#my cult of the lamb dream log is getting LONG

[the-one-who-lambs]

Y'all I had a dream that I was in some sort of hunger games-style competition and somehow I cheated at it so when I eventually died I went to Narinder???? And he was so impressed and amused that he gave me a special place in the afterlife to just chill forever.

[jaredharrisfest]

Law & Order: SVU

TITLE: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

EPISODE: 906 - “Svengali”

ROLE: Robert Morten

SUMMARY: A grisly murder scene at the bottom of an elevator shaft leads SVU detectives to a group of individuals who are under the spell of a charismatic, imprisoned serial killer.

YEAR: 2007

We start with a dead body (as you do on these shows).

Please enjoy the snappy Law & Order dialogue:

DETECTIVE OLIVIA BENSON: Looks like she was dressed for her dream date.

RANDOM FORENSICS TECH: Yeah, it ended when the perp strangled her repeatedly with her own pantyhose.

And it gets worse (doesn’t it always?). The killer cut off her breasts and walked out with them. Ew.

Tina, our victim, was headed not to her dream date but to mine: a really cool-looking underground party in an abandoned subway tunnel under the Waldorf Astoria Hotel where everyone dresses up in their vintage-looking finest and watches a screening of Double Indemnity. Count me in!

The whole thing is organized/run by this guy, Edgar Rabinowicz (but he’d prefer to be called Agent Mayhem), part of the hipsteriffic Silk and Cyanide Corp (”We’re secret agents of adventure”). 

But of course he didn’t kill Tina. He only left her alone and hammered at a bar after their last “mission” - a shit thing to do, yes, but not murder.

Bartender Cecilia is shocked at news of Tina’s murder and claims she left at last call with some asshole guy but refuses to describe said douchebag as she  “doesn’t want to get involved.” 

After being convinced to sit down with a police sketch artist (which leads to a plethora of useless tips), Cecilia calls Detective Benson to tell her that the asshole is back while she’s closing by herself. Maybe the asshole is her manager because WHO LEAVES A WOMAN ALONE TO CLOSE ANYTHING? HELLO! MURDER CITY!

Which is pretty much exactly what happens as the detectives find no Cecilia and the Venus de Milo recreated in blood on the bar floor.

DUN DUN!

The bloody Venus was also inspired by artworks of currently incarcerated serial killer Robert Morten.

(Is it wrong that I think he looks very handsome in his mug shot? It is, isn’t it?)

The detectives conclude it must be a copycat, and if he’s following Morten to the letter, Cecilia’s got twelve hours left to live before he kills her. 

Our creepy boy! Hooray!

The detectives are turning his cell inside out to look for clues to the name of his new partner. Detective Stabler, as Bad Cop, tears one of Morten’s artworks in half to “motivate” him.

"Am I bovvered? Am I bovvered though? Look at my face. Is it bovvered?”

“Arks me If I'm bovvered! Look, face, bovvered? I ain't bovvered!"

But then Benson, as Good Cop, tempts him with tasty victim headshots.

“They’re sublime,” he says in his creepy-yet-alluring-because-it’s-Jared-Harris Hannibal Lecter voice.

“What I could do with those.”

“But obviously-”

*faux bashful head tilt*

“-I’m innocent.”

Benson ain’t buying it.

Morten doesn’t like it when they start to go after his mail...and especially his fan letters.

(The disdain! I love it.)

The non-Stabler and non-Benson detectives (aka Ice-T and That Other Guy) go out to talk to the writers of said fan letters and learn that there’s a Free Robert Morten committee working on an appeal. Benson and Stabler bring in the vice president, ex-con Jasper Grice.

JASPER: He took care of me. 

STABLER: Three years as his cellie? You were his bitch. 

Well, you would know, Stabler. Or should I say...

...Chris Keller from HBO’s Oz?

(Oz was my first fandom and Beecher/Keller was my first ship. I was in sixth grade. Other kids were freaking out about a stupid kiss on Dawson’s Creek; I was telling them how I saw a man get gutted like a fish in the showers. 

I...was not popular.)

Jasper advises the detectives that the copycat is killing based on covers of an AU comic book series about Morten’s crimes in which he doesn't get caught and continues killing.

Tina was issue #9, Cecilia is supposed to be issue #10.

The detectives go to the apartment writer/artist and learn that the issue #10 murder takes place in Morten’s childhood bedroom. They rush to the dilapidated old house and kick down the bedroom door.

Et voilà! A barely alive Cecilia.

Cecilia wakes up in the hospital and discovers that unlike Tina she’s still got boobs but they've been mutilated and she’ll need plastic surgery. She blames talking to Benson in the first place for everything and asks her to leave.

Back at the precinct, Detective Ice-T (I don’t care what his character’s name is, he’s Detective Ice-T) tries to give Benson a pizza...that she didn’t order. 

DUN DUN!

“Hotbox” indeed, foreshadowing pizza box! Because it turns out the pizza...

..IS A BOMB!

While the precinct is evacuated to the street, the random forensics tech from earlier approaches the detectives with a report.

A similar knife was used on both Tina and Cecilia, but Cecilia’s mutilating boob cuts taper away from the midline and differ in angle and depth.

Translation: they’re self-inflicted!

DUN DUN!

The detectives obtain a search warrant for Cecilia’s apartment.

It seems she was an intern for his lawyers and had been writing to him for years beforehand. She wasn’t on the detectives’ radar because legal visits and correspondence aren’t on inmate logs.

