#most of the time at first it wasn't ever enough for az to really question bc he can be horrific too and especially when he's loyal to someo

[lunaccult]

i hate r.hysand but i intend on writing out azriel's inner turmoil over leaving the night court because (like it or not, which i definitely do NOT) that's someone who he spent most of his life (500+ years) loving and respecting and it's going to be hard reconciling the boy from his childhood and the monster he became

[fever-fluff]

Home II

Word Count: 3.0k (not proof read)

(there is a song added to the end of this part, I'm going to start adding them to certain ones when they fit as they play while I'm writing)

Azriel begins his time on the continent. He bumps into someone who can't seem to leave him alone...

Part I , Part III

Leaving Velaris behind was a blur in his mind. It was Feyre and Rhysand who had seen him off, Nyx dozing in Feyre's arms as he boarded the boat - winnowing was out of the question considering his state.

He'd said goodbye to everyone else the day before, not really wanting a huge send off when he didn't want to go in the first place. The trip wasn't as long as he'd wished, the weeks passing by like they barely happened. As he spotted the first sign of land in Mother knows how long, Azriel could no longer pretend that his destination was Velaris and that he'd already paid his dues in the foreign land.

Mor had greeted him at the port of a city called Indere. The bustling of fae moving cargo to and from the ships docked was a blur to the shadowsinger as he and Mor walked towards the streets. Her efforts here with the ruling fae had begun to bear fruit. Trade routes beginning to take shape between the most eastern courts of Prythian.

They had begun their trek to the landlocked side of the city when Mor finally decided she'd had enough of idle chat that went unanswered. "Rhys told me what happened. For what it's worth, I am sorry Az."

Azriel looked towards the female he now saw as his sister. It had taken centuries, and Mor's reveal of who she ultimately preferred, but Azriel had been able to accept that his love for her would only ever be enough as a brother's love. And he had been happier for it, to know that there was a familial bond there like his brother's that he could always look to. The pain was gone, and he no longer held onto the pain of it that had suffocated him for as long as he could remember.

But at that moment Azriel wished that he could go back to the time where he was hopelessly in love with her. The pain of knowing he could have her was much more bearable than what he felt now.

Still, he nodded his head, not saying a word and Mor carried on.

"I've learned a lot while being here. It's taken a lot of time to find common ground after everything that's happened. But it's finally becoming worth it. Especially when I've found a lot of fae that remind me of why I'm doing this."

It seemed Mor's words were a beacon when he noticed a flurry of feathers barrel towards the two of them. His hand reached for the blades strapped to his sides, but noticing Mor's easy stance purely rested it on the hilt for easy access should the need arise.

"Mor!" the two watched as the feathers - no, wings - abruptly flared to slow the Fae as they reached them. The young male landed silently and covered the last of the distance between them on his feet, tucking them behind his body.

Azriel took note of the differences between their wings. While his lllyrian ones were dark, leather like skin stretched over taloned membrane, the ones in front of him were feathered, each one a different shade of brown. They looked heavier than his, and he was sure the male in front of him had to lift them constantly so they wouldn't drag across the ground.

"Aodhan, I thought you'd be on your way by now." Mor's mouth turned into a soft smile, the same one he'd seen in the first weeks after Nyx was born.

"I should be, but we forgot to give you this last night." The male - Aodhan - handed her a small package wrapped neatly, a piece of lavender tucked into the strings it was wrapped in. Aodhan turned his attention from Mor to Azriel for the first time, he gaze curious, "Who's this?"

"Oh! This is Azriel, one of my three brothers I told you about." Aodhan nodded in recognition but his attention had strayed from Azriel's face to behind him. "Whoa..."

Azriel turned his head slightly to catch a glimpse of his wings. They twitched slightly under the attention. He should have been used to it, but it was different when someone else sporting the same looked at them for longer than a second. He wondered if Aodhan thought his own feathered ones were better. They were more beautiful to look at.

"Can you fly in the rain?"

"Beg pardon?" Well, that was not what he expected, but Aodhan seemed to wait for an answer, and when none came he repeated himself.

