#needless to say my friend does not freelance for them anymore

[danothan]

i open youtube and watch a video and seethe to myself abt how i would be such a good subtitler and then not do anything abt it

[de-cryptid]

Behind the curtain.

I’ll cut to the chase and simply state outright who I believe, and am almost certain, is behind the social media presence of Simon Alkenmayer.

Kristina Meister.

Kristina deleted her blog yesterday as of posting so I can’t link directly to it for the posts I am going to discuss and showcase here. I will be providing links that preserve their existence, however, so you don’t have to take me at my word alone.

For context: In Simon's world (which is how I will refer to the unreality that is his existence and supposed life), Kristina was his editor for The Creature's Cookbook and also the foot-in-the-door that is the publishing industry. She pitched the autobiography on his behalf, bringing it to Tapas media.

They maintained a friendship, both outside of the internet and here on tumblr. However, one day a fire was set in Kristina's driveway, leading her to what can reasonably be described as hysteria.

Here is an archived link to her reaction.

TL;dr is that she believes @simonalkenmayerisdead to be the only person in the world who could have possibly made a connection between her and Simon (despite the fact they actively engaged with each other on multiple social medias, that and there are far more people on tumblr that know of Simon than his critics) and threatened a multitude of legal action.

Here, The Fool explains the issue with the accusations levied against him and his followers.

Reading the exchanges between Simon, The Fool, and Kristina is what made it clear to me that Simon is Kristina. A lot of those posts are long gone due to Kristina's blog deletion, and are otherwise far too tedious to hunt down on Simon's blog, but they are quite similar to that which is linked above.

You can probably tell there's a level of irrationality (an understatement honestly) in Kristina's posts regarding the fire and her general demeanour.

As she and Simon have each other's personal contact information, which she herself showed a screenshot of, I think it's strange for Simon to respond publicly in the way he did. She's clearly not in a good mental state to be online, discussing a traumatic event, throwing accusations, cussing at and threatening her dissenters.

He's a long-lived observer of humans, in his world, and instead of recognizing this to be the behaviour of someone who isn't in the right frame of mind to be speaking about their circumstances to a substantial audience of presumably a few ill-intentioned people, he endorses everything she says and encourages her to continue on her rants.

Is it not obvious that this isn't accomplishing anything but potentially harming her more? She's shown the suspect that their tactic succeeded. She revealed her vulnerabilities in regards to her child and marriage. Simon, as a friend and the supposed cause for all this, should know better than to further feed into the anonymous attacks on his associate and instead handle it on a personal level.

But that isn't what happened.

The only way for someone to respond in the manner Simon did is for them to be as equally emotionally involved and irrational as Kristina herself is, which is clear from the notes where Simon's loyal audience reacts in a similarly distressed and irrational voice.

That's human behaviour, not that of a people-eating centuries-old non-mammalian monster who has watched famine ravage civilizations, killed countless individuals, and adapted despite it all.

But moving on, as I'm sure that in and of itself isn't enough for some people.

Let's turn our attention to The Creatures Cookbook itself. It's framed as a diary, meaning it was written in real-time and built upon over years, not as an autobiography. This is suspect for reasons I'll discuss further on.

I'd like to begin with the book's publishing history. It was first in print thanks to Fuse Literary, as can be seen in this post from their website, then moved onto the Tapas app (where it remains to this day).

Simon himself says that his book is "out of print", which is why it's not available as a physical copy outside of second-hand nowadays. This is not exactly true; fuse literary dropped the book. He isn't being represented by them anymore. Tapas, which is more of a pulp app where anyone can publish most anything, is not just the new medium he selected dutifully to act out the experiment more effectively; it was a last resort for a book people simply weren't interested in.

The Fool explains this quite well here.

I'd also like to reiterate something touched upon in that linked post; Simon lied about meeting his publisher, either in 2014 in that incredibly descriptive post about his agent and their experience with Tapas, or to that anonymous asker. Why is this? If the original post was incorrect, or no longer what Simon wanted readers to believe, wouldn't it make more sense to delete it? That or he, likely, forgot what was originally said about his publisher and simply made up a response for the asker. His memory spans centuries, and clearly that experience was a vivid one, given his description, but he couldn't keep consistent on his public social media. I find this suspect for many reasons.

Going back to Fuse Literary, we have articles that directly state Kristina is "writing as" Simon, which he has stated in the past was out of necessity to preserve his identity (which is somewhat contradictory, seeing as he claims that the government is aware of his species and him specifically, and also his aim is to convince people he does in fact exist).

Needless to say, a lot of little things just don't add up. Instead, they point to Kristina using Simon's character and presence as an outlet of sorts. He is an identity she assumes.

Here is another clue I stumbled upon, regarding Kristina's other writing endeavours.

Let's talk Cinderella Boy.

So Kristina is both a freelance editor (as Simon states she was for him) and a writer herself, with several published books. Easily her highest reviewed and most popular is called Cinderella Boy, a story about LGBTQ struggles from the perspective of a high school boy. I went through the reviews a while back and a lot were positive! But I noticed that many of those positive reviews were people who knew Kristina through Simon and already liked his character, his voice, his style.

And Cinderella Boy is very much the same.

I linked the Goodreads page above and recommend you go through reviews yourself to better understand what I mean, but below I will show one of the negative reviews that is... Very telling. (Click and swipe through, it's a long one)

And this wasn't the only person saying these sorts of things, either. Again, I recommend seeing for yourself. Here's another excerpt from a different review:

I want to focus in on the "70 year old philosophers" bit. The other review above said something similar about the overly deep and philosophical dialogue.

Sound familiar?

It appears Kristina's writing style happens to be that old-timey philosophically-bent verbose kind, highly reminiscent of Simon himself.

