#my vote is dex and holster at minimum

[zimmerdouche]

ok, who on smh drinks pickle juice for their post workout tho

[randomnoteforfuturereference]

So I'm been sitting on this hot take for a while (because I don't really like to speak ill of creator choices in public), but since I've been feeling spicy this month, now I might as well get it out of the system:

Whiskey shows no good reason to become captain.

He's a good player, that was made clear enough. But that doesn't translate to captain material. Conversely, one could be a relatively mediocre player and still be captain material if they lead the team one way or the other.

Let's look at the guys who have been voted captain:

Jack, even when he was most reclusive, oversaw not just his teammates on the ice, but also would keep track of their academic schedules and smooth things over with non-hockey players; and, of course, the checking exercises for better or worse. Ransom and Holster work overtime to set the tone for the team on the ice and off. We know how Bitty helped bring a whole new atmosphere; not to mention how food is communion. Dex mama hens his teammates, takes plays seriously, and helped Lardo with the interviews (while mama henning her). And, looking into the future, we know that Hops both cares a lot about his teammates and already has a lot of team structure and bylaws memorized.

Whiskey on the other hand, is notable because he explicitly doesn't really get involved with the team beyond Tango. Sure he joins kegsters, breakfasts, and is at the Haus... but a lot of that feels bare minimum (especially compared to even the Waffles). Doesn't exactly help that the one time he bares his soul, he admits to cheating on his girlfriend (if I'm continuing to be blunt, his arc was by far the weakest of Year 4 and kinda unhinged).

But Dex voted for him? Listen, y'all know Dex is my fave, but I can also admit that he's been wrong about stuff before.

Which is why I ignore the details about that extra (he can be a captain at whichever NHL team he gets picked up by, so technically potentially true) and have instead that Hops becomes captain his junior year.

[givenurseyabookstore]

from your last fic. bitty wanting to go to providence to surprise jack but he has no money and lots of homework. the team steps in. even tango helps and maybe for dibs.

And so it begins! I’m actually going to answer these prompts :D

…

Jam profits only go so far, Bitty realizes as he stares at his bank account. Holster had been on the whole team’s ass about learning to budget and being more responsible with money after catching the frogs spending a month’s paycheck to buy a Slip-N-Slide and fill it with cheap vodka for a kegster. Holster and Ransom had high-fived them, called Shitty to let him know that he could come play on it, and then sat Chowder, Dex, and Nursey down at the kitchen table and made them promise to never spend $1500 on alcohol again. Dex and Nursey had sheepishly started out filling out a budget spreadsheet that Ransom had drawn up, but Chowder pushed the paper back at the co-captains and looked at them incredulously.

“Why are we the only ones doing this?”

Holster and Ransom shared a glance. Holster tentatively spoke.

“Chow, it’s not like what you did wasn’t like..”

Ransom cut in.

“TOTALLY ‘swasome.”

Holster nodded gratefully at him.

“Yeah, totally! But also sorta illegal since you guys aren’t 21-“

“And we don’t know how you got $1500 of vodka smuggled into the Haus-“

“But like, none of that is responsible Chowder, so we want you guys to learn responsibility, little bros.”

Chowder laughed.

“Literally no one on this team is responsible with money except Lardo, and even she spends like, 90% of her money on art supplies.”

He pointed at the D-men, looking to Dex and Nursey for support.

“I mean, you and Ransom go on bro dates all the time, but neither of you guys have jobs. Holster, you bought Ransom a giant Costco bear for your ‘Friendiversary’ and he bought you a signed copy of the 30 Rock script. That stuff isn’t cheap! Whiskey and Tango needed a second car to carry all their stuff home when they went to the Nike outlet last month, and Ford’s been bragging about going to New York for Hamilton, and those tickets are $500 minimum, plus food and hotels. Jack has a multi-million-dollar contract but you know he probably still spends most of that on stuff for Bitty. But Bitty won’t ask Jack for anything and Jack has no concept of money, so Bitty’s the one who pays for all those trips to Providence, and his primary source of income is jam!”

Chowder huffed and sat back down. Holster looked at him, a little shell-shocked. Ransom, however, grinned and leaned across the table to give the frog a fist bump.

“Yknow what Chowder? You’re right. Team budget meeting, ASAP!”