"Yes, so long as the wind allows it." Azriel watched as Aodhan huffed out a breath, almost like he was about to throw a tantrum.

"Damn, wish I could. All these things are good for are back aches and good weather. Sopping wet feathers just drag you down."

Although Azriel thought that would be the end of it, the winged male seemed to only begin with the questions as the three walked in the direction he came from.

"How fast can you fly?... do you get back aches?...Oh, do you have to build shelter or can you just cocoon yourself with your wings?!"

It was never ending, and Mor's discreet giggles meant he'd find no help from her.

"Aodhan, if you don't stop badgering Mor's friend you'll walk the journey home." A voice cut through the jabbering in Azriel's ear. He watched as Aodhan seemed to immediately shut it, and walk towards the direction of his saviour.

A female stood beside a mare saddled for long travels, satchels hung on her back as she trod in anticipation against the ground.

He took in the female, riding leathers covered by a green cloak, hair tied back loosely with a ribbon of the same colour. But what caught his attention were her eyes. It looked as if grey clouds had clouded over any colour, her pupils only a slight shade darker being the only contrast.

There was movement at her feet, and a small feline with fur the brightest oranges and reds he'd ever seen coiled round her in a figure of eight, eyes closed in content until it noticed the new presences. Closely tucking itself between her two legs, the feline watched Azriel warily, looking as if it'd scratch out his eyes if he deigned to wander too close to its master.

"You must be Azriel" her voice was softer than the first time he heard it. It seemed to carry on a light breeze to his ears, and he swore he could feel it flow around every inch if him in a comforting wave.

She offered him her name, turning slightly to stroke the neck of her mount. While her face turned its attention to her interests, Azriel noted the faraway gaze of her eyes, never quite focusing where it was directed. Even now, looking at the mare, it was almost as if she couldn't see-

His intake of breath must have been sharp with how quick everyone looked to him. Never in his long life had he seen someone who looked to be a blind high fae. Lucien had lost his eye to Amarantha, yes, but that was entirely different, and he still had one good one. She seemed to be comfortable in her condition, as if she'd lived her whole life with it, and never known what it was like to miss it.

Embarrassment and shame filled him when he realised what he'd done. Mor slightly turned away, and Aodhan looked ready to snap at him, gone was the curious male he first met and instead a protector stood in his place.

It was her who stepped in before he could make a bigger fool of himself. She walked with steady grace, not a foot unsure of where it stepped and held a hand out in greeting. "I understand its a shock to most who don't know me, so don't worry, I'm not offended."

Azriel looked to her hand and then his own, tanned and scarred and wondered what she'd make of them. Still, whatever weight he held about them he wouldn't turn away her olive branch, and gently grasped her own.

There was no gasp of surprised horror he was so used to by now. Her head tilted, and she brought up her other hand to trace the top of his while the other did the same to his palm. Warm, nimble fingers passed over each indent, mapping them, memorising each dip and curve and the contrast in scarred tissue to the flesh that remained.

It was tender, knowing, and Azriel felt so much in that one touch that he had to slightly pull to free his hand from a grasp like nothing he felt before. Even Elain, who had gazed at his hands and touched them more times than he could count, had never poured that much thought into the action. She would always have that look in her eyes as she did, of wanting to undo what had been done, and bring back unmarred flesh he couldn't even remember having. This female, Mother help him, had touched his hands like they had always been maimed, and held no remorse for what never could be again.

"Welcome to Indere. Mor's told me you'll be staying for while" His head snapped to his sister, shock at her easy reveal of information to someone she barely knew compared to those back in Velaris. He didn't know how much she had unveiled, and hoped that she'd kept the reason for his visit to herself. "For a while, yes. We thought it was time someone joined her." He watched them to see their reaction, his shadows that had been settled in the darkness of his wings thrummed in anticipation of being freed into the new world of secrets ripe for the taking. There was no sign of them knowing he'd spun the truth into a lie. Rhysand had sent him to check on Mor more closely, but it was secondary to him getting away from Prythian for a while.

