#my diary now I guess idk I’m bored and sick and tired

[tits-tats-and-pussycats]

Odds!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Uhmm.. I think it was my best friend? Honestly its been a hot minute since I’ve held hands with anyone. 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

There is someone I really want to see, but I’m not jinxing myself with saying it out loud. So I’ll just say that I am looking forward to seeing my friends again,

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I’m not sure, probably. 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

I mean who knows what is going to happen, I am just taking life as it comes at this point. 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Lmao no.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Plague Doctor? lmao my best friend asked for suggestions on what to draw.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

I LOVE when people play with my hair. 

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Well summer 2019 was spent working and going to school. And summer 2020 is closed because of a pandemic..soo....

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think that we can't be the only intelligent life out there. 

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes, bubbles, music, some nice wine and a good book

21. What are your bad habits?

Depends on your outlook on a bad habit. I don’t always speak to myself nicely, when I am super stressed or drunk I occasionally have a cigarette. 

23. Do you have trust issues?

I do. 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

I hate this question, so I will tell you something I like about myself. I like the color of my eyes and the freckles on my shoulders.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Darker, I’m basically a vampire. 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I think that this is a question that is better left between me and that person. 

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tell? 

Yes it is, I am thinking about cutting it really short though.. But I’m slightly terrified to do what I want to it.

33. Spell your name with your chin

marksss lmao well I guess I have a new name.

35. Would you rather live without tv or music?

Uhm.. I’d have to say tv. I can live without watching something as long as I have something in the background while I am doing things.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Lol if we are being honest I usually don’t say anything because I am feeling to awkward and shy to do so. Or I’ll just go “welllll......” 🤷🏼‍♀️

39. What are you favorite stores to shop in?

Columbia, 5.11, amazon, idk I don’t really shop 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? 

Yes I do and I have given a lot of second chances.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yes I do, I try to smile at everyone that I can.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? 

Well my dog because he wants fed. But also the fact that I have a job that I actually like for once. I get out of bed for my friends. And I get out of bed for myself. 

47. Have you ever been high?

Yeah I have and it was the worst experience of my life. It’s not something for me. 

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

No I haven't, I haven’t had much of a life to be able to do so. 

51. Ever wished you were someone else? 

I used to wish that all the time, but now that I actually like myself I am happy with being me. 

53. Favorite makeup brand?

I don’t have one

55. Favorite blog? 

@coopuah 

57. Favorite food?

Itallian, Mexican, Thai, anything my best friend makes

59. First thing you the this morning?

Some water. I didn’t eat until this afternoon when I had a sandwich. 

61. Been suspended\expelled? For what?

No I haven’t. Was that “goody” student 

63. Ever been in love?

I have indeed been in love.

65. Are you hungry right now?

No I am not, I am more exhausted than anything. 

67. Facebook or twitter?

I don’t really care honestly, I’ll scroll on both because im bored but I don’t prefer one over the other. 

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Yes I am, Killing Eve. If you haven’t watched this yet I highly recommend it!

71. Craving something? What?

Yeah more like someone. But I guess something salty would be nice too.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

I have a husky named Balto that lays at the head of my bed while I sleep. I have to have something on my bed with me now because my bed is empty without my cat that I had to put down 3 months ago. 

75. Favorite animal?

Wolf.

77. Chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate for ice cream. Vanilla for general flavoring in like coffees and stuff. 

79. What color shirt are you wearing? 

Not wearing one currently

81. Favorite tv show?

I have way to many honestly. Friends, Killing Eve, Grey’s Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, The chilling adventures of Sabrina, The 100. And probably a million more.

83. Mean girls or mean girls 2

Mean girls

85. Favorite character from mean girls? 

Janis Ian

87. First person you talked to today?

 A person who came back into my life.

89. Name a person you hate?

My father

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Yeah every single person who still thinks its okay to hangout and have parties together, go to the store for non-essential shit, and overall think that this entire pandemic is a joke. Stay the fuck home y'all it’s not that hard. Go out if you need to, but do it alone, go for a drive alone, go for a walk alone. The key word is ALONE. I’m not trying to be quarantined for a year and also have to wear a mask 24/7 at work because people are fucking stupid. Yeah I work in the medical field but I’m sick and tired of the dumbasses. Stay home before everything is cancelled for longer than a month. For fucks sake. End rant. 

