this day.

I'm not saying that you're besties and drinking buddies with your priest, and he can spin a tale about you akin to your best friend, that's pretty much never the case, but you are part of a greater family, and there is a familiarity in that. The community knew you, the ushers, the ladies serving food, the priest who served you Holy Communion for six months or sixty years. Your friends and neighbors. They are all there to tell your story, and to comfort each other.

And of course, there is the reassurance of our faith. We know where we are going. We know that despite everything in this messed up world of Man, we win in the end. Saved by the Precious Blood, promised our Resurrection. And we get eternal life in the Kingdom of God. And that's pretty dang nifty.

We are reminded in the Mass of the Last Supper, as a memorial of Jesus' death and resurrection. It puts us there in that time, all of us together, as witness to the Good News, and reassurance that because of His sacrifice, we have been saved from death. The Mass... grows, from the entrance of the presider, to the culmination of the Eucharist, as it has been done for centuries. Our prayers, for those gone, and those on earth who need them. The incense, though not used as often anymore, representing our prayers ascending to heaven. The Holy water, reminding us of our baptism. All of these rituals, these sacramentals, reminding us, if anything, what it's all about and what it's all working toward, even at a time of loss.

For every tear shed, there was laughter. People hugging, so happy to see each other (and damn if this isn't a reminder to ALL of us that people need to do more family reunions, because it's a real shame when you only see relations when someone dies). As much grief as everyone is feeling, there is so much love, so much togetherness, as we see our loved one off into the next world, to be risen up on the last day. 🥔

1 note · View note

smokerbuilder · 2 years

Photo

Snows comin! Just started here in mid Mizzourah. Looks like I’ll hafta the things out for my @legendsmokers Offset. What should I cook? (at SmokerBuilder.com) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cn0QBTEuxMk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

0 notes

myluckysoul · 7 years

Video

Football GameDay tees are here. Stop by @TheMizzouStore for our new #mizzoumade tees. A portion of proceeds will help raise money for MU CHILDREN'S Hospital. Are you excited for some @MizzouFootball? #mizzou #mutigers#missouritigers #columbiamo #mizzoufootball #mizz #mizzourah#universityofmissouri #showme #miz #missouritigers #missouri #showmestate #jeffcity #stlouis #kansascity #universityofmissouri

#showmestate #miz #mizzou #mizzourah #mizzoumade #universityofmissouri #missouri #jeffcity #mizzoufootball #showme #columbiamo #kansascity #missouritigers #mutigers #mizz #stlouis

1 note · View note

therebelwrites · 5 years

Link

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. – After a long day of negotiations that ran late into the night, Republicans in the Missouri Senate moved early Thursday to advance what would be one of the most restrictive abortion laws in the country.

The bill approved 24-10 on a party-line vote after 4 a.m. CDT would ban abortions eight weeks into a pregnancy, which opponents say is before many women even know they're pregnant.

The only exception would be a medical emergency that could lead to the death or irreversible impairment of the mother. Doctors who violate the ban could lose their medical licenses and go to prison for up to 15 years.

The measure now heads back to the House, which easily passed an earlier version in February, for a final vote. Once approved, it will head to Republican Gov. Mike Parson, who has indicated he will sign it.

"My administration will execute the laws the Legislature passes," Parson told reporters and abortion opponents at a campaign-style rally in his office Wednesday evening. "And this pro-life administration will not back down."

The aggressive move to curtail access to abortion in the state follows similar actions in Alabama, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi and Ohio that have garnered national attention and could fuel a challenge to Roe v. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court decision that made abortion legal nationwide.

The state will almost certainly be sued over the legislation, and federal judges have struck down similar laws in Iowa, Kentucky and North Dakota. Legal challenges are pending or planned against other states that have passed similar legislation.

Republicans were undaunted Thursday.

“Together we stand as one to defend the unborn," Majority Floor Leader Caleb Rowden told reporters after the vote.

Democrats harshly criticized that take.