"Well, I hope you enjoy your time here. It was lovely to meet you, but we've got to start the journey back home." Azriel matched her nod of farewell, and watched as she swung herself up into the saddle. The feline that had not moved since he had arrived began to slowly prowl as she readied to leave. How it was going to keep up with the speed of her mare left the shadowsinger perplexed.

Mor reached her side, and whispered her goodbyes. The only thing stopping their departure was Aodhan's unmoving stance, seemingly caught up in thought.

"Aodhan?" her questioning tone brought the male out of stupor, and a gleam shone over his face as he looked between Azriel, Mor and his companion. "Azriel, have you ever celebrated Samhain?"

It turned out today was just one big headache for Azriel as he tried to understand why Aodhan asked him such a question. "I can't say it's a big festival in Prythian no."

Aodhan's reason to laugh was something only privy to himself. Turning to Mor, the glint never left his eyes, "I think I found a solution to your little problem."

"They're from an island called Inis Gaoithe, it's north of the continent, and the swelling ocean surrounding it makes it impossible to cross by boat." Mor's words passed over him, but he still didn't grasp what she was trying to tell him.

The four of them had moved into a tavern not far from the road the two had initially went to start their journey. Ale sat in the tankard in front of himself and Aodhan, while the two ladies sipped from their glasses of wine, the feline curled up beside its master. It was Aodhan who took up the mantle of explaining, "It's part of an archipelago of Islands, ours is the largest of four, but they're all home to muintir na lasrach, a species of fae born from the pheonix."

Azriel scoured his mind for information about the pheonix, and the supposed fae that came from them. Pheonix hadn't been born in millenia, the last being recorded dead long before he was born. There was no mention of any fae like the ones mentioned, at least not in the records of Prythian. "I've never heard of anything like this before."

"It's not uncommon for people not to know of us. We've kept to ourselves for centuries, even during the first war with Hybern we played a very minor role, we didn't have the numbers to supply a great deal of support, especially with the rest of the continent on the fence of who to ally with." Her voice cut through his mind, even and calm. Aodhan had been vibrating with energy since they'd begun their explanation.

"What's the reason for telling me all of this?" He didn't know why but he directed his question to her instead of the other two. She took a drink from her glass before she continued. "I met Mor in the first few weeks of her arrival, and her work intrigues me. Our islands are cut off from the rest of the world for a long time, and I think we should entertain the idea of opening the borders. But, there's a slight problem. We have -" he voice stopped as she tried to find the right words, "criteria... for fae that are not of phoenix blood to visit the island. One of those being that they must be born with wings."

Aodhan's fluttered slightly at the mention. "Mor, unfortunately, is not included in that, and it makes it even more difficult for the chiefs to even begin entertaining the idea of a foreign visitor."

Azriel mulled over their words for an amount of time, but something wasn't adding up in his mind. He turned to address the problem. "So, what about you? Last I checked, there are no wings sprouting from your back."

It was the second time Aodhan reacted badly to Azriel that day. Whatever novelty he had built up with the other male was growing thin. "Don't you fucking dare ask something like tha-"

The call of his name stopped him short of lashing out any further. As she spoke, Azriel felt the foolishness begin to creep into his mind once more. "You're right to ask, I'd be concerned if you hadn't. Aodhan is my son, so you can think of me as an extension of him."

Speechless didn't begin to cover the way Azriel felt. They looked nothing alike, polar opposites in every way. And yet the certainty in her eyes, the unwavering pride she held in her tone as she spoke of him like that left no room for question. Aodhan's outburst had been warranted, for him to talk of his mother in such a way, to be suspicious of her explanation- Azriel for once felt drowned by the lack of knowledge he possessed.

"I'm sorry, for accusing you of.. well- I'm sorry." She shook her head, seeming to have already forgiven him before he had even asked. Aodhan. Not so much.

They resumed talking, Mor filling him in on how she had been sending letters to and from the archipelago for weeks now with no word of breaking through their strict rules. But with Azriel's arrival and his basic anatomy, well, the task began to seem much more doable in a shorter amount of time.

The four of them went their separate ways as the sun began to set, the others extending their stay for a day to allow him time to dissolve the information and come to an answer.