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

2-I know I’m a horrible lesbian. Aren't we supposed to have like 20?

95. Last movie you watched?

Princess Diaries 

97. Favorite actor? 

I don’t really have a favorite actor, I’m more of an actress person lmao. But I guess I really like Robert Downey Jr. 

99. Have any pets?

Yes I currently have a border collie named Rocky. He is my entire world. I used to have a cat named Abby but I recently had to put her down. 

101. Do you type fast?

About 70-80 words a minute, I guess that's fast?

103. Can you spell well?

Yeah not at all.. 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? 

Yeah but it was back in the day when I went to church before satan granted me with lesbianism. 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes I have I think I was 10? I would like to go horse back riding again though

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Yeah there is actually, but it’s something I can't talk about because it really shouldn’t be irritating me or bothering me. 

111. Do you have trust issues?

Pretty sure this question was already answered. 

113. What was your childhood nickname?

My family calls me bug. 

115. Do you play the WII?

Nope because I don’t have one

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Not unless it’s homemade 

119. Favorite book?

Harry Potter

121. Are you mean?

I mean I definitely can be but I try not to be.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Lmao no, I can barely keep white clothes clean.

125. Do you believe in true love?

I do wholeheartedly 

127. What makes you happy?

My dog, my family, my best friends, iced coffee, rainy days, being in the forest, being at the beach, cuddling movie nights, etc.

129. Whats your zodiac sign?

I am a capricorn

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Tell him that I am flattered but he knows I am a lesbian and that it will not work. 

133. Favorite lyrics right now? 

I don't really have any specific lyrics that I like at the moment, But I highly love the songs shotgun by George Ezra, honeypie by Johny Utah, anything by Billie Eilish, 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“I’m straight”

137. How tall are you?

5′3

139. Brunette or blonde?

Like am I brunette or blonde? or which one do I like the most? My natural hair color is blonde, I don’t really have a preference on the hair color for the person I am attracted to, I guess you could say dirty blonde or strawberry blonde to meet in the middle? 

141. Night or day? 

Both, it depends on the situation and what is being done. I honestly kind of like the in-between times like dusk and dawn. 

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No I am not, I tried to do it for awhile and I couldn't.

145. Tea or coffee? 

Depends on the situation and time of day. I would rather have coffee in the morning and tea at night usually. 

147. Mars or snickers?

Neither

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes I do. 

Honestly unholy shit, this was the longest thing I have ever had to do lol. 

[allhisdays]

3-5 December 2018

dear diary,

SORRY again. i’ve been soOo bad at keeping you updated lately. 

truth is, not much has been happening! i’ve taken the last couple days off as i was feeling a mixture of tired and down (pms, i think). so i’ve just been resting at home, doing mini-chores and thinking about/prepping for christmas. 

i woke up this morning with an awfully sore back - goodness, i was in such a mood! ugh. yesterday’s physio session went well though, i was given a longgggggg massage, which was much needed and helped a lot. so i was a bit surprised (and bothered) by today’s achiness. i had to take the codeinated stuff (which btw gives me a sore throat every time - weird) and felt nauseous for a while afterwards. apparently im  not supposed to take it after or before eating. whoops. 

anyway. so today was another rest-day.

-- [stv sent me a little msg on the phone. said he was sick, was sorry to hear it, Lord i pray for Your healing Hand upon him. i miss sharing the little details of my life with him and hearing about his - the fun, the exciting, the boring, the dull, the blessings we can see and looking for those unseen together. i miss having an accountability partner, and yes, i know, it doesnt have to be a guy, ha. but i know what i mean. today hearing from him felt normal, no butterflies or pit in my stomach, no nervousness, no nothing. was a bit weird actually. i havent spoken to him face to face in a while and perhaps it’s what makes it easy when he messages me now. also the fact that his profile picture is not a picture of his face. idk, anyway. i am a very visual person so not seeing him perhaps helps compartmentalise. though at the back of my mind there is a voice that tells me he simply doesnt want to talk to me, so why worry. if that is true, am i an idiot for trying to stay in touch? Lord knows i have many shortcomings, but i consider myself to be a loyal friend. friendship means a LOT to me, and i’d like to know if he still wants to stay friends and what the terms are really - we haven’t exactly had that conversation yet so it’s all a bit of a blur at the moment. a friend that doesn’t talk or check in on you once in a while, who doesn’t ask you how you are, who takes weeks to respond to a simple message under the pretext that life is busy? everybody is busy. it takes all but 3 seconds to say hi back, really. now, i’m not cross or bitter. i guess i’m still trying to define what we are now...and figure out whether or no the foundation on which we have been building our friendship this past year and a half or so can stand the test of heartache, disappointment and, well, change. time will tell. God will work things out. im not worried and tbh i don’t even think about it every day, but since we talked a bit today i thought i’d take a moment to reflect. moment over. Lord, You’re in complete control. ] -- right.

