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#my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time π it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body
mydr3aminvi0let
Β·
4 months
Text
i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that
#like oh....you think im one of them...bestie no im freshly 23 and im happy i made it this far i dont wanna go back
#sometimes i hate being 5'2 with a small frame you have to be very careful and kinda vet everyone you interact with
#idk there's a complex discussion to be had. i am someone who has went through what they fetishize and i know a lot of girls in that
#community have too. so i worry a lot if if my behaviors and preferences accidentally align with that community in ways i don't realize
#bc trauma will always reveal itself. idfk. when i was 20 i got in a relationship with a man who was 30 because i misheard him and thought
#he was 24. i thought he was okay until we were at this giftshop and he wanted to get me something but as giftshops are super expensive
#i mentioned i could fit in childrens clothes and it saves me a lot of money ($60 shoes are $30 for kids) and tbh fit my frame better
#so he was βprove itβ so i did and mf said βTHATS HOTβ ??????????? BITCH
#my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time π it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body
#believe me ik how trauma changes your brain but how
#as a woman
#can you ever be apart of that community? why do you allow this to continue and not persecute these men for existing?
#you're inherently enabling it and saying its okay this happened to you and its okay that other adults can hurt other kids
#when my rapist got put in prison i screamed i yelled i sang i danced my friends set off FIREWORKS for me
#when he got out i cried more than i ever have. i moved STATES (not the sole rzn but nonetheless) not that i was in the one he was in prison
#in anyways but i was so fucking petrified he'd find me again. its embarrassing but i started sleeping with a chastity belt again.
#i made more phone calls i ever have in my life to people who have and will get their hands dirty
#i understand the self hatred those girls have. i understand the girls who sleep with everyone to take some of their power back.
#i even understand the girls who want to get raped if they got assaulted but it never felt like enough for the pain they're experiencing
#but please stay the fuck away from me. as someone who has tried to heal and wants every man like that erased from earth.
#do not give them an ounce of attention. ostracize them like they're meant to be. leave it to god for their karma they will be dealt with
#reckon with your pain and make sure it never happens to anyone else. only the harmed can make the greatest teachers
#tbh bro i am disgusted with myself at all that those are the kinda vibes i put out.
#what are you supposed to do as a woman when feminity is equalized with infantilism? i think its tone deaf and misguided whem girls are like
#i dress this way to contradict societies views!!! babes its a whole cultural issue that requires reviewing and reforming
#you are not doing anything revolutionary by wearing frilly skirts and saying im not like them bc they see you and ur automatically boxed in
#i dress how i want and say what i want but i know as a individual im not the beacon of a groundbreaking movement
#singularily flipping society on its head. dress how you want but be aware of the connotations. you're living in this society here and now
#there's consequences that may not be in your favor and youll be assumed to have values that dont align with you and it may break your heart
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