So there Bitty was, staring at his bank account, facing the hard truth that he wasn’t going to be able to visit Jack this month without Jack paying for the train up, and he couldn’t ask Jack for money. He loved the flowers, the attention, the affection and adoration that Jack showed him, but Bitty couldn’t be someone’s kept thing, like one of the girls from back home who married young and never got a job or had any kind of independence. He couldn’t be that kind of burden on Jack, and he couldn’t be happy as a house-husband, with nothing to show for his life but a boy. That meant no Jack until Bitty could find the money himself, which sucked. Bitty put his head down on the table and groaned. He needed to call Jack and let him know he couldn’t come up.

Jack Zimmermann put down the phone and poured himself a glass of water. Bitty couldn’t come up, which meant there wouldn’t be anyone by his side for the team dinner Friday night except Tater. It meant he could probably give away the ticket he had reserved for Bitty, and let Marty know he wasn’t going to have a plus-one to his dinner party Sunday night. He could call off the florist who was going to fill his apartment with sunflowers that matched the blond of Bitty’s hair and the brown of his eyes, and he could let Snowy know that he would be available to wingman for him sometime after the game. Jack looked over to where his cell phone was sitting on the countertop. He had a lot of calls to make to get his weekend in order. Or, he could just skype Shitty and complain.

Now, B. Shitty Knight is a lot of things. He is a committed, intelligent law student. He is the captain of a coed hockey team in Boston. He is secretly engaged to the love of his life, Larissa Duan, and he is a straight, white man estranged from his wealthy family because they still refuse to call him anything but his deadname. However, he is first and foremost a very good friend, and a wannabe fixer, so as soon as Jack hung up on him over Skype, he called up Lardo. Lardo then grabbed Ransom and Holster by the proverbial ear and had them call a team meeting, where Ransom and Holster let the team know that they heard from Lardo, who heard from Shitty, who heard from Jack that Bitty couldn’t afford to go to Providence anymore. The cocaptains looked out at their team, and sighed.

“Listen guys, we’ve been reviewing the budgets you guys gave us, and Chowder’s right. We are all very bad with money. Extremely bad.”

The team nodded, shifting around uncomfortably. Holster took a deep breath and continued.

“But guys, Bitty does a lot for us. He cooks for us, he cleans up after us, and he totally kicks ass on the ice. And like, a lot of us take all that for granted, even though he’s the only reason that any of us got laid last kegster. Girls really dug the fact that we have curtains and shit-“

“And food that isn’t pizza rolls!” Chowder interrupted, as Dex and Whiskey nodded sagely. The rest of the team murmured in agreement. Holster grinned.

“Totally! That too! So I think we should all chip in and get him a plane ticket to Providence this weekend.”

One of the second-string guys started grumbling. Ransom snapped around and pointed at him.

“Hey! Icer! How many free pies have you eaten this week?”

Icer looked down at his Nike slides.

“Four.”

Ransom snorted.

“Yeah, you don’t have any room to talk. Listen guys, between the 20 of us? A plane ticket to Providence is like, fourteen bucks each.”

Nursey pulled out his wallet and tossed a twenty at Holster. Chowder followed suit and Dex had fourteen one dollar bills exactly. The tadpoles had to be convinced that no major airlines would accept their Starbuck gift cards as valid legal tender, but then they ponied up as well. The rest of the team slowly put cash in front of the two defensemen. Ransom smiled back at them.

“Great job guys! Nursey, way to be a leader, you’re exempt from Sin Bin fines for the rest of the year.”

Nursey grinned and gave Dex a fist bump as they left the room. The rest of the team filed out behind them, Holster turned to Ransom as he counted the money on the floor.

“Man, Bitty’s gonna cry when we give this to him.”

Ransom took the bundles of money, organizing them into small piles of twenties.

“I vote we just buy him the ticket and drop him off at the airport.”

Holster nodded.

“Yeah, he’ll just spend it on fruit if we give him the cash. I’ll buy the ticket and deposit the cash tomorrow.”

Ransom checked his watch and startled.

“Oh shit Holtzy, we’re gonna be late to our reservation.”

Holster jumped to his feet and grabbed his phone.

“I’ll get changed and meet you at the car. The reservation is for 7, right?”

Ransom nodded and started to run out to the car when he turned back to Holster with a grin.

“Hey Adam?”

“Yeah Rans?”

“Can you believe we’re graduating in a few months?”

Holster shrugged and laughed.

“Can you believe that we have to go apartment shopping?”

Ransom leaned against the doorframe, looking at Holster with a soft smile, all bright teeth and happy eyes. Holster called back to Ransom as he dashed up the stairs.

“Let’s talk about it over dinner Rans, my turn to buy!”

Ransom called after him as Holster climbed the stairway.

“We both know that’s not in the budget!”

Holster laughed loudly enough at that that Ransom could hear it from the car.