#no but actually i want to go so so bad i've studied the grand canyons composition but i've never been and i WANNA SEE IT!!!!!!

[seekerstone]

who wants to go to the grand canyon w/ me so i can gush abt all the rocks 🥺🥺 i’ll recite the wikipedia page for it SO well you don’t even understand

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[babygirlkiki1016]

Tough Love

After what happened to Sammy's girlfriend we decided to pay our respects to her. I could hear the birds chirping as Sam, who is wearing a suit and tie, holds a bouquet of various flowers excluding roses. Me and Dean watched from afar as he walks through an otherwise deserted cemetery. From what I could see Sam sighs and stops next to a gravestone. It reads "Jessica Lee Moore, Beloved Daughter, January 24th 1984 - November 2nd 2005."

"How did she die?" I ask Dean, after a few minutes of silence.

"....She died in a fire."

"I know that...but what caused it?"

"A demon...the same one that killed our mother."

".....I'm sorry....." Dean glances over at me and puts an arm around my shoulder.

"You have nothing to be sorry about....besides, we'll get the son of a bitch." I give him a small smile, then focus back on Sam. I spot a small picture of Jessica grinning that's set into the stone above her name, then a black-and-white picture of her leaning against the stone between a white teddy bear and a wooden box with a crucifix leaning on the picture. Sam looks between the gravestone and the flowers. "I, uh..." I heard Sam laugh. "You always said roses were, were lame, so I brought you, uh..." Sam looks at the picture set into the gravestone, then looks away, choking back tears. He steps closer to the gravestone. "Jess...oh God..." Sam kneels to set down the flowers. "I should have protected you. I should have told you the truth."

I look over at Dean who is just staring at him. Pain was shown across his features, I could tell Dean did not wanna watch this. After Sam put flowers on his girlfriends grave, we went back on the road again. I was sitting in the back while the boys were in the front. Sam was asleep, at least until he jerked awake and sighs as he hears "Hot-Blooded" is playing. Sam rubs his eyes and Dean looks over, concerned.

"You okay?" I questioned, Sam glances back and then away.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Nightmare?" Dean chimes in, Sam clears his throat, signaling he doesn't wanna talk about it.

"You wanna drive for a while?" Sam laughs.

"Dean, your whole life you never once asked me that." I grin and lean forward.

"Hold on, so you've never driven the impala?"

"No, but it's ok. I'll be able to drive it one day." Dean glances over at Sam.

"Yea, still gonna kill you for that little stunt Sammy, letting her drive baby into a house. But uh....I just thought you might want to....Never mind."

"Look, guys, you're worried about me." Sam replies "I get it, and thank you, but I'm perfectly okay."

"Mm-hm." Dean agrees knowing Sams not okay, Sam grabs a map.

"All right, where are we?"

"We are just outside of Grand Junction I believe." I say. Sam folds down the map, which is of Colorado and has a large red X labeled 35-111.

"You know what? Maybe we shouldn't have left Stanford so soon." Sam admits.

"Sam, we dug around there for a week. We came up with nothing. If you wanna find the thing that killed Jessica-"

"We gotta find Dad first." Sam interrupted Dean.

"Not to be nosy but...you still didn't tell me how she died?" I ask.

"Y/n now's not the time." Dean says while looking at me through the mirror.

"....Jess, my girlfriend died stuck to the ceiling with a stab wound in her stomach while being burned.....She was killed by the demon that killed my mother."

"How can a monster be capable of something like that?"

"I don't know, but our mother's death was the whole reason dad started training us."

"Yea..which your dad kinda helped ours with the whole 'how to kill monsters' thing." Dean smiled. "If it wasn't for Y/D/N, Dad would've probably been dead by now." Sam nods in agreement.

"So..with your dad disappearing and this thing showing up again after so many years, it's no coincidence. That's for sure." I pointed out.

"Dad will have answers. He'll know what to do."

"It's weird, these coordinates he left us. This Blackwater Ridge." Sam replies.