Cecilia reveals that at seventeen she learned that her father hadn’t died in a car crash but had been imprisoned for bank robbery. She wrote to Morten asking for information about dear old dad, and Morten replied. 

“Your daddy said you had eyes like summer and hair as soft as lamb’s wool. You were the best thing he ever did in his life. I’d love to see if you look like him. Please send me a picture.”   

JK, of course. Morten never even met her dad. 

But he’s not one to pass up a free picture of a pretty lady!

PS In this scene, Mr. Harris is shifting between his Hannibal Lecter voice (when talking to Stabler) and his writing-to-Cecilia-to-gain-her-pity-and-trust voice (when reading the letters), and it sent a chill up my spine the first time I heard it. Kudos, sir.

PPS THIS TRANSITION. I’m in love.

Also, Jared Harris? How did you get your eyes so dead? Kudos AGAIN, good sir!

(Murdery) teeth gap!

Back to the plot: Morten convinced Cecilia that she was the only one who could help him with his appeals. He told her to get that internship with his lawyers so they could have visits without being monitored.

MORTEN: We had complete privacy. Complete privilege.  

STABLER: Sounds cozy.

MORTEN: Oh, it was. She was a virgin. I plucked her.  

And I know I’m a broken record here, but look: I love Jared Harris. He’s a very attractive gentleman, even when playing a serial killer. But when he said that? I was repulsed and horrified to my core.

Cecilia is convinced that Morten loves her and that they’re soulmates. Morten says the only way to prove that they are is for Cecilia to kill somebody. Tina was  an “artistic offering” from Cecilia to Morten, and he knows where the trophies (i.e. Tina’s breasts) are.

(GUYS HE DID A LITTLE EYEBROW RAISE AFTER THE WORD “BREASTS” I’M DEAD) (probably because his character killed me)

The breasts are found where Morten said they would be, and the Assistant District Attorney declares they’ve got enough to charge Cecilia with murder. 

Morten would like a peek at the evidence for helping.

Benson violently disagrees.

And gets blown a creepy little kiss for her troubles.

All the good detectives are heading home after a long day. Benson tries to just open the door and put her groceries away, but she’s attacked by the AU comic book guy.

Can I tell you how much I appreciate that Benson beats the shit out of him with a big heavy book? That’d be my first weapon at hand too.

The detectives are done. It’s time for the trial! 

Cecilia takes the stand, testifies about her suicide attempt, and shows the jury her self-inflicted boob scars. She’s got them eating out of her hand, so the prosecution calls in some special help.

The A.D.A. subpoenas him as a rebuttal witness.

MORTEN: That’s a new one. What do I get in return?

A.D.A.: Nothing.

MORTEN: And if I refuse?

A.D.A.: We’ll hold you in contempt of court.  

MORTEN: I’m already serving eight life sentences. Contempt of court’s hardly going to make it worse.

Morten realizes that they need him bad and is able to bargain for a deal - the possibility of parole and a transfer to the federal prison system. The A.D.A. angrily agrees. 

Bonus creepy screencap! THE EYES OMG

The next day Morten swaggers into court and is greeted by his adoring cult fans. The judge warns them he’ll clear the courtroom if there’s any more outbursts. 

Morten eats it up with a spoon.

And it looks like our murderous boy has something up his sleeve judging by this unseen-by-the-A.D.A. wink he gives Cecilia! Let’s watch.

Of course he’s going to absolutely tell the whole truth! Would this face lie? 

Yes, repeatedly, as he denies everything he told the A.D.A. in their chat the previous night.

For example: did he tell Cecilia to kill?

“I’ve told many to express themselves. No one had the emotional fortitude to do it until Cecilia.”

The A.D.A. is sick of this bullshit and decides to hatch a cunning plan.

A.D.A: You think of yourself as an artist?

MORTEN: I think my work speaks for itself.   

The A.D.A. shows Morten a photo of the crime scene and asks Morten to “compare this artist’s work with [his] own.”

Remember, Morten hasn’t been able to see any of those sweet, sweet crime scene photos he’s been craving, so he is INTO IT.

Cecilia waits for her grade.

But wait: something’s off.

MORTEN: At first blush, you might think this is unique. But it - it lacks understanding. Depth.

Yeah, doesn’t look like you’re going to get that A in murder, girlie.

"With the human canvas you have the opportunity to do true action painting.” 

“Where’s the energy? Where’s the spatter? This is lifeless dreck! A cheap knockoff of my work.” 

"Whoever did this is a talentless hack.”

Cecilia loses her shit at the criticism and storms the witness box declaring that she did this for Morten and that she loves him.

Morten is feeding off of the drama. 

(Bonus sceencap in case you ever wondered what a vampire!Jared Harris coming for your neck might look like. I know some of y’all are probably into that.)

He cuts Cecilia down even further by declaring that she’s nothing like him and  could never understand him.

Cecilia continues to proclaim her love as she’s dragged away.

Morten is pleased.

But don’t get cocky, kid. 

Even though Cecilia got off (insanity), the A.D. A. is still sticking to her end of the deal. Morten’s getting that transfer to a federal prison he wanted.

A supermax prison. 

A.D.A.: 23-hour lockdown, no visitors, no mail, no phone calls. No human contact for the rest of your life.

Morten whines that she can’t do that to him and they made a deal, etc. but too bad so sad.

He’s shoved into the van and whisked away.

VERDICT: A performance so adroit and layered it took me several days to get through this hourlong episode. The things this man can do with his face, I’m telling you! Three out of five Croziers.