#mysdrym mumbles

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New glasses and new hair color/cut!

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Please keep my aunt in your thoughts and prayers

We're not sure what happened, but she's in surgery right now because there's built up fluid around her brain.

We're waiting to hear how it goes and if she's gonna be okay.

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Trying to get my license and the stars are not aligned

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Eeeee finally got to meet @rederiswrites in person! Had a wonderful time and I'm so glad we were able to swing by!

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Kinda wanna cry rn. Kinda want to schedule a therapy meeting this week.

Just moved to trying every two weeks and i feel like i don't want to be a pansy and schedule a meeting the first week i'm going without, but also like.

Everything is terrible

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oh my god

i just put it together; i feel so stupid

Tru//mp gets rid of the migrants who pick the crops.

There is no one to pick the crops now.

Ken//nedy wants to round up everyone on drugs and anti-depressants to send to 'work farms' to 'fix' them.

They plan on replacing the migrants with addicts and mentally ill people.

and they're gonna frame it as a solution to a possible, looming food shortage.

or maybe they'll let the shortage hit this year so that hungry, desperate people will be on board next year.

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I have really needed a good day for a while, and today was that day.

For the last three nights, I've been praying to the powers that be that I could be brave enough to take the test, because I figured even if I failed, at least I would have the experience and understand what I needed to work towards.

I drove 45 minutes out to another town on Wednesday, down highways and merging and doing all that stuff perfectly and I was like, "I can do this."

And then that DMV is closed because the DMV is apparently only currently has 540 people for the WHOLE state of 10 million people.

I did not know that at the time, and went to my city's DMV. Which was already booked solid.

So day two rolls in and I was telling myself I could be brave again and hoping I wouldn't chicken out. I went earlier to my DMV and the line was already so long at 10:30 AM that I was like, I will try another town, and went to another small town only to find that their DMV was also closed.

So I was looking at it and I decided that today I would just extend my permit and then schedule an appointment for December to get my license. That I would practice driving and get better at it and be ready come December, but I really wanted to make sure I could secure my ID before November (which I know is a ways off, but I have anxiety).

But then while I was waiting in line, the woman in front of me was also there to get a license and she asked someone else who took the test what it was like and then told the person she was with what she'd heard.

So I asked her more about it and the test sounded really short and pretty easy.

So I decided to try it, because if I failed, I could still get my permit renewed.

And I messed up a LOT. Like, when we were done, the woman testing me was like, "You did...okay. There is a LOT you need to work on. But you did okay."

And I was like, omg is 'okay' passing???? But I was too nervous to ask her so I just kind of stood there nodding through all the stuff she said I needed to work on, and then she had me check the screen to make sure everything was accurate and it was for a license not a permit and I just

adjfklsdjfkldsfjdslkfjdsklfdsjkldskjfklsd

I have a license :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

While I was driving, there was even a crazy driver that was doing a U turn and then decided to not do it and come down the wrong side of the road and I managed to stop and not get in an accident, so even with my inability to reach the speed limit because fast speeds terrify me, I still passed!

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i'm starting to think the therapy place is messing with me. The psychiatrist said she was gonna put in a referral that would take 3 days on the 13th. I called on the 20th to ask what was going on and they said there's no referral and said they'd make a note.

I called today and they said there's no referral and no note, but they'll leave a note this time.

I wanna think it's just my paranoia acting up, but it feels like they're messing with me

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Built myself a minecraft castle/mansion

Bonus Neighbor:

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so back on Jan 17, i had my blood pressure taken and the nurse asked me if I'm usually a bit high and i was like no. But I noticed they'd been asking that for the last few appointments, so I thought I'd bring it up to my psychiatrist yesterday.

So I went into my medical charts and looked up my blood pressure, thinking I was sitting at like, 123/75 or something.

And the top number has been in the 140s for 2 months now, with the lower number slowly rising.

So like, I'm close to hypertension.

So I had a panic attack last night that i was going to have hypertension.

And then i was like, "oh no this is probably raising my blood pressure, too."

And then i had some of the worst nightmares of late, barely got any sleep, got woken suddenly which only tied into the terror from the nightmares.

And then my mom was having a panic attack about the beach this morning.

And then I went to my interview and that seemed to actually go well, so that was a much needed stress relief.

And then i got home and found out my aunt is in surgery and they don't know what happened. They think she hit her head a few days ago, but no one's sure and she wasn't responsive when my uncle found her lying on the bathroom.

i can't decide if i should call my therapist or try to sleep or what

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I was 17 minutes over today. I now have to lose 17 minutes >.<

But I was a boss with that ground beef. It looked fantastic when I left. Chicken looked horrible, but that's because we were out of like half of it.

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Goals for today:

Get more efficient at pulling and stocking chicken

Get more efficient at registering donations/and throw away stuff

Remember that returns exist and I should periodically check to see if I have any

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Came home from walking with my fluffy boi to find a Carolina Wren on my kitchen table. Pelagos, Devourer of Soles and Hater of All With Wings, was a very good fluff and did not try to attack the bird even once <3

It is now safely back into the out of doors.

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my aunt has more fluid building up in her skull, so she's got to go back in for another procedure to see what's causing it.

I guess they have to send a camera up her artery to take a look at her brain?

Please keep her in your thoughts.

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My mom is so mad that Beyonce won that best album award. Like, she won't quit trash talking her and I'm just like what the fuck?

I don't give a shit about the grammys, but there's just no reason for this fucking vitriol.

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If my identity no longer exists according to the gov, I shouldn't have to pay taxes imo.