I found this rather funny. You'd think writing a modern YA would have a skilled writer attempting to make the character interactions more relatable and... Well, realistic.

It appears Kristina only has the one setting, however. And that happens to sound exactly the way Simon talks.

I will be going in-depth with the factual errors in Simon's historical assertions in the future, so I'll hold off on those for now, but a previous post of mine shows a clear miscalculation on the part of Simon's creator googling something and applying it to Simon's world, without realizing it was factually incorrect. You can see that here.

To conclude this very long post, I want to make it clear that I do not hate Kristina nor Simon, I am not posting this to harass either of them. I am only interested in making it clear that Simon is not an all-knowing cryptid and is not a reliable voice. Simon is a human creation and his readers should be aware of that. Seek real, professional help if you are looking for some advice. Do not think that an elaborate roleplay is an appropriate substitute.

[shhhlikeme]

Nin’s Matchup!

(SFW + NSFW)

Matchup Profile: Sfw+nsfw matchup pretty pls! (1/5) Name: Nin>Female>5’4>Film & sfx/theatrical makeup freelancer>V athletic in MS-HS: ballet, was in volley ball, soccer &Basketball teams>Miss my prime days>Scared to start workout again b/c I’ll get lightheaded>If sum1 helps push me through initial fear, I’ll keep growing from there> Likes chilling in ballet stretch poses>paints, photographs&draws as hobby>draws a pic a day (mostly portraits)>writing a comic atm >Always plan contingencies.🦄

(2/5) >embarrassed of my loud laugh(it’s like Kuroo’s)>introvert>not afraid to lead a team tho> V shy & quiet most times>8/10 times, feels awk in public,like idk what i’m saying, but others told me I seem social>Once I’m comfy w/ u, i joke a lot(occasional mum jokes 2 annoy+Sassy dirty ones w/ S/O)>hides behind ppl who likes 2 talk, but not when they’re 2 loud>laughs @ mistakes/when embarrassed>Will stop mistreatment, even if I get in trouble>values communication&genuine discussions🦄

(3/5) Sings when home alone>competes @ Street Fighter tournaments, trains everyday 4 it>Sings “Hit Me W/ Your Best Shot” when fighting bosses in game&swears melodically when i lose>eats chips w/ chopsticks >make hats out of my cat fur when bored>Workahokic night🦉>likes 2 teach >full convos w/ my 🐱>LIVES in oversized hoodies & flip flops, regardless of weather>no pants@home!>Feels incompetent sometimes, but keep practicing 2 improve>Analytical fast learner>idk why ppl think i look innocent🦄

(4/5)>Forgets 2 speak eng when tired (Thai 1st lang.)>Headrubs 4 s/o every night b4 bed>will miss u but is bad@texting>yelps like puppy when I’m surprised>Unconventionally resourceful: Wire hangers’s fixes everything! >stress bakes & will gets pouty if it didn’t turn out well.>overwhelmed to water my 50+ 🌱 >Doodles on smt (always have a pen on me)when i feel socially anxious> 2 dance sober @ clubs> Wants a stable relationship where we work tgt like a team to bring out the best in one another🦄

(5/5) I like a s/o who is lovable, kind, genuine, mature, independent and caring, but can also joke & be silly with like best friends. NSFW: open 2 try new things>❤️restraints, blindfolds & sensual tickle sex (as lee+ler) but had always been too shy to share it with any1>occasionally self conscious of food baby+stretchmarks>🥰edging/teasing >has a thing 4 height differences (likes to feel smol lol!) & primal play.>Is a switch. I’m so sorry if it’s too much info! Thank you for doing this!🦄

————————————

A/N: HI LOVE @crushzone !!!! I SMILE WHEN I SEE YOU IN MY NOTIFS GIRL I WORKED HARD ON YOURS OF COURSE💖 But no matter whaaaat I’m going to be very authentic in my matchups bc they’re based on compatibility and therefore, without further ado, lemme introduce you to your NEW BAE:

————————————

KŌTARŌ BOKUTO 🦉

SFW:

so you’re a theatrical makeup artist.

Aight.

Mind if I offer you a word of advice? :

RUN

“DUDE THAT’S AMAZING IT LOOKS SO SICK!”

Startled by someone’s loud booming voice, you smudged the eyeliner you were applying to your actor’s face all over their forehead. Whipping around to see who had disrupted your work you were faced with a beautiful black and grey haired owl. A rather tall... and very attractive ‘beautiful black and grey haired owl.’

He started walking around the dressing room like he owned the place, touching everything.

“Excuse me, you don’t have a badge. You can’t be backstage—!”

“Pretty obvious don’t you think, Miss ________?”

You didn’t take his bait, refusing to give this stranger your name. Bokuto shrugged.

“Well since I don’t know your name I shall label thee—Miss HOT GIRL of the 9 Kingdoms!” He nudged the knight actor who was sitting in your makeup chair with his elbow. “Did I sound 15th century ish or what??” The owl turned to you expecting to be praised. “I had to meet the person who made the medieval vampire look so scary in the last act. But that guy with the lights didn’t tell me anything about you being so hot.”

You were speechless because he was hot too

But he shouldn’t be back here so you tried to shoo him out anyway

He allowed you to try to shove him out but he was way bigger than you so nice try sis

When he yawned while you panted because you weren’t able to budge him an inch....

Bokuto wagered that he would leave if you agreed to make him look like the Hulk with your makeup skills for a Halloween party he had to go to

You didn’t really want to because you were a professional and you had no idea who this owl was but because you had 15 minutes until the second act and you needed peace and quiet if you were going to finish your job!!! ....

