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bangtan-madi · 4 years

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546 Days Without You — Five: Day 44

Pairing — Seokjin x Reader

Tags — boyfriend!Seokjin, older brother!Yoongi, producer/songwriter!MC, military au (ish), idol au (ish)

Genre — fluff, angst

Word Count — 2.1k

Summary — Kim Seokjin is your entire world, and that world falls apart the moment he and your older brother Yoongi are conscripted into the South Korean military.

Part — 5 / 15

Warnings — Do I even have to say enlistment at this point? Last chapter with a warning for that. By now, you know that every post will at least reference it.

A/N — So someone asked about a taglist for this fic, and I think it’s a great idea! The list is at the bottom and it’s open! Comment if you’d like me to add you to the taglist and I’ll get you on there for future updates :)

(gif not mine. credit to original creator.)

Previous — Next

By mid-January, everyone is finally starting to get back to normal. After Hoseok's timely intervention, the holidays were a joyful time for the band. While there weren't any events or parties or New Year's Rockin' Eve, like last year, you were silently glad that peace was returning.

As the new year passes, everyone is pumped up and motivated to continue working on the next album. While still in the pre-production stages—melodies, lyrics, and concepts being solidified and meddled with—there are few places you'd rather be. Right in the middle of the chaos that is BTS, crafting alongside the boys, that's your happy place.

That's what dreams are made of.

"I'm kinda in love with this concept, not gonna lie," Namjoon laughs, reclining back in one of the studio chairs.

He's been behind the glass, practicing what you have so far on the namesake track for the next album, but you've hit a spot in the bridge that's more difficult than the last. Despite that, Namjoon has been much cheerier and light than usual. He adores this process, lives for it. It seems that the moonchild gets his best ideas when alone in the studio, after everyone else has long since gone home.

You, however, are about ready to hit your head against the desk. "I love it like my brothers; every now and then I want to kill them."

Namjoon snorts as you drop your tablet into your lap and let your head lull back. "I understand how you feel."

"No, you don't. Your big, genius brain thought up all of this. You get psychology and archetypes and theory like no one else, Joon. I mean, I knew we were going with another chapter of Map of the Soul, but don't you think 'Dream' is a little...I don't know, audacious?"

He smiles, showing off his dimples. "I prefer forward-thinking."

Your head turns back to the tablet, seeing the basic outline of the song in front of you. "Dream" was one that you and Namjoon were working on together. He had started the process with Yoongi, and thought it only right to end it with you. He and the Mins have always worked best together, and this song was going to be something special.

"Speaking of forward-thinking, I want to show you something."

Namjoon slips from his chair and scurries over to the producing equipment. Using the computer, he pulls up a file called, "From KSJ's, To MYN 2020.10.24."

"What's that?" you ask, the title of the file catching your eye.

"I'll show you if you promise to not cry."

"Um, why would I do that?"

Instead of answering, Namjoon clicks twice. It's an audio file, and you're overcome instantly with a voice you'd recognize anywhere.

Seokjin's angelic vocals start off soft and sweet, humming a peaceful melody that you've never heard before. Then they shift into soothing lyrics, and you can tell that they're meant for you. Phrases of love and emotion fill your ears, and breaking your promise to Namjoon, tears begin to brim. Seokjin's voice grows stronger as he belts out the chorus with all his heart. You've never heard him hit notes like that.

As the song comes to a close, Seokjin whispers the last line, adding to the end, "Love you, Jagi."

Silence follows. You can't bring yourself to move or speak or think of anything other than the beautiful song he'd recorded for you. Namjoon sits with you, in the quiet, eyes shifting every few moments to you then back to the equipment.

October 24th. That was the day you'd spent recording with Jungkook, the day Seokjin finished early, the day before he decided to enlist. He'd been awfully dodgy about his recording of that day. You had no idea what he was working on, only assuming that he was recording one of his parts for the new album's couple songs that had been pre-produced.

You never dreamed he was singing something just for you.

"He told me to show it to you after you were in a well enough head-space," Namjoon eventually says. "Saying goodbye's never been our strong suit. He wanted to make you feel like he was still here."

"It's beautiful," you murmur, your voice a whisper.

"Jin was thinking about including it on the upcoming album. He wanted you to make the final call. If you want to keep it just for yourself, that's totally okay. BigHit doesn't know about the piece, so we can keep it between us three if that's what you want."

You shake your head, turning to your friend with a small smile. "It's too pretty to keep to myself. The Army will love it. Seokjin deserves to be the one doted on for his solo. Put it on the roster."

Namjoon looks pleased with your decision, his dimples reappearing. "Maybe we should take off the message at the end, though. It might add to the rumors that have been circulating."

"By the time the album comes out, no one will remember me or those stupid rumors," you wave away his concern. "Keep it in. Jinnie left an 'I love you, Army,' message at the end of 'Moon' for the iTunes store. They'll probably think it's for them."

"And you would be okay with that?"

"More than okay." You nod to the computer. "Can—Can we listen to it again? One more time?"

Namjoon is happy to oblige, and the two of you settle in for another listen to Seokjin's last song.

