#moggle started this shit

[likemosaic]

general chiyo headcanon dump regarding ARR + the post patch. tw for emetophobia mention. mild arr spoilers!

chiyo was resistant to joining the scions at first, especially due to thancred and her fear of men (which presented more as "leave me alone", resenting his persistent efforts to recruit her). he convinced her by having her meet minfilia (who encouraged chiyo to join and explained the echo), but chiyo had lingering "annoyance" (read: a big crush) towards thancred. until he was possessed, at which point she felt awful and repentant, and sincerely apologized for misjudging his character. they have a good relationship after that, depending on verse. with @windcovet's verse, they start dating after he's rescued and are currently still together, though in an open relationship that can be...turbulent, to say the very least. they still argue and can't agree on anything, but when shit gets real, they're there for one another.

during her time as a mercenary, chiyo acted as a shinobi and a bard to kill her marks, but not as a samurai, despite being trained as one as a child. she viewed what she was doing (taking contracts to kill less than reputable men) as unclean and not worthy of using her samurai blade for. after she completes the ARR quests for samurai going into heavensward, however, chiyo's childhood love for her blade is returned, and she gives up mercenary work to become a part-time samurai again with the scions.

though she was tasked with killing lord lolorito by teledji adeleji, chiyo chose to give up being a mercenary and to "go straight" just before the praetorium, having been positively influenced by the other scions. unfortunately, this meant that yugiri and the doman refugees suffered the consequences of that, when lolorito refused to accept them into ul'dah. though it was a blessing in disguise as they were able to go to revenant's toll instead. still, chiyo resents lolorito for it and blames herself, as always.

the sylphs were very impressed by chiyo's dancing (her having been a performer for many years) and call her "dancing one" as a result. they also tried to marry her to ramuh (read: temper her). she politely but firmly declined.

chiyo loves moogles and was mostly busy fawning over king moggle mog during the trial. useless bard.

chiyo taught yugiri and the other doman au'ra how to apply a linkpearl behind the horn properly, as when she arrived to the west, she had no one to teach her.

chiyo is obsessed with nanamo: she thinks she's incredibly cute and idolizes the sultana. she actually sleeps with a plushie of nanamo, though she keeps it a secret. her idolization is no secret, though, given her very evident fangirling everytime they interact.

chiyo was shocked that doma had rebelled and been crushed in her absence, as she had left doma years before; she blames herself and feels that if she had been there, she could've helped, though it's more likely she would've just died. during the rebellion, chiyo's ex-boyfriend was killed by a particular garlean, and it comes up again in stormblood. chiyo receives an echo of the event upon meeting yugiri but doesn't know how to decipher it until stormblood.

chiyo is terrified of water and threw up over the railing multiple times during the leviathan trial.

[obviousconespiracy-blog]

My name 'Tuna And when I see Orange and white They call to me I do not answer Doc on phone On top my head I wear the cone

moggle

[vyragosa]

i'm trying to be an omnicrafter and shits hard i'm at around 60-70 and maxed cooking for coffee buscuits ofc and i crafted my first moggle weapon which was the weapon i thought to be the cutest when i started

[sroloc--elbisivni]

*sits down* *pours a glass of water* *pours one for scott westerfeld* *sips*

so here’s my pitch for an adaptation of Uglies specifically and the Uglies quartet* more generally. vague spoilers. i can’t figure out how to make the readmore work anymore so hit J or start scrolling fast.

*theoretically it’s a trilogy with a bonus novel, but I fuckin love Extras.

First, it’s a webseries, because Hollywood refuses to  option a series brutally dissecting the culture of cosmetic surgery and brainwashing through a dystopian lens (gee I wonder why).

The first few videos are amateur vlogging, taking us through the first part of Uglies, aka “Tally and Shay fuck around and find out.” it’s their shared dark web youtube channel, maybe it’s uploaded to the Crims’ private server or something and as bonus content sometimes we see videos that Shay made with Zane before the Crims cut out. either way we have to be convinced, as an audiences, that the girls are sure this is secure. The scene with Paris is never in-video, or if it is it’s just audio of Tally recording herself breaking into the party, so we don’t see the Pretties.

anyway. Tally’s hoverboarding saga, the hypothetical makeover side, sneaking out to the ruins, the good shit. it’s a webseries from the PoV of two kids who don’t know too much about making videos so shots are limited and we can really lean into the suggestions of this world instead of trying to build whole sets.

use of CGI, but only for detail work, leaning into the uncanny valley, making the world of Tally’s city very clean and polished, too clean, and putting skeletons in the Rusty Ruins.

the hoverboarding-down-a-roller-coaster has to be in there, preferably filmed on a GoPro equivalent, but if there isn’t enough budget we cut away from a painted shot of the ruins where Tally’s at the top into static bc the camera went too fast and then it’s Tally and Shay losing their minds with the adrenaline comedown and they kiss nope where was i

Shay’s letter--i can’t remember if it being on paper was a plot point in the books but I’m really feeling video message, ideally uploaded to the same channel, and then when Special Circumstances drop the bomb on Tally we as the audience go oh shit. they’ve seen everything.

this is where the mode of the story changes--no more amateur vlogging, now it’s Tally recording reports for SC. They’re not transmitted, so we just get this video diary of Tally’s trip, a little camera running the whole time, and then....I'm not sure whether it’s Tally talking to herself to vent her feelings, or the footage is cut together as a summary and the video is prefaced with a Very Official Special Circumstances report, so it’s like a debriefing.

The Smoke. That whole thing. the very last part is chaos and confusion and found footage. >:)

PART 3, which is Tally’s video diary of the whole next part of the trip with David. This part is more edited, more condensed, than the earlier parts, and the connecting throughline isn’t always clear. some of it is just the two of them talking, some of it is long epic scenery shots, some of it is after everything goes down and they get Shay back and they’re having these Very Serious Discussions, and those are shot like...the camera is being the record. except for where it isn’t.

SPEAKING OF SHAY. if it’s at all possible to pull this off, Shay is cast with two different actors, one for the first two thirds and one for the last third (and most of Pretties). The first Shay is an actual teenager, zits and all, not a beauty by any means. The second Shay is classic Hollywood cast-a-20-something-as-a-teen, rounded out with makeup to be just inside the uncanny valley. surrounded by everyone else, who’s been living in the woods. This should be the most jarring thing.

The last video is a discussion of informed consent, and the making the plan happens largely offscreen so then there’s a long sequence of Tally hoverboarding back to the city (shot by drone) where she’s just narrating, and the leadup to the ‘make me pretty’ penny dropping that oh. This is Tally leaving a message for herself and she’s not sure who she’s going to be when she watches it.

PRETTIES. Less of an outline on this one, but it works from the same framework of three parts, three storytelling styles--the first part is total Instagram Influencer, professional vlogging, glitz and party culture. The camera is floating now so Tally’s always in frame. Same trick pulled with Tally’s actor so you’re looking at actual different people. Tally and Shay are dating but the conflict is them both refusing to talk about whether this is a casual thing or an actual relationship so when the thing with zane happens it’s a mess.

when tally and zane start looking for the pills, that’s when it flips back to a narration style similar to Uglies, where Tally’s carrying the camera and they’re documenting their crazy adventures, thumbing their noses at SC. maybe it’s also intercut with like, news stories, because trying to film the ice rink scene would be bananas. unreliable narration as they try to pretend they’re completely law abiding.

 from the balloon and onwards, it’s all found footage. maybe anthropological stuff of the village, official reports, and then those end with the camera falling to the floor as the anthropologist is like ‘you’re not supposed to be--’ but we do make it all the way to the camp and the Specials showing up, and this is where the CGI comes in again to get just that over the edge of weird badwrong.

