#my family now knows me as the 'crazy' and 'disappointment' in the family like fuck💀

[chaoticnerdsstuff]

Being mentally ill so embarrassing sometimes like.. why would you break down over a lot of people talking at once🧍🏽‍♂️🧍🏽‍♂️

[anotherrosesthatfell]

╰┈➤Love sick

Don't ask your family about love 💀

Also, Alphonse have reasons why he gave the worst advises. First, because he is homophobic. Second, he just want to see drama

"Brother I need help." Angst said nervously as he fiddle with his fingers.

This is not a scene you can see everyday so Crescent is quite surprised.

"Of course but let me finish my prayer first. You can pray too if—"

"I need help about love-"

Crescent eyes sparks as he immediately left his prayers.

"of course brother! I have so many advices to tell you!"

Angst could tell this is going to be a long speech...

*a few hours later*

It's indeed a long speech.

"So what I need to do is to love him back, ask him on a date then kiss him?" Angst asked. "Is that what people with emotions should do?"

"Yeah duh, I read many novels about it. The heroine confessed to emotionless Duke and they both got the romantic arc yet heroine ran away because the Duke suddenly ignore her. The duke went crazy and obsessed with heroine so he kidnapped her and emotionally plus physically abuse her HAHAHAHA—" crescent realized he rambled nonsense. "I apologizes for my vulgar words, brother."

"Interesting...? So is that how love should be?" asked Angst.

"I mean yeah I guess.. Like mother and father... ... But please be nothing like father. Just inherited his possessive and obsessive behavior, that's so romantic in novel!" Said Crescent.

"Really...?" Angst still questioning whether it's a good idea to asked his twin brother. "How to love him back then..?"

"Oh, that's easy. Just think 24/7 hours about him." claimed Crescent. "I always thought about the God Sol and pray for him every hours."

"Right... You totally did not think of that model boy." Angst rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"If you're going to accuse me for adultery then no, I did not commit such sins. I just have this unfortunate feelings and I am mature enough to pray so my sins will be forgiven." Crescent is quick to defend himself.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Believe whatever you want to believe." Angst got up from his seat. "Thanks for the advice, brother..."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

"Mom. This may sounds weird but could you give me some advice about love?"

Killer coughs after hearing her son request.

"Huh???" She did not expect for Angst asked such question. "Uhm... Angst do you like someone?"

"uh... I'm not sure but he confessed to me and said he likes me." Said Angst.

"Oh... Is it your friend Gradient...?" Asked Killer.

"yeah..."

Killer smiles at her son and pat his head. "You two make a good couple, Gradient truly like you. So you must like him back. He'll be sad if a gentleman like you reject him." Said Killer.

"Hmm... Alright, I see..."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

"Father, I need advice about love—"

Alphonse choked on his coffee.

"What the fuck???" Alphonse is in disbelief.

"Just give me some words about love." He frown. "you lived for centuries, you must fell in love with many women." accused Angst.

"I did not." Alphonse sighed and say, "Take a seat son, I just know some relationship advice to give you."

"Alright, I'm fine with it." Angst then took a seat as he wait patiently for his father words.

"I take that Gradient confessed to you...?" Alphonse only have a disappointment expression now.

"Why mom and you knew it right away?"

"That boy can't hide his feelings. I'm surprised you are oblivious despite how many times he show he is in love with you." Said Alphonse. "But anyway... Talking about this, you have to keep that boy on leash."

"Why?"

"You know the reason very well. You and I are not so different, we both became 'lovesick' to our loved one." Alphonse grin. "I mean look at Crescent... He's all over that disgusting boy." Alphonse rolled his eyes.

"Oh..." Angst nodded.

"Don't be so down, Angst. Look at the bright side, you will have Gradient by your side forever and he won't have to leave you. Violence is necessary if he decide to disobey." Said Alphonse.

"I'm not like you...-"

"I haven't finish my talk yet." Alphonse cut him off. "You don't have to hurt him physically, instead you should do it mentally. Maybe hurt yourself if he decide to leave or manipulated him thinking you're the victim." Alphonse then pour a glass of wine for Angst. "Drugging him is also necessary... Just in case if he decide to fight against you."

"..." Angst nodded as he listened to the explanation.

Alphonse smile proudly and hand the wine over Angst.

"Cheer up son, at least the kingdom will have two rulers to take over." Said Alphonse.

"Right..." Angst took the glass of wine and drank it. "Thanks for the talk, it's quite useful."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Love and obsession.

Angst can't tell the difference between them. He likes Gradient right?

Yes, Gradient confessed to him. He made Angst to have this emotions, so he must take the responsibility.

But what kind of emotions...?

Desperation and obsession. It's not a pure love, no...

Angst seem to mistaken the emotions for love. That's why he desperately need Gradient. So he can feel secure.