( This boy was not peace NOR quiet )

You agreed.... but because you answered so fast Bokuto kicked it up one notch

Prince of pushing his luck (king is reserved for Shōyo‘s extra ass)

He pretended to allow you to push him out of the makeup room a few steps but before you closed the door he stuck his foot between the door so it couldn’t close.

Smiling, he peered back in, looking down at you:

“AND...... you have to agree to go on a date with me. Tomorrow night?”

“Ugh FINE!”

Bo removed his foot and let himself out with a bounce in his step.

SERIOUSLY WHO LET THIS MAN BACKSTAGE......

Needless to say, after a few dates, mans won you over like he wins EVERYONE over

It surprised you how comfortable you became with him but he just has that affect on people

***

In terms of your athletic relationship Bokuto does many things:

He pushes you to go to the gym with him for one

He signs the two of you up for impromptu Beginner 30-day challenges that you both must stick to

So every morning for 30-days straight he jumps on you in bed to wake you up:

“NIN BABY TIME TO HIT THE GYM. BABY NIN TIME TO GET IN SOME SEXY GYM SHORTS. MON BÉBÉ NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN—“

“Kōtarō, please shut up.”

he doesn’t

He drags you there and eventually you get back into the swing of things.. killing it in the weight room with your supportive man cheering on your every rep!

You don’t even need him to wake you up during the second challenge!

Your volleyball player boyfriend also signs you up (without permission) for the neighborhood soccer team that Akaashi’s girlfriend is already on

You hated it at first because it was uncomfortable going back after not playing for so long but you soon realized that all the girls there were ex-athletes too and not stars

You formed amazing new girl friendships (especially with Akaashi’s gf) and double dates with them were one of your favourite nights of the week!

You owed that happiness in your life all to your Owl 🦉🥰

He and Akaashi came to every soccer game y’all had and you and the three of you went to all of Bokuto’s games, obviously

Btw you all were FITTTTTT OML

***

In addition...

You already know that your man finds your artistic talents insanely fascinating

On your first anniversary together Bokuto gifted you with a new paint set and new French stand:

Because he admires you Bokuto also tries to draw and paint seriously just like you

You stand over his shoulder and give him corrections and baby owl learns so fast it’s amazing

You two make ‘paint night’ a thing when you move in together and it’s always the most fun event!!!!

Bokuto CONSTANTLY and I mean CONSTANTLY asks for you to add him to the comic you’re writing but you say no because he wouldn’t fit in

He sulks but one day you surprise him by showing him that you drew a cute soaring black and gray owl in the background of almost every outdoor scene in your comic,

you pointed out that it was him

BOKUTOOOO WAS SOOOOO HAPPY

HE WAS SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS

He called Akaashi right away and almost cried tears of joy hahahahaha

***

Your contingent based lifestyle has saved your reckless boyfriend’s life and career many-a-times

It’s one of the things he loves most about you.

Also, it is important to mention that he is in LOVE with your laugh

Bby owl does anything to hear it and showers your face with kisses when you laugh to draw it out

He loves you so freaking much

When you don’t make sense and speak gibberish in public because your awkward side randomly comes out......your boyfriend loves to make fun of you:

“Huh? Nin, that wasn’t Japanese, that wasn’t Thai and that definitely wasn’t English. What planet is my adorable baby girl from, again? And how do I return her in exchange for a floating space car instead?!”

suh cute

All of Bokuto’s teammates really like you because you work in conjunction with Akaashi which means you actually have the magic ability to get Bokuto out of emo mode even faster than his best friend 🤯🤯🤯

When he’s at an away game in emo mode his teammates will literally FaceTime you and point their phone in his general direction

“Hey, Kōtarō!!!! Look, Nin’s on the phoneeee!”

Bby owl turns around slowly when he was sulking in the corner and when he sees you on the screen he’s running and jumping on whoever is holding your phone.”

“Kōtarō baby. You’re going to stop this emo mode right now. If not I won’t let you paint me nude like we discussed.”

mans was like: 😨😨😨😨🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

YEP the next second you see him hitting his best practice spikes and his teammate thanks you profusely

You do this several times until Kōtarō just knows to not go into emo mode anymore because you won’t be happy

A year into his professional volleyball career The Black Jackal’s coach sent a surprise fruit bouquet to your work one time:

With a note that read:

To Nin,

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Love,

The Team

***

I know you don’t really like people who are considered “too loud” and Bokuto is like...... “MEGA LOUD 🎙 “ but you and Akaashi work together to quiet your boy down as he gets older

He’s perfect

And you love him

***

OKAY THIS IS THE FUNNIEST day THING:

You know how you like standing up for people (even strangers) and stuff?

Well one day, you and Bokuto get caught on a show called WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Where the two of you cussed out this cat-abusing actor on the show in a convincing scenario!

It was PRICELESS

Bokuto literally tells everyone that y’all are movie stars because of it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

***

More in the relationship:

Bo is always singing with you 💞 when y’all make breakfast it becomes a national sport to sing at the top of your lungs!!

And when he sees you eat chips with chopsticks he’s pulling a Hinata “🤩🤩🤩” face .

He begs you to teach him how

So you try

......and try

..................and try

He can’t do it bruv 😞

You see bby Owl’s emo mode return for the first time in like a year when the chip shatters between his sticks again

This time, you have to enlist Akaashi as the FaceTime saviour and Keiji just tells him:

“Bokuto. You should prefer eating chips with your hands anyway. It gets to your mouth faster.”

cue Bo’s 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 face

........And all is well again

There’s more:

So you’re a workaholic?

