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saiilorstars · 4 years

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Next Stop, Everywhere

Chapter 4: It Doesn’t Matter

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Female OC x 10th Doctor (but we’re starting with the 9th Doctor)

OC face claim is the actress Victoria Camacho!

No real warnings for now!

// Story Masterlist //

Chapter summary: Joy is dropped back on Earth but not in the correct time the Doctor promised her. And despite her insistence to leave London altogether, she ends up doing something far different.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Remember what I said?

I was wrong.

Very wrong.

This was so a Third Wheel trip. Frankly, I can't take it anymore. I've grown fond of the Doctor and Rose but the fact that they barely acknowledge me is not that great.

What bugged me the most was that the Doctor didn't even bother getting to know me. All he knew was my name and that I was American. Other than that, nothing. But if you asked him about Rose, he'd have an answer in less than two seconds. Not only was it annoying, but it was also hurtful. It made me think that he didn't like me and I knew that wasn't the case because he could've easily dropped me off but... he didn't. But what was wrong, then?

I loved this place, I really did, but I can't keep going on like this. That's why I left home in the first place, years ago. I will not go through that again.

~0~

"Here we are, just 6 hours after we left," the Doctor pulled up in the same alley way we had left off in on Earth. I stepped outside, feeling as if it wasn't real. After seeing so much, it felt like I was just plain dreaming up the bland planet. "Now, are you sure you want to go home?"

I looked back, seeing him and Rose standing together. I nodded, "Yeah..."

"Oh, don't forget your coat!" Rose rushed inside the TARDIS and came back with my light, yellow coat, "Here," she handed it to me.

"You know we'll be back, right?" The Doctor asked.

I nodded, "Yeah...but-"

"Good then, we'll see you some time later," he grinned then walked inside.

I smiled sadly, nodding again even if he couldn't see it anymore.

Rose, oblivious to the ignorance, simply waved her hand before walking inside as well, "See you."

And just like the last time, one year ago, the blue box of wonders disappeared right before my eyes. "Goodbye Doctor," I whispered, thankful for so much opportunities I had been offered from him, "Thank you."

I turned and walked away, knowing I'd probably never see them again.

~0~

I entered the diner, feeling good and ready to begin the day. I felt I should leave London soon and head off somewhere new. Feeling ignored didn't help and so I wanted a fresh new start again, like the first time. That's usually what would happen: I'd travel, find a new place, meet people, waited a decent time until I saw things going for the worst then got up and left again.

It was that time again...

"Morning!" I yelled.

Ami, who was walking towards the counter, dropped the plates she had been holding to the ground. I jumped when the glass smashed into pieces.

"Ami! What the hell?" I walked towards the counter, setting my bag on it.

"It's...it's you," she pointed a trembling finger at me, "D-Dominic!" she yelled.

"What?" Dominic walked to his station and looked up through the opening window. His eyes widened when he saw me, "Oh my god..."

"Oh, Joy!" Ami threw her hands around my neck, "I'm so glad you're safe!"

"What are you talking about?" I pulled away, utterly confused, "Of course I'm safe!"

"Where have you been kid?" Dominic asked, "We were worried sick!"

"I thought you had finally left again," Ami said sadly, "Without even a goodbye."

"What are you two talking about? I just saw you yesterday," I shrugged off my coat.

"What are YOU talking about?" Dominic raised an eyebrow, "It's been 6 months since you came in."

My eyes nearly popped out, "SIX MONTHS?" I choked out, "N-n-n-n-no," I shook my head, "6 months? No...it..." I looked at them and saw they were serious, dead serious. They wouldn't lie like that; they weren't about the pranking style.

I had been gone for six months.

"Yeah, the boss was really angry you just skipped out like that," Ami said.

"Oh..." I shut my eyes, "I dread to think. I'm fired aren't I?"

They both nodded.

"And I don't think your American charm is going to work this time," Dominic said, "Sorry kid."

I sighed, "I lost my job."

"Where did you go?" Ami asked as I grabbed my coat and bag.

"Somewhere..." I mumbled, walking to the door, "But it doesn't matter now..."