Despite peripheral changes to the bill Republicans negotiated with Democrats to avoid having to force a vote over a filibuster, Democratic state Sen. Jill Schupp said the bill remained "an extreme and egregious piece of legislation that puts women’s health at risk.”

She also called it "outrageous" that the bill had no exemptions for victims of human trafficking, rape or incest.

But Rowden deflected those concerns, telling reporters the bill passed "represents what we believe is ... unquestionably the position of a vast majority of the people of Missouri."

And other Republicans said they're confident the bill will stand up to judicial scrutiny.

Rep. Nick Schroer’s bill notably includes additional restrictions that could remain in place even if the eight-week ban is struck down, including provisions that would restrict abortions later in pregnancy and prohibit abortions based on the sex, race or Down syndrome diagnosis of a fetus.

If courts don’t allow Missouri’s proposed eight-week ban to take effect, it includes a ladder of less-restrictive time limits ranging from 14 to 20 weeks. Roe v. Wade legalized abortion up until viability, usually at 22 to 24 weeks.

“This is the type of legislation designed to withstand a challenge," House Speaker Elijah Haahr, a Republican, said Wednesday evening.

The bill also would require that both parents be notified for a minor to get an abortion, with exceptions. A change made after hours of late-night negotiations means written notification is required only if the second parent has joint legal or physical custody of the minor.

Current law requires written consent from only one parent.

If ultimately passed, the new rules will add to an already considerable arsenal of restrictions that have left Missouri with a single abortion clinic, a Planned Parenthood in St. Louis.

The women’s health organization's lobbying arm condemned the Senate's decision Thursday morning.

#See while the nation focuses on Alabama--Mizzourah quietly slides under the radar #Missouri abortion laws #But the poor women are the ones having most of the babies YET the govt makes it harder to receive social services AND abortions at the same #damn time???#Which is a recipe for what the media calls deaths of despair in rural white America #No money to feed babies and no access to abortion services #Which reminds me of a childhood CHANT

0 notes

420paki · 6 years

Text

hm..... never thought i would say this ever but i miss mizzourah

1 note · View note

racingtoaredlight · 5 years

Text

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 2

Now do you want to read about college football or do you want to listen to your wildest fantasy of Jeffrey Epstein conspiracy theories in a podcast format? If you answered “college football” then click to read more! If you want to listen to an incredible podcast that will feed your absolute worst inclinations towards nihilistic disillusionment then click right here! True Anon is really all I’ve ever wanted in a left-leaning shitfest. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Now for the football. Hell, the CIA is behind this shit, too. The highlight of the week for me is the line on the Bammers game. No way Saban holds up his end of that bargain. Why the fucking hell is there even a line on that shit?

If you’ve read this nonsense before you know the drill. If not, the times are eastern, the schedule is ripped from FBSchedules and the gambling informatics are per Vegas Insider dot com. Degenerate football can alternately mean football that you only pay attention to for purposes of gambling or the low-level, barely FBS, preferably late night types of games that play for stadium crowds in the hundreds and TV audiences in the dozens. It doesn’t have to be college ball, the UFL is my true ideal of football degeneracy. If you gambled on that you are my target audience. Onward and downward we go.

Saturday, September 7

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Ohio at Pitt 11:00am ACCN

Wow. What a special game. It’s got a one hour headstart and for what? Goddamn is this trash. Why is ACCN not just an extra ESPN channel? SECN and Longhorn Network are just parts of the ESPN app but ACCNe is just off by itself inaccessible to 90% of the country.

Southern at Memphis 12:00pm WMC-TV / ESPN3

There’s no line on this game so just check on it to see what’s going on with Memphis. They beat their secret rival The Racist South last week but scoring less than 20 is weird for them.

Rutgers at 20 Iowa 12:00pm FS1

This being a conference game is funny. Maryland and Rutgers being in the B1G is funny. And stupid. Mostly stupid. But that’s why it’s funny. Take Iowa even at -19 because it’s Rutgers.

