#myself when it comes to whether ive understood something. and blasting my inability to understand shit across emails makes
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#delete later#work meeting went well. i am so incredibly anxious. ow mine chest. hey remember how i was complaining about not feelinh emotions#ive got more back and they suck. nah im glad they're back. its just the whole giving s shit sbout my life and other ppl means i got#means i get anxious about future plans again. they want me to be more self sufficient about communicating with the wider team#which is something i find aaaaabsolutely terrifying and avoid at sll costs. so. it mwkes sense they're putting thst as s goal bc i DO need#to get better and stop relying on my manager. autism isn't an excuse for avoiding it. but god i wish it was! i straight up do not trust#myself when it comes to whether ive understood something. and blasting my inability to understand shit across emails makes#me want to throwwww uppppp#but i gotts remember that it making me anxious doesnt mean i shouldn't do it. snd often means i should do it.#could do without the anxiety attack though. ow chest. im manually breathing so hopefully thst should improve but fuck. my inability#to tell when im hyperventilating is a real problem tbh#they also asked how i was doing and i was like well. im getting more functional so it's in the right direction at least#wheres that meme its gonns be different but uts gonns be oksy#thats me at myself right now#oksy no i gotts go lie down
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