Specials is a mix of surveillance footage, recorded reports, and callbacks to the Crims’ channel in Uglies--at least one shot-for-shot remake but way more dangerous. sometimes the camera is just left running on a log in their campsite and no one even notices, and this is the tragedy, they’ve grown so used to their lives being recorded that they don’t even bother to care.

From Tally going down in Deigo until her message at the end, she doesn’t appear on screen, but she does carry the camera in to her saying goodbye to zane.

HEY REMEMBER HOW I LOVE EXTRAS? EXTRAS IS A MOVIE.

by this point there’s enough following and enough buildup that you might actually get a movie out of this, especially since it’s tackling things that are less explicitly ‘societally expected body modification is bad.’

it’s also dissecting the meta narrative that’s been set up throughout the webseries--it starts with Aya recording herself talking to Moggle, and then we zoom out, getting Moggle in the shot, and from there it’s just leaning into the wild fucking scope of this book. mag lev train? hell yeah. mountain?? hell yeah. the flaws in a society obsessed with reputation and vlogging which cannot be successfully explored within that medium??? hell YEAH. I FUCKING LOVE EXTRAS.

I personally think it would be very cool and narratively sexy if the entire thing was subtitled in English and the characters spoke in Japanese except where they switch into English, like in the book, but I also get like....familiarity and the danger of exoticizing. but driving home that this is the whole world that lives like this.

footage from the webseries is recut and narrated over into something more professional, and interspersed with the movie to catch up people who haven’t watched the webseries, and also to show how the narrative of history gets cleaned up. but if it’s done right, three things should happen:

We barely see anything of Tally’s Ugly days and the Smoke. There are shots of her chatting with her friends and laughing, way back from the Ugly days or the Pretty ones, but we never hear her voice except for the final letter

Shay and the rest of the Crims get important footing in the narrative but Zane is nowhere to be seen.

everyone in the audience, including people who haven’t read the books or watched the webseries, should LOSE THEIR MINDS when she shows up

There’s a post-credits scene of everyone covered in cake after it exploded.

*pauses to drink water* in conclusion give me licensing rights and a good director.

[ffxvthingies]

Duty of a Shield

Title: Duty of a Shield

Rating: T

Ship(s): None

Warnings: Torture / swearing / blood / graphic depictions of violence / non consensual drug use

Summary: Gladio does his duty to protect Noctis, but now he must survive long enough to be rescued.

Based off of these two drawings done by @kaciart!

Read on AO3 here

Gladio wiped his nose with the back of his hand, staring at the three men coming closer. “Listen up, I’m going to give you an opening. When I do I need you to run as fast as you can.”

“But Gladio-” Noctis pleaded, gripping onto his shield’s sweatshirt.

“Don’t look back. Get help. Got it!?” Gladio spared only a moment to look at his charge, who had tear swelling in his eyes, but was nodding weakly. “I’ll be fine.” He managed his typical smirk and wink, before pushing him away, standing and charging for the three men.

Noctis watched for only a moment, Gladio keeping their attention on him, throwing punches and never letting them get far. Noctis turned and ran, sprinting out of the alleyway and into the brightness. He did not stop, weaved in and out of people as he made his way to the Citadel, but it was so far away, there’s no way he could make it in time!

There! He saw a Crownsguard truck parked before the fountain, guards stationed as they were getting ready for their patrol. He ran to the fountain, tears streaming down his face, unable to call out to the guards and he lunged towards them.

“Highness-” one started, but was quickly silenced by the Prince latching onto his coat.

Noct looked up to him, shouting and pleading, “Th-they’re going to hurt him! G-Gladio told me to run and find help, please!” Instantly another guard was talking into an earpiece, signalling a Code Red and ordering the Citadel to go into lockdown. The guard holding Noctis lifted him, but struggled to take the squirming Prince to the car.

“No! No we gotta save him!” He punched and kicked the guard, who only tightened his grip as he placed the Prince inside the truck.

The guard sat next to him, holding him close. “They will Prince Noctis. We’ll have men go and try to get him, but right now we need to follow your Shield’s orders and get you to safety.”

“I can fight-”

“It’s too dangerous, Highness. Would you want to worry your shield by going back into danger?” Noctis said nothing, he knew Gladio would be mad if he did all that work to get him safe, only for him to go back into danger.

Noctis said nothing as the truck sped off, quickly making its way towards the Citadel.

Two held onto Gladio, but they were quickly losing their grip,Gladio’s struggling was too much for them.

Surely they do not mean to try and drag me to the van?

The thought had barely passed his mind when he felt a prick in his neck, the unmistakable feeling of a needle entering his skin.

Sedative, of course, wouldn't risk a shouting Prince. He pushed the men off him, but the drug was entering his blood stream. His limbs felt heavy, vision blurring and darkening the edges. He vaguely felt hands on him, his body no longer his own as he was dragged to the white van, the door sliding open to reveal the darkness.

At least it’s not Noct, he’s safe, I’ve protected him. That was the last thought to enter his mind before he collapsed in the van.

Clarus and Regis were on their way to the gardens for a break when the lockdown alarm sounded, guards quickly sprinting off to their stations, Clarus leading Regis up to his personal chambers.

“Cor,” Clarus called out to their Marshal and friend, who turned with a tight face. “What’s going on?”

Cor swallowed hard, and even Clarus began to worry. “Majesty I... oh shit. Gladio and Noctis were on their way to Gladio’s tattoo session. Supposedly men came and tried to take the Prince. He’s safe, but he said that Gladio was holding them off for Noctis to escape.”

“Where’s Gladio?” Clarus grounded out, knuckles turning white around his fist.

Cor sighed heavily, hanging his head. “They... the guards went to the location the Prince said they were at, but it appears that they took Gladio...”

Regis went to his friend, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We’ll find him Clarus, he is prepared for this.” Clarus said nothing, staring at the black marble floor, the world around him getting dizzier and dizzier.

Finally he turned around, a guiding hand on his Kings back. “We need to get you to safety.” He began walking as he called out. “Bring Iris to me immediately, and Ignis Scientia as well.” He did not bother looking behind him to see if Cor had followed his orders, he trusted that his friend did.

Ignis was escorted to the Kings Chambers by a ‘Glaive, the ‘Glaive knocking on the large door before opening, informing the King that Ignis was there.

Ignis thanked the soldier before stepping inside, seeing Regis sitting on the edge of the large couch, Clarus pacing back and forth, entire body strung tight like a drawn bow.

Regis gave a soft smile to Ignis as he entered, lifting a hand. “Ah, Ignis, come here son.”

Ignis made his way over to the King, bowing before him before straightening, the questioning coming before he could stop himself. “Is the Prince safe?”