Gradient is the only one who support and nice to him right? No one else right?

"Oh, Angst you're here!" Gradient walk towards Angst and greeted him.

"ah... Gradient." Angst grin as he hold Gradient chin. "The answer is yes, I love you too."

And that's when the chase between predator and prey started...

[sometimesoliloquy]

The Handmaid’s Tale 5x04 “Dear Offred”👀

Dragged my heels typing this one up...😬

Last episode ended with “NEVER TOUCH MY DAUGHTER AGAIN” (to crazy lady, re Hannah) and this one started with “DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” (to crazy lady, re Holly Nichole). June being ferocious protective mama bear of both her babies❤️. This scene also reminded me of the flashback where a woman tried to steal baby Hannah in the hospital, except much more insidious with the Gilead vitriol. And while then June was frozen, post Gilead June immediately and ferociously defends. I really don’t think this woman has any idea who she’s dealing with...

“Was...was she ok? (nervous laugh)” 😂 Ok this is NOT the therapy June needs. This woman is terrified of June and it’s kind of hilarious but also not funny bc she is so clearly not equipped, and wtf is Luke doing there to give disappointed sighs and talk about her with the therapist in the third person like she’s not there? “How do we know she…uh, you…won’t get physical again?” I half expected the therapist to reply “well a rolled up newspaper often works”. 🙄

Poor Tuello looks so defeated (again!) when his girlfriend dumps him (again!), this time for “God”. Sorry, Mark, guess you can take the Serena out of the Gilead, but you can’t take the Gilead out of Serena!

At this point all I wrote in my notes was “SO DISTURBING” so honestly I have to replay to look it up... oh ok I think it had to do with the Gilead colors and insignia going up in her new office, just like it’s creeping into Canada... (could have been a lot of things in this episode, though, honestly).

At first I kind of thought maybe Luke and June were being too hard on Mark and their expectations were too high, but then I remembered that he definitely didn’t have to let Serena bat her pretty eyelashes and flounce off to Gilead to orchestrate the live funeral event of the year, which gave her the means for more reach and power...DAMNIT, Mark! June did warn you, and so did I. You are a disappointment. I told you not to let me down!🙄😒

So, once again Tuello doesn’t get it, and Luke doesn’t get it. June is the only one who understands how dangerous Serena is, her reach and ability to spread the poison of Gilead into Canada and the free world (driver’s license or not)… June is like, once again, I will take care of this myself (I knew that gun wouldn’t stay buried long!).

I just noticed June’s gold locket, bet you anything there’s a little picture of Hannah in there.🥺

I am loving this I-don’t-give-a-shit-anymore-cus-I-almost-died-and-I’m-in-pain-and-fuck-this-shit Janine... she reminds me of “welcome to the fucking looney bin” Janine before Aunt Lydia took her eye and broke her. And now she is maybe going to be the one to finally teach Lydia some goddamn compassion and humanity. I’m fucking glad she’s not letting Lydia off the hook for her bullshit this time. She’s like, I beat death, again, I’m not afraid of you, bitch!!😆

Fucking ECRU.💀 Serena’s real name is Karen.

June finally says it: “He doesn’t know what he’s doing and he seems to forget none of it worked the first time”. They’ve all seen this before, the slow creep of Gilead that people didn’t take seriously enough until it was too late. They played by the rules then, too. June doesn’t play by the rules anymore. Playing by the rules got her family torn apart and her stuck in Gilead, and Gilead taught her not to play by the rules.

Even if Moira and Luke do not seem to be alarmed enough by the threat of history repeating itself, they are right in a sense: this isn’t the same situation as with Fred, and June can’t just shoot Serena in her glass Gilead tower without going to prison (or extradited back to Gilead for execution?? not totally certain how the new territory works, but it’s not no-man’s-land) and losing Nichole. Losing her other daughter. The “it’s not worth losing your family over” really made me sad, though, since TESTAMENTS SPOILERS: we know that June is ultimately going to lose her family anyway, both her daughters, at least for many years until they’re eventually reunited.

I am happy the Moira/June dynamic seems more comfortable and copacetic. Even if it’s mostly because June is trying to adhere to Moira’s playbook: the (useless) therapy, trying to curb her anger, not tearing anyone else apart with her bare hands (and teeth) lately. I do also think Moira gained some different perspective and understanding from their trip to the Mayday women, though.

Not news but I continue to be impressed by the constant ways Serena finds to be a flaming hypocrite. Like she can now write and wears her little power pant suits. I love how she only wears the Gilead dress now as basically a costume, to use as a tool for her advantage as needed--we first saw that when she switched back from civilian clothes to the teal for her reemergence as “Gilead power couple” for Fred’s trial, then for her field trip home and now for her weird pregnancy Gilead glamour shots.🤰🏼💁🏼‍♀️

LOL wow I realized why Ezra looks so familiar to me and it’s because he played “Nostradamus” on Reign (the wildly historically inaccurate but gorgeously costumed CW period drama from years back).