"What about it?" Dean asked.

"There's nothing there. It's just woods." Sam puts down the map. "Why is he sending us to the middle of nowhere?"

"Sam it's not the place, it's the monster. Just like in Jericho there could be a monster we have to fight, right Dean?" However Dean stays silent and just keeps driving. For the next few hours no one says anything. I decided since it was quiet that I could get some shut eye and after a few minutes I fell asleep with my cheek planted against the window.

~

When I wake up, the Impala comes to a stop and is parked next to a sign that says "RANGER STATION Lost Creek Trail, Lost Creek National Forest". I follow the boys out of the car, still tired. Sam smiles at me "How did you sleep?" He asks.

"Fine, I guess."

"I think you slept more than the both of us combined." Dean jokes.

"Well see if someone would let me drive-."

"Nope never again!" Sam laughs at our little feud and we keep walking.

"So Blackwater Ridge is pretty remote." Sam says as he looks at a 3D map of the national forest, paying particular attention to the ridge labeled "BLACKWATER RIDGE" as Dean looks at the decorations. "It's cut off by these canyons here, rough terrain, dense forest, abandoned silver and gold mines all over the place."

"Dude, check out the size of this freaking bear." Dean fantasizes, me and Sam look over. Dean is looking at a framed photo of a man standing behind a much larger bear. Me and Sam go to stand next to Dean.

"Eh I've seen bigger bears." I say.

"There's no way." Dean says.

"My dad used to take me hunting, it was part of my training." I laugh. "I took down my first grizzly when I was nine."

"Well there's a dozen or more grizzlies in the area. It's no nature hike, that's for sure, at least we have an expert with us." Sam says, I just roll my eyes. A forest ranger, walks up to us when he speaks, the three of us whip around.

"Y'all aren't planning on going out near Blackwater Ridge by any chance?" The ranger wonders.

"Oh, no, sir, we're environmental study majors from UC Boulder, just working on a paper." Sam laughs a little. Dean grins and raises a fist.

"Recycle, man." Sam's eyes flick to Dean, who doesn't move.

"You're friends with that Haley girl, right?" The ranger asks, Dean considers.

"Yes. Yes, we are, Ranger-" Dean checks the ranger's nametag. "-Wilkinson."

"Well I will tell you exactly what we told her. Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying he wouldn't be back from Blackwater until the twenty-fourth, so it's not exactly a missing persons now, is it?" Dean shakes his head. "You tell that girl to quit worrying, I'm sure her brother's just fine.".

"We will. Well that Haley girl's quite a pistol, huh?"

"That is putting it mildly."

"Actually you know what would help is if I could show her a copy of that backcountry permit. You know, so she could see her brother's return date." Dean suggests and Wilkinson eyes Dean as Dean raises his eyebrows. After we get the permit we leave the ranger station. Dean is holding a piece of paper and laughing.

"What, are you cruising for a hookup or something?" Sam jokes.

"What do you mean?"

"The coordinates point to Blackwater Ridge, so what are we waiting for? Let's just go find Dad. I mean, why even talk to this girl?" The boys stop on opposite sides of the Impala.

"Maybe we should know what we're walking into before we actually walk into it?" I suggest.

"Pretty smart." Dean agrees.

"Since when are you all shoot first ask questions later, anyway?" Sam wonders.

"Since now." I laugh as me and Sam get in the car

"Really?" I hear Dean say and he gets in as well.

"Could you guys drop me off at the metro store? I need a new phone." I ask.

"No need." Dean smirks at me, and goes through the glove box. Then he leans back and hands me a small flip phone. "There, so you can call us if you get in trouble."

"Thanks..." I take it from him but sigh in sadness, I miss my dad, I thought.

"What is it?" Sam worries.

"I just miss my dad...I mean I left him a letter telling him I was ok but..."

"Hey, cheer up, you'll get to see him soon. Besides everyday we get closer to dad, you'll see him before you know it." Dean smiles and begins to drive away.