“Yes, yes Noctis is on his way in a Crownsguard vehicle.” Regis comforted, patting the space next to him for Ignis to sit. Ignis followed, but his ever perspective eyes lingered on Claurs, who still paced and mumbled in complete worry.

His eyes stayed on Clarus as he questioned. “...Its Gladio, isn’t it?” He turned to King Regis, who’s smile had disappeared, how holding Ignis close to him.

He gave a solemn nod, “Yes, I’m afraid so. It appears that Noct’s hopeful captors did not wish to leave empty handed.”

Ignis’ eyes casted towards the floor, pushing his glasses up his nose, but turned Clarus. “My sincere apologies Lord Amicitia, I feel I could have stopped this if I have gone with them, helped Gladio fend them off-”

“Then we’d just have two kidnapped instead of one,” Clarus sighed, turning to Ignis, who’s green eyes shined with grief. “You’re fine Ignis, you did all that you could.”

“And we will find him,” Regis spoke aloud, focusing on his friend. “We have our best looking into the situation.”

“And Gladio was trained in handling interrogation,” Ignis added, “including torture methods. He is probably more suited to handle this than me or the Prince...”

Clarus stepped towards the young chamberlain, kneeling and taking Ignis’ hand in his own calloused ones. “That is very true Ignis, forgive my worrying, we shall see him returned home.”

“Well of course you’re worrying,” Ignis noted. “He is your son, even if this is his duty as Shield, a father is always protective of his children.”

The two older men laughed, “Indeed Ignis, it is perfectly normal for a father to worry.” Regis noted and gave a pointed look to his Shield, who could only gaze away, lost in his own grief and self-doubt.

“Dad!” A cry took them away, turning towards the door, only for King Regis’ vision to be encompassed by his son.

“Noctis,” Regis sighed in utter relief, wrapping his arms around his son and holding him close, but Noctis fought and wiggled away.

“Dad, we need to get Gladio back!” Noctis ordered, Regis saw the familiar determination behind those deep ocean eyes. “The captors couldn’t have gotten far, I saw a white van, if we send out men to begin a search within a ten mile radius then-”

“My son,” Regis soothed, running a hand through the silk black hair. “We are already on it, there appeared to be a camera pointed just outside the alleyway, we will look at the footage and get the plate number of the van. Right now, you and I both need to stay here so that they do not have to worry about guarding us.”

“But we can fight!” Noctis debated, “I’ve been training every day and you have the weapons of past kings! We could provide more support for them.”

“Highness, are you saying that our men are incapable of conducting a search and rescue mission?” Clarus carefully questioned, eyebrows raised in suspicion.

Noctis huffed, crossing his arms, “No... they’re capable... but this is Gladio! We can’t let anything be at risk!”

“Of course, Highness,” Clarus gave a small bow, a reassuring smile. “That is why I am going personally along with the Marshal to ensure your shield’s safe return.”

Regis sat back, arms crossed, “Oh are you now?”

Clarus turned, shoulders back and eyes daring. “If you will permit me Majesty, but I do believe you and Prince Noctis are rather safe within the Citadel.”

“And if both of our shields become injured?”

“I suppose it is a risk we will have to take.” Regis knew he was not winning this fight, Clarus would jump out of the damned window if it meant making sure he saw his son home safety. Regis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I can’t stop you,” Regis began. “Astrals know I could not stop you, but please, please my friend. Don’t do anything stupid or reckless, I’d rather not have Iris be down both a father and a brother.”

Noctis saw Clarus’ shoulders drop, a sigh releasing him. “Of course, Majesty. Shall I relay this message to Cor?” He added with a cocked smirk that Noctis swore was a mirror to Gladio’s.

Regis huffed a laugh, “He probably needs to hear it, just as a reminder that age is catching up to him.” The King a Shield laughed a little more, Ignis quick to bring Noctis close and comfort him, trying to distract his mind.

“Daddy!” Iris’ voice shattered through the chambers, the small girl running to her father, a moggle plush clutched in her hand. She leaped into his arms, Clarus easily swooped her up and held her close, rubbing a hand along her back.

“W-where’s Gladdy?” Iris questioned, frantically wiping the tears from her eyes.

Clarus hushed her, soothing her hair. “He’s gone right now, but I’m going to bring him back, okay? I’m going to make sure he comes home.”

“I want him back now!”

“I know sweetheart, I know, just wait a little longer, then you’ll get to see him again.” Iris did not respond, only bury her head into her father’s chest, her sobs broken and loud.

After a couple of minutes Iris’ sobs quieted down, the crying exhausting her as she now rested in her father’s arms, face at peace.

“Give her to me,” Regis lifted an arm, allowing Clarus to ease the child into his. “Go, bring your soon back home.” Clarus nodded and turned, existing the room and heading to where the investigation was happening.

~~~

Don’t reveal you are awake, his father’s voice was the first to enter his mind. After he drifted back into consciousness. He stayed silent, limp, as his senses awakened and took on his surroundings. He was in a chair, wooden, his hands were tied behind it. He could feel rope digging into his ankle and on his thigh; secured to the front legs of his chair.

“I said the Prince,” a hushed voice hissed. “That doesn't look like the prince!”

A weak voice returned, “He’s the next best thing! His shield probably knows more than the Prince.”

“You better be right, I’ve risked too much for this to fail!” Information, they want information.

He heard steps approach, clicking and echoing nearer.

Warehouse? He heard something being lifted, something metal with something sloshing inside. He had no time to prepare before ice water was tossed over him, his eyes shot open, blinking away the water and fighting the shiver that wrecked his body.

“Wakey wakey!” The leader’s voice was next to him, the hot breath against his ear. Gladio said nothing, staring at his captors with vicious eyes. The leader moved to the stand in front of him, along with one of the man who attacked him and Noctis. The leader had a wide smile, it was surprisingly bright and happy considering what Gladio had heard minutes ago. “Not in a talking mood, huh?” The leader frowned. “Too cold? Yeah cold is a bitch, here, lemme help you.” He picked up another bucket, this one steaming and bubbling. This time Gladio had time to prepare, the scalding heat before it was tossed onto him. Gladio bit his lip to avoid crying out, his skin feeling like it was melting off. He threw the bucket, it bounded off the Shield’s head and crashed to the ground.

“Here’s what's gonna happen,” the Leader bent forward, hands resting on his knees. “You’re going to answer any and all questions we have, you refuse? We get ways for you to talk. Try to escape? We drag you back and make you suffer. Got it?” Gladio said nothing, clenching his jaw to avoid spitting in the man’s face.

Don’t give them reason to torture you, just keep quiet, do nothing.

The man went to a tray to Gladio’s left, tools laid out on the table, what they were Gladio could not tell, but he knew they were used to inflict some type of pain.

“Question one,” the man gazed down at the tools, thinking. “How many people are stationed as the Prince’s guard.” Gladio said nothing, the man turned and smiled. “Well?”

“For King and Crown.” Gladio snapped, reciting the words drilled into his head from a young age. The man gave a laugh, approaching with plyers in hand.

He stopped before Gladio, a bushy brow raised. “Is that your final answer?”

Gladio growled this time. “Go the hell.”

“Wrong answer!” The man shouted and took Gladio’s hand, holding it flat as he took his finger nail in the pliers, pulling and ripping it off of him. Gladio bit his tongue hard enough to taste blood, swallowing the pain as his nail was ripped from him.

“Would you like to guess again?” The man questioned, his smile wicked and cruel.

“For King and Crown.” Gladio spoke again, the man's smile was gone as soon as it came, he took another nail and pulled slowly.

Gladio by the end was shaking from pain, fighting to avoid crying out.

You can scream, Cors lectured echoed in his mind. It’s okay to scream and cry, it’s normal in these situations, it doesn’t make you weak. Still, he fought the urge to follow his instincts, but after his fourth nail was pulled, he felt whimpers escape his throat, and the men laughed cruelly at him.

“Ya know for a shield, I’d expect you to be tougher,” the man circled back to the table. “Can’t even handle a couple of fingernails being pulled? What’re you gonna do when you actually gotta take a bullet for the Prince?” They’ll try to get inside your head, don’t believe a word they say. Gladio tried to believe that, tired to follow the lecture Cor gave him, but he couldn’t help himself but from listening to the man’s words. After all, he was right, how could he handle this little pain when he was responsible for using his body as a shield for the King?

The man approached with Gladio again, this time it was cables connected to a battery, he tapped them together, electricity sparking from them.

“Let’s try this again,” He sneered. “How many guards are stationed for the Prince at one time?”

Don’t fail them now, you might be weak, but no coward.

“For King and Crown.”

The man’s smile sent shivers down his spine. “I’ll have fun breaking you.”