6 months. I've been gone 6 months. The Doctor had said 6 hours. He clearly got it wrong. What was I supposed to do now?

I called where I lived and was greeted by an angry Ms. Griffin, the owner of the apartment in which I rented a room.

I had lost that too.

I was left walking through the streets with no place to go and no money. Wonderful.

I had lost everything...

I looked up and noticed something posted on a street post. At first, I couldn't make out what it was but when I neared closer, I saw it was a 'Missing Girl' flyer. I reached for it and studied it.

I gasped quietly, "Rose..."

'Have you seen me?'

"They've marked her down as disappeared." I read the entire paper and saw there was a phone number and address. I looked up, glancing ahead and back.

I dashed off to somewhere named the Powell Estate. I clutched the paper in my hand as I ran. Oh Rose, if only she knew.

~0~

I knocked furiously, alright I pounded, on a door until I was finally answered. "Jackie Tyler?" I said, catching my breath.

A blonde, blue eyed woman stared at me momentarily stood on the other side of the door, "Uh...yes?"

"I know..." I panted, holding up the crumpled paper in my hand, as if she could really see what was on it anymore, "...Rose..."

"Oh!" She exclaimed then pulled me in and shut the door. "Have you seen my daughter?"

I caught my breath and nodded, "She's been gone for 6 months?"

"Yes, yes, do you know where she is?"

I licked my lips, sucking in a deep breath, "You see..."

"Jackie?" Someone called as the door was reopened.

I froze; it was the young man Rose had been with in the London Eye.

When he recognized me he pointed violently, his anger growing clear on his face. "It's you!"

I blinked, not finding the right words to say. I mean, what could I really say?

"Do you know each other?" Jackie asked, desperately trying to keep up; a hopeful gleam in her eyes, probably belonging to the thought of finally finding her daughter.

"She was with Rose the day she disappeared," The guy exclaimed, nearly shouting at me, "Do you know how many problems your stupid Doctor caused me?"

"I'm...sorry..." I tried apologizing but Rose's mother cut in and started questioning for her daughter.

"You were with Rose? Where's Rose!? What do you know!?"

"Calm down," I gestured with my hands, I seeing her get really get worked up about it, "I can explain..."

"No, you left too!" the guy marched up to me angrily, 'Do you know I was a suspect for killing Rose?"

"Y-you were?" I blinked, now understanding completely his anger, "I'm terribly sorry but it's not my fault!"

"Mickey Smith you let her speak," snapped Jackie.

"Mickey?" I quickly said, "I can explain. Just give me the chance," He glared but nodded and allowed me to continue, "Jackie, I don't know where your daughter is," I began and I saw the disappointment in her face, "But I can assure you she's not dead. She's just...traveling."

"Traveling?" she repeated, "But why won't she call?"

"I don't know," I shook my head, really not getting the answer either. I mean, Rose knew her mother would pick up. She knew her mother would always be worried. She should feel lucky and grateful she had a mother like Jackie. But for some reason, she just wasn't bothered that she had left her mother without a word.

"Jackie, I went missing that same day but...here I am," I gestured to my safe body, "And look, no one even claimed a disappearance of me. I'm perfectly fine."

"Who...who are you?" she asked.

"Joy Souza."

"You seem pretty young..." she looked me over, "You say you disappeared too? And your parents didn't file it?"

I couldn't help but scoff, "Please, like they'd make time to look out for me."

She tilted her head, frowning with confusion, "But-"

"It's not important," I quickly moved on from the topic, "I just came over to give you some assurance over your daughter. I don't know where she is but she'll be coming back. Pretty soon." I turned to Mickey, "And I'm sorry for the trouble you had to go through. I didn't think that'd happen. I don't think the Doctor did either."

He smiled dimly, "I guess it's not really your fault..."

"I uh...better get going," I walked for the door.

"Joy?" Jackie called suddenly, "Hold on there," I looked back as she came up, "Your parents...what did you mean by that?"

I shook my head, "Jakie, it's not import-"

"It's important," she said softly, studying me for a minute, "I can bet you're not even eighteen yet," I tried hiding my shock at her correct guessing but she just saw straight through it. She took my hand, bringing me away from the door. "How's about a nice cup of tea?"

