#mostly I like the brush but it's very... not quite blurry but kind of shaky

[ostracartderms]

Lungfish sketch :) trying a new brush

[things-we-used-tc-share]

Lovely

"Isn't it lovely, all alone?

Heart made of glass,

My mind of stone,

Tear me to pieces,

Skin and bone,

Hello, welcome home,"

-Lovely, Billie Eilish ft Khalid.

Ship: Logan/Roman/Deceit/Patton

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, bullying (violent/abusive), hurt/comfort

Plot: Patton accidentally runs into the lives of three men, finds that he keeps running back. 

--

Patton leans against the brick wall with a look on his face that is nothing short of withdrawn, leaning into the brickwork and feeling it’s rough surface dig against his skin. His breath is short, inhaling and exhaling like the density of air is far too heavy for his small body to process; but it matters very little. In a second he’s on the floor, a hefty jab to his stomach and the jeering faces of boys who love to pretend they’re men. He doesn’t defend himself; he allows them to hit him.

He tries to drag himself back onto shaky needs but only a short cry escapes him, his bones feeling like glass as blood drips over his freckled skin. “Christ,” he hears a short murmur, then warm skin against his own, hands helping him to his feet; four hands all together. “What happened to you kid?” Patton opens his mouth and no sound dares reach out of his exhausted vocal chords. “Here, come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” He can see scars on the back of one of the hands holding him up, but his vision is blurry; Patton stumbles forward two steps before his vision starts to blur. “Maybe we should take him to the hospital, Ro,”

“No…can’t…can’t afford,” Patton mumbles, finally finding a voice, his words are met with a curse and some sort of grumble, before he blacks out completely.

--

When Patton comes too again there is a cold pressure to his forehead and three worried faces staring at him. Half of his body feels numb, like he’d just been pumped full of enough paracetamol to knock out a horse, the rest in an aching agony. He opens his mouth and closes it, lips trembling as he tries to speak, only to find a gentle hand rest over his own. “Take it easy kid, you’re not in all that good of a shape,” Patton recognises the man, his face scarred down the left side in unmissable burns; his blonde hair framing his thin face or at least what isn’t tied up in a haphazard bun.

“’m not a kid,” Patton felt the need to inform him “’m eighteen,” The man chuckles lightly, his smile not unkind but most certainly amused. “You’re Damian, right? You live at the end of my street,”

“The one, the only,” The injured man finds it in him to smile a little, glad to be in a familiar place; the other two strangers still peer at him curiously. “This is Roman, and this is Logan, Logan patched you up, thank the gods for med students hm?” The other’s wave in co-ordination to the declarations of their names. The first, Roman, has brilliantly red hair that sticks up fashionably yet messily, his green eyes piercing and freckled pale skin curiously beautiful. The second, Logan, has jet black hair that is a little tangled and curling past his honey-coloured eyes, his skin brown, his smile unsure as he offers a socially awkward wave.

“Sorry to be…here,” Patton uttered finally, once he’d done registering the three of them “I don’t mean to intrude,” He sits up slowly but it’s still far too fast as a sharp pain shoots through the right side of his body; he inhales sharply, raising a hand to the pressure on his skull. “Thank you for patching me up, though, Logan, I really appreciate it, but I should go…”

“Nonsense!” Roman interjects, huffing a little, “My dear damsel, you are awfully bruised up, and Logan said that you shouldn’t be alone for the first few hours so that he can make sure there is no lasting damage that would require a…”

“Roman,” Damian interjects, raising an eyebrow, he gestures downwards a little “Tone it down, you’re terrifying the poor boy,” the newcomer is, indeed, blinking in a perturbed fashion as Roman realises he is gesturing rather extravagantly in attempt to convey his point. He makes himself a little smaller in retaliation to the flicker of worry at every sudden movement. “What he means is that you’re in no state to be wandering off, honestly, you are no bother nor burden, I’d rather you interrupt my evening than find out you passed out in a drainpipe tomorrow,” He chuckles “Roman has a tea assortment, I’m sure he’s got one for soreness,” There’s a small wink that Patton does not miss, neither does Logan as he rolls his eyes at the two of them and shuffles around the sofa to peer curiously at the injured man.