“My wife is going to kill you and I’m going to let her”... I wrote my more in depth thoughts on this the other day so won’t go into it here but yeah, I found the specifically possessive language very striking in this scene.

The Serena mentioning Nick thing was the one thing I was looking forward to this episode but honestly I was underwhelmed. Maybe it’s because I actually felt bad for Luke this whole scene, or because I wanted her to mention more specifics for certain viewers who seem to need reminding. Anyway. I know that Serena was obviously just saying it to be a c*unt and verbally kick Luke in the balls, but the thing is I couldn’t help thinking that, despite the jealousy he understandably would have felt (and still feels), I’s think Luke actually should have also derived comfort from knowing that Nick, that someone, was looking out for June (he doesn’t even know how much). And he did seem to be grateful for that at the end of the Luke/Nick scene in 2x08, when he knew Nick as just a “friend”... but after knowing they were lovers I think maybe his jealousy and insecurity gets the best of him. I was just thinking, I feel like I used to have a higher view of Luke, because I remember, I think probably after 2x09, and after Luke listens to her tape in 3x05(?) being really moved thinking like “damn, both these men really love June so much, as hard as it would be for their heart and ego, I don’t think either would begrudge her the love of the other.” And tbh I definitely still feel that from Nick (if anything more so), but I no longer feel like that’s the case the other way around.🫤

Wow, JLaw did not sugarcoat it for Lydia. What he’s saying is fucked but but he’s right, she shouldn’t be surprised. She’s been willfully operating with blinders on as regards the (most) horrible things the majority of commanders do to handmaids, in able to rationalize the horrible things SHE does to these women, in the name of god’s plan and babies and shit. June told her in 4x03 but she was able to tell herself June was a sinner, a wicked woman not to be believed. Janine even tried to tell her about Esther (as she points out earlier this ep) but she was able to dismiss that as an outlier. It takes Janine throwing the facts in her face, again, after almost dying, and Joseph confirming it, to finally take the blinders off.

Am I crazy or is this yet another different baby (Nichole)?? Obv I know it’s a different baby from last season but for some reason I feel like she looks different from s5 ep 1-3?? Maybe it’s just the lighting.😂🤷‍♀️

I spy a former Handmaid murder gang at the protest 👀! Also, FUCK this guy, I’d have to hold back from shooting him too, especially after he punches Moira… Speaking of which, this is the second time this season someone’s shot a gun into the air so far... seems like maybe a metaphor for s5, gearing up for shit to go down and then nothing happens?😬

The car scene and especially Luke handling the gun made me SO UNCOMFY. I think it made me more uncomfortable than the sex scene (and that was awkward as fuck). I don’t know, I think it was that he seemed to be “play acting" and posing with it like “look at me being cool and murderous, are you into me now?” I just don’t buy it. I can believe that he hates Serena and wants her to fuck off and maybe even wishes her dead, and that’s understandable, but I don’t think he would do it himself. And that’s also understandable and fine but it just feels like he’s acting this way because he thinks it’s what June wants, and that feels weird.

“The Chain” is an interesting song choice here...I feel like it can have multiple meanings... from this site https://www.musicbanter.com/lyrics/Fleetwood-Mac-The-Chain.html:  The "chain" is the marriage or relationship that they had before her partner decided to be unfaithful. The line "Run in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies" indicates that the infidelity is known and bitterly accepted. The woman tells the man, "I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain" repeatedly throughout the song and brings him to task for the vows and promises made when they got together. Ultimately she tells the man that if he does not give her all of his love and commitment right now, he will lose her forever. So... is that about Luke bitterly accepting June’s affair with Nick? ...And his fear that if he doesn’t fully dedicate himself also to June’s fight (which means becoming more like Nick--or what he thinks Nick is), he will lose her forever? Dunno. Would love to see other’s thoughts on the meaning here...

Deliciously karmic Serena handmaid vibes with this new teal weirdo... Serena looks mildly perturbed at the ominous feeling that the shoe is now on the other foot. I kind of wonder about Ezra. What’s his deal? Is he really looking out for Serena? Or does he work for the Wheelers and their ulterior motives? Or something else entirely?

June and Luke lying in bed after (don’t make me say it again)... reminded me a little of the opening scene in ep where they’re in bed: in that scene he is sleeping with his back to her and she is laying on her back eyes open staring at the ceiling, remembering Serena’s cruelty and how she wants to make her pay for it...they’re totally disconnected. In this scene they are now physically connected, he is facing her and holding her, and she is slightly turned towards him and seems to almost surrender to the embrace, but then her face turns and is similar to the previous scene: looking up, detached. She is physically present and connected to Luke but still mentally seems elsewhere. 🤔