My mouth opened to immediately decline the offer, knowing it was best to put distance between myself and the Doctor and Rose. I had to leave anyways and the less people I said goodbye to, the better. "...can I get coffee instead?"

And that happened instead.

Jackie smiled, nodding as she brought me towards the kitchen, Mickey right behind, "Of course, sweetheart."

~ 0 ~

6 Months Later.

"See you later Jackie!" I exclaimed, running to the door and grabbing my bag.

"Hold on, no breakfast?" she walked out from the kitchen, expectant face that declared I sat down at the table for a proper meal.

"I have to find a new job," I reminded, sweetest smile I could give on my face.

"Again?" she leaned against the wall, "What happened to the one last week?"

"I quit," I shrugged, "Boss was incredibly rude and demeaning."

"Hm, well I already told you. Maybe you should just focus on school. The faster you finish, the quicker you can get into college."

"I will," I nodded, reaching for the door knob, "I am."

I ran through the street, looking intently on where I could apply for another job. It was becoming fairly difficult, I'd admit. Every since I lost the one at the diner, I just couldn't seem to stick in one job anymore. Granted, I never did but this time it was different. I just couldn't. I never stayed too long in a place; when I felt ready to leave I just did. But I hadn't done so in over a year and a half. I was still in London and for some reason, I couldn't leave.

Perhaps, it could have to do with the fact that I had found a real home that I couldn't admit was only a temporary one until Rose returned and took back her room. But the atmosphere was just so different! Right from the beginning, Jackie had sat me down on the table, handing me a cup of coffee, and along with Mickey, listened to my story...my whole story. She didn't yell, she didn't reprimand me, she didn't order me what I had to do...she just listened. While she didn't condone what I had done in respect to my family, she agreed that they had been wrong. She also agreed not to contact them for any reason unless I was in grave danger, and we were talking about life and death situations. In her, I had found the only other person that could possibly understand me and just...allow me to live my life the way I wanted to. I was doing nothing wrong, really.

I had even found a new friend, in Mickey. He had also listened and had understood me, especially since one of his parents had also been quite the distant from him. And now with his 'girlfriend' off traveling with an alien, we had become the best of friends.

I was really happy. So happy that I just couldn't bring myself to leave...

~0~

All morning I spent it in the mall, looking for a job. I managed to go around the shops inside and beside the mall, but still nothing. I was becoming frantic. 6 months of this! I don't know how much longer I can last! I didn't want to be taken care of, I never need anyone to help me. Jackie and Mickey had offered to pay for my expenses while I finished school but I didn't need my own parents to do that for me so I certainly wasn't about to let two people that actually cared for me to do so.

"Hey," I heard Mickey call from behind.

I turned around, hugging him quick, "Hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Job hunting again."

"What happened to the shop?"

"It didn't work out..."

"So, no luck yet?"

I shook my head, "I don't know, I had such a good job at the diner. I had all my money saved...but it's gone." I sighed, "And I can't seem to get up on my feet anymore."

"You'll find something." he assured, "I was heading to Jackie's for lunch. Ready to come back?"

I shook my head, "Ami and I are going to have lunch at the diner."

He nodded, "Alright. I'll see you later then."

I nodded continued on my way. I entered the diner and was greeted by the familiar greasy smell. "Hi Dominic." I greeted.

"Hey!" he waved from his station, "Ami's in the restroom. She'll be out," I smiled and sat at the counter, "Still no luck?"

"Nope!"

"Don't worry. You'll find something good," he assured, "Actually, one of my friends said there was going to be an opening for a high top institution."

"Really?" I perked up, curious, "What is it?"

"I don't know much about it but she said the pay is really good. If you want, I can give you the number of my friend. Just say I sent you."

'Thanks, Dominic." I smiled.

"Hey!" Ami came out, "Dominic, you know the usual!"

He groaned, "Yes."

We went to sit at a table by the glass window.

"How's the work today?" I looked around, "It's barely filled."

"Yeah, things have been going pretty slow this month."

"Because you need an American..." I trailed off, causing her to chuckle.

