#n.patrick: angst

[queeniewriteshockey]

“i can’t sleep, can i stay here?” with nolan? thank you!

Stay the Night Part 1

Word Count: 1480

I was doing okay with this keeping things short thing and then this asshole comes along and derails that. I really like writing this guy. 

Part 2 Here Part 3 here Part 4 here

The hours ticked by as your tossed and turned in your bed. The noise of the city was too much for you. The neighbor had decided that 1 in the morning was an appropriate time to start vacuuming their entire house and your mind screamed. You felt like a cartoon character; eyes wide, bloodshot and scratchy. Nothing was helping anymore. You couldn’t sleep. There was no godly way to make it work for you. 

The only option was to get up, but your roommate was asleep. How? You had no idea. She could sleep through an apocalypse, though. It wasn’t fair and it made you grumpy. You didn’t much care for her anyway, though you kept that to yourself because you didn’t want to be rude. You especially didn’t like the way she looked at your best friend. Jealousy was a green-eyed monster and she lived nestles deep in your bones. 

The fact that the roommate was asleep left you with very few options. You could plug into your computer, maybe watch something on Netflix until your alarm went off and drag your dead ass out of bed to start your day, or… you could actually leave the little townhouse you rented with her and see what you could find in the dark of the Philadelphia night. 

You’d only been in town for a few months, having moved out there after finding a job. You didn’t tell anyone that the reason you had picked Philidelphia of all places in the world was that of Nolan, but those that knew you knew he was your dream. It wasn’t the job you were chasing. It was stupid and you felt silly, but you couldn’t help it. Especially because Nolan himself was encouraging of you moving out there. He missed you, too. Just not the same way. 

You traded out pj’s for a pair of work out pants and a flyers sweatshirt. You’d lived in it practically every day since you’d gotten it. You had to support your best friend regardless of other feelings that simmered under the surface for him. It was too cold for slides by themselves, but like most athletes, a pair of socks paired with the slides was as good as any closed toed shoes. 

Once you were outside, you were greeted with blissful silence. You had known it was loud within the confines of your townhouse, but you hadn’t realized how onesided the noise was. The cold air cleared your mind and woke you up a little more. It was a nice night, but the feel of the city was off. It wasn’t the nicest of areas, that you lived in, but there were considerably worse areas. You’d picked Fishtown for the hipster artsy vibe, but artists kept shit hours, as you were noticing. 

There was a little coffee shop down the way, right next to Art Machine Productions, but you knew it was closed by now. Really, you had nowhere to go and nothing to do. It didn’t stop you from getting into your car and turning the engine over. If you were being honest with yourself (you weren’t) you already knew where you were going before you put the car in gear and headed down the road. 

It was as if autopilot had engaged the second you hit the main roads out of your neighborhood. You found yourself pulling into a parking sport at Nolan’s within minutes. The engine idled softly as you contemplated your entire existence and more importantly, your reason for being where you were. There was a light on in the upstairs bedroom, which told you he was likely still awake, but you had no way of knowing if you’d be bothering him by just showing up. 

Not that he would ever tell you if you were bothering him. You’d known him for years. The two of you had been through a lot together, there wasn’t a moment in your friendship that you didn’t think you could go to him when it really mattered, but it was different now. You’d finally admitted your feelings for him, at least to yourself. It was starting to stress you out, but, you couldn’t sit in your car all night and didn’t want to go back to your noisy house. 

You were at a crossroads, your head bowed on the steering wheel, listening to the little demons who’d cropped up in your mind. Each one fed you a reason to go knock on Nolan’s door. Followed quickly by one that explained away why you shouldn’t. You nearly jumped out of your skin when something hit your window. You did scream when you realized it was a man but a second later, a peel of laughter, told you it was your asshole of a best friend. 

“What the hell, Nolan!” you asked once you’d rolled the window down in your car. 

“You should have seen your face,” he laughed, “I wish I’d thought to grab my phone. That would have been the best picture.” 

“You’re an asshole.” You were mad at him, your words held heat to them. Your heartbeat far too fast and your cheeks warmed with embarrassment. 

“Yeah, but you love me,” he countered. 

He wasn’t wrong, of course, but you still rolled your eyes at him. “I might be rethinking that.” 

He pulled a face, one you didn’t really understand before he let an easy smile fall on his lips. His hand slid over his heart and he groaned. “You wound me, Y/N.”

The action made you laugh. All you could do was shake your head. “You’ll heel, you’re good at that. Or maybe… what’s her face can nurse you back to health.” Your words, while smooth and easy, felt bitter on your tongue. Luckily, Nolan appeared to be oblivious. 

“Tssh,” he said softly, “we broke up.” 

You hadn’t expected that response, nor had you really expected the way your body had reacted. It was almost like a spike of anxiety burning its way through you. A knot twisting in your gut. 

“But seriously,” he said, not bothering to give you time to respond to the bomb he’d dropped on you. “Why are you here?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” you told him, deciding on the subject change for a moment. “Can I stay with you, tonight?” 

“Of course you can,” he said as though the question was a ridiculous one. 

The fact that he was willing to entertain your request made you both more tired and more wired. You had known he would say yes, but it didn’t make asking any easy. Not anymore. Rolling up the window and shutting the car off gave you the time to at least put yourself back together. You were just tired. That was all. 

Climbing out of the car, it was obvious that you hadn’t planned ahead. You had your phone and purse and literally nothing but the clothing you were wearing. “Thanks, Nolan,” you said as your car chirped with the alarm. 

“What kind of guy would I be if I just left you out here to die? You can always stay with me.” His arm slid around your shoulder and pulled you into him as the both of you headed inside. 

You didn’t answer his questions, instead decided to go back to a topic that he’d tried to drop earlier. “Why did you and that chick break up?” You asked, just as you got inside. It was nice and warm inside his home. Inviting and cozy, albeit a bit messy. 

He shrugged off the question as he let you go. “Turns out I like someone else. It wasn’t really fair to her.” 

