#my whacky life

[sag-dab-sar]

It is 77°f in my room because I have not had the energy to put my AC in (no central air). I'm melting.

But. I did finish putting my entire manga bookcase back together which needed to be done first because the mess was in the way of where my AC goes. So now 3 of 4 books cases in my room project are done 🎉

[sag-dab-sar]

Oikos shrine set back up. Education shrine fixed from its messy/impure state. Kamidana & 雲 put in a proper and clean place (even if it doesn't have the full Shinki, Torii, etc). And I'm keeping my Theogamia shrine up for now.

Ah, balance. My sacred spaces are so important to me, even if I can barely use them.

Space for shrines has been absent ever since my room was prepped for a flood, I had to make ad hoc tiny spots (as shown by my Marian altar, which I don't have a spot for) but I've slowly worked on it and have real spaces now!

[sag-dab-sar]

CSF leak anon here, thank you so much for explaining! You said the theory is that there was inflammation in your spine, did that make them press on the nerves accidentally or something when they did the lumbar puncture?? Is there a name for what happened to you or you don't really know? Do you know anything I should look out for while they're doing it, after they do it, or how to prevent it at all? I'm so sorry this happened to you it sounds awful.

Yes the theory was inflammation around nerves. Myelography was the name, it punctures a needle through the spinal membrane the same way the spinal tap would only instead of taking fluid out it puts fluid into the spinal canal. All it can be labled right now is essentially "complication from myelography"

For me I felt somewhat sick afterwards but not bad enough for them to keep me. I fell asleep when I got home and hours later I woke up screaming. I had no indication something was wrong when it happened it was a few hours later.

I just had my doctors appointment. Right now the only path is an MRI with contrast then I'm going to a spine specialist after that.

I wish I had more answers but its probably the most unknown problem happening to me medically at the moment with a lot of question marks and no answers other than the doctors and nurse who saw me when I was admitted to the hospital. Considering heavy duty steroid anti inflammatory helped I think they were partially correct.

Keep in mind I have a inflammation problem (which is also unnamed) that could have caused such an adverse reaction, a birth complication, and fibromyalgia all of which change how my body reacts to inflammation and pain. I've been told my senses (touch taste pain etc) are different due to my birth.

So this is as much as I can think to say, sorry I'm not more useful.

-dyslexic, not audio proof read-

[sag-dab-sar]

Update

Okay so. They found at least two leaks. Which means my path to getting life semi-back is moving forward. At least a life where I can sit up and do things.

However, the test to find them involved a lumbar puncture like-procedure. And well, my spine did not like that. I had to go to hospital ER by ambulance and be admitted. I've been discharged but am still not doing well, this is by far the most painful experience of my life. I am including all surgeries & migraines when I say that.

So I'm also not particularly thrilled to learn exactly what they want to do to my spine to fix it since the mere idea of them going anywhere near my spine is now a giant fear.

The Gods seem to be answering my prayers (and all of those who have prayed/done spiritual work for me 🤍) with this CSF leak situation but life still has so many intense curve balls it can throw at a person. I wasn't expecting such a drastic reaction to a test.

Right now I'm attempting to deal with doctors to get someone to answer me about the negative side effects of the test and it seems everyone wants to throw their hands up and say "not my problem." And the one group of doctors that was willing to do something (ER) got told not to by a particular department from a different hospital , so when I called that department after being released.... they said they can't do anything because I'm not a patient. ...isn't healthcare dandy?

I'm in limbo in the worst medical situation of my life. The most painful, most confusing, and most unknown.

I know I don't need a health deities altar, but I want one. .... too bad I can't even sit up or look down. And not due to migraines like normal, this time my spine just literally doesn't want to do it.

Any prayers, spells, happy vibes, etc are still very much appreciated, I've felt the Gods by my side through this and give credit to my loved ones and strangers who are "spiritually helping" me so to speak

[sag-dab-sar]

Sometimes I'm just really angry at my new level of disability. Like... really angry. People say look on the bright side but fuck it sometimes I just want to let myself be angry.

I want box braids again. I wore them often. But with my disability level it seems like I can't now. And I'm angry and upset thinking about it.

They help my hair grow, and protect my hair in a major way. It protects my hair from my rocking in bed, which when I rock in bed (its an ND thing I can't simply stop it) I then have to like rip brush out my hair. No "curly girl" routine detangling will ever help the sheer mess of knots that happens from my rocking. This leads to a ton of shedding and breakage; you're supposed to detangle curly hair when wet but getting my nest of extremely tangled hair wet would make everything worse. So the box braids help protect it from that. I have not been able to grow my hair out with any significant length since I stopped wearing them and I can't stand my current hair length. They make going out super easy because my hair is basically ready to go when I roll out of bed (as long as I keep scalp clean) which helps lessen the fatigue that comes with "getting ready" enormously. It also makes showers easier so long as I stuff all my braids into a cap.

Problem is, it now seems like my disability will prevent me from ever getting them again. Right now I avoid them due to migraines and tender scalp caused by migraines. My neck problem has also gotten worse since the last time I wore them and boy if you wear your box braids in a pony tail you need some neck strength. But also uninstalling box braids I have to do myself and it is A Task™ , a task I'm not sure I can do with my new weakness level, new fatigue level, and wrist/hand problems.