After finishing at the studio, you decide to gather the courage and make the trek back to your apartment. Back home. It's late, and while the dorms might be closer, you know in your heart that it's time to face the music. It's been time for a while, but you've been too afraid of the shadows inside you to do the hard thing.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Namjoon offers, when you tell him your plans to stay at the apartment tonight.

You give the tall man a shoulder pat and shake of your head. "I'm good, Joonie. Thanks, though. You head home. I'll be by first thing in the morning. Tell the boys for me?"

Namjoon nods once, gives you a goodbye hug, and slips something into your hand as he turns to leave. "For you, from Seokjin."

When you open your hand, you mumble a soft "thank you" to the man already walking towards the dorms.

It's a thumb-drive with your name written in Seokjin's sloppy penmanship.

When you arrive at the apartment, passing through the gate and security, it takes all your courage to press the elevator button for your floor. Your heart races in anticipation. You haven't felt this nervous about going home since Seokjin asked you to move in.

But this is an entirely different type of nervousness. You have no idea how you'll feel when those doors open, when you put the key into the doorknob, when you enter the last place Seokjin and you slept side by side. Will you feel empty inside without him there, like it did right after he left? Or will you feel comfort from being around his things, like you feel around Yoongi's?

Only one way to know. With a burst of bravery, you step from the elevator, march up to your apartment door, and push inside.

The entrance corridor is dark, and the entire place is silent. You're used to music being on when you enter. If you're not playing something when you walk in, Seokjin has his playlist going in the background. And it's almost never dark. Even when no one is home, your silly boyfriend likes to leave some smaller lights on so that he wouldn't get scared. A smile graces your face at the memory.

Flicking the light switch, the entire space is illuminated with a soft, golden glow. With intrepid determination, you make your way to the kitchen, stepping over a pile of postage that's been slid under your door over the past few weeks. You put a kettle of water on the stove top. You take deep breaths, allowing the area around you to settle in your mind. Tea will help; tea always helps.

As the water comes to a boil, you tip-toe down the hallway to the master bedroom. It's exactly how you left it. Clothes are strewn across the furniture as you packed in a hurry. Those first few days after Seokjin and Yoongi left were the worst, and after the second, you knew you couldn't stay there any longer. You packed what you could find and fled to the safety of the dorms. While you could feel Seokjin everywhere, there was no place you felt him more than the bedroom you shared.

He's everywhere. In the clothing that has overtaken your closet, in the Mario knickknacks along the dresser, in the scent of air freshener that he adores, in the plethora of skincare and hair care products that he uses, even in the choice of bedding (he loves one particular kind of sheets that make everything cool on warm nights.) His smell, his belongings, him.

Seokjin is still everywhere, but this time you take it in with ease. This time, it doesn't hurt as much. This time, it gives you a little bit of peace.

As you feel the silence start to creep up on you, you take the thumb drive, plug it into your laptop, and play the only file in storage. Seokjin's voice fills the void, ever-present and comforting in your time of need. Even in the military, he's making sure you're cared for and feeling loved.

The warm feeling floods through you as you change into one of his baby pink sweaters, discarding the emotions and stress of the day along with your clothes. You make your tea, curl up in bed, and let Seokjin sing you to sleep.

It's the first night of dreamless sleep you've had since he left.

Early the next morning, as you're getting ready to head to the boys' dorms, there's a knock on your door. A small envelope is slid under your door, the usual way small post is delivered to each apartment by the attendant in the lobby. You pick it up, noticing the seal of the South Korean military on the face.

Seokjin. Your heart flutters when you realize this might be from him.

With hurried fingers, you tear open the parchment and reveal a neatly typed letter inside. Your eyes begin to take in what it says, never more happy to see an actual paper letter in your life.

Jagiya,

Please don't laugh at my lame attempt at a love letter. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call or text you, but we're not allowed those privileges for another few months. So, instead, I'm stuck typing everything out to send you the old-fashioned way. Make fun of me all you want when I get back.

Everything has been going well at basic training. Yoongi and I have been able to stick together since we're in the same training facility. We will graduate soon and be sent to our assigned units, more than likely splitting up. I'm hoping for a more lenient one closer to Seoul, that way my personal days can be spent in the city with you and the boys, but that's out of my control. I don't want you to worry! Both Yoongi and I are keeping our spirits up, and I hope you are doing the same.

Give my love and annoying hugs to the members. Tell my parents and hyung that I love them, too. They only let me send one damn letter, so it had to be to you. But I'll never hear the end of it if I don't at least mention the boys. You know how they can get.

Yoongi is going to write to you soon, and his letter should come shortly after mine. Knowing him, it will be much more poetic than mine. But at least I beat him to the finish line!

Please take care of yourself. Write me back, and I'll try to respond as quickly as I can.

I love you and miss you more every day, [Y/n]. Just promise me you won't find some other loser to date while I'm away! I'm still worldwide handsome, you know, even in the military.

Forever yours,

Seokjin

P.S. I hope you enjoyed your song ♡

Taglist — @joyful-jimin

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