He and Mor walked back along the port, to the inn she had been staying at prior to his arrival. "I know this isn't what you were sent here for. But I think working on something like this will do you some good. Rhys means well, but you know he can sometimes be looking in the wrong direction for solutions."

He didn't answer, and hadn't really all day when it came to her. The distraction of the task in front of him was a welcome surprise. He hadn't had time since he met the two fae to think of what happened, too much information was still swirling that his mind had no extra space to be occupied by the pain.

"I'll cover for you, of course. They've agreed to allow letters to be sent in and out to my person, and I can pass them on to Velaris so the busybodies at home won't become suspicious ."

Azriel knew he had already decided before any of this. He'd go to Inis Gaoithe, open the borders and prove to Rhys and Feyre and everyone that he was worth something, some kind of recognition. The glint in his eyes must have been telling by the hand on his arm as Mor stopped him. "This isn't a succeed or fail mission Az. These fae, they've isolated themselves for reasons I don't know. They're happy, peaceful and refuse to have anything to do with our world anymore. I just want to try, to show them that we can create a world where everyone belongs..."

He looked at his sister, the woman he used to be so helplessly in love with, and sighed. "I know, I know. But I'm not going to half ass it at the same time. If I can find an opening, I'll take it, no matter what." Her smile was knowing, and she laughed under her breath. "I know you won't Az, you can't do anything with half a heart. It's what we love about you." He knew she wasn't just talking about Inis Gaoithe, or his work as the Shadowsinger.

But his heart was still torn and fractured, and the words barely made a dent, never mind trying to stitch it back together. Azriel wanted to be worth the love he so desperately craved to feel. He'd be the reason for something good in the world, and not just for secrets and dark dark deeds that kept everyone safe from the shadows.

He'd be worth the outward love that shone on those who walked in the sunlight, and not in the shadows like him. He just needed to prove it.

[kitashiwrites]

I'm sorry my post was really aggressive. I still stand by my point that it ISN'T fair to dismiss Mor's romantic feelings (or lack thereof) towards Az, but how I acted was really awful. You don't have to post this publicly, but I hope you know I'm very sorry. My intention wasn't to try to start drama, but just receive an explanation over WHY you still ship Moriel. My way of going about it was TERRIBLE. I know sorry is just a word, but I'M SORRY.

2/2 I didn’t send you three asks. I only sent you one? Just to clear that up.3/3 I also didn’t send more than one ask. :/ 

Okay Anon. While I find it extremely hard to believe because of the timing (especially because for as long as I have been on here, I have RARELY gotten asks, let alone 3 in such quick succession that are so similar), as well as the fact that you clearly don’t stand behind your words because you felt the need to do this all on anon/have to make sure we know that you still think we are wrong, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt & accept your apology.In regards to your question, why I still ship Moriel, @sarahviehmann honestly said it best in her original answer to you: “ACOMAF was written in a way that intended for them to be shipped. So those people spent a year building up their fanon and meta and so forth, only to have the rug pulled out from under them.”

(For the sake of everyone, I’m putting this under a cut. It got way long.)

I hated ACOWAR. I’ve made no secret of that. I’ve also made no secret as to WHY. I’ve been writing fic for this series for over a year, & heavily focused on ACOMAF. I started when there were literally 7 fics posted to Ao3. Basically all of my free time at home & all of my breaks at work were spent either writing fic, discussing the series/meta with people here/talking my poor friends’ ears off over dinner, or planning fic for characters I wanted to explore in POV fics like Rhys, Tamlin, & Tarquin. Hell, I still have a 10 chapter Amarantha POV pre-ACOTAR through ACOTAR fic that’s over half written at 16k that I originally wanted to try as a surprise for my readers. I read ACOMAF enough times that I honestly would have said that I knew those characters as well as my own family, knew exactly what happened in which chapters, & got many comments here & on Ao3 from people who felt I’d captured the characters correctly, so I felt pretty good about what to expect going forward.