"We do miss you," she nodded.

"Me too," I admitted, pouting, making her laugh again.

We talked about the future plans we had both made for the rest of the year, specifically for Christmas which was nearing. She said her family would visit the Galapagos Islands. That sounded like fun...one of the places I had to visit. Though the thought of those plans I had had were slowly fading. I didn't want to go away for Christmas but I also didn't want to stay here. Jackie and Mickey were incredible but the truth was still there: I had no family in England and was living in a room that wasn't even mine. Christmas just seemed like a joke, I admitted to myself. Of course, Ami made me laugh through it. She was incredibly sweet when it came to my troubles. Together, we ate like we hadn't done so in months, much to Dominic's dismay.

I was eating my third chocolate mousse when Mickey busted through the doors.

"Oi man!" Dominic yelled, "What's the rush?"

Mickey ignored him and ran straight to me, "Minnie!" he cried, panting heavily, "You have to see..."

"Mickey, what's wrong?" I handed him a drink.

He shook his head and hand, "No, no. It's Rose..." he finally said, "And the Doctor!"

My eyes widened, "What about them?"

He shook his head, still regaining his breath. He grabbed my hand and ran us out. "See you Ami!" I yelled before we left for the streets.

I couldn't believe they were back...

It had been several months and honestly, secretly, I had started believing they would never return.

But now, the only thought that ran through my head was the trouble those two were in...

~0~

We ran up the stairs of the Powell Estate and bust through the door of the Tyler's. We saw Rose, the Doctor and Jackie in the living room.

"You're back..." I breathed, "Jackie..."

"It was him, wasn't it?" she frowned, "Did he take you away too?" I glanced to the Doctor for help, "He did," Jackie glared at him, "You took these two girls?"

"I didn't force them!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"He didn't," Rose assured, "Mum, please just calm down."

But Jackie was hysterical. She was angry. Furious.

And she should be...

12 months. One Year.

I think anyone who waited that long would be right to be angry...right?

"Jackie, what did I say?" I asked her, trying to ease her anger as best I could, "She was fine. Isn't that what matters?"

"Yes, of course but..."

"Then let it go." I said, "Your daughter is here. Be happy."

She stared at Rose, sighing, "Oh come here," she pulled Rose for a hug.

"Nice one," Mickey whispered behind me.

"Thanks," I whispered back, smiling as the mother and daughter reunited.

"Joy," the Doctor stood up, "How have you been?"

I glanced at Jackie and Mickey, silently pleading they wouldn't say anything, though I think only one of them got the message, "Um...good. I've been very good."

"Minnie," Mickey began, "You los-"

"I've been good," I repeated clearly, elbowing him in the stomach, "Working..."

"That's good." the Doctor nodded, "Really, really good."

I half smiled, "Come here," I pulled him for a hug, "I thought I'd never see you again, you goof ball."

He chuckled, "I did say see you some time."

I pulled back, "It's been six months."

"I thought it was 12," Rose said.

"For you," I looked at the Doctor, "You seem to have made a miscalculation with me as well. It wasn't 6 hours, it was 6 months."

"Oh..." he looked around, "Oops."

"Yeah, oops," I crossed my arms. I pretended to be angry but then started laughing. I re-hugged him, happy to see him again. Secretly, I thought that this time we'd actually get a chance to talk.

That was the plan...

A spaceship crashed into Big Ben, the Doctor as usual got us arrested and 'escorted' to give answers on something we clearly didn't know of. Aliens were discovered to be hiding in 'human suits' I'd say? It was the usual for the Doctor, got himself in trouble and inexplicably saves himself and the rest of the world.

And do you know what happened apart from that?

More ignores.

Now, it was just frustrating!

Throughout the whole chaos, I was only referred back to for a clever input that could possibly give the Doctor an idea. But other than that, it was like I was just one more human, like Harriet Jones, that had tagged along with the time travelers. Was I really just that awful? That bad of a 'companion' as Rose called herself.

Oh, and that's one more thing I also picked up on...

Rose didn't view the Doctor just as an alien. While she wasn't 'in love', she wasn't just viewing a friend. I truly believed that wouldn't end well for either party. And as selfish as I may sound, I also believed that it wouldn't end well for me if they become something more than friends. Because if I felt ignored now then I couldn't even begin to imagine what it'd feel like later on...

"Are you sure you don't want to come along then?" the Doctor asked me, once more, by the TARDIS.

I looked to Rose that was standing beside him, making my answer crystal clear in my head. "No. I have things to do here.."

"Like what?" he asked, slightly disgusted at the idea of turning down the glorious box of wonders for Earth.

You'd know what happened to me if we talked, I thought.

That was rude but...I was fairly irritated.

"Things. But I'll be here," I glanced at Rose, "You don't mind if I keep staying in your room?"

She smiled and shook her head, "Keep my Mum company for me. And take care of Mickey."

I did a pretend salute, "Understood."

"Well, I'll see you some time then," the Doctor gave a slight nod then entered the TARDIS.

Rose did a slight wave then entered the TARDIS. I took steps back as the TARDIS began de-materializing.

"Why'd you let him leave like that?" Mickey asked.

I sighed, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not an idiot, Minnie. I saw you barely spoke. Did you even tell him what happened when you came back?"

"No..." I admitted, "It doesn't matter."

'It does matter," he put a hand on my shoulder.

"What was I supposed to say?" I turned around to face him, "I lost my job? I lost my year of school? I lost everything for coming with him? Was I just supposed to drop it off like that?"

"No, but you could've said something," he replied, equally serious as I was, "While there was no mean intentions, he did hurt you. And he still is, much like Rose. They both ignore you and I don't like it! I'd never leave you like they did."

I raised an eyebrow, intrigued at his last words, "...is that why you didn't take the Doctor's offer then?"

The Doctor had asked Mickey if he wanted to accompany he and Rose into the TARDIS, take him on those trips Rose talked about today but for some reason, Mickey said no.

"Honestly, I'm scared of the idea of time traveling but..." He sighed, nodding, "...I can't just leave you after everything. You lost your job, your home, your money, your school year...everything. And you don't even say anything? C'mon, Minnie, you're so sweet but there's a limit."

"I was asking you a question and you turn this back on me?" I frowned, disliking that tactic had taken custom of using.

"My answer has to do with you," he clarified softly, "A best friend looks out for a best friend, and I intend to do so."

"Oh Mickey, you're amazing!" I hugged him.

He sighed, "It saddens me that he doesn't even know you."

"It's a bit disappointing," I agreed, pulling back, "But maybe it'll change the next time we see each other."

"Maybe," he swung his arm around my shoulder, "How's about a chocolate milkshake in the meantime?"

I smiled, "Sure. Let's get Jackie too."

Hopefully, the situation wouldn't last forever. Maybe I was right, maybe the next time the Doctor came back, we'd finally talk like actual friends.

#noblecrescentedit #10th doctor x oc #oc: Joy Souza #oc: Minerva Souza #doctor who fanfics #10th doctor x original female character #10th doctor imagines #doctor who #rose tyler #9th doctor #fic: next stop eveywhere

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platinumshawnn · 7 years

Text

Grief | Jack Lowden pt. 2

Part One |

Word count: 3,000

Summary: Jack reflects on his life with his father and struggles readying himself to say his final goodbyes as the family finishes setting up the last minute preparations and details for the funeral

A/N: I may have went a little out as far as this part goes, I only meant for it to be like 2,000 characters max but....it practically wrote itself and went all out. Also, I figure I’d like this part’s soundtrack inspiration. Enjoy?

It was the first time in over a week that night that they slept in bed, back to back -- not touching, but she didn’t need to be pressed right up against him to feel his presence; to feel the heaviness that weighed him down into the thin mattress of his old room, the sadness and grief that he drowned in, that consumed his every fiber. He was restless, tossing and turning in bed for hours and hours and it was all she could focus on. His breathing seemed ragged and forced, too deep to be normal. She couldn’t remember what time she had lulled to sleep, just remembering that she had fallen asleep at some point to the sound of his struggled breathing; his pain physically evident. When she woke, it was to the sound of clinking, noting the emptiness of the bed immediately before anything else as her eyes wandered around the small room that was decorated by old school and family photos, small awards he’d acquired during his teens, all signs of the Jack she knew and loved surrounding her. A vast contrast to the broken man she’d witnessed as she glanced to the digital alarm clock that read 6:42 A.M., her eyes moving to find the blonde Scotsman near the window with a coffee mug in his hand, stirring so robotically she wasn’t even sure he was fully aware of what he was doing; like he wasn’t in control of his own hand.