“Where does it hurt?” He asks, his voice deep and quiet and full of the care that all healthcare professionals seem to be born with. Roman disappears, assumedly to make tea, whilst Damian busies himself with the TV.

“My head mostly but when I move, I get sharp pains,” Logan nods as though he’s expecting this answer. “I can’t afford to go to the hospital,” The curly-haired man glances down at his own scratches and grazes.

“Luckily you don’t need too, this time anyway,” The other leans up to peel away the ice compress and gaze with a satisfied hum at the graze “Painkillers,” He hands Patton the bottle. “Two every four hours, it’s all I got, try to avoid picking any fights with brick walls in the meantime,” His smile is both worried and amused, it’s a comfortable look that makes Patton feel somewhat whole. “And if those idiots persist on hurting you, you should come here, you’re safe here,” Damian looks up from the TV at the words, meeting their eyes before he nods in agreement.

“I don’t like seeing small people get beat up,” The blonde hums, he gestures loosely to the burn scars. It says all that needs to be said. Patton wonders if Damian was ever truly small, looking at him now he certainly does not look like the sort of person to pick a fight with. “Besides, we could do with somewhere here to keep Logan entertained intellectually, I get the distinct feeling he’s getting tired of fraternising with morons,” A teasing giggle brushes the med student’s lips, his expression half in agreement and the other half so utterly in love. Oh. The situation sinks in and the smallest inhales sharply, his hand wavering to cover his mouth, but it just sorts of freezes halfway.

“Oh, I’m so intruding,” he whispers in horror, Damian laughs; clear and crisp and it rumbles in his chest like a tiny thunderstorm. “I didn’t realise!” Patton splutters “How long have you all been together?” A cup of tea is placed in his hand, Roman curls up at the bottom of the couch with his own cup.

“I met Damian in third grade, and we were inseparable from the get-go,” Roman sighed dreamily.

“He harassed me until I took a stupid flower off of him,” Damian corrected. “Logan is a recent addition,”

“He needed someone to stitch up his wounds,” Logan hums idly, his smile dry but hiding a whole lot of emotion. “Someone couldn’t stay out of trouble, ever,” Patton watches as Logan and Damian lock eyes and grin like they’re reliving a memory. “But you needn’t worry, we’re not trying to recruit further lovers, we’re just…”

“It’s a familiar situation,” The blonde cuts in, simply, honestly. “I understand what it feels like to be outrunning hell, and I want to extend to you a kindness I never quite got,” He shrugs “You’re welcome here as long as you need it, and if you ever want them dealt with…” Logan shoots the other a warning look.

“Then we can file a police report, and legally deal with them,” He interjects forcefully.

“Or beat the shit out of them!” Roman adds, far too cheerfully. Patton finds it hard to take that cheeky smile and adorably freckled cheeks seriously, instead he just smiles back shyly and nods.

“Alright then,”

--

He does end up running into their lives again, hammering at the front door furiously until he’s dragged inside, the door slammed shut and locked behind him at lightning speed. Roman rubs his back as Patton’s stomach lurches from the sheer amount of energy put into running to his new safe place, but he walks away un-bruised.

This happens several times, after the seventh he falls asleep on Damian’s couch, wakes up the next morning with a blanket over his small body and pillow under his head. The ninth he falls asleep on Logan and wakes up to find they’d all relocated to the floor in a pillow fort. The tenth time he begins to understand what it’s like to not feel alone, to want to see someone, to have your heart thunder when you think of someone’s smile. By the twelfth time he’s honestly dreading them witnessing his heart eyes in real time.