so, im still very excited about Advent and the bible app devotionals are just great. right now i’m pondering all the stuff im reading in my heart and idk why im not writing more about it here... maybe this needs to change... what do you think, diary? 

yesterday i found the bag where my old little handmade origami nativity scene that i made at bible college was and put it up in the living room next to where the tree will go. excitinggg. i was suprised at how good it still looked after all those years! 

anyway. my phone keeps telling me its time for my german lesson! i’m coming Duo!!

off to bed i am. 

[sneaky-pete]

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

I think that some men are attractive but i’ve never been sexually attracted to one

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

Bo’s a good hugger

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

I like dragonair i guess for gen 1. I just really like her design

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

More fair i think, but i’m definitely not who i would chose to be in charge of things

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

I don’t remember my last dream

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

We have similar interests and can talk about them for a long time

😘 talk about your crush or partner

I don’t have a hard crush. I haven’t had one for about 4 months. There’s a good friend i have that kicks up a lil bit of feels in me a tiny bit and she’s cute n stuff but she’s dating someone and they are a v good and v cute couple. I just appreciate her as a person i guess

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

It honestly depends on the situation but probably not

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

Humor

Hair

Honesty

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

Loneliness. Taking advantages of situations for once

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

Sourcefed; cast of whatever show i’m in

💙 what annoys you about some people?

NOT BEING RESPONSIBLE ADULTS

😤 do you get angry easily?

I think so about specific things like people not acting like adults

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

Love in a very ambiguous form

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

Be run less by money

Teach love

Better education

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

Idk some japan city bc it seems beautiful there

☕️ talk about your ideal day

Wake up early and not hurt for it and not need coffee, get work done efficiently, spend time with people i love

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

Ambi, v comfortable around friends, but sometimes i need to get away

💧 when was the last time you cried?

Dog sees god

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

Come right back by the honeycombs

Don’t stop me now by queen

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

Telekinesis, the possibilities are endless

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

Do theatre earlier and watch funny people

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

My friends with cute relationships

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? Why?

All have negative connotations of wanting them, but any would be nice, but that’s not the question. Probably bravery or intelligence

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

Having never kissed someone

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

English. I want to know spanish and maybe german

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

Lol stay up until 2 so my friends can be happy and talk to each other feet away from my bed

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

Elves are people with heightened everything, so that

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

I don’t like it when people are seem like they don’t want to talk to me that i know very well

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

I need to learn my lines better

Rehearsal gives me no time for homework

I have never kissed anyone or had a romantic relationship ergo i’m not romantically/sexually lovable?

My best friend and roommate gives me more things that bother me than positive expieriences

I don’t sleep the amount i need to and i’m always tired

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

Still don’t know for either one

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

Pb candy anything

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

overwatch

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

Headaches, need to be away from people, go relax through whatever

😪 what are you sick of?

Irresponsible people

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

Not really?

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

I’m def up there

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

Have i the right

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

Worrying. Taking more actions with risk

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

Overwatch or armored knights n swords n stuff

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

Not really knowing what i want to do

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

Enfp and sure. All are based on who i’m with so idk

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

Ezra is a good boy

🐴 opinion on __?

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

I think so

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

Ride it out and try to rationalize feelings. You have to feel them to process them

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

I’m only 20

🌍 which country do you live in?

us

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

🐵 which quotes changed you?

💭 do you keep a diary?

Yes a tumblr one and a bullet journal

💫 who inspires you?

No celebrities or authors, just friends i look up to like jon, jack, and marvin

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

no

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

I like button ups, black jeans, good sneakers that match, and long sleeve tshirts and joggers

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

Cfk

Gbh

kds

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

Idk dude

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?