West Virginia at Missouri 12:00pm ESPN2

Speaking of dumb conference stuff, both of these teams belong in the Big 12. That’s the true spirit of college football and it’s completely akilter. Is Mizzourah the good offense out of these two now? Everything is wrong. I wouldn’t touch a 14-point line in either direction here but over 62.5 seems worthwhile.

Vanderbilt at Purdue 12:00pm BTN

These are the same team but one has Rondale Moore. Otherwise there is no difference.

UAB at Akron 12:00pm CBSSN

I don’t like the beloved CBS Sports hosting a MAC team even if they are hosting UAB. Why did the o/u drop from 55 to 46 over the course of the week? That’s odd. I’d have to check with our dear president but I don’t think Ohio is in the path of any hurricanes.

21 Syracuse at Maryland 12:00pm ESPN

From the bottom of my Georgetown-born, VA-burbs raised heart I hate everything about this game. I would love to see Syracuse lose even if it means Maryland winning. The odds have flipped crazily from opening Syracuse -5 to now having Maryland -1.5. Take the turtles.

Army at 7 Michigan 12:00pm FOX

I saw ESPN talking up Army last night so go all in on Michigan to beat the ever-living piss out of the troops. -22.5 is nothing.

Bowling Green at Kansas State 12:00pm FSN

Good lord, no.

Charleston Sou. at South Carolina 12:00pm SECN

This is cancelled, right? If not pound the under.

Cincinnati at 5 Ohio State 12:00pm ABC

Cincinnati sucks but count on Fickell to make an Ohio State University look bad one more time. Bearcats +16, book it.

Kennesaw State at Kent State 12:00pm ESPN3

I think Kennesaw is the Welsh version of the British Kent. I could be wrong about that but who cares?

Old Dominion at Virginia Tech 12:00pm ESPNU

VPISU should be better by now. I’m wrong a lot but it’s possible I was really wrong about Justin Fuente. Betting on ODU sounds like a bad idea but I fully endorse it.

Western Carolina at NC State 12:30pm RSN

There is no reason to bet on a game like this. This is practice.

NIU at 13 Utah 1:00pm Pac-12N

I could be wrong but off the top of my head I don’t think Utah usually covers in the first four weeks of the season. This is a guess you can use in your gambling.

Fordham at Ball State 2:00pm ESPN3

Blocks of Granite for the win. Book it.

USF at Georgia Tech 2:00pm ACCN

By my count Georgia Tech covered last week against Clemson. USF just hung out in a trash can for 60 minutes. Yet the Bulls are favored here. Charlie Strong was once a hot commodity that programs all over the country coveted. Hindsight is absolutely hilarious.

Tennessee Tech at Miami (Ohio) 2:30pm ESPN+

There’s no line but I’m loading up the wagon for the Golden Eagles. This is the big auto mechanics school, right?

Southern Illinois at UMass 3:30pm FloSports / NESNplus

I, uh, guess, uh... Don’t watch this under any circumstances. Pack a cyanide pill if you must.

Southern Miss at Mississippi State 3:30pm ESPNU

This is an appealing bit of misery but there’s no chance I watch it. Miss State -16.5 seems crazy against anybody. I think.

12 Texas A&M at 1 Clemson 3:30pm ABC

This is statistically expected to be Clemson’s toughest game and they’re still favored by 16.5. The money looks to be going towards aTm but I can’t shake the notion that Clemson is going to absolutely maul them from the get go.

Central Michigan at 17 Wisconsin 3:30pm BTN

I don’t trust Nick Saban to do what’s right by gambling folk but Wisconsin is different. If they don’t humiliate undermanned opponents that means they are a bad team. -35 is the kind of line you see when the Badgers go for 80+.

Charlotte at Appalachian State 3:30pm ESPN+

You’re on your own with this one.

Eastern Illinois at Indiana 3:30pm BTN

See: Charlotte at Appalachian State.

Grambling State at Louisiana Tech 3:30pm NFLN

Is there a way to make a throwback game between Doug Williams and Terry Bradshaw take place here?

