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cathikesny · 1 year

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MUTTONTOWN PRESERVE - LONG ISLAND

Should we talk about a place that I HATE and will not return to ever again?

I bet you weren’t expecting that, were you?

Would you also be surprised that it is a place that allegedly has buried treasure from a King of Albania?

💰: FREE (aren't the worst things in life always free?)

⏰: 9:30am to 4:30pm, 365 days

🌎: 34 Muttontown Lane, East Norwich, LI (Chelsea Mansion)

♿️: not really? The grounds around Chelsea Mansion are manageable but don’t go to Muttontown Preserve

🏃‍♀️: it’s 550 acres and a maze, but sure! call it beginner if you want.

🐶: No pets, but I’ve also seen people walking their dogs and maybe you need an animal to guide you out of this hellhole

🚗: park by Chelsea Mansion, if you read nothing else, just PARK BY CHELSEA MANSION

📸: high Instagramability by Chelsea Mansion

📍: ancestral land of the Matinecock chieftancy

Okay, TECHNICALLY, I DID return very briefly a few weeks ago BUT that was only to get pictures of WHERE NOT TO GO. And I did not step foot out of the parking lot. This place gave me PTSD.

Why create what will essentially equate to a “shitpost”, you may ask?

Why not just NOT include it?

Because people should be WARNED.

I looked at the google reviews recently and finally found out I was not alone. For years this place has haunted me.

How did my friend, @himynameisnotjoby and I get SO lost?

We literally had a paper map PROVIDED BY THE PRESERVE and we STILL got the kind of lost where we started to get legit worried and it was getting dark and we were only getting MORE lost. The kind of lost that involved scaling fences and bushwhacking and eventually listening for the sounds of cars and just following that and hoping it led us towards one of the main roads, which by the way IS how we got ourselves UN-lost eventually.

Muttontown Preserve deserves a post because it is a DANGER to Long Islanders.

The amount of reviews on Google that mention just how deeply lost people have gotten over the years was staggering, and also validating for Joby and I. One person even mentioned that you shouldn’t go there without a literal compass because THAT is how big the potential for getting hopelessly disoriented in this hellscape masquerading as a “Preserve” is.

According to the Nassau County website, Muttontown Preserve is 550! ACRES, making it the largest nature preserve on Long Island.

Those aren’t facts, THOSE ARE WARNINGS!

The same website also claims that “The preserve includes miles of marked nature trails with local wildflowers, trees, birds…” blah blah blah. MARKED TRAILS, MY ASS.

Allegedly, the trail markings HAVE been improved in very recent years, but I refuse to go back and see if that’s true for myself so if you decide to go, you are doing so of your own volition.

There are four things that lure people to the Muttontown Preserve (of Lost Souls):

equestrian trails

“safe” hiking for normal people WHO JUST WANTED TO ENJOY A NICE WALK AT A NEW PARK

Chelsea Mansion

The hidden treasures of the last King of Albanian

So, where does one start?

I guess, do you have a horse? No? Then don't come here!

I honestly think this place would’ve been less scary if at least I had been on a horse because also when you get lost for AS LONG as Joby and I did that ill-fated day, you start to get tired, which is also scary. My legs were TORN UP from bugs and thorny bushes. A horse would’ve, in theory, solved that. But we didn't have horses and unless you have one though, don’t come here. And even if you do... don't come here.

PARKING SITUATION (THIS IS IMPORTANT):

The problem for Joby and I that harrowing day, I think, was that I learned about Muttontown Preserve because I drove past it randomly (probably on the way back from a different park in the area) and drove past the Equestrian Parking entrance off of Jericho Oyster Bay Road/Route 106 and thought that was the only parking area.

DO NOT PARK AT THE EQUESTRIAN PARKING AREA OFF OF JERICHO OYSTER BAY ROAD/ROUTE 106! I DO NOT CARE THAT IT IS THE CLOSER PARKING AREA TO THE OLD KNOLLWOOD ESTATE AND KING ZOG’S TREASURE. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FIND THE TREASURE ANYWAY, YOU WILL PROBABLY NEVER FIND YOUR WAY OUT OF THE PRESERVE IF YOU GO IN SEARCH OF IT. AGAIN, I WILL NOT BLAMED ON NEWS 12 FOR YOUR DISAPPEARANCE.

I’ll get back to King Zog and the alleged buried treasures and the burned down remains of Knollwood Estate in the next post.

IF YOU INSIST ON COMING TO THIS CURSED PLACE, here is my advice: SKIP MUTTONTOWN PRESERVE ALTOGETHER.

Okay, here is my ACTUAL ADVICE: drive up to Jericho Turnpike/Route 25A and park either at the parking lot next to Chelsea Mansion or you can find the entrance around the corner from the parking lot by Chelsea Mansion and park there because that is a trailhead that is usually supplied with maps.

If you want to hear about Chelsea Mansion and King Zog I of Albania's buried treasures, watch this space for a Chelsea Mansion post coming later this week.

and also, let me just reiterate, Muttontown Preserve makes my “RUN AWAY FROM” list. You have been thoroughly warned.

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