When ACOWAR spoilers came out, absolutely nothing made sense with what we knew or had been prior established canon. Most of all in regards to Mor, Rhys, Feyre, & Lucien, but I’m going to specifically focus on Mor, since she’s at the crux of the issue at hand. In Mor’s case, we took a woman who is described in ACOMAF as “a queen who owned her body, her life, her destiny, and never apologized for it” & says to Feyre, “I once lived in a place where the opinion of others mattered. It suffocated me, nearly broke me. So you’ll understand me, Feyre, when I say that I know what you feel, and I know what they tried to do to you, and that with enough courage, you can say to hell with a reputation. You do what you love, what you need”, & in ACOWAR made her a victim in circumstances that make absolutely no sense for the character we had known up until that date. Queen of the Hewn City? She wasn’t even treated with enough respect to be prepared to go into a meeting with her abusers, let alone shown that she is in charge. The first real female friend Feyre has ever had? Regulated to acting like a jealous girlfriend around Cassian whenever Nesta got too close. And speaking of Cassian, it was pointed out in another post (I’m sorry I don’t have the link right now) that the Cassian & Mor moments read like they were originally Az & Mor moments & were hastily changed when suddenly they weren’t supposed to be even friends. Nothing in this book read like it had been edited for continuity.

There are many bloggers who are far more qualified than I am to speak on Mor’s coming out scene, & while there was a divide, there were quite a few I know & follow who felt it was poorly written/bad rep, & I agree with their reasoning. Besides the fact that I don’t believe for one dang second that no one in the Inner Circle at a minimum would have picked up on something bothering Mor in 500 years or that she wouldn’t have at least told them even if she hid everything from Keir, there is the fact of Azriel. Azriel is in love with her, no disputing it. But it is mentioned by Rhys that Az has always thought himself unworthy of her, & Mor says that she could take her clothes off in front of him & he wouldn’t do anything. Does that sound like someone who is trying to avoid him because she isn’t interested, or someone who is creepily stalking her? In the Nessian short Wings & Embers, Cassian speaks on their relationship as well: “He wasn’t stupid. He knew she and Azriel were … whatever they were. Knew Azriel had been in love with Mor from the moment she’d strutted into the war-camp five centuries ago. And Cassian had been jealous—of Mor’s shy glances at Azriel in those first few weeks, and the fact that his dearest friend and brother … was looking at someone else.”

I’m not going to rehash Wings & Embers or ACOMAF for you. But as Sarah said, it was clearly written with them as a ship in mind, & this is from the POV of a character that has known them since the beginning, not just a few months like Feyre.

Why I still ship Moriel at this point? Because I ship it in any form. I love her & Az together period, even as friends. This ship was one of the ways @illyriantremors & I bonded originally, before we found out how much else we had in common & she became as good as a biological sister to me (I call her my Threadsister for a reason), because we shipped it back in the beginning before there was really any fic for it because it was overshadowed by Feysand, Nessian, & Elucien. Moriel was our Nessian; the unconfirmed side-ship with so much potential & evidence to back it up. When Sierra met SJM at San Diego Comic Con last summer, SJM dedicated Sierra’s copy of ACOMAF to Moriel. Why the af would an author do that if they planned to destroy a ship in the next book from the beginning?

We still love Moriel because it is hard to let go of something you’ve loved that much after you’ve been strung along & then had the rug pulled out from under you with no actual basis in ACOMAF to say “oh, it was there all along”; like when rereading ACOTAR through the ACOMAF filter, as I like to say to people, & seeing the clues that were left to the deeper story for Rhys. For me, those were not in ACOMAF upon reading it again after ACOWAR. I noticed you using my tags in your defense of yourself to Sarah regarding why I wanted to ignore ACOWAR &, by your interpretation, erase Mor’s sexuality. If you had read any of my blog at all after ACOWAR, you would have read that isn’t true, but I’ll spell it out for you: I want to ignore ACOWAR & what it did to my favorite characters’ personalities/their interactions with each other. I want to forget that Mor’s agency was taken away from her & that she was regulated to a plot twist. I want to forget that Az has been made out to be a creepy stalker. I want to forget Rhys treating Mor like she would be too emotional to deal with the negotiations with Kier & Eris & so he & Az didn’t tell her. I want to forget Feyre using Lucien to make Tamlin jealous in the Spring Court while she dismantled it from within & putting him in danger. And so much more.