Illinois at UConn 3:30pm CBSSN

Oh, come the fuck on.

25 Nebraska at Colorado 3:30pm FOX

The two Big 8 programs that benefited most from 5th downs are facing off on national TV representing the B1G and Pac-12. That’s horrible. Nebraska being a top 25 team but also being favored by only -4 against this version of Colorado is what is known as a paradox.

Richmond at Boston College 3:30pm ACCNE xtra

No line. What cowardice.

Murray State at 3 Georgia 4:00pm ESPN2

Pound the under.

UTSA at Baylor 4:00pm FSN

Go UTSA. We’re all rooting for you.

Western Illinois at Colorado State 4:00pm ATTSN

Man, this is all trash. Not even the good kind.

New Mexico State at 2 Alabama 4:00pm SECN

The predicted score by way of gambling is Bama 60, NMSU 5. Saban is pulling his starters in the second quarter, though, so put a buck or two on New Mexico State just for the hell of it.

San Diego State at UCLA 4:15pm Pac-12N

This is Pac-12 After Dark/CBS Sports fodder playing in the sunlight. Both teams might explode, literally.

Northern Colorado at 22 Washington State 5:00pm Pac-12WA

Pac-12 Washington? That’s a channel? Washington State lookd good in week 1 so hit the over (63) and see what happens.

ULM at Florida State 5:00pm ACCN

Oh, Willie. Poor, poor Willie. Why, Willie, why? Monroe +22 looks pretty good to me.

Gardner-Webb at East Carolina 6:00pm ESPN3

Yeah, buddy, now we’re into it. If this game happens. I think it’s not happening. But if it does? Man, oh, man. You know what I mean.

Maine at Georgia Southern 6:00pm ESPN+

Why would you think Eagles could beat Black Bears? That’s crazy.

North Carolina A&T at Duke 6:00pm ACCNE xtra

Let’s go A&T, beat the devil.

South Dakota at 4 Oklahoma 7:00pm FS PPV

What lunatics are paying for this? You should feel ashamed.

Jackson State at South Alabama 7:00pm ESPN+

Lots of bodybag games, even at the lower levels. I hate it.

Wyoming at Texas State 7:00pm ESPN+

Kind of beautiful but you’ll probably have to squint to see it.

WKU at FIU 7:00pm ESPN+

Get your shit together, Butch. Now. Stop embarrassing me.

18 UCF at Florida Atlantic 7:00pm CBSSN

Oh, now this - THIS! is what CBS Sports is great for. What a shitty game that I love like a long lost child.

Tennessee State at Middle Tennessee 7:00pm ESPN3

Too Tall U vs. MTSU is cool in a way but it won’t be a fun thing to watch.

North Texas at SMU 7:00pm ESPN3

Spencer is visiting ms621 and my people are expecting a lot of scoring in this one with the lawyers coming out on top. /suggestive eyebrow raises

McNeese at Oklahoma State 7:00pm ESPN+

Chuba Hubbard should get about 8 touches so watch early if you’re watching at all.

Furman at Georgia State 7:00pm ESPN3

Man, this is a long list of boring crap.

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville 7:00pm ACCNE xtra

Other than the 24 fumbles I thought Louisville looked pretty good last week. Not enough to tune in for a minute of this but maybe they can fine tune some of the difficult football activities like “snapping the football” and “holding the football close to your body” or “handing the ball to the running back” against Eastern Kentucky and then when they pop up against Clemson later on it’ll be worth watching.

Coastal Carolina at Kansas 7:00pm ESPN+

Les Magic: Kansas is favored to start the year 2-0. Not by a lot, mind you.

BYU at Tennessee 7:00pm ESPN

Nobody tell Bergie but I’m rooting for the Mormons here. Gotta go for what makes the most people feel the worst about sports.

Tulane at 10 Auburn 7:30pm ESPN2

Is Auburn rising in the polls enough to make me bet against them at home -17 vs. Tulane? It sure is. Auburn is just as chaotic as LSU but not as funny about it.