~~~

Clarus and Cor lead the investigation, watching the street cameras carefully, tracking the white van through the streets of Insomnia. It was fairly easy, despite the speed the van went, but eventually they saw it turn down an alley with a warehouse by it, the car suddenly stopping next to it.

“Send me that address, I want a squad of Crownsguards and Glaives ready.” Clarus barked orders as he marched out, Cor in tow, the men hastily saluting and following orders.

“Clarus,” Cor called out, but the Shield kept marching on. “Clarus!” He placed a hand on the armored shoulder, the owner turning with fire in his amber eyes.

“If you even think about telling me to stay here-” Clarus began, but Cor held up his hands in surrender.

“I was simply going to say that we need to be careful and think this through, if they managed to organize this kidnapping this thoroughly, they probably have some other tricks up their sleeves.”

Clarus sighed heavily, turning, calling over his shoulder. “Of course I know that. Now are you going to be helpful and follow or give some more useless advice?” Cor followed his friend, never really remembering the last time he was this shaken up, this short-fused...

Cor drove the car, Clarus in the passenger seat with his eyes glued to the road, as if hoping to find his son running out looking for help, or the white van appearing in front of them. Neither happened, and instead they parked a block from the warehouse, men and women filing out and stalking up to the seemingly abandoned concrete building.

Clarus saw the white van parked outside, where it was when they watched the video, perfect. He turned and began his orders, “Glaives I want you warping to the top floor, take out any long range weaponry and focus on damage control. Crownsguard, you’re with  me and Cor, you’ll be involved in the initial breach and taking care of the men on the ground floor. Remember, the King gave us permission to kill, but only if necessary. If they surrender you do not attack, got it?”

“Yes sir,” hushed voices rang out, determined look on each of those faces. The Glaives warped up to the buildings across the way, staying hidden as they others made their approach.

They went to the door, two guards carrying a battering ram made their way up the stairs. Clarus gave the signal and the guards wound back, letting the battering ram descend on the metal door, it opened instantly.

Men filed in, guns ready, Glaives warped inside and shattered windows, knives ready, only there was no one to attack. The warehouse was empty, completely empty, as if they never even set up in there.

Clarus ground his teeth, scanning the area, looking for a shred of evidence that they were here, that his son was here...

“Search the area,” Cor ordered and the guards went to work, scanning every nook and cranny for anything that could show where they were.

Clarus and Cor approached the table at the center of the warehouse, a single note atop of it.

Oops, looks like someone just missed the party.

Cor took the note carefully, using his bandana to avoid tampering with any prints that could be on it. He took the note just in time for Clarus to smash his fist through the table, the wood cracking and splitting in two.

“Clarus,” Cor soothed. “We’ll find him, they couldn’t have gotten far, and there are camera outside the warehouse.” Clarus said nothing, only staring at the split wood, Cor did not want to know what he was thinking, what dark thoughts were plaguing his mind.

“He’s too young to deal with this.” Clarus mumbled, Cor almost missed what the Shield said as he turned around and stalked out of the warehouse, but he did hear it and stared at his friend with an empathetic gaze.

Gladio will be okay, he’s been trained, they’ll find him.

~~~

Gladio spit out more blood as another blow was struck across his head, he felt blood dribble down the side of his face, sticking to his hair. He was blacking out, missing the questions, not like he would answer them anyway. He could not even tell if he was speaking anymore, what he was speaking.

“F-for King... a-and crown.” He slurred, head lulling to the side, the blackness in his vision threatening to take over.

Another douse of frozen water was launched at him, shattering him awake and shivering violently.

“Don’t know why you’re sayin’ that,” The man smirked. “You’ve already answered most of my questions-” liar. “What you don’t remember? Yeah you were spilling your guts just a second ago, tellin’ me all the juicy secrets. You failed Shield, just give up and tell us what else we need to know and we’ll let you go with most of your bones still in place.” He’s lying, he must be, there’s no way he’d ever tell him a single thing about Noctis or the royal family. Still, he cannot remember the events from just minutes ago, maybe he did tell them? Maybe his brain got the best of him and decided to spill the information in return for a quick death.

I’ve failed.

“So, what’s it gonna be?” The man questioned again, studying the, now mostly bloodied, tray of torture devices. Even knowing he probably spilled secrets, that he might spill more, he’d never willingly say anything. At least I can die knowing I didn’t say anything.

“...For King an-” He didn’t finish as another shock of electricity coursed through his body, muscles seizing and spasming.

~~~

“What do you mean you don’t have anything?!” Clarus shouted into his ear piece, Cor almost felt sorry for the recipients of his anger, almost.

“N-none of the footage showed a car leaving the area... sir.” The guard replied meekly, his voice barely audible through the ear piece.

“They had to have gone somewhere,” Clarus hissed. “You find me my son!” Cor chose to not try and comfort his friend and instead turned to the guard that was telling him the report of the warehouse. Nothing, typical, they found absolutely nothing besides the note he placed in an evidence bag. Clarus was right, they couldn’t have gotten far without the cameras picking them up, which meant they must have still been around this area, but there was only small buildings and shacks, nothing that could be held as a fort for a hostage with the guards that they had.

“Wait,” A female guard spoke up. “I think I have something.” There was a moment of tense silence, filled with Clarus and Cor looking at each other nervously. “Yeah, yeah that’s definitely him. The driver from the white van is the same driver here, a different car, a SUV model. He just turned onto 6th street and is making his way west.”

“That’s two blocks from us,” Cor questioned. “How the hell did they get there without the cameras finding out?”

“Not important,” Clarus shut down his question real quick, going back to the earpiece. “You tell me where that SUV is now.” Another silence, the two could faintly hear keys being pressed on the other side of their ear pieces.