Bokuto is fine with that. He just makes you promise that he gets to take you out on your lunch breaks a few times a week or whenever he can

He’s so sweet and your coworkers are BIG jealous of your relationship

Your man BEGSSSSS you to teach him Thai but you find it too hard so when he’s travelling on a long flight he spends the time learning the language on YouTube (and actually get decent at it) so that he can understand you when you’re sleepy😴🥺💕

When Bokuto surprises you by wishing you goodnight in Thai before he falls asleep (while you’re giving him head rubs), your heart explodes BECAUSE why is he the cutest thing in the world ?!?!?!

RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION:

You don’t text/you’re bad at texting? That’s fine, mainly because bby owl is so busy with volleyball anyway, but if you don’t text him back when he is feeling needy the boy will call you 20 times in a row

When you finally pick up, your heart is beating like thinking it’s an emergency

But he will answer saying:

“Oh, no emergency. I just want booty pics. Please, Nin babyyyyy?”

you’re like: 😑

ANOTHER CUTE THING YOUR MAN DOES?????

AIGHT:

It’s cringey but.......

When you’re at work all day doing makeup and he’s home he will send you pics throughout the day of him taking care of your plants like they are y’alls newborn children:

His text:

Baby look!!! Ollie the Orchid grew to 7 inches today!!! Yesterday he was 6.8 inches!!!!! They grow up so fast 😭😭😭”

Your reply:

Not quite as long as your dick, Bo

His reply:

I hate when you get me horny when I’m trying to take care of the kiiiids 😭😭😭😭

Dkm

Of all the factors you look for in a man, Bokuto has all of them

Like I said he becomes much more mature when you and Akaashi are his closest compadres

What people don’t know is that Kōtarō is actually very mature he is just a hardcore optomist (besides emo mode lmao) so people often mistake him as immature or dumb

But He’s far from it and you see that everyday

It’s why you fell for him

When dealing with serious issues that life has to handle, you see a different side of Bokuto, a real side, the side he shows in every tough volleyball game when he makes you metaphorically step behind him so he can deal with any problem that comes your way

He would literally withstand all your battles if that meant you’d remain happy forever

We stan a relationship like yours💞

NSFW:

okay so you know how you chill in ballet 🩰 stretches sometimes?

THAT DRIVES KŌTARŌ WILD.

It turns him on so much and he is constantly testing how flexible you are in the bedroom

When you keep meeting his expectations he is POUNDING you cause he is so turned on

He fucking loves it

It also turns him on when you’ll be acting shy and stuff but then randomly you’ll lead your neighbourhood soccer team like a BAD BITCH

When he sees that he’s already asking Akaashi how long until the game ends because he’s horny:

Akaashi deadpans. “Too much information. And the game just started 3 minutes ago. Get a water and calm yourself.”

Bo is sad but it makes for one hell of a I’m-proud-of-you sexscape when you get home from your game!!

Your dirty jokes also turn Bokuto on.

A lot.

A lot a lot:

“Bo.....I was joking.”

“I know but if I hear the word ‘dick’ coming out of your mouth I automatically think of you blowing me so now I want us to go home.” He whines.

You sigh. He’s lucky he’s so fucking hot.

When you’re playing street fighter every night this boy will not leave you alone until you cockwarm him

“Nin can you pleaseeeeee warm my cock while you train? I miss you.”

Your concentration turns him on so he has to ask nicely 😊

You love his dick so of course you oblige

Bby owl is so happy just sitting there being in your company and in your warmth but sometimes or every time he ends up thrusting into you

Sometimes while he’s giving you deep slow thrusts he orders you to keep playing or he won’t get you off

Damn 🤤

Let’s not forget also that you drive your man wild by walking around the house in hoodies all the time and nothing else

Every day, another hoodie will be found in various RANDOM places in the house because Bo flings it off you before he makes love to you wherever, and they go missing

Finally, when you get all sad and pouty because one of your baker trials goes to shit (ruined chocolate brownies this time, boo 💔), your boyfriend is taking your hand gently in an instant, leading you to the bedroom:

“Don’t be sad my beautiful girl, you know how much I hate seeing you sad. It makes me sad.! Here, come in the room and sit on my face—I promise I’ll make you feel better.”

WELL DAMN—😳💦

Maybe you should screw up brownie recipes more often.

————————————

A/N: do you know the show what would you do??? Watch it on YouTube if you haven’t haha I couldn’t stop thinking about you and Bokuto being on it after reading your matchup profile!!!! I hope you liked it bb! Give me all your reactions, I want all the smoke 💞💞💞

[billssefton]

client pressured me into buying lingerie, employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My client invited me to lunch — and then pressured me into buying lingerie

I’m a freelance worker. One of my clients has been with me for several years, and I greatly appreciate her loyalty. Recently she put me in a very awkward situation, and I probably could have handled things differently, but I don’t know how.

She invited me to have lunch with her and her friend, implying that the friend could become a prospective client. Well, to cut a long story short, that “friend” turned out to be a salesperson, and the two of them basically browbeat me into buying several hundred dollars worth of products that I don’t want or need, that I’ll never use, and that have no resale value whatsoever. (It wasn’t an overt multi-leveling marketing scheme. It was lingerie, and I wasn’t pressured to join their “great, once-a-lifetime opportunity” at all, perhaps because I don’t look anything like a lingerie model. They just seemed strangely desperate to make a sale as quickly as possible, and I was was so desperate to get out of there that I didn’t care what it took.)

Needless to say, I’m not going to be accepting any more lunch invitations from her. How could I have handled the situation differently (given that physically leaving was not an option, because we went there in her car)? I really was blindsided by the whole thing, and it has shaken my trust in her. I’m not even sure I want to keep her on as a client anymore. For what it’s worth, I’ve heard similar stories from other friends and colleagues, and I’d always assumed that I was smart enough to never allow it to happen to me … until it did.

That’s incredibly rude of your client — she took advantage of your relationship and you’d be entirely in the right if you do decide you’re not interested in maintaining a relationship with her anymore.