That was decent of him, but you weren’t really focused on the niceness of his actions, your mind had gotten hung up on the first part of the statement and it wouldn’t let it go. You hoped against everything, that he wasn’t going to tell you it was your roommate he liked. 

“What do you say we go to bed? I’m tired and you look exhausted.” 

“Nice. Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

“You’re not going to tell me who you like?” 

“Nope.” 

“It’s TK, isn’t it?” You joked as both of you headed down the hall to the bedroom. 

There was only one in the tiny apartment, but the two of you were close enough that you’d grown up sleeping in the same bed. It was some sort of pathetic cliche Dawson’s Creek bullshit, but it worked for the two of you. 

“Absolutely,” he said with a laugh before he snagged you around the waist and pulled you against him. His nose brushed the back of your neck causing goose flesh to erupt on your skin and send a shiver down your spine. An involuntary gasp slipped from your lips as he did so. “It’s totally TK. I think I’ll tell him tomorrow over breakfast.” 

-Fin-

[this-is-ally-and-im-confused]

year-long headache|| N.Patrick

summary: watching nolan get better over time.

warnings: mentions of injuries, angst, fighting.

Taglist: @snugglyducklingbrewhouse @oowenspower @hugheshugs @boeswhore @quietblues join the taglist!

your pov:

When you had met Nolan, you knew how much of a big shot he was. He had titles following him. “An amazing skater” and “a bright prospect” were shrouding the boy that essentially had the life he wanted at his fingertips.

Until the headaches started. Slight pains in the back of his eyes turned into full-fledged migraines that would leave him crying in a dark room. He watched his ice time get cut into almost nonexistent chunks. Then multitude of hard hits he had taken in the games he did play caused irreparable injuries.

It seemed that every remedy you tried seemed to do nothing, ice packs, Tylenol, keto diet, and liters of water.

No matter what it was, nothing seemed to help Nolan. so you would spend your days at home waiting outside your bedroom door. inside your shared room it was pitch black and eerily quiet. That's how Nolan needed it to be. You couldn’t help but wish that soon he’d be back to the grumpy yet full-of-life boy he once was. most of all you just wanted him to let you in. Your voice was often too loud for him to handle–even when you tried to be quiet.

He didn't have the energy for dates, movie nights, or even cuddles. You had taken the rough reality of sleeping in the guest room most nights. Nolan just needed time. Yet, time wasn’t something easily given to men that are supposed to be “in their prime.”

His family wasn’t very accepting of his quick downfall. You had to watch him struggle to win their approval all over again. That’s why you had taken over 6 phone calls this week for him. It hurt that it seemed to Nolan that his life had quickly turned into a quite literal headache.

You hadn't seen Nolan cry this much in your entire relationship. He mumbled about feeling like a failure. You spent the rest of the night holding the boy like he would break if you let go.

Eventually, his breathing slowed and he could rest his aching mind.

**********

It was summertime and after the time spent off-ice during the season he felt the need to come back twice as strong. you just hoped that he wouldn’t wear himself out more. he could stand brighter lights again and even listen to music sometimes. he wasn’t anywhere close to 100% but it was better than his 24/7 time spent locked in his room just trying to be comfortable. Dates sometimes happened again and you were sure to never nag him too hard. Progress was better than nothing.

Until on a beautiful, warm, and perfect June day–he pushed it with 3 hours in the gym and a fishing trip right after. He didn’t eat anything that day and had forgotten his water bottle inside the home gym. Yet, he swore it was good for conditioning.

You knew that it wasn’t going to go well for him.

That day you watched as the little by little progress unraveled. He spent the next two days nearly catatonic, inside your shared bedroom, with pain.

Was this going to be your life? Would you continue to be stuck in the cycle of his constant pain or your constant worry? You didn’t know but you could only hope that it wasn’t so. It felt wrong to agree with your friends and Nolan’s family on how this wasn’t what you had signed up for. You didn’t care if Nolan ever skated again. All you wanted was for the love of your life to be healthy and happy. You stood at the opposite side of your bedroom. You looked at the miserable boy. He seemed like he finally understood your nagging.

After a few stern talks with him, he promised not to do that again. If he would listen to your words of warning and maybe he would understand that even when he was feeling good he needed to take it slow.

These days have been way too common. He was always struggling and you couldn’t help him. Hopefully, you two would learn to manage and you would have to resent his overambitious personality.

**********

After a good summer of practicing he was ready to get back on the ice…slowly. He had reassured you time and time again that he wasn’t going to push it. Thankfully, Nolan stuck to his word. He wasn’t skating the best he ever had. Nor was he making any outrageously good passes or goals but he was trying. It was the most difficult week you two have ever gone through.

Nolan was mad that he wasn’t getting any ice time now that he was playing better again. You were just doing your best to be supportive to him. As the two of you sat in your living room you did your best to comfort the boy.

“Nols, maybe it’s because they are scared of you getting injured after just getting better again. “ You tried to comfort the 6’4 boy. He pouted in response. Then he tugged on his Nike™runners and Golden Knights™ hat. Mumbling about how he was going on a walk. You asked to join him but he insisted he wanted to be alone.

Alone. Ugh, why did you hate that word so much?

Likely, because you were so often alone even in the presence of your giant boyfriend. You spent your days, your nights, and your summers alone. Yet, how could you blame Nolan? He was healing, you were happy. But that couldn’t soothe the disappointment in how long this healing process is taking.

Your arms wrapped around themselves as you stated soothing comforts to the empty room. Tears gently graced your face as they did every time Nolan got like this. He's not a bad boyfriend but he is sick.

When he came back he didn’t even talk to you. He just sat on the other side of the couch and put on reruns of old TV shows. Slowly, you moved closer to his side of the couch.

Now, sorry isn’t a word you had commonly heard from Nolan. He was often a proud man. However, he could tell that he hurt you. Heck, he knew how so far the majority of your relationship had been overly rough on you. Nolan felt as though he was supposed to be the one taking care of you. Most of all, he felt weak. He should be out playing games, making money, and spending quality time with you. Quality time without mind-melting pain.