Then, “Okay, the SUV just pulled into another alley on 10th. There’s no cameras in the alley so I can’t see where they went but there’s at least two warehouses there.” Clarus and Cor exchanged similar, stone faced looks, Cor left to gather the men while Clarus ran a hand through his buzzed hair. He prayed to the astrals that they weren’t too late.

~~~

Gladio’s scream echoed off the warehouse walls, his last remaining strength spent struggling against the white hot brand that was currently pressed against palm. A similar burn was on his other hand, which was too accompanied by a painful scream. The man finally let the brand off his skin, he would have collapsed to the floor if the binds digging into his skin had not kept him up.

“Why are you still so stubborn!” The man grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked back, Glado felt more blood fall from his broken nose, the chair tipping back. “You’ve already given us information, just admit you’re a miserable piece of shit who can’t bother protecting his Prince and tell us what we need to know!” That can’t be true, Gladio refused to believe it, he couldn’t have told them anything... and yet he could feel his mind trying to betray him even now.

“F...F-for K-”

“I swear to the Six if you say ‘for king and crown’ one more fucking time I will burn your fucking dick off!” Then I won’t have to produce more future failures to the Crown.

He never got the chance to say anything else, shouts erupted from above him, the man let go of his hair and it sent him crashing to the ground, gasping out in pain it had on his body. He caught a glimpse of his father and Cor rushing into the warehouse before blackness took his vision again.

~~~

Cor and the Crownsguards made quick work of the captors, having to take down most as they refused to cooperate, but a few put their weapons down and lifted their hands in surrender. Soon the warehouse was being emptied of all its inhabitants, and him and Clarus made their way to the limp body that laid on the floor.

Cor got the chair upright as gently as possible, but the occupant still groaned in pain, eyes fluttering open. Clarus knelt before his son and laid a hand on his less bloodied shoulder, “Son?” He called out and gave the shoulder a slight shake. The younger shield groaned, eyes tightening, trying to keep the attention away from him. “It’s okay Gladio, it’s me.” Clarus reassured, and he thanked the Astrals as his son shot up his head to stare at his father.

“...Dad?” Gladio gasped, his throat dry and scratchy, and swallowing only made it hurt more. He felt a tug behind him and tried to look back, stopping at the pain that shot through him. Cor got into his eyesight, nodding slowly, eyes gentle.

“It’s alright, son.” Clarus soothed. “We’re getting you out of here.” Gladio breathed heavily, eyes casted downwards, shame filling him. Clarus rested his free hand on cheek, carefully turning him back to face his father.

“What’s wrong, son?” Clarus saw those young eyes filled with pain, pain that he should not have experienced yet. Then he saw silver lining them, and witnessed his son begin sobbing before him.

“I...I blacked out,” He choked out between sobs. “I got h-hit in the h-head pretty ha-hard... I tried dad... I tried to stay q-quiet... but I-I-I think I... Gods-” He broke down, head falling forward and tears escaping him. Clarus brought him close, a hand on the back of his head and the other on his back, bringing his son in close.

Gladio felt the binds loosen on his hands and he brought them forward, clutching onto his father’s uniform.

“I failed.” Clarus nearly missed the comment, but he brought Gladio back, having his son stare into his determined eyes.

Clarus shook his head firmly, “No Gladio. You in no way failed. You tried to keep quiet, tried to avoid saying any information. You could not stop them from beating your head, if your mind betrayed you that is not your fault.” Clarus saw more tears spill down those cheeks, he gripped the back of his son’s neck harder. “Gladio listen to me. I couldn’t give two damns if you spilled all of the secrets of the Citadel. All I care about is that you and the Prince are safe. We got the captures, we’ll figure out if you said any information, but they cannot use it against us.”

“I should have been ready,” Gladio sobbed again. “I-I trained, I did everything y-you said to do, but I still failed.”

“It’s one thing to learn how to handle torture,” Cor’s voice soothed by him. “It’s another to actually put it into practice. Training can only get you ready for so much, if anything it is our fault for letting this happen to you at such a young age.” One job, you had one fucking job and you couldn’t even do that!

“Shh it’s alright son, everything will be alright.” Clarus soothed, betting the damp hair. Gladio had not even noticed he was crying until then, noticing the pinkish drops of tears and blood fall to the floor. He tried to reign in his tears, to stop showing such weakness in front of his father and mentor, but that was easier said than done.

He sobbed into his father’s uniform for a while, clutching onto him and muttering his apologies over and over again. Clarus just held onto him and soothed his hair until he finally went limp from exhaustion, sleep taking him.

Clarus lifted his son into his arms, carrying him from the warehouse and towards the citadel ambulance that awaited for them.

“I’ll question the survivors, see if he did say any information, and see what is was.” Cor spoke, but made no move to leave his friends side.

Clarus set his son down on the gurney, speaking softly. “He didn’t give any information.”

“How do you know?” Cor questioned, “Kid seemed pretty sure he did, I mean given the lack of experience, his age, wouldn’t be much of a suprise of something slipped. They roughed him up pretty bad.” Pretty bad was an understatement, between the burns on his hands, his knees being smashed along with his head, it’ll take at least two months before he’s able to train again.

“He’s an Amicitia,” Clarus explained. “It’s in our blood to keep secrets to our grave, Gladio said nothing.” Clarus leaned in a kissed his sons forehead gently, then climbed into the ambulance, Cor across from him, and they went back to the Citadel where Clarus knew his son would be safe.

[moonraccoon-exe]

Your headcannons for Ardyn are just amazing and adorable! Omg! I love them so much! （〜^∇^)〜 can I ask for smol child Ardyn at the moogle + chocobo carnival?

[Adding a Keep Reading to some point; beware mobile users]

Hahaha, aaw, thank you! ♡ ～(‘▽^人)I had thought there was probably more people interested in all that, but the Ardyn posts (except for the ‘with a baby daughter headcanons’) were rather unpopular, so I thought maybe I hadn’t done a good job and all this had turned rather boring.

So your entry is pretty sweet, makes me not regret the time I spent on previous posts, hahaha. I’m super glad you did enjoy them. So far one person enjoys, I’ll happily answer again.

Here goes yours, especially for you! ('u^人)

Smol child Ardyn goes to the Moogle Chocobo Carnival:

Remember, smol children need adult supervision in a place as full and wide as this is, so

Babysitter Gilgamesh on duty. B|

“Ardyn, you’re too big to go around in a onesie.”

YOU DON’T TELL HIM THAT >:(

Smol child Ardyn’s gonna ignore you anyway, no way is he attending the carnival if he’s not in his moogle onesie.

Remember, he loves moogles.

First thing smol kid Ardyn does is look at the prizes to offer at the exchange stall.

Unclemesh has to pick the smol child and sit him on the counter cause he just won’t shut up about the prizes to get.

Smol kid Ardyn is in a moogle onesie sat at the counter questioning you and your life.

“But what about you give me that, and then I come back with the medallions? :3″

Ardyn, it doesn’t work like that.

“But why. Listen, what about I give you one medallion then you give that to me and then I come back and give you the rest? :3″

Ardyn, you have to first win the medallions then exchange them for prizes, not the other way around.

“But why”

Smol kid Ardyn is constantly questioning everyone and everything.

He’s rather ecstatic to earn prizes already, he caN’T WAIT.