As for what you could have done differently, usually the thing that keeps people in that situation is they don’t want to be rude — and in fact, that’s what people like your client are counting on. Recognizing that that’s what they’re relying on can help you stand up to it.

And frankly, it’s not rude to say, “I misunderstood the purpose of this lunch. I’m not interested in buying anything, so let’s talk about something else.” And if they continued with the sales pitch, it’s not rude to say, “My answer is a firm no. I don’t want to spend the rest of our lunch discussing it.” But even if those things were rude to say (and they’re not), they pale in comparison to the rudeness of what your client and her friend were doing. So it’s entirely justified in that situation to be a little rude if you want to or need to! It also would have been fine for you to say, “Jane, I’m disappointed that you’d deceive me about the purpose of this lunch and I’m leaving now” and then get up and take a cab home.

2. My employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback

I have an issue with my direct report, “Fergus,” who thinks that when someone thanks him for doing a task, that constitutes positive feedback. He forwards emails to me that read simply “thanks” with notes asking me to take not of the evidence of his fantastic work.

In the culture that we both work in, and have for many years, “thanks” means only that someone has recieved an email and does not relate in any way to the quality of the work, the timeliness of the response, or anything else. So by misinterpreting them, Fergus is getting an unfarily positive understanding of his work product. This is leading him to push back against the performance management that I am going through with him, becuase his work is in fact unacceptably poor. However, he gets very upset and defensive at the slightest criticism and often does not seem to take in negative comments. How do I explain that “thanks” and even “great, thanks” does not mean “well done,” in as effective and kind a way as possible?

“I’ve noticed that you’ve forwarded me many emails from people saying ‘thanks.’ In our culture, that’s an acknowledgement that you did a task for them, but it’s not typically feedback on the quality of your work. However, if you have emails from people talking specifically about the quality of a project you did for them, I’d love to have those.”

You could add, “The sort of feedback that we’d be looking for to indicate praise for your work would be things like if Jane commented on the thoroughness and accuracy of the report you sent her, or if Bob said he appreciated the nuance in the draft you wrote for him.”

That said, he sounds unreasonable enough, and the issues with his work sound serious enough, that he may not get this, no matter what you say. So I wouldn’t make your bar for success here “Fergus understands how poor his work is.” Rather, your bar for success is “Fergus brings his performance up to a good level quickly or we transition him out.” And if you haven’t already, I’d be very clear with him about that so that he understands that this isn’t a debate.

3. I interviewed with someone who hires “from a vibe”

I recently had an interview for a very competitive role at a high-profile company. The job description perfectly lines up with my strengths and passions.

The person who interviewed me would be my future boss if I got the job. We got along well and it was an easy-flowing, conversational meeting. He told me his strategy is to hire off of a vibe — that the work itself would have a very short learning curve for someone with my background. We spent most of our 30 minutes together talking about non-work-related topics such as music, pets, restaurants in town. When those 30 minutes were winding down, his assistant knocked to let him know the next applicant was waiting for him so he quickly asked me if I had any questions. At that point, I felt a bit pressured to rush through them!

I read the job description thoroughly, felt confident about my abilities to carry out the work, and enjoyed my time in the office, but I left the interview knowing next to nothing about the day to day functions, culture, or benefits. He told me they’d need to make a decision shortly and that works for me. There are no more rounds of interviews scheduled.

Is the casual nature of the interview a red flag in your opinion? If I got an offer, I would sort of be going in blind. Should I accept on good faith assuming there would be some training?

No, don’t accept that on good faith! That’s too important a thing to gamble on.

For the record, this is a terrible way to hire; he’s only learning about whether he has rapport with you and nothing about your skills or accomplishments or how you work. (It also makes it really likely that he hires people like himself in some way — which can lead to really discriminatory hiring.) If you’re interested in the job, you’ll have to do the work yourself of figuring out if it’s the right match for you, since he’s apparently not going to do it. That means that if you get an offer, you could say something like, “I’m really excited about the role based on what I know so far, but we didn’t get a chance to dive in much to the details of the work when we talked last time. Could we set up some time for a more in-depth call where I can ask you about the day-to-day work, the team, and so forth?”

4. Do I have to train my replacement when he’s sick and contagious?

I am retiring after decades at my current position, having given generous notice and have a new hire showing up to get trained for one week only. Am I obligated to train the new person if he shows up stinking sick? There are flu and other viruses going around. It’s even a battle trying to stay well in our workplace, despite a generous sick leave policy. But I will literally have this person sitting next to me. I promised my spouse a special vacation that we will be going on shortly after my departure. Am I obligated to sit next to someone who is coughing and sneezing because he is too scared to not show up to his new job knowing that he only has a one-week stab at me? Believe it or not, I know of two people in my circle of friends who have had this happen. I don’t want to sound selfish, but I don’t think my company’s problem and the new person’s problem shouldn’t be my problem. What are your feelings on this? Is there a protocol? We are a large company. We are numbers. But after decades of dedication, it’s my opinion their problem should not be my problem. Or is it?

Before you try to opt out of training the person completely, can you see whether there are ways to do the training that don’t require sitting right next to him? Can you work from separate offices while on the phone with each other? Can you screen-share? Think about what you’d do if he’d been hired in a remote office and you still had to train him — or if one of you had serious allergies to something about the other. Companies make this work in those situations, so if you think creatively, you might be able to come up with solutions that work.

Meanwhile, it’s reasonable to say to your boss, “I feel terrible for Bob — he’s very sick and clearly felt like he had to show up since it’s his first week. But he’s quite ill, and I can’t risk sitting next to him all week while he’s likely contagious. Here’s what I propose instead…”

5. Boss okayed remote work and now is dragging his feet

I moved 300 miles in October to take a great new job. My husband told his boss at that time that I had moved and he would need to follow me. His boss came back with an offer to transition him into a role he could do remotely, with higher pay and a manager title. This sounded great at the time.