Deans Pov-

After we got to the motel, I asked Y/n if she wanted her own room, she just shrugged and said she didn't care. So I originally planned on getting her own room but in all honesty...I don't want her to die like Jessica. So we got a two bed room, she'd have to sleep with one of us. I put my duffel bag on my bed and sigh, Sam does the same. Y/n was outside calling her dad, letting him know she was ok but she had a time limit so he wouldn't track us.

"We'll isn't this place homey." I comment.

"Yeah...so what do you think of Y/n?" Sam asks.

"I've gotta be honest..She's not suited for this."

"C'mon she isn't that bad."

"Are you kidding? Sure she's smart, and pretty, and helpful..." I smiled to myself, lately I've been having weird feelings around her. "She's...badass."

"Dean, kinda getting off topic."

"Right uh, sorry. Anyways, she's never done this before, I don't think she's ready for this."

"Her dad trained her for this, just like our dad trained us. She maybe haven't done this before but she's been a lot of help. When we were facing Constance, if it wasn't for her I would have probably died."

"She's reckless, she drove baby through the side of a house."

"It was the only way to stop her! I probably would've done the same thing."

"What about the dent that suddenly appeared while we were at the bridge?"

"That was Constance-"

"No, if it was Constance then Y/n would have gotten hit. That....That was something entirely different, and besides that she didn't even talk to us for an entire three hours."

"She was scared-"

"We don't have time to be scared!"

"Dean that was her first hunt, look she did pretty well in the end."

"Yeah well...."

"Well what?"

"We have to take her home...."

"Dean come on."

"No!" I stand up and point a finger at him. "You were the one who was angry at me for bringing her into this. Now that I want to take her out your upset?"

"...I-I...Why don't we let her stay a while longer?"

"Why?"

"Dean she was gonna learn about this sooner or later, might as well be now. And if she wasn't here we would still be stuck in Jericho. How bout this, if she gets hurt or acts immature we'll take her home but for now she stays." I stayed silent, thinking about my next move. Should I really let her stay? What if she gets hurt or even worse...dies. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the door open and close, quickly I put a smile on my face and turned to Y/n. Although she wasn't smiling, she was....heartbroken.

"Y-Y/n?" I called out, and with those sad E/C eyes, she looks at me.

"....I'm no longer welcome home."

Y/n's Pov-

*10 minutes earlier*

This was it, the moment I would call my dad after almost a week. Slowly I pressed in the numbers and the phone began to ring as I put it up to my ear.

"Hello?" A gruff voice said, it was dad, my dad. He seemed sad, and instantly I was filled with regret.

"Hey dad...."

"Y/n!? Where are you?!"

"I'm safe dad....it's ok."

"No it's not ok, me and your mother have been worried sick! If I find you with Dean-"

"Dad please I'm just help-"

"No don't give me that bullshit, you are just being rebellious because I was strict on you."

"No I'm doing this because you wouldn't help Dean find John!"

"I only said no because I don't trust Winchesters! And neither should you! They only care about themselves, not anyone else. Everyone they know dies around them!"

"I haven't died-"

"Which is a miracle, but it's only a matter of time. You better come home this instance or I'm sending out a missing person's add. And when they find you with a twenty-six year old man-"

"Your bluffing, even if you did that they would escape."

"Your not safe Y/n-"

"I never was! No one is every safe in this world! Besides you were training me for hunting my entire life so what's the big deal?!"

"Your only seventeen that's the big deal!"

"Well I'm not going home unless they make me."

"They? Who-Please don't tell me John is there!"

"No it's not John, it's Sam."

"Sam? You mean Sam from Stanford? That's even worse! Y/n you have to get out of there! Something...Something is wrong with that boy!"

"There is nothing wrong with him or Dean, I'm staying here whether you like it or not."

"Then you better stay gone cause I'm tired of a disobedient brat like you! If you don't come home right now I-I'll disown you!" Those words, we're like knives, they went straight into my heart. Tears ran down my cheeks as I realized....I would never be able to go home...