Unclemesh has to follow him places when kid Ardyn decides he’ll be the fastest earning the Choco-Mog medallions. 

Nope, kid Ardyn just got distracted with the chocobos.

“This is pretty :3″

Ardyn it looks exactly the same than the other chocobos.

“This is pretty too”

Well ofc they still look the same.

“*GASPS* This is super pretty!”

Ardyn, wtf, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.

Smol kid Ardyn is currently speaking with the chocobos.

In chocobo language

Unclemesh is not impressed.

Smol kid Ardyn is telling the chocobo a story.

“Kweh, kweh, KWEEEEH, kWeeh, KweEEh, Kwe… *looks around* *whispers* keww kewkek keww.”

The chocobo’s like “Kewh?”

Ardyn’s like “KEWWWH KWEEEH!”

Are they talking romance problems, are they talking business, are they talking Gilgamesh’s private life?

Nobody knows but it’s a deep conversation they’ve got there.

Smol kid Ardyn is pretty convinced he can speak Chocobo.

He’s chocolingual.

Or so he says, with those words.

Smol kid Ardyn is softly petting a chocobo with so much love as if it was his own pet.

“All chocobos cute. All chocobos deserve love. All chocobos need hugs.”

Smol kid Ardyn is standing on his tiptoes and hugging a chocobo like it’s death-sentenced and they only have that moment left for a hug.

Smol kid Ardyn is telling good things to the chocobo.

“You so cute. You so fluffy. I love you, chocobo.”

It’s too adorable, everyone’s like (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Ardyn is taking so much time loving one chocobo, then goes with the next one and repeats.

He’s telling every single chocobo he loves it and he’s gifting them hugs.

Unclemesh is carrying him in arms so he’s the height of the chocobos’ head, and so he can pet them there. 

Smol kid Ardyn is hugging Unclemesh when he’s done with the chocobos.

“Little one, i’m not a chocobo.”

“No, but you good,too. You have a hug, too.”

Well…okay.

Is thAT THE MOOGLE MASCOT *GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP*

ARDYN. HAS. TO DANCE. WITH IT.

The moogle mascot is like “Oh, who’s gonna dance with me next?”

The kids are like cheering and clapping, but Ardyn is furiously jumping up and down yelling “ME” like his life depends on that.

Smol kid Ardyn is doing the moogle dance.

Smol kid Ardyn is nailing it.

He’s even adding his own steps.

Moogle mascot has to follow this time. 

Unclemesh is still not impressed.

At first it was adorable and super fun, watch that kid dance so energetically, haha :3

…okay, it’s been five minutes straight, can you please stop now.

Smol kid Ardyn had to be retrieved by Unclemesh.

Unclemesh just calmly walked towards him, picked him by the onesie like he weights nothing, and walked away with Ardyn still dancing while in the air.

He likes dancing and moogles, nobody’s going to stop him doing the moogle dance.

Who thought it was a good idea to take this moogle obsessed child to the MOOGLE carnival, omg

Unclemesh already put him down yards of distance from the moogle, and smol kid Ardyn’s still dancing and singing on his own. 

Unclemesh can’t stop him.

Unclemesh picked him by the ankles.

Nope. The kid’s still dancing, upside down as he is in the air.

At first it was adorable and a laughing matter.

It’s been fifteen minutes, smol kid Ardyn can’t stop dancing. 

Unclemesh is rudest uncle on earth.

He’s shamelessly dropping the kid in the water.

Smol kid Ardyn comes out of it and starts laughing. 

You’d think smol kid Ardyn is upset?

Nah bro. He’s asking Unclemesh to keep dropping him in the water.

This is the oddest thing you’ll see in your visit to the Moogle Chocobo Carnival.

There’s this GIANT MAN in armor standing at a bridge, holding a little boy by the ankles and dropping him off the bridge and into the water, little boy comes out made a laughing mess and runs back to the man asking him to do it again.

Well, at least he stopped dancing.

It’s been 10 minutes again.

It’s been twenty minutes,smol kid Ardyn’s still asking to be dropped.

His onesie is all soaked now, he can’t go around in it or he’ll catch a cold. 

Unclemesh just bought him carnival clothes moogle themed and a chocobo-themed hat.

It’s stupid. And adorable.

Unclemesh is walking around Altissia with kid Ardyn on his shoulders.

There’s this small stall that says “I sei mogurini”, along a sign that says the “Brothers Kupomazov” are lost and that you have to photograph them.

Smol kid Ardyn doesn’t understand it’s a game. This is real business to him.

“ GASPS Σ(°ロ°)  THEY LOST, GIGIMESH. WE NEED TO RESCUE THEM.”

Unclemesh is trapped in this hell that’s called “spot six TINY ASS moogle plush toys in the huge maze city of Altissia because if you don’t this child is never going to sleep again.”

Unclemesh and smol kid Ardyn are strolling around in the search.

They spot the first one on a lamp.

“GIGIMESH, IT THERE. WE NEED TO SAVE HIM.”

Gilgamesh is trying to explain the point of this game and how they’re not meant to ‘rescue’ anyone and that they shouldn’t move that moogle off its plac-

Smol kid Ardyn just ignored him and warped straight to the top of the lamp.

When smol kid Ardyn warps back, Gilgamesh starts chiding him and nagging insisting Ardyn goes leave the moogle back in its place.

This is smol kid Ardyn, pretty red hair, in his carnival outfit, hugged to the moogle toy, looking up at Gilgamesh and giving huge, watery puppy eyes at him.

… >:(

… :’(

“No, you’re not convincing me, you go back and leave that moogle up there again.”

“…Gigimesh, please… o(TヘTo)“

You can do this, Gilgamesh. You’re a strong warrior. You’re the most fierce creature. You can’t let this tiny-ass little boy with those stupid sad eyes and that…adorable face and that…sad look and…

“…ugh, okay, take it with us.”

Ardyn, that little shit, always gets what he wants.

Gilgamesh’s going to explain to the game owners what happened and will offer to return them to their place himself when they’re done, or something, he’ll fix that later. Right now it only matters smol Ardyn can calm his poor heart in distress of rescuing the moogles.

They’ve rescued two more and are currently standing on a bridge. The clue took them there, but the moogle’s nowhere?

Both are looking around rather confused, a gondola passes under the bridge they’re on, they keep looking and suddenly smol kid Ardyn is gasping.

IT’S ON THE GONO-GANDO- 

Smol kid Ardyn has better business to do than pronounce Gondola right.

Smoll kid Ardyn just warped off Gilgamesh’s shoulders with no explanation off to the distant gondola.

Gilgamesh is losing his shit and running the closest he can to the gondola, opening his way among people and stuff.

Smol kid Ardyn is on top of the gondola’s edge.

“GIGIMESH! Look, I found him! \( ´ ▽ ` ) He-!”

Smol kid Ardyn just fell into the water.

Gilgamesh is losing the little shit he had left.

Was not seeing where he was running; just ran off an edge and into the water himself.

Unclemesh is starting to think this kid is a magnet for water bodies. Curious for a lover of fire.

Unclemesh had to buy him yet another set of clothes.