As of now, he does have the manager title and a little extra pay (though less than he was originally led to believe and salaried instead of hourly, so no overtime money), but he’s still in our last city because his boss can’t seem to let go. He’s basically still doing his old job because the guy they hired to replace him makes so many mistakes, and he’s been trained in his new jobs and is pulling his weight there as well. He told boss before Christmas that he wanted to move around now. Boss was evasive about giving a firm yes or no, so husband assumed it was fine and we gave notice on the apartment in that city that we would be out by the end of the month. Then, Boss said he wanted husband to stay for another three to six months! At this point, husband is no longer doing trainings, the vast majority of his work communications are by phone or email, and all of his work is on his laptop. I think that if his boss is saying that he can’t leave now, there’s never going to be a point when boss will say he can leave. I’m sick of doing the long-distance thing, and he’s even more miserable about it. I just don’t know how he should proceed to get out of this limbo.

How firm is your husband being with his boss? Ideally he’d say something like, “I’ve been relying on our agreement in October that I’d be working remotely by now. I’ve given notice on my apartment here and need to be out by the end of the month. I know you’d like me to stay longer, but at this point I do need to make the move. I’d like to plan on my last day in this city being (date). Can we move forward with that plan?” He could also say, “I’ve made a lot of plans based on the agreement we made last fall, and it’s not going to be possible at this point for me to change those.”

But if the boss still drags his feet, that’s a sign that your husband may need to look for a different job in your new city.

You may also like:

why are job candidates balking at an interview over lunch?

my coworkers all stopped going to lunch with me

business contacts say they want to ask my opinion, but it’s really a sales pitch

client pressured me into buying lingerie, employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from Ask a Manager http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/client-pressured-me-into-buying-employee-thinks-thanks-is-positive-feedback-and-more.html

[psychicwolftraveler-blog]

Bipolar and the stigma

Bipolar and the stigma against mental illness

When people hear mental illness they tend to shudder with fear and smugness as if there better than anyone who suffers from something. When people hear Bipolar they run a mile! Some may say I am exaggerating but I am not. Iv seen it first hand. I myself suffer from Bipolar Type 2. Now i emphasise the type as thats important. When people hear Bipolar they think of manic, mania, psychosis, hyper, unhinged...the list goes on. But I am none of those things. Type 2 sufferers tend to have long bouts of low periods and very intense anxiety, in all honesty the anxiety can manifest into paranoia-so there is an element of psychosis but nowhere near as much as a Type 1 sufferer.

I was diagnosed 3 years ago at the age of 27 going on 28. Prior to this, Id only ever had one other breakdown and that was 10 years before hand in my late teens. I had always suffered from some form of anxiety but i had always managed to control it. My job as a manager kept me mentally busy and challanged and i thrived on stress, in fact in one interview i even said i loved it! but in the end it was stress that broke me down, and now sadly that aspect off any job i do in the future will be a no no for me! But since my diagnosis iv noticed a wave of stigma attached to mental health. People are geniunly scared of it! There scared of what it means and what it can do. they dont realise the effects that can have on the person suffering!

I myself have never told any of my employers about my illness for this reason, because a lack of understanding on their part can make them nieve, and regardless of how qualified I am I wont be fit enough for the job because my brain ever so slightly works in a diffrent way to others! I know my triggers and I can control it to a point...the only thing that stops me having control is pregnanacy, because adding those hormones to an already altered mind makes for very confusing times! I spend weeks indoors not talking to anybody or seeing the outside world-but its all for the greater good, and though i can turn into a hormonal nightmare when pregnant, having a baby is a blessing and ill take all the bad that comes with it!

I recently wrote an open letter on twitter to many celebrity ambassadors for mental health, including the young royals- below is the letter i wrote:

I am writing to you today as I have been reading about all your work that you are doing surrounding mental health namely the stigma surrounding it. I am writing to you in a capacity of desperation to get my voice heard. You both are the voice that can speak for the millions so I figured it was worth a shot so here goes. Let me give you a background on myself. I am 31 and am a freelance journalist/poet and a manager within the NHS. I has my first mental breakdown when I was 16 at the time people thought it was a mixture of hormones and family factors, none the less I had to leave 6th form and was medicated for a few years. When that fog lifted I returned to college and went onto university to study new media journalism. To support myself I had to work in the post room within a NHS trust. I worked my way up that corporate ladder very quickly and after graduating kept the journalistic side to freelance and continued to work my way up in the NHS,  iv worked in A&E as admin manager, iv worked as unit managers for CNWL's Addiction services, and even ended up managing the admin team at the same unit that treated me when I was 16 within west London mental health trust, which was ironic really but also showed how far I had come and accomplished! The same doctor that treated me still worked there too! I went from being her patient 10 years before to drinking with her in a pub at 26 a fully fledged cured adult who managed the admin team including her secretary! The signifance of me telling this will become apparent soon.... In november 2014 I suffered a severe break down and voluntarily went into a low secure mental health unit just to rest and get the treatment I needed! Again it was west London mental health I was treated by, but this time I had two perspectives, one the patient and two the employee! The same doctors and nurse I had been drinking in a pub with 2 years before now saw me as a patient, some wouldn't even say hello.  The only people to acknowledge me were the patiebts who rembered me from the services they attended, but now i was one of them. This was my first experience of the stigma of mental health, I was no good anymore I was just another patient. It was at this point I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, I would like to emphasize the type 2 as that's another stigma I get. The difference between type 1 and 2 is vast, there is no mania with my type and more anxiety and depression. It was a hard diagnosis but it hadn't come from nowhere I had it since 16! It made sense all the times I'd have down patches I just put down to environmental factors, a bad relationship, argument with friends, stress at work etc... I just thought it was what the doctors had said when I was 16..hormones and family factors, but it wasn't it was bipolar.. So the entire time I had been working I had bipolar and nobody had known, not me, not my colleagues not even the doctor who treated me at 16 and drank with me on Friday night and now wouldn't even say hello to me after seeing me in hospital! Stigma is stigma and even employees and doctors have them. Knowing that keeping busy controlled it and stress made it worse I went straight back to work in a brand new job at the RNOH in stanmore in January 2015!! I took a step back and went in as a EA to the hospitals operations director....not an easy job but less stressful than managing things myself but it wasn't long before I got the urge to take the reins once more and within 9 months I was unit manager of paediatrics at the same hospital!  Again nobody knew until I fell pregnant in March 2016, I was not on any medication apart from calming pills to stop my anxiety flaring up but I stopped all these when I found out. I had my first and only encounter with perinatel who are a great team and service, unfortunately I miscarried at 20 weeks, and within 3 days I was discharged from the perinatal service and was on my own. The pregnancy hormones and lack of medication had made Me very edgy and anxious more so than I had ever been, then losing the baby caused more emotions which were hard to deal with. I had to finish at my job in the June of 2016 as the stress and the commute were making me sick again and being pregnant I had to make that my priority not my career. It was the first time I hadn't worked since I was 18 and being at home made my illness worse. None the less me and my partner tried again and I fell pregnant in may 2017 but again lost it at 6 weeks. This sent me into a downward spiral and I had to make a decision to try again or go back to work but we tried again and here I am 11 weeks pregnant and everything thus far going well and being monitored  everything but my mental health. Iv had no further contact from a perinatel team and  am on no medication. When I do see my midwife my mental health always gets used as a weapon. Iv been told I must have a cesarean for my own health but I also must have meeting regarding mental health to see if I could cope with a baby and what my support network is. That is what has pushed me to write to you both.... The stigma. Just because I have a diagnosis does not mean I am not capable or of sound mind! I went 12 years with nobody none the wiser not even the doctor who had originally treated me at 16, but now they can name my problem I'm not a worthy and am treated a second class citezen. People Dont talk about mental health because of this reason, and things need to change. If I had another invisible illness like epilepsy would I have the same stigma... Probably not. With my corporate mindset I ask you, when you work with mental health issues, departmentalise each issue.... Suicide, depression, psychosis, anxiety, insomnia, eating disorders . within each of these things there is a stigma and within each of those boxes is a person like me who can control, hide and survive through my issues everyday with nobody knowing, working in high level jobs too scared to say anything because when I do I become somebody everybody is scared of abd treat differently just because I'm labeled with a mental illness and as the voice of the many I do hope the work you all do goes someway to helping the case I have put to you today because this is an issue that needs changing and changing fast.I have enclosed copy's of 2 poems I have written about mental health which are also published online, I look forward to your response Yours faithfully

Needless to say I never got any replys-which made me more determined to start a blog, to have my voice and get it heard!!

Iv recently read in the news today that they believe the grand old president of the USA, Mr Donald J Trump is apparently suffering from a mental illness-which could in effect cost him his job! According to the BBC, experts believe he is suffering from narcassistic personality disorder- now hes the kind of person that gives people with genuine mental illness a bad name! He's not mentally ill, hes an egotistic old man who is too twitter happy and obscessed with big red buttons. Everything he says is pathetic and he cant be taken seriously, the way the USA can justify thier horrific mistake of electing such a gorrilla is to brush it off with, "we didnt realise he was mentaly ill"!! cop out if you ask me!!! Just take his tweets with Mr Kim Jung un- iv seen 3 year olds in nurserys have better arguments than that!! Thats not a mental illness its a child in a 70 somethings body!! Hes the human real life version of Tom Hanks's character in Big, just not as nice or as clever or as entertaining!! I defenitly wouldnt want to play the big piano with him in a toy store-god forbid you were better than him- you'd be banned from America and called a loser on twitter before being handed a shovel and some bricks to go and build his mexican wall!

My point is, mental illness is a stigma and when its used to describe somebody like Donald Trump its no wonder people get scared!! We should be allowed to talk about it more freely and openly without the fear of being judged-but if that will change who will know...Until then all we can do is live on and fight the big fight that is mental illness which ever one it may be..... we'll talk more on this subject... but until then take care...

The typist behind the screen xxx

www.gogsworld.net

[sarahburness]

Rock Bottom? How to Start Digging Your Way Out

“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Not too long ago, I had the worst week of my life.

Let me give you some background. Just over a year ago, I was diagnosed with a meningioma—a benign brain tumor. “It’s small,” I was told. “It won’t cause you any issues, at least not for several years.”

Fast forward to May 18, 2017. “It has grown. We need to start considering surgery or radiation.”

Whoa. Major brain surgery or radiation to my brain? What a fun way to spend my summer.

Then, on May 19, 2017, I walked in to work. I was ushered into a meeting. “Your position is being eliminated,” I was told. Hey, life! Way to kick me when I am down!

I spent much of that morning crying. I reached out to family and friends, updating them on my news, all while eating cookies from my favorite coffee shop and gulping down a McDonald’s large Diet Coke.

In fact, I spent much of the next two weeks in the same manner.

Now I am sitting here, on my laptop, contemplating the significance of all of this, happening at once.

If I’m going to be honest, I have been in a downward slump for the past year. My migraines have gotten out of control. I have gained about twenty pounds because I can’t control my stress eating. My anxiety? Whoa—it requires a couple of medications to control it, and I still see a therapist weekly (who is awesome, I should add).

