#needles to say the undiagnosed neurodivergency's going well

[jyndor]

Y'ever wonder if ppl misunderstand Eadu due to lack of life experience? Like, at some point, we have a heated argument w/ someone we care about and we lash out, and realize it's b/c the caring makes it hurt /worse/ (plus, we ain't perfect). But when you haven't been there yet, it's easy to think it's the other way around: that you're less likely to lash out at someone you care about. Also easier to think you'll never say hurtful things when upset, you'll always be calm and rational about it.

thats a really good question anon damn i need a minute to think about it

okay so. I've smoked a little weed and I've thought about it a bit. I don't know how big an impact that is because I'm not sure who hasn't ever experienced an argument with someone they love. people get nasty and mean sometimes. it takes a lot of work to become self aware to notice patterns and better at handling anger/hurt/etc. especially if you're dealing with mental illness or like neurodivergence, or trauma or idk just some other compounding factor that can make you more likely to develop problematic~ ways of dealing with shit.

I was a very difficult kid sometimes - undiagnosed adhd and severe anxiety had me not handling shit well. I'd bottle things up and avoid and honestly just try to appease and ignore until I'd naturally hit my limit and go off like a wildfire, it was really horrible for me and my family, who I loved dearly but who didn't know how to handle me or accommodate my issues (and they did try, they aren't perfect but they did try to help). I was hitting my literal limit on "good behavior" as a kid every day in school and I'd get into my mom's car and just be a LOT.

so of course my mother who I have a really complicated relationship with - we are best friends but we also have a lot of deep resentments and pain between us, not all of it any of our faults frankly. it's complicated. but I couldn't deal and so I'd lash out viciously to her.

it should be kind of obvious that we feel most comfortable around the people closest to us. I think about how on edge and hypervigilant I am at the airport, but the minute I get on the plane I fall asleep. It's like, I'm finally comfortable enough to rest. but in the case of someone who can't always react well, it isn't until you're around someone who you feel safe around that you sometimes are the most reactive to.

so I relate a lot to both jyn and cassian in part because I feel like I have had to work on (and continue to work on) a lot of the ways they react to each other, specifically in that scene, or how jyn in particular needles people like cassian and saw.

when you learn how to work on your reactions to people, you learn how to be more present and rational and think through what you are feeling. but that takes life experience for most people - and a lot of people don't ever work on it at all.

so... IDK maybe rogue one is for the neurodivergents and the mental illness girlies?