After work, he finds them waiting for him, the boys who had attacked him. He takes a step back, the layout of the town already flashing through his head as he turns and takes off in the other direction. He scrambles down back alleyways, his muscles screeching for him to stop, his lunch turning over in his stomach. All he can think of is Roman’s freckles and Logan’s smile and Damian’s soft scars, he thinks about home as a word and finds it’s synonymous with the first people to ever offer him one. The door is unlocked for him as he darts in, he slams the lock shut behind him and slides down the wall.

“Welcome home,” His eyes meet Roman’s, who offers him a hand and helps him to the feet “Not even a scratch this time,” The proud lilt has Patton grinning weakly. “He’s home boys!” Roman’s hand squeezes his own, Patton follows him like a lost puppy “And in one piece!” Logan rolls his eyes, a book in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other, Damian has a cup of coffee waiting for the smaller boy.

“Congrats,” The scarred man chuckles dryly “The chicken’s burning by the way,” Roman curses and darts off to save dinner, it’s domestic and familiar and for the first time in his life Patton feels comfortable and safe.

Like he’s home.

--

Ko-Fi

–

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @heck-im-lost// @k9cat // @stilljittery // @romansleftshoulderpad // @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired  // @demigodnamedathena // @sevencrashing // @jemthebookworm // @sandersandthesides // @penguinkool // @georganabanana // @ao-koshka // @dangerous-doodle // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts //  @marshmallow-the-panda // @flix-net // @omni-hamiltrash // @an-absolute-failure // @mason-does-a-thing // @iceoblivious // @fandermom //

[marshmallowgoop]

senketsu raped ryuko in their first scene together. shipping them is gross.

It’s fair if you feel it’s a bad pairing.

However, what does sending this rude ask essentially calling me a disgusting person for shipping them accomplish? I’ve written a plethora of essays about how much I hate Senketsu’s first scene, how I don’t fault anyone for disliking the relationship Senketsu and Ryuko share as a result, and how I wish his introduction had been handled differently. 

Please don’t act like I don’t recognize and acknowledge the problematic aspects of what I enjoy. I do. If you had attempted to look for this subject on my blog at all, you would see that.

If you’re really interested in a discussion on this, I can link you:

Senketsu’s First Scene*Further Analysis*Even More* Final Thoughts* 

What Changes Would You Make to Senketsu’s First Scene?

8 Reasons Folks Can’t Get Down with Pairing a Girl and Her Sailor Uniform Together: Masterpost of Rebuttals to Common Criticisms Against Ryuketsu* (point 5)

Do People Actually Ship Ryuko and Senketsu?

Ryuko’s Choice to Wear Senketsu

Or, to address your main point, I can quote what I’ve already written. From the “Even More” post:

The question of whether or not Senketsu “technically raped” Ryuko is likely something that it is utterly dependent on what you define as “rape.” From what I understand, laws vary everywhere about the issue. Here’s just one article discussing the confusion, for a small, small example of the problem. With a million different definitions about what counts as what and what counts as what where, the terms are blurry. Add in shaky and dangerous ideas about consent, and it’s no wonder so many have to ask, “Wait, was I raped?”

I can only really offer you how I personally view this matter. My definition of “rape” lines up with a generic, dictionary.com definition: “unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.” Applying this to Kill la Kill, then, I don’t think it’s fair to say Senketsu raped Ryuko. They did not have sex. He is not penetrating her. In my personal opinion, I think it’s almost offensive to define this as “rape.”

Is it a rape joke that’s completely and totally disgusting? Absolutely. Is it what I would consider sexual assault? Yes. Senketsu removes Ryuko’s clothing, gropes her breasts, and forces her to wear him when she doesn’t want to. But I wouldn’t categorize it as rape. It’s like forcing someone into a bikini or a leotard when they don’t want to wear it. Awful, yes, harassment, yes, but it irks me to call that “rape,” which is something very serious in my mind that shouldn’t be made light of.