UT Martin at 11 Florida 7:30pm ESPNU

Fuck the Gators, man.

Western Michigan at 19 Michigan State 7:30pm BTN

Sparty, too.

Arkansas at Mississippi, Oxford 7:30pm SECN

I am on a descent into hell here.

Buffalo at 15 Penn State 7:30pm FOX

If Notre Dame is next I’m hanging up on this post.

Eastern Michigan at Kentucky 7:30pm SECN Alt.

Whew. Hill people that can only intermittently football. That is a huge relief right now.

Liberty at Louisiana 7:30pm ESPN+

Fuck the Falwells, and not in a good way.

6 LSU at 9 Texas 7:30pm ABC

There is one ironclad rule in college football gambling: never bet on an LSU game. Those who fail to heed this rule will never see longterm winnings. Oddsmakers keep pushing the line towards LSU and I agree wholeheartedly that’s where the expectations should reside but would you be even sort of surprised to see LSU blow this entirely and lose? No, you would not. Neither would I.

Nevada at 16 Oregon 7:30pm Pac-12N

Oregon is favored by 24 and my very cursory impression of these two is that Nevada is a straight up better team than the Ducks. Granted, I’m really bad at this, but that +24 looks like easy money.

Stony Brook at Utah State 7:30pm Facebook

Not even a great QB talent is worth going on facebook.

Miami (FL) at North Carolina 8:00pm ACCN

Pound the damn under. Also, ESPN talking heads are all on the UNC to upset train so put whatever money you have set aside for this contest on the Hurricanes.

Prairie View A&M at Houston 8:00pm ESPN3

That one good recruiting class is mostly a memory for Houston at this point but they’ll still be fun to watch once D’Eriq King and Dana Holgorsen get on the same page.

UTEP at Texas Tech 8:00pm FSN

Wasn’t Texas Tech supposed to run the ball more this year? One week in they’re leading the country in passing. Maybe they ran the ball more and it still wasn’t very much.

Tulsa at San Jose State 9:00pm ESPN3

This is the kind of game that should be played in a prison yard.

Arkansas State at UNLV 10:00pm Facebook

This is the kind of game that shouldn’t be played.

California at 14 Washington 10:30pm FS1

I do believe I’m the span of this game away from getting fully on board with UDub rolling the Pac-12 again. The only team with similar talent, as far as I have seen, is USC. But there are a long list of other issues with USC.

Minnesota at Fresno State 10:30pm CBSSN

This is the kind of stupid game I love but I think I’ll be watching Pennywise the Dancing Clown at this point.

23 Stanford at USC 10:30pm ESPN

USC should just fire Clay Helton now, win or lose.

Northern Arizona at Arizona 10:45pm Pac-12N

It would be very Pac-12 of Arizona to lose this game.

Oregon State at Hawaii 11:59pm Spectrum / Facebook

I guess facebook is there to scoop from the most bootlegged team in college football’s illegal audience but I still hate it. Hawaii playing at home two weeks in a row means pound the over even at 77.5. It’s not like Oregon State plays defense, either.

#saturday post #football #college football #watch em ups #degenerate football #gambling #week 2 #2019 season

0 notes

smokerbuilder · 2 years

Photo

I just opened the next chapter in my life. I spoke to my bro Paul from @shirleyfabrication and he said Quote: “It's good brother roll with it” Hahaha!! Say it with me: Conecuh! @conecuhsausagecompany is good stuff and we can’t get out in Mizzourah… (at SmokerBuilder.com) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce90HT2O3W9/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

0 notes

myluckysoul · 7 years

Photo

Sneak Peek at into Lucky Soul's Mizzou collection exclusively @TheMizzouStore Raising money for a great cause MU CHILDREN'S Hospital. Showme @mizzou @MizzouFootball @mizzouhoops #mizzou #mutigers #missouritigers #missouri #showme #miz #mizz #mizzoumade #mizzourah #universityofmissouri #columbiamo #jeffcity #umkc #mizzoufootball #missouri_photos #stlouisgram #thezoo