Second, I get them done by a lovely woman from Sierra Leon who does it as a side job out of her home, not a salon. So I have to sit in a dining room chair for 5-8 hours (depends on what size she chooses to make my braids and if she has her daughters to help), which is significantly bad for my butt/back/spine. I could bring in my wheelchair cushion to sit on or ask to bring my wheelchair in but I'm too nervous to ask that of her. I'm embarrassed and also don't want to impose on her. I could try a salon but many salons in my area are not wheelchair accessible anyways, my favorite nail salon isn't.

Also while I did get compliments (usually from girls who also have braids or when I wore a non natural color) I also got disdainful stares. And its like— now I have a wheelchair, colored glasses, funky socks.... do I want to give them yet another reason to look at me in a bad way? I shouldn't care but sometimes I do.

I couldn't get them right now anyways due to my spine being a bratty leaking bitch that can't sit up for longer than maybe an hour. But I just keep thinking of all the things my disability is preventing me from doing—like my love of long nails too—and its so upsetting. I really fucking want them. I hate what 2022 did to me it feels like it stripped all my favorite things from me.

Maybe, just maybe, if I'm able to get the spine surgery and PT I'd be able to wear them again. I realize its an incredibly vain thing to be upset over but it just hurts knowing my disability does things like this.

*Disclaimer: I'm mixed and have white passing privilege. I got my braids as a kid (but couldn't wear them to school) and then eventually as an adult. I understand hair discrimination exists and I'm not trying to appropriate them as a trendy fashion statement at the expense of black people, they do genuinely help and protect my hair— as long as I remove them correctly.

[sag-dab-sar]

I'm privating my reblog of "you are not your gods friend" (op title not mine) because it has all these historical sources and I think is really important for the Mesopotamian pantheon but I think it also sends the wrong message that I would edit nowadays (but its a reblog of my old blog so I can't) especially because it was mainly a debunk... I'm going to try and make it its own post maybe? I also still need to redo my review of that Sumerian recon book. Damnit I wish I could sit up and do stuff on my laptop, since thats what prevents these re-dos from happening (copy/paste in mobile is one "paragraph" at a time)

To the Abzu anon! I promise I have your ask and want to answer it , because its also very pertinent to my religious life rn but...

...February has been the worst month migraine wise in literally my entire life and I've had migraines that put me in the hospital since I was 13 (am 28) so I haven't been able to write a proper response yet. Thank you for your patience I really hope the wait is not discouraging you from Abzu or Mesopotamian deities/religion.

[sag-dab-sar]

Places I shouldn't have to worry about getting embarrassed because my wheelchair doesn't fit: Doctors office

Places I have felt very embarrassed because my wheelchair didn't fit: Doctors offices

Multiple. Fucking. Times.

[sag-dab-sar]

Trying to put together altars when my cat Felix is around. He'll try in jump into the box with glass of course.

[sag-dab-sar]

🤍About Me🤍

Hi, I am Michi, religiously IzkurEreškigal.

I'm 29. I have a cat named Felix 🐈‍⬛.

🕯️I have been a pagan then polytheist for 13 years. I was formerly Christian and left it around age 14/15.

🎓 My education since HS is dedicated to Athena Ergane. I have a B.S and M.A. My language learning is dedicated to Geštug Nisaba.

♿️ I am dyslexic, have mental illness, and am physically disabled. I've dedicated the usage of my wheelchair to Epione and Damu and the usage of my cane/crutches to Iaso. I am currently very disabled so my blog isn't exactly what I want it to be but I try.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️I am polygender, with they/them pronouns. Queer part of my life is dedicated to Nanaya.

I am a US American 🇺🇸 living on Pennacook land. Ethnically I am a 3rd Gen Greek American 🇬🇷 and 1st Gen Dominican American 🇩🇴. I'm mixed race. I have European, African, and Native Caribbean ancestry. I have faced racism I do not face colorism.

✨Random fun personality things✨

*I know many of these are unscientific its for fun

MBTI: ENTJ

Alignment: Lawful Neutral or Lawful Good depending on test

Friedman-Rosenman: Type A Personality

Sun Sign: Aquarius

Moon Sign: Sagittarius

[sag-dab-sar]

When you search "Greek alphabet" in the iOS app store the first (non-ad) app for learning— teaches the ANCIENT Greek alphabet. While many of the other apps emphasizes its usage in mathematics and science rather than a language. People realize modern Greek is a real language, spoken and written by 13+ million people??? There was another app (I don't remember which) that, when picking which language you wanted to learn, it had "(modern)" next to Greek..... it was the only language that had that modifier 🤦🏻‍♀️ I fucking hate that when someone says "Greek language" the first assumption is the ancient dialect. Greece never ended, Greek culture never ended, and the Greek language evolved like ever other language on earth including English. Yet you don't see "English (modern)" in multi-language apps. Please don't forget that Greek people still exist, with a beautiful living culture. It didn't end just because the temples were turned into churches. Thanks.

edit: its the Pimsleur app that clarified Greek with (modern)