But, really, I’m just getting into semantics. The real question is: Do you think Senketsu’s actions are forgivable, given the situation? This is fantasy. Senketsu’s created from parasitic Life Fibers that want to hurt humans—just take a look at Junketsu and what happens to Kinue. His actions in his introductory scene follow this line and are completely against his characterization for the entire rest of the show. He’s clearly not in his right mind nor himself when this occurs.

From the “Senketsu’s First Scene” post:

… that first scene? That’s something Senketsu is so incredibly afraid of being. It’s probably his greatest fear of all, a fear that’s even reflected in the battle theme “Before My Body is Dry” with the line, “So help me to stay focused so I don’t fall apart.” He really, truly doesn’t want to be that forceful monster he is then. It’s horrifying to him, and that’s the way I think the scene should have been played—as horrifying.

And it’s not like Trigger is incapable of this. The scene where Satsuki first puts on Junketsu is a scary, powerful scene that really shows the monstrous nature of Life Fibers. The scene where Ryuko is forced into Junketsu is also much the same—scary and frightening.

The only reason I can think of Senketsu’s scene being played in the way it is is to show that Senketsu’s not really evil, since the whole thing’s treated as a joke. But… it’s just so jarring. What he’s doing is just the same as what Junketsu’s doing. It’s not funny in the slightest. Add in the not-so-subtle rape joke and it’s plain offensive.

But it’s not like this is an issue just with Senketsu’s first scene. This is my biggest beef with Kill la Kill in general—it, like a lot of anime and media these days, has a nasty habit of playing off sexual harassment and abuse as something hilarious. Personally, I don’t know why Senketsu’s first scene is always used as the worst example of this, since it’s shown to be pretty OOC for him early on and he never acts remotely like it ever again.

Meanwhile, characters like Mako and Aikuro do similar things to Ryuko when they are in their right minds. Mako gropes Ryuko’s breasts in her Hallelujah in episode 3, takes off her bra in the one in episode 5, and constantly invades Ryuko’s personal space and grabs onto her when it clearly makes Ryuko uncomfortable (see the motorcycle scenes in episodes 8 and 17). Yet, this is seen as funny, cute, and romantic. Then there’s Aikuro, who completely disrobes Ryuko in episode 2, immobilizes her with needles while she’s naked, and flirts with her when he’s her teacher and when doing such is completely inappropriate and brings Ryuko a lot of discomfort. And this, again, is seen as funny.

That’s not to say that I want to bash on these characters or pairings. I just ask why it is that these scenes and behaviors are excused as funny and cute when they’re very clearly not, while Senketsu’s first scene is—as it should be!—almost universally agreed to be disgusting and uncomfortable. Ryuko and Senketsu are one of my most favored relationships in all of fiction, but I would never dream of saying that their first meeting is anything adorable or hilarious. I honestly find it frightening that a lot of similar behavior—unwanted touching and removing of clothing—is brushed aside and laughed at because the perpetrator is a sexy teacher or a cute girl.

Of course, Senketsu’s first scene is a lot more intense, and I’m not stupid. I know exactly what they were referencing with it. It deserves to be controversial, and deserves to be spoken up against. But I think the hate against Senketsu for it is pretty… misguided, to say the least. Again, it’s not that it happens that makes it so bad in my eyes. It’s that we’re supposed to find one of Senketsu’s greatest fears hilarious. We’re supposed to think it’s funny that he’s hurting Ryuko, when his character is so utterly devoted to her and so terrified at the thought of bringing her any harm. This is something that I see as really sad, and it’s so disappointing that we don’t get to see Senketsu grapple with it or apologize for it.