So, he made a promise to himself. You mattered more.

Two strong arms wrapped their way around your waist. Nolan pulled you onto his lap and gently forced your head onto his chest by placing a hand behind your head. You hadn’t even noticed the tears that had come out of your eyes until Nolan gripped you tighter into his arms.

“ Y/n, baby, I’m sorry,” Nolan mumbled.

All you did at that moment was be happy that you had your boyfriend beside you and for that night. His fingers pressed gently into your waist as he mumbled “I love you’s” in a tight embrace.

He's amazing when he's healthy but these moments are few and far between.

******

Your heart stops. It felt like you only blinked for a second and Nolan was on the ground. He's hurt. and getting helped off the ice. Your blood runs cold and you feel like you can't get air into your lungs. So much progress on his health, and Nathan Mackinnon just undid all that work. Where are Nolan's teammates? Why aren't they defending him? Lord, if he was still on the flyers there would be hell to pay.

Thankfully, the two closest wags are quick to grab you up from the box and gently lead you down the tunnel. By now, heavy tears are streaming down your face. This is hell. You and Nolan had finally been getting to a place where you could talk again.

Before you even notice it, you've been dropped off at the medical office.

Nothing is more heartbreaking than seeing your boyfriend crumpled up and holding his head in pain. Yet it was a sight well-known to you.

“I'm okay, I promise.” Nolan hushed you. The second you walked into the room his heart smashed into pieces too.

You just sobbed into the brunette's shoulder. The progress he had made had been busted. Leaving a likely concussed and nauseated boy in front of you.

“Honey, I'm alright. Why are you crying?” a worried Nolan tried to get through to you.

Your hands wouldn't stop shaking. It's like you couldn't function. The black spots appeared in your vision.

The next thing you knew, you were on the opposite bed in the medical office.

A lovely blonde physiotherapist was checking your pupils and trying to wake you up.

“What happened?” you ask groggily.

Which was normal considering Nolan was barely able to save your head from disastrously meeting the floor. Speaking of Nolan, you had never seen him so afraid. His cheeks were flushed beyond their normal amount. His hands were wringing together in pure panic.

“you hyperventilated and passed out. It's alright though. Everything is stable now. Thankfully your boyfriend's reflexes didn't let you completely hit the ground. “ Said the girl.

You just nodded. Slightly embarrassed.

When you stood up you were instructed to stand up slowly. Nolan was much better than you at this current moment so he was in charge of getting the two of you back home.

He was done with the rest of the game. You just needed to get to sleep. Unfortunately, you were gonna be very sore tomorrow.

Nolan's car is quiet on the drive home.

“ I’m sorry, I passed out. It was stressful. I saw you get hurt and I didn’t know how to handle it.“ you said not looking up to meet his eyes.

“ don’t apologize, it’s not something you could’ve controlled. Although I got to admit the second I saw you on that table– I was terrified.” Nolan had said back.

“ aren’t you afraid of losing at all? I mean, what if you get hurt and it takes away everything. You’re already fragile and I know you hate that word but you can’t keep putting yourself on the line. Because one day you’re not gonna be able to recover and I can’t imagine you like that.“

You didn't mean to start ranting at him but your fears had a mind of their own. You couldn't deal with Nolan losing everything he just got back.

“Like, what?”

Now you had to tell him how much hurt you had been through.

“Nolan, I’ve been there for every migraine, every headache, and every game. I watched you get better. Then worse. Then better again. I know the cycle with you and I don’t blame you for it at all. it’s out of your control. I don’t want to hurt you by talking about this but when I watch you put yourself in the middle of these dangerous situations–it scares me so badly.”

You can only hope he takes this okay. It’s not about making him feel guilty. All that you want is happiness for the both of you.

The two of you finally arrive. Nolan doesn't let you walk out of the car by yourself. instead, he wraps his arms around you and carries you in. It was a good sign that he was still strong enough to do that. The two of you change into comfy clothes. Your bed gives the two of you a gentle greeting. You only closed your eyes for a second before a set of lips meets your own. Nolan's soft fluffy hair tickled your cheeks.

“ You are so strong, like seriously. You deal with all the shit and somehow can still smile, be gorgeous, and be the center of my universe. I’m so sorry I put you through so much. I love you, y/n”

That was the most you've ever heard Nolan say at once. Mostly because Nolan speaks in a short “yes” or “no” fashion.

You snuggled into him more. Trying to ignore the pounding ache in your body.

“You know, I never thanked you for catching me,” you said teasingly.

Nolan pulls a dorky half-grin.

“All in a day's work for a golden knight.” he played into your joke.

“Ah yes, my knight in golden armor.” You giggled. He just rolled his eyes and pulled you on top of him.

“Let's get some rest so you don't have to miss any more games and I don't have to pass out again,” you mumbled into his neck.

“Sounds good to me, princess,” Nolan whispered before he kissed your forehead. Things felt right. Just like when you had met Nolan.

[queeniewriteshockey]

nsfw nolan concept (could be a hc or blurb or honestly whatever idrk) : leaves your side at a bar where you’re celebrating a big win against the pens for honestly five minutes to talk to some teammates and someone (presumably someone slimy like crosby) comes up and immediately starts flirting with you sOoO hard and you turn to leave and he grabs your wrist or somethin and nolan sees it and storms over and just fkn hulks out and when u leave he’s all over you bc “your all his and no one else’s”

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BLURB... What even am I doing anymore?

Word Count: 990

This is not his idea of a good time. He has a temper, everyone knows that. he can be jealous, you know this. You’ve got no time for the dude chatting you up at the bar, you’re barely even paying attention to him. Just the sound of his voice grates on your nerves but you’re being nice and humoring the guy while Nolan talks to his teammates. Your drink has gone mostly ignored while you focused on the tvs around the room, watching to be interested in anything but the guy in front of you. 