Suffice it to say, on May 19th, that morning, that moment, I hit rock bottom.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that we’ve all hit the proverbial rock bottom before. In fact, I would bet that some of you, dear readers, are sitting there right now, trying to figure out how to claw your way out.

Up until about a week ago, I was there too. I was sitting there, at the bottom of a hole. I realized I could sit there, cry, continue eating cookies, letting the weight pile on, and be unhappy. I could let my physician’s pile on more medications for my anxiety and my migraines. Or, I could envision everything I am going through as the beginning of something much bigger.

Something bigger. Freelance writing is my secondary income. I am in the midst of yoga teacher training. I am a certified diabetes educator and an RN. I have all of these skill; the question is, what should I do with them?

I have had the same best friend since we were twelve—well over half of our lives. When I texted her that I lost my job, she called me within the hour. “It’s hard to see it now,” she said, “but this just means that job wasn’t right for you. Something bigger is meant for you.”

When I think about the last year of my life, I think about how much I loved my job. But I also think about how poor my health has been because of my own actions. I think about how my anxiety has affected my family.

Although it is hard to see it right now, I am in a unique position. I get to start all over again. I get to figure out what I really want to do. What else do I know? This life I’ve lived for the past year. It isn’t working for me. I have been miserable. Health crises and job loss are traumatic, but for me, they may have been the figurative kick in the ass to see that I am on a precipice—all I have to do is jump.

So, dear readers, if you are also at the proverbial rock bottom, here’s my best advice at crawling your way out, coming from someone who was literally right there.

Finish wallowing, then take an assessment.

 You read that right—I just told you to finish wallowing!

Why? Because if you’re not done grieving whatever situation kicked you into your hole—whether it be a major breakup, a health crisis, a job loss, or a death of a loved one—you’re not really ready to pull yourself out.

All of these big life issues? They’re huge. They’re astronomical. They’re so large that they put your life into a tailspin. You need to properly grieve the loss of your past life before you can move forward.

I am not an expert at grieving. If you need help, please seek it. And don’t be ashamed to seek help. Remember how I mentioned that I see a therapist weekly? I am unashamed.

Once you’re done grieving, take a long, hard look at your life. What caused you to sink into your hole? Where were you before you hit rock bottom? Most importantly, where do you want to go from here?

I want to add that this phase is hard. I mentioned that you need to finish wallowing. This means stay there as long as you need to, because you need to get over it before you can move on. However, have you ever heard the saying, “It’s okay to have a meltdown, but don’t unpack your bags and stay there”? This is step 1—don’t get stuck in regret and forget to move forward.

Start planning.

My life changed dramatically one month ago. I by no means have my plans figured out yet. I have a vague idea of where I want to go from here, but it is still in the air, so to speak. And that’s okay.

The important thing is that, after you’ve begun to desperately claw yourself out of the pit, you begin to make a plan.

For example, as both a writer and an RN, I am making plans to use both of my talents. I know, after ten years of nursing and working for a hospital that ultimately let me go, I don’t want to work in that capacity anymore.

I am not entirely sure what this means, but I do know that I still want to use my credentials as a diabetes educator. I want to somehow work as an RN. I also want to be a writer. That’s all I know so far.

My main focus, of course, is being healthy. With my surgery coming up quickly, I am focusing my energy on my health and subsequently my recovery. Once I have recovered from my meningioma removal surgery, I will start all over again.

It is important to note when you are planning, your goals don’t have to be huge. My goals are huge because what I am going through is pretty big. Even if your goals are huge, the steps that you take can be small—the important thing is that you are making a plan.

And another thing! Write that plan down. Tape it to your bathroom mirror, your kitchen cabinet, or the steering wheel of your car—somewhere that you’ll see it and read it over, and over, and over.

Put your plan into action.

Planning is great. But a plan is only great if you actually do something with it.

The day I hit rock bottom, I actually started writing this article, thinking it would be published immediately. “It’s so great!” I thought.

Yes, but I hadn’t actually dragged myself out of the hole yet. I had basically written my narrative, but there was not a lot else about how I planned to dig my way out, so needless to say, it was turned down nicely.

Because I had no clue.

I spent the next couple weeks grieving. Then, I realized, I was done with grieving. I will always be just a little bit sad about losing my job, because I genuinely loved it. But I can’t grieve forever. And my brain tumor? Well, I just got back from Mayo Clinic and will have it removed in several weeks, and with any luck, it will never grow back.

Am I scared? Sure. I’m scared to lose another job. I’m scared of brain surgery. I’m scared that the tumor will grow back.

But I am also grateful. I am a creative person by nature—I can barely draw a stick figure, but I love to write; had I not lost my job, perhaps I would never have been given this opportunity to use this creative skill.

I am grateful that my tumor is benign. It is easily operable. I will have an easy recovery. I have an amazing support system in my husband, my friends, and my family.

After I realized these things, I started putting my plan into action. I started writing more—for my clients, for myself. I have slowly begun to apply for nursing and diabetes educator jobs that interest me, although I will be unable to start until after surgery. I am working to complete my 200-hour yoga teacher training.

—

Whatever thing you’re going through, that caused you to hit rock bottom? It sucks. I know it does. No one hits rock bottom without a reason. But don’t stay there. I know it’s going to take us a while, but I also know it’s better out of the hole. We’ll get there, I promise.

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About Krysti Ostermeyer

Krysti Ostermeyer blogs at https://krystiwithak.wordpress.com/, where she writes about migraines and her son’s food allergies.  She is a nurse, a diabetes educator and a yoga enthusiast.

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The post Rock Bottom? How to Start Digging Your Way Out appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/rock-bottom-how-to-start-digging-your-way-out/