Gilgamesh is convincing smol kid Ardyn to stop the search to go eat something, and has to lecture him on how they need energy to continue searching because no way is Ardyn going to be convinced about dropping the search until they’ve found them all, but what “gigimesh” is saying has sense, so okay.

For some odd reason smol kid Ardyn is screaming “NEW RECIPEH” while ordering food at the SE café. 

At first Gilgamesh thought it was a good idea to eat there, the kid is quiet.

….but now that they’re done smol kid Ardyn is losing his shit because IT’S THE TRIVIA MOOGLE MASCOT.

Smol kid Ardyn is pretty darn convinced that he also speaks moogle.

He’s trichocomoglingual.

Or so he says. 

The Trivia moogle is currently having a deep conversation with smol kid Ardyn in moogle language.

Nobody has an idea what’s going on, but it’s pretty funny so a few people gather to watch this kid furiously moogle moggling with moogle.

They’re laughing and telling jokes to each other except it’s all “moogle moguri” words.

Right as soon as smol kid Ardyn is asking the moogle to dance, Gilgamesh interrupts and picks the kid up because no way on eos is he allowing this child to enter his dancing mode again.

EVER.

Do you know what it takes to stop this child from dancing the moogle dance, geez

As they’re exiting smol kid Ardyn’s suddenly like “GAAASP MOOGLE”

Gilgamesh can’t even question him when the little ass just warped again up to some beam to catch a moogle sat there.

Smol kid Ardyn’s falling down.

Gilgamesh’s catching him.

“WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT WARPING TO HIGH PLACES!? >:(”

“Sowwy, Gigimesh… (╥﹏╥)“

Aw, come on, Gilgamesh, the child was only trying to save the moogle. :’(

Gilgamesh can’t be mad at him for too long, he’s adorable ;____;

Gilgamesh just worries the kid will hurt himself pretty badly, he still isn’t the master of warping.

IT’S GAMING TIME.

Smol kid Ardyn is ecstatic about whack-a-cactuar. 

Smol kid Ardyn was smacked by the cactuar :’(

Smol kid Ardyn is crying.

“Oh, not on my watch >:C”

Unclemesh best uncle just went into the whack a cactuar rink because things just got personal.

Unclemesh and smol kid Ardyn are not allowed back in the whack-a-cactuar because Gilgamesh just destroyed both the cactuar and the toy sword in two hits.

“I’m sorry we were shooed away, Gigimesh… :’(”

“Nah, kid, it’s fine. I regret nothing.”

Smol kid Ardyn is gasPING THERE’SAMOOGLETHERE.

THAT MAKES IT 6 MOOGLES, OMG.

“But kiddo don’t you want to try the Tiromatto before-?”

NO TIME FOR THAT, GILGAMESH, DON’T YOU SEE THE MOOGLES NEED TO ALL GO BACK HOME!? GEEZ, PRIORITIES, GILGAMESH, PRI-O-FUCKING-RI-TIES.

Don’t worry that was me explaining Ardyn’s feelings, the kid doesn’t curse yet.

No time for tiromatto, they’ve got all 6 moogles now, gotta head back. 

Smol kid Ardyn insists on carrying all six himself.

“You only have two hands, kid.”

You don’t tell him that.

Smol kid Ardyn is carrying two in hands, two in elbows, one trapped between his shirt and his neck (the head out so” it can breathe”) and one on top of his head.

“SIR, SIR, we found all six and brought them home instead of photoga- pho- taking a picture, ISN’T THAT AWESOME, HERE THEY ARE”o(≧▽≦)o

Gilgamesh is explaining the situation to the attendant while kid Ardyn screams of his adventures through Altissia to the other attendant.

Attendant understands.

“Oooh, so you brought them all back! That’s real nice. Say, truth be told, they’re a bit bored of their house. Why don’t you take them all to yours?”

“GASPS REALLY? .A.”

Gilgamesh is quietly asking the attendant if he’s sure. “Don’t worry, we’ve got replacement ones c:”

Attendant is good person.

Smol id Ardyn is hugging attendant and telling him nice stuff like he did with the chocobos because Attendant good. Attendant needs hugs.

IT’S FIREWORKS TIME.

Smol kid Ardyn is running around the gondola because HE’S SO EXCITED.

“Stop running.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

…. “also jumping.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

“…stop dancing.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

“Kiddo, please just sit down and stay quiet and still.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

Would you believe, this little kid is obedient as hell with the people he likes. Good job Gigimesh.

Both are patiently waiting for the fireworks, and when they come off, smol kid Ardyn is standing up and reaching for Unclemesh’s hand, takes it, and ounces on his feet pointing at the sky.

“GIGIMESH GIGIMESH LOOK THEY STARTED”

No shit, Ardyn.

FIREWORKS ALL OVER THE SKY.

“WOAAAAH ∑d(°∀°d)“

Gilgamesh himself is pretty impressed.

It’s all a wonderful sight, there’s colors everywhere.

Smol kid Ardyn’s like 

“WOOOOH (☆▽☆)“

Chocobo and moogle figures on the fireworks.

“OOOOH ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ “

LOOK, the entire sky’s full of colors!

“AAAAH! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ“

Ah,, look at these precious explosions of magic.

“AAAAH! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡“

Omg, it’s fireworks and also fire explosions down on ground level.

“YASSSS (✧ω✧)“

“Gigimesh, I want to cover this entire city in more and bigger flames of raging fire until everything burns in ashes and colors and matches my hair and soul   (╯✧▽✧)╯“

…

“Oh…okay?”

Surely it’s just this kid saying nonsense. 

…

Right?

Smol kid Ardyn’s marveled by the fireworks and he doesn’t speak about anything else on their way back to the hotel.

BUT he’s also pretty damn tired from the long day rescuing moogles and playing. 

So there goes Unclemesh, carrying with three moogle toys and a smol kid asleep nuzzled at his chest, hugged to the other three moogles. 

Smol kid Ardyn’s adorable when sleeping, look at him.

N’aw♡ ～('u^人)

Hope this is fine, dear anon. Lil Ardyn is a playful, adorable mess.  ～ ♡

[elevatorelevenhatesyou]

Final Fantasy 14 Part 30: The Ascian Finally Tries To Kill Brash With Lasers

Labradoodle begins our dramatic final encounter by talking about wealth inequality.

So now that Gaius is done with, we get Labradoodle's big villain speech. His has I guess a little more substance to it? 

It's still extremely vague and basically just boils down to "Your god is Bad and my god is Good so I'm going to summon my god to beat up your god."

GEE IF ONLY YOU'D TRIED TO STOP US SOONER OR SOMETHING. The counter is at 8 times you fucking loser. What was stopping you from trying to kill Brash all those times?

Congratulations Labradoodle, you finally tried to actually kill Brash with lasers. Except this time she seems to be powered up by God, and more importantly also a level 71 unsynched ally, doh better luck next time.

Man, let's just beat him up! So they did! The End.

Not really of course, because again we're not allowed to win until God says we can. YAY I FEEL SO FUCKING INVOLVED.

Cutscene, Brash summons the power of god and boobs again and friendship punches Labradoodle out of Thancred somehow. guess that's sorted. thought we were gonna have to muck about with trying to get that dark energon crystal off of him like we talked about before but nope let’s just god zap him. 

Well at least the chaos emeralds finally did something. 