You can see Nolan across the room, you never let him out of your sight, even after the guy came up to talk to you. You’re almost sure the guy knows you’re with Nolan, he waited until Nol walked away to walk up to you after all. Guy has stones, that’s for sure. Once you notice that Nolan is mostly done with his conversation, you set your drink down on the bar top and turn to leave, not bothering to say goodbye to the guy you were only partially talking to. That is, until a hand wraps around yours and you’re suddenly stopped in your tracks. 

Your eyes go to the hand on your wrist and then up to the guy's eyes. “Excuse me,” you say firmly, “Please let go.” You’re nice but it’s very clear that you are not asking, you are telling him. 

“I was talking to you,” he says, voice booming out over the noise. “You’re being rude.” 

“I wasn’t talking to you,” you tell him. “Let me go, my boyfriend is over there,” you point to Nolan, who’s eyes have slid from Simmons and Sanheim to yours. Anger flashes in them in an instant and you know he’s spotted the problem right away. You are both relieved and scared. 

“I don’t care about your boyfriend,” he says, “I wasn’t having the conversation with him. I was having it with you.” 

Your head turns to say something to the man still holding your wrist, forcing you to lose the visual on Nolan. This is probably a bad idea because the nest thing you know Nolan is right beside you pushing the guy away from you. He doesn’t let go of you at first and the push sends you into the side of the bar top, ribs hitting the hardwood. Okay, that hurt. You grunt softly and a hiss escapes you lips just as a second shove breaks the guys hold on you and sends him back a few feet. 

“Hey what’s your problem, man?” The guy asks. 

You don’t need to see Nolan’s face to know the anger reflected on it. “You’re my problem. Don’t fucking touch her.” 

“I was just talking to her. She was being rude.”

“Well, now you’re leaving.”  

“I’m not going anyway.” 

Nolan’s back goes rigid and the rest of the team rushes to get him out of there before he does something that could be dangerous and bad. They pull him out of the bar, you are right on his heels, paying for the drinks you’d both had and collecting your stuff. You forgot about the hit you took to the ribs until you’re out in the parking lot and G and TK are wrestling Nolan into the car so that you guys can get out of there. He’s still wanting to fight. He’s so livid. More livid than you’ve ever seen him. 

Once in the car and on the way home, he’s silent. Eyes stare out the window, brooding over everything. Fists tight on his knees. Your hand holds your side, the pain starting to really be noticeable. It wasn’t a bad hit, just an awkward one and you’re sure you’re going to have a bruise. 

Nolan is so mad he hasn’t noticed you’re in pain. It takes the entire drive from the bar to your place for him to catch on and it's only when you’re getting out of the car that he notices the way you move. He spots the red mark on your wrist first. You hadn’t even noticed that one, too busy dealing with your ribs. 

Inside, he’s calming down and beaconing you closer to him. He pulls your wrist up to his face so that he can look at it before he presses his lips to the mark. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he says softly, the words mumbled against your skin. “Are you okay?”

You want to tell him, yes, but you really aren’t sure. You’re still holding your side as you shrug and he finally really notices the whole picture. He bends a little, eyes focused on you as he lifts your shirt to see what's wrong. He glances down at the skin where you hit the bar and finds the welt staring him it the face. It’s red and warm, a bruise likely forming. His eyes glance back up at him and you can see the pain and sorrow in his eyes. 

Your hand cups his cheek, a smile spreading across your lips. “I’ll be okay. Thank you for being my hero.” Your thumb spreads across his cheekbone and he leans in to press a kiss to your bare skin. It sends a shiver across your skin leaving goose flesh in its wake. The jerky movement causes a hiss from the pain. 

Nolan is on his feet and in a serious moment the moment the hiss escapes your lips. “You need to ice that. Come on, go change into your PJs and I’ll get the ice pack.” 

This is not the way you wanted the night to end, but you can’t deny that you’re in a lot of pain. You do as he’s suggested and climb into bed. He brings you some pain meds and an ice pack before getting you laying down. He slips in beside you, holding you and kissing your skin. He’s both sweet and possessive. 

[queeniewriteshockey]

OMG that “I cant sleep” NP imagine is everything!! PLEASE do a part two!! (I love your writing if you couldn’t tell!)

Okay! Nonnie… I love you so much (and this series) that I had a breakdown when I lost the first version of this. We’ll call that a rough draft… rough of my mood and rough to bounce back from. 

But you know what… this grease monster… He’s worth it. 

Stay the Night Part 2

Word Count: 1639

Stay with You: Part One  Part Three Part Four

You laughed at his comment about TK and brushed off the feeling his touch had caused, but your skin still tingled where he’d touched it. You clamped down on the gasp as soon as you could, but it was audible even over Nolan’s quip about Teeks.

He hummed softly and you could almost hear the smile on his face. “What was that?” He asked, his fingers dancing across your waist with the lightest touch. “I didn’t catch that.”

His touch sent a shiver through your body, involuntary. It was frustrating how easily you reacted to him considering until recently you’d been able to ignore and even hide your feelings for him. “Nothing,” you said swatting his hand away. “I’m tired and you’re distracting.”

His hand didn’t move from its spot on your hip, where it had come to rest like you’d wanted it to. His grip tightened slightly, and he pulled you a bit closer. “I could be distracting in other ways,” he offered, lips a breath away from your ear.

Your eyes closed and a soft sigh slipped from your lips. You didn’t understand what was happening or what had gotten into him, but you didn’t dare to trust that this wasn’t just him messing with you. Or worse, a dream. Perhaps you had finally fallen asleep and this was the cruelness of your imagination realized. “Nol, stop,” you told him, pulling away from him a little. Not enough to break contact but enough to be able to look back at him. Your eyes searching his. “What has gotten into you?”

There was a flash of something behind his blue eyes, an emotion you recognized but not one you understood the context of. Not when it was Nolan. His eyes were always the most expressive thing about him, but if you didn’t know to look, you wouldn’t notice it. He could be so focused, so level. People often said he was flat and emotionless. It couldn’t be farther from the truth.