#mizzourah #miz #mizzoufootball #mutigers #mizz #showme #thezoo #missouritigers #universityofmissouri #missouri_photos #missouri #mizzoumade #jeffcity #mizzou #umkc #stlouisgram #columbiamo

0 notes

racingtoaredlight · 5 years

Text

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 1, part 3

Time to kick back and stop writing so much. I’ve earned it. I’m not going through all of my gambling advice to see if I did really awesome. Pretty sure Georgia Tech beat the spread against Clemson. Direct hit! So I am your guru.

Gambles with me and find the worst college football a viewer can find, I says. That’s the best way to live on a Saturday in the fall. Well, close enough.

What is there to say about this slate of games that hasn’t already been said? The schedules are per FBSchedules. The gambling infos are per Vegas Insider. If you lose money that’s on you. If you win money I’ve earned a commission. I’m just going ahead and taking this all the way through Monday because I’m already bored of this season.

Saturday, August 31

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

South Alabama at 24 Nebraska 12:00pm ESPN

Nebraska is ranked. USA is probably not the team to expose them but that’s a mistake. Scott Frost is going to have to rely on an even lower tier of Florida talent to win in a tougher conference. He’s got believers for now.

Indiana vs. Ball State (in Indianapolis, IN) 12:00pm CBSSN

Indiana is a 17 point favorite. Is that a typo?

Toledo at Kentucky 12:00pm SECN

There are way too many footballs for me to deal with right now. I’m just gonna start listing off winners and throwing out numbers that have nothing to do with betting lines. Kentucky by 4!

University of Mississippi at Memphis 12:00pm ABC

Memphis by 18!

Northern Iowa at 21 Iowa State 12:00pm FS1

I was wrong about David Montgomery! Sort of. I said he wouldn’t go as the first running back and wouldn’t go in the first round. Direct hits!

Indiana State at Kansas 12:00pm FSN

Oh, shit, here we go! I actually stopped to look this one up because of course I’m interested in Les Miles at Kansas. His presence has probably changed this from a pick ‘em to a -4.5 for Kansas. Plus: Kansas is favored! Minus: Indiana State has one good athlete in school history and he played basketball for them 40 years ago. And Kansas is only favored by 4.5.

Mississippi State vs. Louisiana (in New Orleans, LA) 12:00pm ESPNU

Never going to learn which directional LA school goes by Louisiana. Miss State by 1!

Howard at Maryland 12:00pm BTN

Talent usually wins out. Howard by 14.

Florida Atlantic at 5 Ohio State 12:00pm FOX

FAU by 35.

East Carolina at NC State 12:00pm ACCN

NC State by something.

Boise State at Florida State 12:00pm ESPNews

LOL - this was such a good game when it was scheduled. Who would have guessed that neither team would be ranked and it would air as an ACCNe alternate? Boise by 20.

Akron at Illinois 12:00pm BTN

Poor poor Illinois.

James Madison at West Virginia 2:00pm ATTSN

Not sure I’m ready for the next chapter of WFV football, tbch.

Rhode Island at Ohio 2:00pm ESPN+

Is ESPN+ considered a higher tier or lower tier than ESPNNews?

Bucknell at Temple 3:00pm ESPN3

Finally, the Manny Diaz Era kicks off for Temple football.

Eastern Washington at 13 Washington 3:00pm Pac-12N

Jacob Eason is going to get drafted over Jake Fromm. UDub by 58.

Eastern Michigan at Coastal Carolina 3:30pm ESPN+

CCU by 32. Book it.

Georgia State at Tennessee 3:30pm ESPNU

Tennessee still sucks. At least we all have that.

Holy Cross at Navy 3:30pm CBSSN

Navy has been destroyed by injuries the last couple of seasons but maybe they can get some good luck this year and get back to winning 10 and beating Notre Dame? Middies by 600 rushing yards.