I personally hate the book for multiple reasons, ranging everywhere from inconsistent characterization to grammar/editing issues. But I’m stuck with the facts it gave us, which is why writing fic is so hard to even consider anymore. It made everything about the series, not just Mor & Az, something I no longer can love with the intensity I once did, & the fandom diminishes that love more & more everyday with their bullying of people for not believing exactly the way they do, which is exactly what you contributed to when you sent those asks to myself & Sierra. And honestly, I couldn’t care less what you think of me. But if you had even looked at one of Sierra’s actual written posts/answers to asks—just one—you would have seen how quiet she’s been about her love for them as a ship & how determined she’s been to not to offend people while she’s been trying to come to terms with losing something that has been a lifesaver for her, to the point she has mostly stopped contributing to the fandom at all. She posted two Moriel drabbles during her birthday week because she was inspired by the Azriel candle I got her for her birthday, & as she said to you in her response to your original message, they were her way of saying farewell to Moriel. And guess what: even though it isn’t canon, people liked them.

I view Mor as bi, & if she’s given a healthy, happy female love interest in a future installment, then awesome. I want Moriel at least as close friends because I genuinely don’t think Az (at least the one from ACOMAF that actually made sense) would begrudge her if he knew the truth. Would he be sad? Sure, but I think he would support her nonetheless, just as the rest of the Inner Circle would. But I have absolutely no faith that SJM will give Mor anything good because she can milk the drama and turmoil she’s created, & I have no desire to see the characters & ships (across the board) I have loved so much destroyed any further.

I think @my-name-is-fireheart put it perfectly in her chime in on Sarah’s post: “Also, we should keep in mind that Mor expresses sexual attraction to men, she just prefers women. How she feels about men romantically is also blurred, though it’s slightly more clear. She says she doesn’t think she loves Az romantically but she doesn’t want to try it just to see.” SJM didn’t even know how to break her own ship apart properly to fit what you suggested, which is a good chunk of why we are even having this discussion right now.

I know Moriel is no longer canon. Cazigan (Cassian/Azriel/Mor) isn’t canon either, but I still love that. I have enjoyed their interactions with each other more than anything else since they were introduced in ACOMAF. The entire Inner Circle made me so happy for their closeness & how much of a family they were. I feel for a plot twist & a couple extra Benjamin Franklins, SJM destroyed everything that made one of my favorite characters in the entire series who she was (a strong, independent woman who didn’t let her circumstances break her & showed Feyre how not to let hers break her) & made her a poor caricature of herself, & made Az something he never has been before either because SJM hastily had to make her new & poorly executed addition work.

I shouldn’t be surprised though. This is the woman who attempted to retcon Eris of all characters into a decent person. And also took away any modicum of being able to read Tamlin as the multifaceted antagonist he had been & just turned him into a completely hateful ass with no loyalty to anyone to further drive home how perfect Rhys is supposed to be (which he definitely is not in ACOWAR, & I say that as someone who loved the morally grey character of Rhys).

TL;DR I ship Mor with Az in any form, even as friends, Mor being bi is not an issue, & I have lost all respect for SJM as an author after ACOWAR for giving us a poorly written/poorly edited product after the anticipation/hype this book had. Make of that what you will; I don’t care. I’m out of effs to give, & your ask & the other Az one I received, no matter who it was from or what your intentions were, pretty much tipped the scale in favor of me wanting to step back even further & have nothing to do with this fandom ever again.

I would ask that next time you think you have a problem with someone (because I doubt Sierra & I will be the last people you do this to), please think about how it comes across & think about your target. Your original ask was terribly hateful, & there is no amount of apology that can take that hurt away. And you would be amazed how far a little kindness & grace when asking a question instead of an accusatory message can go.

This explanation is more than you probably bargained for when you started this yesterday, but that’s the last I’ll say on any of this.