“Nothing, I just…” He trailed off, his hand slipping from your waist. “It’s late. We should sleep.”

Your eyes narrow dangerously as he brushes past you, annoyance spiking in your sleep deprived state. You were never very good at handling being tired. You got grumpy and cranky and people generally gave you a wide berth. Nolan should have known this.

“No, you’re not getting off that easy, Nol. You don’t get to tease me like that and then just… stop.”

“You’re the one that told me to stop,” he countered.

His point hit the mark and you stop in your tracks, words failing you. “I just… I don’t want to be teased. It’s not nice and I’m too tired to find the joke.”

“I wasn’t teasing, you. I mean…” He rolled his eyes a little, looking involuntarily cute, “I was teasing you, but I wasn’t joking around. Teeks, was a joke. You’re not.”

Your hands cupped your cheeks, smooshing them without thought while you tried to process what he was saying. It wasn’t computing for you. Your mind supplied you with plenty of scenarios that could have happened, but this, whatever it was, wasn’t one of them. Had he figured it out? Had someone told him and he was… “If this is you messing with me because you found out I liked you,” you said, eyes canted down to the ground, “I don’t find it very funny,” Your voice was muffled by the way you held your face, but you couldn’t let go. It was almost as though you were holding yourself together. “I just… was hoping to crash here for the night. I wasn’t looking to be the butt of a joke. Maybe I should just…” you shrugged, heart sinking, “leave.”

You’d spent years ignoring your feelings for your best friend, years of watching him date this person or that person. Years of watching silently from the sidelines as he got his heart broken, always there to help pick up the pieces when it happened. You had known, going into this, that you would have been better off staying away from Philly and Nolan. Let him have his life, you would have yours. You could find happiness and he could find his.

Yet there you were, gainfully employed and living exactly where you shouldn’t for the exact reason that you shouldn’t. You hated yourself for following after him like a lost puppy in need of an owner. You hated how your heart skipped and a knot of anxiety turned in your stomach when you saw him. But most of all, you hated how jealousy burned through your veins and nestled in your bones. You hated yourself for the way you felt about him and the kind of person it turned you into.

“I’m not messing with you,” he said, forcing you to focus on him, at least mentally. You were extremely aware of where he was and what he was saying, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. Perhaps if you hadn’t been so tired the anxiety and self-loathing wouldn’t have been so palpable, but you had very little control over how dark your mind got. You were practically convinced that the man you knew your whole life would be capable of hurting you intentionally.

He moved forward, hands spreading over yours where they rested on your cheeks. You felt the breath in your chest catch, constricting your heart and fear prickling at the corners of your eyes. Your head moved, his strong hands guiding the motion until he could look into your eyes and see everything going through your head. His eyes were bright and full of an emotion you didn’t dare put a label on. If you hadn’t already forgotten how to breathe, that look would have been your undoing. “I was trying…” his words dropped off as he sucked in his bottom.

How you wished for just a moment that you were that bottom lip. You wished you had any idea what he was going to say, but you had none. You were left standing there, staring at him, waiting for him to let you go or keep talking. It seemed the perfect analogy for your relationship with him. It was a mess and completely one-sided. A simple look held you rooted to the spot, waiting for him to give you more. “Maybe you’ll understand better if I don’t talk.”

Your eyebrows pinched together, confusion coloring your features. Whatever could be seen between your lovely impression of a child making a fish face. You really were exhausted, Nolan had stopped making any sense about the time he’d knocked on your car window. Perhaps you were stuck in a dream. Perhaps you were still in your car, asleep in his driveway, rather than standing there in his hallway, a breath away from a nice cozy bed and sleep.

Fingers gripped through yours to pry them away from your face, encouraging you to drop them at your side. It didn’t take much effort to coax them down. Nolan’s hands fell to your hips and tugged you closer to him. Your heart picked up, the pace dangerously fast, in your opinion. You could feel your pulse jumping in your throat.

You hadn’t anticipated Nolan’s actions, your brain too bogged down by thoughts of inadequacy and fear. The moment his lips met yourself was almost startling. A gasp caught in your throat, but it didn’t last. Nolan had taken the opportunity to deepen the kiss, to test you. A fire burned through your veins warmed your body and heated your soul. You were a phoenix reborn, from ash to flame. You’d never felt so alive as you did at that moment. Your hands, lifeless and limp came to life just as you started to respond to his kiss.

Fingers carded through soft long hair, wrapping around strands and holding on. You didn’t want to let go, but all too soon it was over and Nolan was pulling back. His chest rose with a deep breath and he ducked his head to look you in the eyes.

“Clear?” He asked, a smile on his now kiss-swollen lips.

“As mud,” you responded, still confused by the whole situation.

Nolan’s head fell back, a groan vibrating from his throat. “Why are you being so thick tonight? It’s you, Y/N,” He said when he looked down at you again. “You’re the other person.”

“Oh,” you said lamely, a soft smile on your lips. “I told you I was tired.”

He laughed and shook his head. “We can fix that. You’re not sleeping on the couch…Unless you want to?” It was his turn to look unsure. Like the kiss had changed the way they were supposed to sleep.

Perhaps it should have, but you weren’t interested in changing anything like that. You just wanted to be able to kiss him a little more. And maybe get a little carnal with him. “Your couch sucks,” you told him. You’d told him that the day he bought it and every day after. It only made him laugh.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

You couldn’t deny what you couldn’t deny. You hated that couch more than anything. You’d rather sleep on the floor, which… was nearly a possibility but it didn’t seem like it was anymore.

“Can I ask you out, now?” Nolan said, suddenly, catching you off guard a bit. The idea of dating him was kind of funny to you considering how long you’d known each other.

“Ask me again in the morning and the answer will be yes. Right now, no. I need to sleep.” Your fingers threaded through his, a smile on your face as you pulled him through the doorway of the bedroom.

You still weren’t sure if you were asleep in your car or not, but the morning would shed more light on everything. You were both excited and fearful of that.