ETSU at Appalachian State 3:30pm ESPN+

Appy State by 32.

South Carolina vs. North Carolina (in Charlotte, NC) 3:30pm ESPN

Mack Brown is back in Chapel Hill but there isn’t a lot of talent there. There’s a decent amount of talent at USCe but Coach Boom is still there. Sakerlina by 12.

Duke vs. 2 Alabama (in Atlanta, GA) 3:30pm ABC

Bammers by 64, Tua back in the good graces of Heisman voters.

Colgate at Air Force 3:30pm ESPN3

Toothpaste by 8.

Idaho at 15 Penn State 3:30pm BTN

Idaho self-relegated and rewarded themselves with a trip to Stepford. Penn State is going to win by 80.

Portland State at Arkansas 4:00pm SECN

Virginia Tech at Boston College 4:00pm ACCN

This might be two good teams. I’m not sure.

Northwestern at 25 Stanford 4:00pm FOX

I don’t think I can do any more of this. Let me check back in the morning to see if I want to update the rest of these.

IN THE MEANTIME ENJOY OUR HOLD MUSIC

youtube

CONTINUED!!!!!!

Montana State at Texas Tech 4:00pm FSN

Lubbock is less handsome this year but they could be better for it. Montana State by 3.

Campbell at Troy 6:00pm ESPN+

This is a huge rivalry between former frat brothers. Troy by 27.

Incarnate Word at UTSA 6:00pm ESPN3

Isn’t Incarnate Word working towards D-1A or some nonsense? The FKA Cokers are still ESPN3 material, which means they’re better than FSU and Boise State. UTSA by 33.

Sam Houston State at New Mexico 6:00pm MWN

New Mexico is only a 9 point favorite. That seems bad. Sam Houston State Houston Sams with the big upset here. 5 point win, 8-3.

22 Syracuse at Liberty 6:00pm ESPN+

I have no doubt in my mind that Bernie guy actually was a child molester but ESPN’s story was based on a guy saying they had sex when he was like 21 years old. I never understood that. Anyway, you absolutely hate to see Syracuse ranked in any sport. It’s an affront against god and man. Liberty is also an affront against god and man. But at least the Falwell’s pay their young male escorts exceptionally well. Liberty by 12.

UC Davis at California 6:30pm Pac-12N

Berkley vs. Davis. At least one of these starting QBs will be a mid-round prospect next year that some NFL fan base is forced to pretend they’re excited about.

VMI at Marshall 6:30pm Stadium

Marshall by 47.

Monmouth at Western Michigan 7:00pm ESPN3

Monmouth in a blowout, 14-13.

Stephen F. Austin at Baylor 7:00pm ESPN+

As much as I want the Six Million Dollar Men to beat the only athletic program as hateful as Sparty or Penn State, I don’t think they have the bionic powers to do it. Six million dollars isn’t really very much for a football player in Texas.

SMU at Arkansas State 7:00pm ESPN+

Oh, yeah, Arkansas State is the one that’s FBS-level, not Central Arkansas. Oh, well, nothing we can do about that now. Fade SMU and take the over. Whatever that may mean.

Norfolk State at Old Dominion 7:00pm ESPN3

Soon to be the state’s premier football rivalry, no doubt. The ODU #45s are the obvious favorite here. I bet they win by 22 points. So gamble accordingly.

Nicholls at Kansas State 7:00pm ESPN+

The excitement is palpable! Can Les Miles lead his gang of criminals to victory over the world’s premier screenwriting fellowship? YOU COULDN’T WRITE A BETTER UNDERDOG STORY THAN THAT!

Illinois State at NIU 7:00pm ESPN+

Fuck this game. NIU by 3 or so, I guess.

Alcorn State at Southern Miss 7:00pm ESPN+

25 years ago Air McNair II was leading Alcorn State and he should have won a Heisman and I have no other thoughts on this.

Abilene Christian at North Texas 7:30pm ESPN+

Go Spencer’s school! Beat the fucking Christians! I hate Christians!