".....Wow.." I say after a minute, "...you say you don't trust the Winchester's, more specifically John....but your just like him." And with that I hung up, what else was there to say? If dad wasn't gonna support me helping someone in need then...there's no point of going home. I have to finish what I started, silently I entered the motel room. I could feel the boy's staring at me.

"Y-Y/n?.." Dean called out, slowly I meet his gaze and say "....I'm no longer welcome home."

~

"What do you mean no longer welcome home?" Sam questioned, for the last ten minutes I had been crying my heart out in Dean's chest. I told him how the conversation played out, and by the end both of them were furious.

"I knew Y/D/N had a little anger issues, but to go that far?....That's just low." Dean said.

"Don't worry Y/n...you'll always have a home with us." Sam soothed, making me smile.

"Thanks guys....for the record, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change my decision."

"Well I'm glad." Dean smiled and kissed me on the forehead, making me instantly blush. "Cause I wouldn't want you to change it either." No one said anything after that, we just continued with our mission. Later after we got settled in our motel, we drive to the girls house. We stand at the door and it opens to reveal Haley Collins.

"You must be Haley Collins. I'm Dean, this is Sam and Y/n, we're, ah, we're rangers with the Park Service. Ranger Wilkinson sent us over. He wanted us to ask a few questions about your brother Tommy." Haley hesitates.

"Lemme see some ID." She says. Sam pulls out his fake ID with the name 'Samuel Cole' and held it up against the screen. Haley looks at it, then at me and Dean, then opens the door.

"Come on in."

"Thanks." The door swings open as Haley catches sight of the Impala.

"That yours?" She asks.

"Yeah." Dean says proudly, Sam looks back at the Impala.

"Nice car." Haley leads us into the kitchen, where a boy is sitting at the table on a laptop. Dean turns his head to mouth something to Sam, who rolls his eyes. We show her the permit but she just scoffs and leaves the kitchen.

"So if Tommy's not due back for a while, how do you know something's wrong?" Sam asks. Haley comes back into the room with a bowl she places on the table. "He checks in every day by cell. He emails, photos, stupid little videos-we haven't heard anything in over three days now." She answers.

"Well, maybe he can't get cell reception."

"He's got a satellite phone, too."

"Could it be he's just having fun and forgot to check in? Maybe it dropped in the lake or something." I say.

"He wouldn't do that." The boy at the table says, I eye him, but he looks away. Haley comes back putting more food on the table and says. "Our parents are gone. It's just my two brothers and me. We all keep pretty close tabs on each other."

"Can I see the pictures he sent you?" Sam asks.

"Yeah." On the laptop, she pulls up pictures.

"That's Tommy." She clicks twice and another picture comes up, then the still frame opening the latest video.

"Hey Haley, day six, we're still out near Blackwater Ridge. We're fine, keeping safe, so don't worry, okay? Talk to you tomorrow." I spot something on the video however, it was like a shadow.

"Well, we'll find your brother. We're heading out to Blackwater Ridge first thing." Dean smiles.

"Then maybe I'll see you there. Look, I can't sit around here anymore. So I hired a guy. I'm heading out in the morning, and I'm gonna find Tommy myself." Hayley confessed.

"I think I know how you feel."

"Hey, do you mind forwarding these to me?" Sammy asks.

"Sure." We smile and leave, departing from them.

~

After the meeting with Haley, we decided to go to the bar, after I got a fake ID. Now I was Y/n Dixon, a twenty-five year old female. The three of us were sitting down at a table.

"So, Blackwater Ridge doesn't get a lot of traffic. Local campers, mostly. But still, this past April, two hikers went missing out there. They were never found." I mention as I was using Sam's laptop, he told me I'd probably get better luck if I'd try to find information. Sam was opening John's journal, searching it for clues.