Now, “not being in control!” or “not being in his right mind!” aren’t excuses for what Senketsu does, and it will always be awful and unacceptable. Even if he did apologize for it, it doesn’t erase what he did, and I think it’s a fair argument to say that you should stay away from people who have harmed you in the past. Personally, though, I don’t necessarily believe in that. I think people change all the time. Who I am now is different than who I was five years ago, for better or for worse. It’s the now that matters most to me, so in Senketsu’s case, he’s pretty much a darling sweetheart for the majority of the series, which I place a lot more importance on than his actions in a terrible, OOC-introduction scene where he’s overpowered by primal urges and not himself.

There’s definitely something to the idea that some actions are unforgivable, but when it comes to Senketsu, I lean against that. Still, I’m not going to argue with anyone who does feel that way—that’s just as valid as my feelings.

This got quite a bit longer than I intended. Basically, I hate the scene, but mostly because it’s framed as a joke. As someone who has been subjected to sexual harassment, I can firmly say that there’s absolutely nothing “funny” or “cute” about it, and I think it’s really disappointing and gross that the show plays Senketsu’s nasty behavior towards Ryuko in that way. Not only that, but it’s just so against his character, and is thus something incredibly tragic to me. Had it been played as the nightmare that it is to Senketsu, I don’t think the scene would be so widely hated, but instead seen for exactly what it is: a horrifying moment that must cause Senketsu great pain and fear.

From the “Final Thoughts” post:

I just personally am uncomfortable with categorizing Senketsu’s actions in his first scene as rape. Others may very well have their own valid reasons for defining it in that way.

But if the issue is indeed sexual assault, this is a huge problem in Kill la Kill in more ways than simply Senketsu’s introduction, since the show, unfortunately, falls into this common trend of playing off that kind of behavior for laughs … 

And believe me, I understand and think it’s totally fair if Senketsu’s behavior in episode 1 makes his relationship with Ryuko uncomfortable or unacceptable to some. But I also think that this conversation needs to be extended more often. Senketsu and Ryuko’s friendship—and Senketsu himself—get so absolutely vilified in amounts that I don’t see concerning Aikuro and especially Mako, which, personally, strikes me as unfair and a double standard. These characters also disrespect and assault Ryuko throughout the series—and when they’re in their right minds, too.

Of course, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, Anon! I just feel that this issue is so, so much bigger than Senketsu and deserves to be talked about more. It really irks me that I retread this argument so many times whilst similar behavior coming from other characters is hardly called out, instead getting hailed as “cute” and “romantic.” In my opinion, if you’re comfortable pairing Ryuko with Aikuro or Mako and believe her relationships with them can grow and be healthy even after past instances of disrespect and harassment coloring their interactions (as I do!), then I don’t see any reason to think differently concerning Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship.

And, finally, from the “8 Reasons” post:

In my mind, there are bigger issues with the series’ handling of assault than Senketsu’s first scene, but beyond that, Senketsu is honestly probably the most respectful character towards Ryuko in the entire show. He never forces her to wear him when she doesn’t want to—and the fact that Ryuko does take him off multiple times across the series when she doesn’t want to emphasizes that her wearing of him isn’t her being a poor prisoner, but her choosing to be with him—and Senketsu values Ryuko’s thoughts and opinions, openly communicates with her, and constantly considers her wellbeing.

As I once put it, “[Senketsu] is nothing like that first scene in all actuality, and Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship is built not on nonconsensual behaviors and violence, but on respect and understanding.”

tl;dr, please stop acting like I don’t acknowledge the problems in Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship. I can like something and understand that it’s not perfect. I can like something and understand that others might hate it and think (fairly) that it’s offensive. 

I don’t want to make assumptions, but considering I’ve only been getting these mean-spirited asks since I wrote out my thoughts on Ragyo and got attacked for it, I figure there’s a connection. Please stop acting like my criticisms of Ragyo were somehow unique to her. I probably have more criticisms about Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship than even the biggest haters of the pairing, and I love them to pieces.

You can like something and also understand that not everyone will and might even find it problematic. Please stop sending me nasty, personally insulting messages about what I like when I have never, ever shamed you (or anons who think like you) for liking Ragyo.