[queeniewriteshockey]

Can you write an imagine or hc (It's up to you) where you are Nolan's girlfriend, and when Carter joins the team he has a crush on you

Nolan would not be a fan of this if he knew what was going on. 

My Best Friends Girl - Carter Hart/Nolan Patrick/Reader

Word Count: 814

Carter tries so hard to hide it. Because he knows it’s not really okay. But, to be fair, when he met you at the rink the first time, he didn’t realize you were Nolan’s girl. You were just a pretty girl in the hallway, waiting for practice to get over. He hadn’t really been around much and was the first one out of the locker room. He said hi to you out of habit but also because you were pretty and just kind of standing there. He asked if you needed help because he’d never seen you before and you told him you were just waiting for someone. He should have left but instead, the two of you struck up a conversation and like really got along. 

At least he thought so, but then Nolan comes out and wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him in a bit of a defensive and protective move. Which is not out of the ordinary but a little odd considering its in response to a teammate. He didn’t even respond that way when TK was flirting with you. Admittedly that was more to annoy Nolan than anything. Carter takes the hint and scoots out of there, he’s not playing a game with Nolan, he’s not that kind of guy. 

He talks to you a few times here and there when you run into him, but for the most part, he gives you a decent amount of space because he really would like to see his little crush go away. It gets to the point though that if you’re around he’s not and its starting to bug you. You liked him, thought maybe you could be friends but he’s like actively avoiding you. What are you 5? This is ridiculous. 

Even Nolan is noticing Carter’s unwillingness to be around when you’re around and that really PISSES him off. He doesn’t catch Carter’s glances at you when no one is looking. He misses the little sighs that Carter does when you leave. He’ll poke that bear, though, unlike you. He’ll demand Carter explain why he has an issue with you, but Carter doesn’t really know what to say so he just tells Nolan he doesn’t have an issue. 

Nolan does not believe him, not at all, but also fine. You want to lie, I’ll drag it out of you one way or another. So, Carter, who doesn’t have an issue with you, according to him and Nolan, is being forced to spend the day with the two of you. 

Poor Carter. 

He doesn’t want to do this and it’s clear as day on his normally overly excited and happy face. You’ve literally watched him go from the sweet and friendly guy you met that first day to a guy who doesn’t smile or interact when you’re around. Of course, it has to be something you’ve done. Nolan vanishes for a bit, into some video game store, leaving you and Carter to talk. 

He’s on his phone the second Nolan is occupied. Anything to keep him from interacting with you. It’s really starting to get to you that he’s so standoffish and distant. You’re the only person he acts like this with. You can’t take it any long and you snap. 

“Did I do something wrong?” You ask. Your voice is small, sad. You really did think he was sweet. You could have been really good friends. 

He looks up from his phone, eyes wide with shock. You’re talking to him and Nolan isn’t around and he might be panicking a little. “No. Of course not.” He doesn’t elaborate. 

“Then… Why do you hate me?” You’re a little angry at him, now. He keeps saying one thing and doing a completely different thing. You don’t get it. 

“I don’t hate you?” He’s almost confused by your implication and you want so badly to hit him. 

“Right, sure. You just treat everyone you like, like they’re infected with an incurable disease.” You cross your arms over your chest and turn your back on him, trying not to let the anger get the better of you. 

“Ones I like that are dating friends of mine, yes.” He says quietly, fingers tapping on the glass screen of his phone again. He doesn’t look at you, but his cheeks are pink. He knows you heard him.

“You…” you pause, collecting your thoughts and restructuring his behavior in your mind. You get it now. Why he distanced himself. “You should go,” you tell him. 

He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Yeah, I should. Tell Nolan I’ll see him at practice.” His phone slides into his back pocket and he’s walking away before you can even say anything. 

You don’t know what to do with the information you now have, but you watch him walk away. A weird feeling nestling in your chest. 

[queeniewriteshockey]

something really angsty nolan? like they’ve been drifting apart?

Work count 1358 give or take

The space between the two of you on the couch was wider than the Nile River. You could fit an entire country between the two of you even as you sat there and watched a TV show he’d DVR’d for the two of you while he was away. You’d watched it in real time rather than his game, but you hadn’t told him that. You’d caught the highlights of the game after it was over before you called him to say congratulations on the win. That was the extent of your duties now.

Before, back when the two of you had first met, you’d gone to every game you could. If you couldn’t go to the game you were watching it. Any reason to see him and cheer him on. Now it seemed more like a chore. The high had faded and you couldn’t get it back. You tried, of course, you tried. You were always chasing that original high, but it was never enough. It was never the same. He wasn’t the kind of drug you craved anymore.

Judging by the silence in the room, you weren’t his either.

That should have hurt. It should have torn at you; tugged at the heartstrings. All it did was make you breathe a sigh of relief. That was when you knew, you hadn’t just drifted apart, you had moved on completely.

You stared at the TV, eyes wide and unseeing. How long had the two of you been together? A year? More? Less? You didn’t even remember it felt like a lifetime ago and yet like you were spinning your wheels and going nowhere. You had to count back in your mind, to remember the summer when you’d met the handsome boy with the sharp jaw, piercing eyes, and deep voice. You’d practically tripped over yourself… and him as you made an ill-fated attempt to catch a Frisbee in a park.  For as small as you were, you’d nearly bowled the poor guy over.

You still aren’t fully convinced your friend hadn’t planned that little encounter, but you hadn’t dwelled on that. Instead, you’d taken it upon yourself to apologize a million times and ask if he wanted to join the game. He’d had another friend with him, Travis. Two on Two ultimate frisbees was better than one on one passing.

Summer had turned into fall and the time you spent with him had changed from outdoor parks and makeshift beaches to indoor ice arenas, which was fun. You’d ice skated as a kid a few times and had always enjoyed it. It helped that you were an active person. You liked to keep moving. You fell into an easy relationship with him. He was always around in the summer, taking time out of his day to spend with you in between his practices. Things started to change in September, though. Suddenly he wasn’t around as much. He was busy all the time or out of town.