"Any before that?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, in 1982, eight different people all vanished in the same year. Authorities said it was a grizzly attack. And again in 1959 and again before that in 1936. So every twenty-three years, this thing comes out. Okay so since Haley sent Sam the video, watch this." I put the laptop where both of the boys can see go through three frames of the video one at a time. A dark shadow, like the one I saw earlier crosses the screen.

"Do it again." Dean says. I repeat the frames.

"That's three frames, a fraction of a second. Whatever that thing is, it can move."

Dean hits Sam.

"Told you something weird was going on."

"Yeah you were right." Sam smiles.

"The only thing that I know that can move that fast is a werewolf." I state.

"That's what I thought to." Sam says. "However I got one more thing." Sam hands over a newspaper article. "In 'fifty-nine one camper survived this supposed grizzly attack. Just a kid. Barely crawled out of the woods alive." I nod and the hand it to Dean who looks at newspaper.

"Is there a name? Uh...Oh here, Mr. Shaw." Dean reads.

"So then we go talk to him now, right?' I ask.

"That should be the plan." Sammy says.

"Ok what's up with your hair?" Dean asks.

"What?.."

"It was just H/C now it's yellow, is it like some kind of special hair dye?" I grab a lock of my hair, and he was right, it was bright yellow.

"No I haven't dyed my hair since I was fifteen."

"Ok something is definitely going on with you. First dad mentions you, then you somehow put a dent in my car without touching it and now your hair is yellow." The moment he said that my hair changed to purple.

"See there it goes again!"

"I...I don't know." My heart starts beating faster by the second, what's happening to me me?

"Dean I think you scaring her. Maybe we should call Y/D/N.." Sam suggests but Dean shakes his head.

"No screw that guy, look we'll figure it out. For now try to...keep it one color."

"You think I have control over this?"

"Maybe it's connected to your emotions?" Sam says grabbing his laptop and starts typing.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Keeping notes. Maybe if we keep track of what's happening to you then we can figure out what's going on. So purple is fear, then that would mean yellow is joy and when your hair is H/C it means you are experiencing no emotions."

"Well, other than this magical weird...stuff. What now?"

"To the store, we need to get you a business suit, then to Mr. Shaw." Dean says.

"A business suit? What for?" I wonder, but Dean only smirks.

~

Finding the perfect suit was hard, it wasn't until I walked out of the dressing room for the 5th time. This time both of the boys smiled, and Dean looked away blushing a bit. It was like a coat that went halfway down my thigh, however you could see my cleavage a little bit.

"How bout this one?" I ask.

"Y-Yea yea, that's good. Nice and formal." Dean stutters.

"Good, now I guess we buy this and then we can be on our way."

After we bought the suit, we went to go see Mr. Shaw. He talks to the three of us while leading us inside his house. He has a cigarette in his mouth, I coughed a little from the smoke.

"Look, ranger, I don't know why you're asking me about this. It's public record. I was a kid. My parents got mauled by a-" Sam interrupts.

"Grizzly? That's what attacked them?" Shaw takes a puff of his cigarette, takes it out, and nods.

"The other people that went missing that year, those bear attacks too?" The room went quiet. "What about all the people that went missing this year? Same thing? If we knew what we were dealing with, we might be able to stop it." Dean says.

"I seriously doubt that. Anyways, I don't see what difference it would make." Mr. Shaw sits down with a sad look on his face. "You wouldn't believe me. Nobody ever did...."

"Try me."

"I said no and that's final." He huffed, I knew he wasn't gonna tell us. I hesitantly sit down across from him.

"Mr. Shaw, what did you see?...I know you think we won't believe you but your our last resort. If you help us, I promise you we will get revenge for your parents." He looks at me like I was lyin, but sighs in defeat.

"Nothing. It moved too fast to see. It hid too well. I heard it, though. A roar. Like...no man or animal I ever heard."

"It came at night?" Shaw nods. "Got inside your tent?"