His hair was disheveled, his expression hidden by the shadow that still cast the room into a It state of near complete darkness -- but it was common sense to assume that he hadn’t slept much or even at all if she had to be honest. Jack remained oblivious to her waking, just as he was that his coffee was probably stirred enough, that he didn’t even turn to look when his wife stumbled out of bed, tripping over her own feet as she crept from the room in her nightgown. They had begun to make progress the night before, for the first time since his father had passed, and that was all she could think of while looking over her shoulder to glance back at the vision that was of her husband in the open window; the peak of sunrise starting to come up with his silhouette stood there like some artsy photo you’d stumble across in a magazine or online. And though maybe today he’d revert back to silent and looking through her, she couldn’t deny the warmth that spread across her chest for the little amount of strength he had mustered to give her a piece of the man she knew -- the man who loved helping his wife and loved just basking in her presence, just as long as he could be near her he never needed for anything to be said. And maybe she was over analyzing and thinking too much about a moment that maybe was nothing, but to her, it felt like progress.

She ducked down the hallway as quietly as she could, making sure as to not disturb the house that was still completely and utterly silent and asleep as it should have been at this hour as she made her way into the bathroom with her arms folding over her chest like somehow it would provide her some warmth, by hugging herself. The hardwood floors were cool under her bare feet that tiptoed across, closing the bathroom door behind her and flicking on the fluorescent yellow lights that made her squint; blindly stumbling her way to the toilet. She did what she had to and finished her business, cringing when she flushed the toilet as it sounded almost as loud as shooting a gun in this silence and kept the water pressure of the sink low when she washed her hands.

Her eyes though lifted to the mirror before she left, her hand hovering over the light switch while she took in her exhausted appearance; the bags under her eyes more prominent than ever and hair a mess, yesterday’s curls barely even showing any sign they’d been there just hours previously as they were now replaced by frizzy bedhead from the tossing and turning she herself had done. She hadn’t slept well and it was obvious aside of the back pain from sleeping weird. Before she could linger on and wake up enough to complain about how dull and lifeless she looked, about the few pimples that were starting to break out across her forehead, and how dried out she looked, she flicked the light off and began to make her way back to Jack’s room. Her eyes had been drawn to the framed images hung on the walls, family photos and graduation pictures of the kids, childhood photos, pictures of a family with wide smiles and bright, happy eyes -- there was no way of ignoring the pain in her chest it brought her as her eyes stopped on one specific picture of her and Jack clinging to either side of his father, taken the previous Easter. She swallowed thickly and lifted a hand to brush the frame with her fingertips ever so gently.

When she returned to the bedroom, she stopped by the doorway and fidgeted with her fingers as she stared at Jack, who still had not moved much but at least he had stopped stirring and was now sipping slowly at his drink. Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, as she spoke.

“Did you sleep at all?” She asked.

It took him a minute before he quietly answered after lowering his cup, “No, couldn’t.” He admitted. Olivia nodded slightly and made her way across the room gingerly, wordlessly as she came up behind him and reached out to gently touch her fingertips to the spot between his shoulder blades as if test the waters. It was when he seemed unbothered by the contact, if anything relaxing slightly, that she moved in closer to close the space between them and wrapped her arms around his waist, her chin resting on his shoulder while her eyes focused out the window too. She pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder.

“What’s the agenda for today?” She asked, eyes flickering to his face as her hands clasped together just below his ribs. His chest expanded as he sucked in a deep breath and then sighed, eyes not even bothering to look at her.

“I have to go confirm flowers and drop off some other stuff for the boards. Double check that the obituaries turned out the way mum wanted, make sure everything is correct.” He ran down the small list of responsibilities, her cheek rested on his shoulder and watching his expression.