16 Auburn vs. 11 Oregon (in Arlington, TX) 7:30pm ABC

Oh, this is why they were showing the “for all the Tostitos” game yesterday. Well, my gut tells me the War Eagle Tigers are a better team than the Ducks but that’s just SEC bias, to be honest. Patrick Nix’s kid starts as a true freshman which, if history serves, means he’ll ball out tonight, get progressively worse through the season, get benched at some point, then get humiliated when he comes back as the starter in a rivalry game (the rivalry game in all of college football tbch) and then he’ll show up somewhere else next year with immediate eligibility because he’s not moving for some frivolous reason like his mom is dying and his family’s going bankrupt.

3 Georgia at Vanderbilt 7:30pm ESPN

Vandy got the homefield for this one. Weird opener UGA. But a “tough” conference win in the early going is worth some #1 votes. Georgia by 84.

Georgia Southern at 6 LSU 7:30pm SECN

LSU has the best player in college football this year. Expect him to be injured either this week or next.

Miami (Ohio) at 20 Iowa 7:30pm FS1

Iowa has some shiny NFL prospect on their roster but I forget who it is. Is this where the ePenis plays? Whatever, this game is for the kids. Every Iowa home game is for the kids. Hawkeyes by 23.

Middle Tennessee at 7 Michigan 7:30pm BTN

I have an inexplicable fondness for Jim Harbaugh but I can’t deny the joy I would get from seeing the Wolverines crash and burn in week 1. That’s always fun for everybody.

Missouri at Wyoming 7:30pm CBSSN

Mizzourah by 46.

Virginia at Pitt 7:30pm ACCN

I could have sworn UVA was ranked. Guess not. Pitt is the pits (!!!) so the Hoos should dominate. Virginia by 6.

Louisiana Tech at 10 Texas 8:00pm LHN

Horns at #10 seems dangerous. That’s a bad idea, isn’t it? I’ve got Texas unranked until proven otherwise. And UT losing week 1 would be even funnier than Michigan doing it.

Grambling State at ULM 8:00pm ESPN3

So Monroe isn’t the one that goes by “Louisiana” now.

Houston Baptist at UTEP 8:00pm ESPN+

Oh, come on. This game does not need to exist. UTEP -17.5 is probably fine.

UAPB at TCU 8:00pm FSN

TCU is unranked so they’ll go undefeated this year. Arkansas-Pine Box is going to get buried by 50+.

Weber State at San Diego State 9:00pm Facebook

Oh, yeah, here comes the fun stuff. The dumb stuff. Let’s hear it for the Mountain West! What SDSU rusher will capture my heart this season?

Southern Utah at UNLV 10:00pm MWN

Last home opener at Sam Boyd Stadium, a place hated by all who ever visited it. I am not in that number yet but when it cools down I might feel compelled.

New Mexico State at 23 Washington State 10:00pm Pac-12N

The very heart of Pac after darkness. Mike Leach has a new QB. Now what? Wazzou will still score but they will probably go back to stopping nobody. A year further removed from Alex Grinch is not going to help.

Fresno State at USC 10:30pm ESPN

USC had a real solid opportunity to fire Clay Helton but didn’t because it would have been too expensive. Think about how stupid that is. Go (CS)FSU.

Sunday, September 1

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Houston at 4 Oklahoma 7:30pm ABC

Holgo to Houston feels like a circle is being completed somehow. Will the ghost of Jack Pardee smile down on the Cougs? D’Eriq King could go a long way towards becoming a national name with any sort of highlights in this one and, remember, Oklahoma’s defense has been remarkably bad the last several seasons. The o/u for this game is 83! Houston plus the points, baby, do it!

Monday, September 2

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

9 Notre Dame at Louisville 8:00pm ESPN

Brian Kelly really got a kid killed and the university paid his way out of it and he’s still coaching there and they’ll probably win 10+ games again this year. What a terrible world we live in.

#football #college football #saturday post #watch em ups #degenerate football #half finished

0 notes