#never had so many visions of absolutely decimating Some Guy. like jeez.
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i feel like if that one guy ever dare make eye contact with me he will die on the spot that's how much i hate his pathetic coward hypocrite guts.
#hateposting#vent cw#maybe he will die a bit later like radiation poisoning style#i knew in my gut from the moment i learned of him that i hated him and somehow i was blocked from this knowledge#like looking back 100% i knew this#i felt it reading his blog name years ago and learning more about him when he would post stuff like immediately#i was like this guy has a disgusting vibe. which apparently in my brain connects/connected to “i must learn more”#like.. yea ok i guess i fucking did? but I'm angry at myself for getting into that shir#shit. but also guess the fuck what: he presented himself as a support when I was at my most vulnerable having just been hurt by my ex#so like :)#how am i to interpret all this. put my walls up more more more more more? listen to every flickering feeling of “this person fucking sucks”#which i get with.. most people?#am supposed to just move on? just breathe and move on? I've never felt like this. or at least not in decades.#its kind of morbidly fascinating#feel like if i just breathe and calm down im leaving myself exposed? i guess this is what the fight reaction is like.#i was always more fawn/flight/freeze till now#never had so many visions of absolutely decimating Some Guy. like jeez.#im sure it will all work out. im in charge of myself#or whatever
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