"It got inside our cabin. I was sleeping in front of the fireplace when it came in. It didn't smash a window or break the door. It unlocked it. Do you know of a bear that could do something like that? I didn't even wake up till I heard my parents screaming."

"It killed them?"

"Dragged them off into the night." He shakes his head. "Why it left me alive...been asking myself that ever since." Shaw's hands go to his collar. "Did leave me this, though." He opens his collar to reveal three long scars. Claw marks. Sam and Dean look at them. "There's something evil in those woods. It was some sort of a demon."

~

The three of us walk the length of a corridor with rooms on either side. "Spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors. If they want inside, they just go through the walls." Dean says.

"So it's probably something else, something corporeal." I state.

"Corporeal? Excuse me, professor."

"So what do you think?" Sam chimes in.

"The claws, the speed that it moves...could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog"

"No it looked more human...what about a Wendigo? I don't know. I can do some research when we get to where ever were goin next." I offered.

"Where were goin next is our motel." Dean says. We drove back to motel, and I get out of the car as Dean opens the trunk of the Impala, then the weapons box, and props it open with a shotgun. He puts some guns in a duffel bag as Sam leans in.

"We cannot let that Haley girl go out there."

"Oh yeah? What are we gonna tell her? That she can't go into the woods because of a big scary monster?"

"Yeah." Dean looks at Sam.

"I may not know much about monsters Sam but that is probably the most stupidest idea." I intervene. "Besides her brother's missing, Sam. She's not gonna just sit this out."

"Then we go with her, we protect her, and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator friend." Dean says picking up the duffel.

"Finding Dad's not enough?" Sam slams the weapons box shut, then the trunk. "Now we gotta babysit too?" Dean stares at Sam in annoyance.

"What?"

"Nothing." He throws the duffel bag at Sam and walks off. I follow in pursuit, when I walk through the door Dean looks at me and Sam who is behind me.

"So Y/n, you have to sleep with one of us tonight since there's only two beds."

"She can sleep with me." Sam offered.

"Well I mean it's up to her."

"I don't care, you two do rock, paper, scissors shoe whoever wins gets the bed to themselves."

"Alright seems fair enough." Dean says and holds out his hand in the formation. Sam rolls his eyes and throws the duffel bag onto one of the bed then gets into formation.

"Ok one, two, three!" I count down and both of them go, Dean chose rock while Sam chose paper. Dean smiles but quickly hides it and enters the bathroom.

"Is it just me or is he happy that he lost?" I ask making Sam shake his head.

"That's a first, though if he tries anything let me know. I'll let you sleep with me."

"Eh if he tries anything I'll break his hand." Sam chuckles.

"That's our girl."

~

Later that night all three of us was in bed. I couldn't sleep though, I still kept hearing my dad's words over and over. "I'll disown you", how could he say something like that to me? Tears began to form, I cover my mouth trying to keep quiet but Dean heard me.

"Y/n?" He quietly calls out. "You ok?"

"Y-Yeah...."

"Is this about your dad?...." Slowly I nod and Dean pulls me closer.

"It's gonna be ok, ok? He didn't mean it, he probably just said that so you'd come home....if you ever wanna...don't hesitate."

"But you said once I'm in this-"

"And I was wrong, your just a kid, you don't deserve this life...." I could hear the sadness in his voice, I look up at him. Those big green eyes stare down at me, making me smile.

"Neither do you...."

"...It'll be ok, I promise." He gently puts a hand on my cheek and caresses it with his thumb. I felt that urge, I wanted to kiss him, it was the perfect moment. It was like a moment in a movie where everyone is waiting for that kiss, waiting for the love to blossom. I slowly lean in, while staring into those beautiful forest green eyes. He doesn't move, which makes me nervous and my hair turns purple.

"Why are you scared?" He asked. "Was it something I said?"

"No I just....No it wasn't you....well I guess I'll let you sleep. Goodnight Dean." Quickly I move so I'm facing away from him, my cheeks are burning. Did I really just try to kiss Dean?

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