Are they doing something? I think they’re doing something.

Then Brash summons all the planeteers and we all fly past Labradoodle so fast that he evaporates.

nyoom

Great! Guess we're done! Not sure where my teammate went. Maybe she died in the explosion or something.

Oh right, the devastation.

Brash escapes with Thancred thanks to Maggie, and I guess possibly also God? Whatever. Maggie mvp.

Oh hey, looks like Gaius is still alive!

No wait, no he's not.

Maggie best pony.

She's certainly more helpful than YOU lot. seriously what were you guys doing while I was punching my way through those like six boss fights back there?

Ending cutscene, credits roll, new day, having a celebration, Thancred’s back to  normal, and of course more Alf talking.

I am incredibly checked out right now.

Victory speech, yay we did it, we did it by working together, all of us. Except for the beastmen. Fuck those guys.

After the incredibly long but thankfully skippable credits, we cut back to the afterparty where everything seems to be going fine, but then Brash feels Kenpachi Zaraki's spiritual pressure, oh shit.

No wait it was just a vision of a giant hunk of dark energon, never mind we're okay. It's identical to Crystal Mommy except purple and red so it must be the bad guy, presumably the evil god Labradoodle was talking about. 

I wonder if the intention was to make the two gods look basically interchangeable, cuz that was the impression I got, but then I already hate both of these super powerful idiots.

Before that shit can matter, the party is interrupted by a giant beastly roar in the distance, and we're informed that a new primal has appeared. I've been told this is supposed to be Bahamut from the Binding Coil raids, but I never did those, so I guess in my playthrough it was actually coming from Good King Moggle Mog.

Yay, fun little sequel teaser. Well, back to work!

Except then there's a second sequel teaser, with a much bigger, more horrific, and more foreboding revelation than I could have imagined.

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE WITH THIS BORING ASSHOLE?

FOOLISH MORTAL, THERE ARE DOZENS OF BORING ASSHOLES! EVERY ONE EVEN MORE BORING THAN THE LAST

THE BORING ASSHOLES WILL GO ON FOREVER

I cannot describe how depressing this cutscene was to see for the first time.

Woo.

And so we close the first chapter of Final Fantasy 14.

So it's time for Heavensward, right? 

NOPE! Not for another like hundred fifty fucking hours, actually! Still gotta go through that raid thing I skipped the first time, Mog, Ramuh, Leviathan, that tower thing with even more raids, Shiva's in there somewhere, gotta go fight that ghost dragon dude, get to meet the cute dragon ninja lady, Minfilia gets kidnapped again, and Alf has to start a private army because Alf being in charge of things always seems to go so fucking well. There’s so much more talking to Alphinaud we have to slog past!  Oh yeah, we're gonna be doing this FOREEEEVVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Spite will see me through all of it. Spite is infinite. 

I'll show YOU who's the boring asshole.

I suppose since this is the end of the first of the major stories I plan to cover, I should do some kind of conclusion. A summary, wrapping up, final thoughts, that sort of thing. Should I bother? No one cares. What a dumb waste of time that all was, wasn't it? Especially seeing as I think basically everyone already agrees that ARR is garbage, even a lot of the people who play this game. They keep saying things like 'oh don't worry about ARR it's just the prologue, Heavensward is where the REAL game starts.'

Boy is that a load of shit. Now that ARR is over and we're in the Inter War Period, let's analyze that dumbass claim. You mean to tell me that I shouldn't judge the game on the basis of this enormous many hour long story? That ARR doesn't COUNT? You can't just write off this entire section of the plot. It's still HERE isn't it? New players still have to do this don't they? Unless they pay extra money of course OH WELL THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTER DOESN'T IT. Of course ARR fucking counts, get the fuck out of my face with that shit.

Secondly, looking at it now, I don't think it feels like a prologue at all either. It has a beginning and a middle and an end. It is very much a complete story. If ARR was meant to be only a tour of the basics in preparation for future stories, that would be one thing. I can understand shaving effort off the story if the point was just to introduce the setting. I think that would be a bad idea, but I don't think that's even what they were going for. I can see the things they tried to set up and pay off; they just did a terrible job. If your job is to make a story that gets the player familiar with major setting elements, you need to make those elements actually relevant to the story. Which is what they DID. See again, explanation of fast travel stations as part of going to fight Titan. The trouble is that they didn't do this ENOUGH and most of the time they did it poorly, see again that fucking Duty finder crowbarring its way into the middle of every major boss.

And then of course they muddled up a bunch of the setting elements they did introduce with all the inconsistencies. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to think about tempering. Sometimes it’s the main reason primals are dangerous and sometimes it doesn’t seem to exist. Same for the primals themselves, really. They’re often talked up as major threats to whole city states, but Titan and Garuda literally never hurt anybody. The tonal inconsistencies hurt the setting too, because all the shit they threw in because they thought it would make their writing deep and mature means I have no idea what level of cartoon laws the world is operating on. 

Shamus Young wrote a great many words on what he called Details vs Drama.  Sometimes a story is Details First and puts a lot of effort into worldbuilding and lore and such, and some stories are Drama First and put their effort into characters and narrative and themes and so on, and both of these approaches are fine. FF14 is very much Drama First, but even a mostly drama story shouldn’t contradict itself so much, because not knowing what the fuck is happening hurts the drama. One scene Alf is saying let’s kill Garuda to serve as a warning to the other beastman tribes not to summon primals, then later Gaius kills Garuda and Alf and Minfilia say this will just make the beastman tribes want to summon primals even more. The Alliance leadership is terrified of the Ultima Weapon’s apparent invincibility, but then we just smash our way in and punch it until it explodes, its invincibility apparently having been forgotten. We see Ultima Weapon in action twice, and then after that we get Nero saying soon it will be ready for action. What am I supposed to expect from this story, what kind of emotion am I supposed to be feeling? This isn’t just about plot holes or lack of details. Like I said before, THIS IS NOT NITPICKING. I am having difficulty figuring out what even the INTENT is. What is even SUPPOSED to be being conveyed to the audience? I’m not even sure what kind of attachment I’m supposed to have to these places and characters.

And then after all that, instead of building on what they've done, they get bored and move on. From what I've seen, a lot of later stuff doesn't even build on the things set up in ARR; they introduce whole new places and characters to play with. That's fine, of course, but if ARR is supposed to be the prologue that makes it a really crumby one. Especially for Heavensward, which has pretty much fuck all to do with any of the stuff we were doing before. It follows the stuff in Coerthas with Ishgard, but that chapter in ARR had its conclusion, so it wasn't only there to be set up. Heavensward does have a prologue; it's the stuff that comes AFTER this. The stuff that comes next is going to introduce more of Ishgard politics, more heretic shit, and Ysayle the sexy elf with long white hair that Astra likes so much.

I don't care if the majority of players already dismiss ARR as the early part that's bad and doesn't matter somehow. They shouldn't, because it keeps being bad in the same ways, and if they say otherwise, they're lying. It'll still be a while before I get there, but hate to break it to you Heavensward also sucks, and it sucks for a lot of the same reasons that ARR sucks. So, just like how the player should be going through ARR to get the foundations that later stories are built on, I am committed to going through ARR's horribleness to lay the foundations that later mistakes failed to learn from.