Nodding once, Olivia paused. “Would you like me to come with you?”

He didn’t say anything but by the flutter of his eyes, closing them for a moment too long and the visible flinch he gave before he opened them again, she knew she had her answer. She turned her head after one last moment of taking in the sight of him to look back out the window, the silence between them giving her a moment to think, really think, how much harder this must have been for him. The two had been as close as a father and son could be, this man that she’d become relatively close with in those last six year, was not just a father to him -- he was a role model and his idol, his best friend even. Jack was close to his parents but there was always something so much deeper between his father and him and she had admired it from the first time she witnessed it, envied even, despite having a good relationship with her own father.

She inhaled and backed up from his slightly, her tight hold around his midsection releasing but her hand reaching up to grasp his left elbow gently, “Let’s go for breakfast. That old cafe downtown your dad used to love, we can enjoy the sunrise during the drive.” She suggested, head tilting as she waited for an answer that took him a minute of contemplation. It was with a sigh that he turned and agreed, her small smile being met by his tired expression, his eyes still wavering the idea. “Come.”

He hadn’t been as eager to finish his breakfast, the eggs and toast still untouched, but he nibbled at the bacon slowly; eyes out the window and watching the cars and civilians that were starting to fill the streets; making their way to work, bundled up as they try to block out the cool morning breeze that had managed to leave a layer of condensation in their car’s windshield. Neither of them had said much either since sitting down and ordering, other than polite ‘thank you’s whenever the waitress came by to check everything or ask if they needed refills, but the soft hum of conversation from other customers and the staff and the quiet music playing overhead was something she was thankful for -- it gave her something to focus on while she ate, her eyes flickering up to look at him every so often.

She wasn’t used to their silent breakfasts and even if there was noise to fill that silence, it made her uncomfortable. “What are you thinking about?” She suddenly asked while scooping a forkful of scrambled eggs into her mouth and chewing.

“Nothing.” He shortly answered, looking away from the window and down to his plate that was barely touched, picking up his fork and knife to cut a piece of waffle off to pop into his mouth in the meanwhile but she could easily tell there was something more to say, keeping her waiting gaze on him. “Well I just,” He said after swallowing, “do you remember the last time we came here?” He added, glancing across at her.

“I think. We came here with your dad for his birthday, right?” She recalled, her hands going to rest in her lap while she leaned forward a bit.

Jack nodded, “Yeah. I’m just thinking about…” He said, drifting off and smiling slightly to himself. “He inhaled his food sometimes, do you remember? Just to bug me, he’d say it was a contest to mock me and eat as fast as possible and then he would be like, ‘come on, Jacky, you gotta give me a run for my money’ or that my grandmother ate faster because I would always make everything a competition as a kid and it was the stupidest thing. It frustrated him when I was a kid and it frustrated me as an adult and it was funny to him. He ate four waffles in five minutes and I was horrified. These things are huge.” He recalled, pointing out the size of the waffle on his plate with his fork.

Olivia smiled and watched the way his face seemed to light up at the memory, a smile on his face as he spoke but it was a short lived moment before he paused; smile faltering and looking across at her, looking back down when he met her eyes. “Anyways.” He finally finished, her own smile leaving her face as she realized the conversation was over, nodding once. “I think I’m just gonna get this to go, I’m not too hungry.” He quietly said. As much as she wanted to argue to at least have a few more bites, she remained quiet and sighed quietly, waving a hand to call the waitress over, forcing a small smile.

“Can we have the check please? Thank you.” She softly said.

They paid and got containers for their food, quiet as they left, walking shoulder to shoulder as they carried their take away boxes in their hands back to the car. I wasn’t vocally decided upon but Jack had decided it was his turn to take over, getting in the driver's seat as she clambered into the passenger’s, buckling up before they were off again.

Flowers took only five minutes to confirm, dropping off pictures for boards that would be placed around the church at the funeral took another ten; quietly speaking as Jack explained how they wanted everything placed, while Olivia wandered around and took a look around the lobby area, hands in her pockets. She timed everything. From the time it took to get from one place to another, to how long each conversation was, she counted. She could sense how tense he was by the end of their driving around, picking up a copy of the obituaries that would be available to take the next day for guests that were in attendance; still parked in the parking lot outside the printing place fifteen minutes later as he stared blankly down at it.

She didn’t say anything, just staring at him and waiting, waiting to hear for any mistakes; misspells or changes that needed to be made but he said nothing, just looking at the poem that was inside for a long time. It was when she uttered a soft call of his name that he sharply inhaled and looked up, putting the demo copy in the console between them, blinking rapidly as if to hide the evident tears she could still see from her seat, her heart aching as she sighed.

“Oh, Jack…” She breathed out, reaching a hand over to gently touch his jaw with her hand gently. He shook his head and began to reach for the key in the ignition to start the car.

“It’s fine, they got everything right, I think mum will give them the clear.” He rambled shakily. “I mean the picture inside is a little orange looking but he’d probably say it made him look more tanned so…”

“Jack, stop.” She said, grabbing the nearest hand to stop him from shifting gears. She kept her voice soft as she spoke, but stern as to make it obvious how serious she was. “Turn the car off and look at me.” She ordered. He stayed still. “Turn it off.”

He sighed deeply and turned the car off, avoiding her gaze until she forced him to look at her; grabbing his chin and turning his face until she could see his eyes, tears welled up and cheeks flushed red as he clenched his jaw. She shook her head, “You don’t have to constantly be strong, you just lost your dad. I know how much he meant to you, and if this is hard, and it hurts just let it out. Stop trying to be okay and let yourself hurt -- grieve, Jack. You’re allowed to be upset.” She advised quietly, seeing his mouth twitch. “But please don’t shut me out and lie to me, I’m your wife and I’m here to go through this with you. I’m here, okay? It’s okay.”

And it was just like that, hearing those words and the sincerity in his wife’s voice that had been there -- built up after convincing himself he was the one responsible for keeping it together for everyone and being tough -- that he let out a deep, shaky breath and leaned his head down against the steering wheel, his eyes screwing shut as Olivia watched on. Her hand moved to rest on his back as she shifted in her seat to be as close to him as she could, pressing a kiss to his temple as he let out a broken sob, his body tense; sliding her arm around him and remaining there in that position, lips pressed to his temple and closing her eyes.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” She quietly spoke, her own tears welling up at the anguished sounds that left his shaking body, sobbing.

He hiccuped, “No, it’s not. Olivia, it’s-- not.” He cried out, his speech muffled as he kept his head down. “He’s gone and there’s nothing I could fucking do. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I’ve got no goddamn idea and I’m scared and it physically fucking hurts.” He sniffled, the cries leaving his mouth fluidly as she gently rocked them, her hand pressing to the side of his head to pull him closer towards her chest; his body giving in until he was clinging tightly onto her.

“I hate this,” He muttered brokenly against her. “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.”

She pressed another kiss to his hair, mumbling after five minutes as he was starting to calm back down into sniffles, still tightly holding on to her as if his life depended on it. “It’s not okay and that’s okay. You’re allowed to be angry and sad, and to want to set fire to the world, but know I’m still going to be here, reminding you he was proud of you every step of the way because you knew exactly what you were doing before and I know you’ll figure it out -- in a month, a year, but you’ll figure it out. You always do and he knew that.” She brunette explained. She paused a beat before continuing. “Take your time, the world will still be here for you when you’re ready -- I will, your family, your friends. We’re on your side and you’re not going to do this on your own, whether you want that or not. But don’t force yourself to pretend you’re okay and invalidate your own feelings.”

“I can’t do this.” He suddenly replied all too quietly.

“You can, you don’t want to though. You aren’t completely letting him go though, Jack, he’s not entirely gone.” Olivia shook her head slightly, her words now spoken close to his ear as her voice softened. “You are exactly the man your father was and one day you’ll see that, every time you look in the mirror, he is right there with you. You are a great man, Jack Lowden, just as your father was.” She finished, resting her cheek atop his head.

#jack lowden imagine #jack lowden #jack imagine #dunkirk boys

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