You should have expected it, you knew he played hockey for a living, but it hadn’t been something you were prepared to handle. Days went by without a phone call or a text from him when he was on the road. Too busy with his schedule or spending time with Travis to even pick up the phone and shoot you a text. Anger and frustration burned in your belly just thinking about the brush off you had gotten from him.

You forgot about it when he was home when they had the long stretches of home games or a short plane ride to and from an away game. Things were fine. You could explain it away and handle it… Until it happened again. You were always a second sometimes even a third thought, it felt like.

Nolan didn’t understand the issue. He couldn’t understand why the fact that he didn’t call you every day while he was away angered you. And why would he? You reasoned. This was his life. He’d lived away from his home since he was a teenager, spent his time traveling to different countries and living a nomad existence. All in the name of a sport that equated to nothing more than men with knives on their feet hitting a little disk around with a bunch of sticks. It was about as serious as a cat chasing a laser pointer. Pathetic and pointless but entertaining at the moment.

Your interest in the game and Nolan had started to wane rather quicker than you were expecting. He was still gorgeous, the sex was still good, but other than that, there was nothing of importance. Did you even talk anymore? When was the last time you had had a meaningful and fulfilling talk? Your memory failed you once again. 

Your head turned, eyes raking over the form of the man beside you as he watched the TV show. He wasn’t paying attention you at all, hadn’t even realized you were looking at him. He was too engrossed in the stupid show on the screen. Far more attentive to his need for the entertainment and following a storyline that had no basis in his everyday life, than he was on you, his significant other. A sigh passed through your lips a moment before you stood up. That got his attention. 

His head canted up, blue-green eyes focused on you. “You okay?” He asked as he shifted on the couch to get more comfortable. It shouldn’t have shocked you that while you were doing one thing he was doing the opposite.

“Yeah, actually. I’m fine. I think I’m going to go,” you told him. 

“Will I see you tomorrow?” He asked as he stood to walk you out.

“No,” you told him, “I don’t think so.”

This caused a frown to crease between his brow. He wasn’t as dumb as some thought. He picked up on what you were trying to say even if he hadn’t realized it yet. You’d never passed up an opportunity to see him when he was in town and now that he was, you were telling him you don’t want to. 

“Okay…” he said, confusion coloring his words. “Will you be at the game on Wednesday?”

You shook your head, teeth worrying your bottom lip before you found your voice. “I don’t think this is going to work out, Nolan. You and me… I can’t do it anymore.”

He nodded his head like he was okay with this change, but the small, “Oh,” from his lips spoke volumes as to how he was actually feeling.

A soft, pained expression passed over your features for a moment before you raised up on your tiptoes to pressed a kiss to his rosy cheek. “I’m sorry, Nolan. I’ll have Liv come by and grab my stuff if that’s okay with you.”

You knew it wasn’t, could see it in his eyes, but it wasn’t up for debate. In truth was, you’d made up your mind long before the words had been spoken into existence. You both knew it. Perhaps that was why he wasn’t saying anything. Perhaps that was why he hadn’t even tried to convince you to change your mind. Perhaps that was why he had absolutely no emotional reaction at all.

Did you want him to?

“See ya around,” you told him as you opened the door and stepped out onto the landing of his apartment. You wouldn’t see him around if you could help it and that was okay by you. You didn’t bother looking back to see if your leaving had had any effect on his behavior. You had decided that you didn’t want to know. Your mind was made up and there was no going back. 

The door shut behind you, harder than you were expecting. That shocked you. It was more emotion than you’d gotten from him during the whole breakup. He’d given you no real indication, beyond his hard stare and rosy cheeks that there was any emotion at all in him. He was the ice king when he wanted to be, but you also knew about his temper. You’d seen it on and off the ice. Even if he’d never directed it at you, you knew it was there. 

You should have expected the loud noise that came from his apartment. The noise that sounded like things breaking, but you didn’t. The crash made you jump as you reached the stare that would take you into the street and away from the building. You considered going back, to check on him. But you’d made your choice. You’d ended things and you were leaving it at that. Travis could handle him if he needed. It wasn’t your job anymore.

[this-is-ally-and-im-confused]

Senior Failure|| N.Patrick

Summary: it's your last game at University. How does Nolan comfort his Goalie!gf after failed shutout in OT? (With help from an old friend of course)

Warnings: fighting, loss of important game, angst but turns into fluff.

Taglist: @snugglyducklingbrewhouse @cartahhart79 @hockeyboysarehot @ethancale @quietblues

OT. You had just come onto the ice after another switched shift with your alternate. Her gives tapped yours and you knew that now was time to give the game everything you had. Just as you take the ice and skate to your crease–you glance into the stands. Nolan’s smiling face greets you. At this moment, everything is perfect. You've got your team, you've got your boyfriend, and you've got the game you have loved since you were a little girl. It seems like the first few minutes in overtime go by in an instant. You’re playing smart, never leaving your crease unless to grab a far-out dumped puck.

The last thing that anyone wanted was for this to go wrong. It feels daunting that no matter what someone has to lose. You’re not gonna be the ones to...right. your hand rubs the goal post beside you, and your knees fell to the stance that they’ve held thousands of times before. The game is mostly being played offensively for your team. Meaning that you get essentially no action. Just enough time to glance over at your family, friends, and coach. “Keep your head in the game.” You mumbled to yourself.

Until, the breakaway. You had trained for this a plethora of times. The petite forward skated towards you with speed and grace. need your defenseman skated just behind her. You knew you were on your own. That didn’t stop you from reading her shot like a book. Left fake then high glove. But you were right there. Nothing got in. You could finally exhale. Family and friends cheered your name behind you. And if you tuned in you could hear Nolan’s chants of “that’s my girl.”

This game was going your way. Then it wasn't. The players had crossed the center line and skated into your defensive zone. You were ready. Your eyes never left the puck. But your defenseman's eyes did. The next thing you knew, you had blocked 5 shots. A penalty was called on your team’s center for hooking. Shit. That means a power play. You stood strong for as long as possible. Easily taking 16 or more shots but somewhere along the line a defenseman came and tipped the puck right behind the back of your pad.

That was a goal.

Just like that, the game is over. And you had lost. It felt like your world had ended. Your triumph had quickly turned into a mortifying loss. This was the last game you’d ever play with these girls, and it's your fault that the game went so wrong. Quickly, you skated off the ice. The tunnel was silent until you made it to a steel support bar for the stands. Angrily you smashed your stick into the bar. It felt good to let out the rage and sadness by smashing your stick to pieces. This was the last time you could achieve a win.

Quickly, your teammates hurried to hug you. Tears were shed, screams were released, and bonds were strengthened. Most importantly, your team assured you that it wasn’t your fault. But still, every goalie blames themselves. You walk out, freshly showered, and still awfully sad. Nolan smiles at you. He was never really great at reading the room.

“Hey.” You said to him. He grabs you and pulls you into his chest.

“I’m sorry you let in that puck.”Said like a true center.

Your eyebrows pulled together. Partly in confusion, and partly in anger. Deep down, you knew Nolan was trying to be comforting, but his words didn’t help. You didn’t just nonchalantly “let in” the puck. It was forced in. Plus you had no defense there for you.

“I didn’t let that puck in on purpose, Nolan.” You grumbled.

“Well, it didn’t go in magically!” Nolan tried to joke with you.

You just huffed and walked faster to the car. Your friends and family waved goodbye. To which you replied with a “we can get together later, right now I’m exhausted” and a few hugs goodbye. If they understood,

why didn’t Nolan? The drive home was mostly silent. You knew that Nolan knows you are upset because he tried to play your guy’s favorite songs, but he got little response from you. His hand grazed your knee but you just shrugged him off. The two of you pulled up into your driveway. You quickly hopped out and grabbed your things. When Nolan entered the house, you were locked away in your bedroom.

Nolan (for once in his life) knew how to fix this. Buzz…buzz…buzz…

“Hello?” A familiar Albertan accent filled his ears.

“Hi hartsy, I think I just fucked up with my girlfriend.” Nolan shyly admits.

The pause on the other end of the line was amusing yet terrifying to Nolan. He found himself clutching the phone like a little kid.

“Okay? How can I help, dude?” The goaltender asked confused.

Now, Nolan had to explain everything. Words weren’t his strong suit on the best of days. “Okay, so my girlfriend is a goalie-“

“Oooh makes sense!”

“-as I was saying. She’s a good one too, but it was the last game of her senior year. And she let in a puck. So I said sorry to her that she let in that puck but then she got all mad at me.”The Flyer waited on the other end of the phone. Carter’s tongue clicked as he thought.

“Did you say it exactly like that?”

Shit. Nolan must have said that stupidly.

“Uhh yes?”

“Congrats bro, you just goalie-shamed your girlfriend.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

The boy on the other end of the line laughed. It was a dry laugh but he also found it endearing that his old buddy needed his help. Hart would never admit it but he missed Nolan very often.

“It means that you just blamed the person that has the hardest job on the team. It was probably an impossible save. And she probably feels like she let everyone down. It’s a hard feeling. I bet she just needs some love and reassurance.”

“Stop being smart. But yea, you might be right.” Nolan answered. “

“I know”

“Anyways I gotta go make it up to her.”

“Let me know how it goes, talk soon.”

And with that Nolan ended the call.

He carefully got up off of the couch where he sat and walked towards your shared room. Gently, he knocked.

“Come in.” Came your muffled voice.

His eyes landed on your bundled-up frame. You looked so tiny. Even tinier than normal.

“Hey, I’m sorry honey.” Nolan began.

“For what?” You grumbled.

He hummed as he leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. Your eyes started to water. Nolan quickly laid down and pulled you into his chest. It felt good to be in Nolan’s arms. It also felt good knowing that the world wasn’t completely against you. His fingertips danced along your back. They traced gentle patterns.

“I wasn’t trying to blame you, I forgot how hard your position is to play-“

“it’s fine”

“-let me finish, love. I was talking like an idiot. You played so well today, and you left your heart on the ice. I’m so proud of you. And I promise to never goalie-shame you again.” “Awww, Nols. You just made my day so much better. Who the fuck taught you the term goalie-shame?”

“Hartsy…”

“of, course”

Nolan snuggled into you, but this time you didn’t push him away. You knew he was being stupid before. Everything hurt from your workout and the loss. The boy softly gripped the top of your scalp as he rubbed smooth circles into your hair. It was subtle but it was the start of an apology. The rest of the night was filled with compliments and Nolan doing his best to make you feel better.

Even Hartsy sent you a text telling you not to be hard on yourself and to not overly blame the stupid center that is your boyfriend.

[queeniewriteshockey]

omg this is so angsty but.... nolan on the phone to you at like 3 in the morning telling him you can't do this anymore because he's always away, long distance is too hard... just nolan trying to convince you not to end things :(

You can't even cry anymore, you're that done with all of this. You understand the lifestyle and maybe it's work, if you were someone else, but you're not. You can't handle the coming and going. You can't handle the swooning fans and the fears and doubts that plague your mind.

His voice eats away at your soul, nawing you raw. "Can we talk about this when I get home?" He asks.

You can hear him in the hotel room, pacing what you assume is the bathroom. There's an echo in the phone and you know he rooms with Teeks when they're on the road. It's late, he's probably trying to keep from waking is mate.

"And when is that exactly?" You ask,your tone clipped and angry.

"Next week," he tells you, voice quiet and frustrated.

"I'm not waiting that long Nolan. I can't do it anymore. This is too much. It's not enough " you regret the words the second they your mouth, but it's not like they aren't true. It's all too much and what he can give you isn't enough. He's not enough.

There is silence on the other end of the line and you know he's angry. You can almost feel it from all the way across the country. "Fine," he says eventually. "That's that."

The line goes dead before you can say anything and your heart sinks. You know you made the right choice but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts.