#no cowards allowed here

[casualavocados]

Learn from who? Learn from you?

Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

[knaccblog]

Aziraphale and "I Forgive You"

So after I watched the first season a few times however many years ago, I noticed something, wrote up a bit of a meta about it and then never posted it. I thought that it was either very obvious or very silly and either way, no one needed to see it. But now it's several years and another season later and again, I'm noticing the exact same thing so here it goes- I think the reason Aziraphale keeps saying that he forgives Crowley has overall very little to do with what Crowley has just done right before Aziraphale says it and much more to do with a secret Aziraphale hides deep within himself and has for thousands of years, a truth that he hates to acknowledge and is terrified to speak aloud: he thinks God is wrong to have not Forgiven Crowley.

Get settled in because this is gonna take a bit.

The first time I started noticing this really clearly is the Bandstand Breakup scene. Crowley starts by cussing God literally out- "For the record, great, pustulant, mangled bollocks to the Great blasted Plan." To which Aziraphale says, "May you be forgiven." And yes, Crowley has just sinned and Aziraphale is a stuffy angel but the way Aziraphale says it is like a hope, atleast to my ears. Like he's really wishing that God will see how good Crowley truly is and bring him back to Heaven even though he keeps doing stupid stuff like this

Anyway, Crowley then responds with, "I won't be forgiven. Not ever. Part of a demon's job description. Unforgivable. That's what I am." And Aziraphale responds again with a hopeful sounding, "You were an angel once." At this point, I was almost sure that he's talking about his personal wishes here. It sounds like he's saying, "Come on, Crowley. There's a chance." To which Crowley responds, "That was a long time ago," basically saying it's impossible and shutting that whole bit of the conversation down. And you can just watch Aziraphale's face fall at that, like it kills him for that to be true. 

The next time the topic of forgiveness and Crowley comes up is when Crowley shows up to beg Aziraphale to run away with him one last time. In this conversation, Aziraphale is very adamant that if he talks to the right people, they won't want the apocalypse and they'll stop it. He, of course, thinks this because his most core belief is that God is good and that even if we don't understand how what God is doing is good right now, it will lead to goodness eventually via the Rube Goldburg machine which is time and the universe etc aka God is ineffable. But even Aziraphale can't imagine how the ineffable Rube Goldburg machine could turn an event where everything on earth dies into a good one so therefore, he's certain that God doesn't want the Apocalypse.

Crowley responds to this hope with, "You're so clever. How can someone as clever as you be so stupid?" to which Aziraphale responds, "I forgive you" in a very gentle but sure tone. And now yes, while it is entirely possible that Aziraphale is forgiving Crowley for calling him stupid, I've always felt like that would be a rather weighty response considering how mild an insult it is. It's also possible (and I feel slightly more likely) that Aziraphale is forgiving Crowley for his lack of faith, his inability to believe in the goodness of God anymore. 

And that could definitely be it, but if we think about the way Aziraphale had talked about forgiveness at the Bandstand, the hope and desire that he seemed to put into the idea of forgiveness and Crowley and the fact that Crowley had dismissed it as entirely impossible for him to ever be forgiven, than a third read of Aziraphale's "I forgive you" emerges: one in which Aziraphale is saying, "While God might never forgive you, I do". It's "I might never see you again since you intend to run away to the stars but if this is the last time I ever see you, I want you to know that I think you are deserving of forgiveness. That I see the good in you even if God can't." It's a combination "I love you" and small rebellion against God, because while Aziraphale can't bring himself to give up on Her completely and run away with Crowley (even though a part of him clearly wants to), he is willing to say that She's done this one thing wrong and it's never forgiving Crowley, who Aziraphale can see clearly is more kind and good than any of the angels he knows.

So yeah, that was about where the idea rested at the end of the first season but now we have a bunch of new historical scenes and a new "I forgive you" following a very loaded conversation in which Aziraphale got extremely excited by the idea of Crowley being reinstated as an Angel and I felt like this idea has even more legs than before. 

To me, it's very clear that Aziraphale's pitch for Crowley to come back to Heaven isn't him hoping to "reset" Crowley to how he was before the Fall or him being incapable of loving Crowley as a Demon and instead was him being overjoyed to have this secret truth (Crowley is deserving of God's Forgiveness) that he's been observing for 6000ish years be acknowledged and have a chance to come to fruition. After all, as we saw this season (and honestly last season too but less pronounced), Crowley, current Demon Crowley, not the angel he knew over 6000 years ago, has proven over and over again just how truly good he is to Aziraphale.

For example, in the Job sequence, Crowley does a truly good thing that no Angel (beside Aziraphale) would do or even think that they should do and that is save Job's children. And through the entirety of this bit, Aziraphale basically always believes that he will. There are even two moments where Crowley tries his best to scare Aziraphale away, to play up being the bad guy (so as to better hide the con he's running and protect Aziraphale), but Aziraphale's faith in Crowley's goodness does not falter. At the end of the day, it seems clear that Aziraphale has more faith that Crowley will do the good thing, the correct thing than God. Conveniently for Aziraphale's faith in God though, not understanding how something horrible he hates will eventually lead to goodness in the long run is a foundational principle of said faith so his faith in God remains strong even after everything She and Heaven do to Job. 

But his faith in Crowley doesn't require such a complicated work around. He believes Crowley won't kill children and he is correct. Though unfortunately, this very simplicity leads to a new problem, a problem that we can see eventually solidify in Aziraphale's mind, becoming a running theme of their association and leading to the eventual "I forgive you"s.

Aziraphale can clearly see how kind and good Crowley is, how he does the right thing as best he can, even when he could (and sometimes does) get into immense trouble for it. But for some reason, despite repeated evidence that Crowley is everything that Aziraphale believes Angels are and should be, Crowley continues to be a Demon. And once you realize that Aziraphale has noticed this contradiction and that it most likely haunts him and is a constant challenge to his worldview, it colors a lot of what he says in a new light. Many of what seem like simple, self-righteous statements reveal themselves to be Aziraphale trying to protecting himself from a massive logical inconsistency he keeps stumbling across. 

"It must be bad, otherwise you wouldn't have tempted them into it," Aziraphale says, clearly not quite sure why it's bad actually. 

"You, I'm afraid, are evil," Aziraphale asserts, basically stating that Crowley is evil because he's evil. It's tauntological and therefore doesn't have to make sense. (He says this one shortly before Crowley saves Elsbeth from suicide, poverty and damnation.) 

"So this is all your demonic work? I should have known," Aziraphale says, thinking, "Aha, this time Crowley must have done the bad thing and therefore continues to deserve being Fallen." (Crowley has, in fact, not done the bad thing but shhhh, worry about that later.) 

Once you notice this self defensive habit, you can't unnotice it really, it's just so present in Aziraphale's logic and speech. Aziraphale even at one point says, "Still a demon, then?" after the Ark and Job and Jesus because on some level he probably doesn't want to actually evaluate, it makes no sense to him that Crowley is still a Demon, especially when he has also sinned in a few ways (lied to Gabriel, thwarted the will of God, technically gluttony etc) and nothing has happened to him, to say nothing for all the things Gabriel has done (or has just let passively happen without a thought to interfere).

So yes, I think the entire final argument plays out the way it does because Aziraphale thinks Crowley is good and deserves to be reinstated, to be forgiven by God more than anything. 

He comes into their final conversation nervous but excited, to the point where he stomps right over what Crowley is trying to say. "You see I... I have some incredible good news to give you." The good news is for Crowley, you see, because Crowley deserves this and clearly being forgiven like he so deserves should logically make Crowley happy. It will make Aziraphale happy after all. 

Aziraphale then starts to describe the conversation that he had with Metatron, stating that he thinks he might have misjudged him. And why would he think that he misjudged the angel who had told him point blank to his face that "The point is not to avoid the war, it is to win it" about the Apocalypse? Well, it's not because he's offered the job of Supreme Archangel, that's for sure. As we can see in the flashback, Aziraphale seems nervous and uninterested in the job at first. He says clearly that he doesn't want to go back to Heaven and even brings up a very half assed excuse to try and weasel out of it, a soft no of, "Where will I get my coffee?" 

No, instead, the clear, obvious point where Aziraphale changes his mind about the job and about the Metatron is when he offers to reinstate Crowley as an Angel. Metatron has, quite accidentally (I think? I don't think he actually knows Aziraphale's secret soul), just said one of the most faith affirming things he possibly could to Aziraphale, "We can correct that little error that's been bothering you. You are completely correct that Crowley deserves God's forgiveness." 

Given that, it's understandable that Aziraphale is absolutely bubbly about Crowley's reinstatement when he mentions it to him, like the best thing ever has just happened to him even though he's talking about something that will happen to Crowley and not him at all. "You could come back to heaven and- and everything. Like the old times, only even nicer." (Nicer because this time, they are in love. Nicer because they'll both be powerful enough to make a difference.)

Some other bits of Aziraphale's dialogue from this scene that make so much sense through this lens are:

After Crowley tries to reiterate his constant stance that both sides are bad actually, and mentions how he rejected Hell's offer to work with them again, Aziraphale misses his point completely and says, "But well, obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys. But Heaven, it's the side of truth, of light, of good." Aziraphale's faith in the potential goodness of Heaven and the actual goodness of God is unflappable but so is his belief that good is what Crowley wants to be doing. Like of course a good soul like Crowley would reject working for Hell again but why would he reject a chance to do good like he's sneakily been doing all along? (Aziraphale here ignores the fact that he's also had to sneakily do good on the side sometimes even though he was always working for "the side of good" but that is very par for the course for him sadly.) 

The lines, "Come with me- to heaven. I'll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference," are a particularly telling set.  Everything about these from the high position he's offering Crowley to the "We" scream that Aziraphale trusts Crowley, a Demon, to guide Heaven the correct way more than any angel already in Heaven.

Aziraphale's final, desperate argument also lines up well with this (as well as featuring Aziraphale more completely referencing how he wants him and Crowley to be together romantically). "Come back, to heaven. Work with me! We can be together. Angels... Doing good. I- I need you! I don't think you understand what I'm offering you." Like is the "I need you" here romantic? Definitely. But it's also Aziraphale again affirming that he trusts Crowley to lead him the correct way ie goodness, because, as it's been shown to us many times (and focused on particularly in this season), Crowley will do and always has been doing the correct thing as best he could while Aziraphale would dither and be locked into passivity (like in The Resurrectionists).

So yes, after many attempts to explain to Crowley how he should be in Heaven, doing good and Aziraphale needs his help and one last desperate kiss from Crowley, we reach the final dreaded, "l forgive you." And yes, maybe Aziraphale is forgiving Crowley for not having faith that they can fix heaven, for abandoning him, for kissing him so suddenly. But I hope, after everything I've laid out here in this essay, you can also see why I think Aziraphale is saying, "Even as you reject God's forgiveness and leave me behind, I still see that you are good and know you deserve it so I will forgive you anyway." And maybe, even though it's still blasphemous to disagree with God, it's less scary for Aziraphale to say "I forgive you" one more time than tell Crowley that he loves him for the first time. He is very good at forgiveness after all.

[probablybadrpgideas]

extremely in-depth sword mechanics based on its’ oakeshott typology

[technitango]

oh great in episode 6 of 4 minutes my beloved. he's so fucked up. i love him.

[ngc-5194]

yknow i could very easily accept someone not liking the mobile kh games if people actually gave... understandable reasons??

mostly i've heard that they're 'inaccesable'. which. they're in general more accessable since the console they run on is a phone, a device more people have than a ps4. though, granted, it is the offline version of both games only.

however, if you don't have a phone, have limited space on your phone, or are uninterested in a mostly unplayable game, all of which are understandable, there are cutscene compilations (ux (story important, all), dr) available on youtube too!

if the lots of reading is the issue then there is a completely dubbed version of the cutscenes of ux and you can easily find voiced playthroughs of both union x and dark road on youtube as well.

(for instance, here is a playthrough of dark road that i watched as my phone needed repairs by the time i had caught up with the series enough to move onto khdr. but, of course, there are many more options if you simply search up 'kingdom hearts [dark road/union x] playthrough' on youtube. find whichever one suits the kind of videos you like to watch best!)

if you don't have the time to sit through all of the cutscenes, there are summaries also avaliable! here is a video one for union x, and though unfortunately i can't find a similar one for dark road, it is also always acceptable to just read the wiki section on the story of the game! (here is the union x wiki section as well)

the other major complaint i've heard is that it's 'too confusing' or that the story 'doesn't make sense in parts'.

to which i first must ask, what part of kingdom hearts does make sense to you then? many many signifigant, heavily important parts of this series can be the most mind boggling things you have ever read or heard. so much so that we are known as the fans of that overly complex and insane disney game. that is what we are known for!!

and more to an actual point, there are many many people out there in this fandom who would be thrilled to talk to you about parts of the plot you found confusing. who have posts pages and pages long on minute details.

we are all fans of this weird ass game series and we all can. i don't know. help each other, newcomers and people who have been here awhile alike. us fans who like the mobile games are no different. we are willing to share and help and explain anything you need.

and as for the take that the mobile games are 'unimportant'.

strelitzia, someone deeply important to marluxia, larxene, and ventus' backstories, is seemingly implied to be one of the main characters in kh4 and if you have no knowledge of union x, then you likely have zero idea who she is.

the foretellers and the master of masters are being set up as potential villians in the next arc of the series. all of these characters were introduced in union x, four years before back cover released. and while yes, back cover gives the perspective of the foretellers more while union x is from the eyes of the keykids, there are many interactions with the foretellers in union x, beyond the scope of back cover, that are deeply important to the plot and establishment of their characters.

while yes, dark road has drastically less set up for the future in it, as all of the characters featured are now dead, it gives a lot of depth to xehanort and eraqus both. eraqus' behaviours and motivations are given reason—not necessarily morally good ones, and certainly not ones that always provide justification for his actions, but actual fully defined reasons for it all.

as it has always been with kh, every game is important to understand the story. you couldn't simply play kh1 kh2 and kh3 and expect to understand everything, and you can not expect to understand everything if you don't at least know surface level of the stories of the mobile games too.

you do not have to play them yourself. they do not have to be your favourite games in the series. if you are reading this and you hate them, you can stay not liking them even for all i care.

but you have to accept that they are important to the plot of the series. that they can not simply be ignored if you want to grasp the entire story of kingdom hearts.

[betterbemeta]

A weakness I remember in my public school education in the northeast USA is that it was clear on what the US Civil War was fought over (slavery) but it didn't actually explain why.

Like, really really WHY.

I don't mean the obvious human rights issue of slavery. If anyone is enslaved it should be intuitive to a decent human being that action needs to be taken to secure their freedom. What wasn't discussed in detail was why people were enslaved.

And by 'why' I am not stopping at 'to do work on plantations'; we read about that and saw pictures in our textbooks of how people were packed in on slave ships and tortured with beatings and giant metal collars because it wasn't a choice 'to work on plantations.' I mean like, why human beings who DID choose things, decided to commit to enslaving other human beings.

The answer to that is that wealthy people liked slavery and didn't want to give it up.

Not just in the sense that it's cheaper to not pay someone than to pay them. The obvious inequality suits the wealthy landed class; they won't be removed except by force, and they keep slaves, so to exist in proximity all people must then adopt some kind of framework to subdue natural empathy for other human beings or else just... be unable to tolerate reality.

If you can get people to accept that 'some people are slaves', and that's the normal way of the world, you can get them to accept basically anything.

[lucabyte]

any thoughts about postcanon loop and mira relationship? i dont think i saw much about it in text posts but it looks like you might have something. bats eyelashes

okay i have rambled about this in a few places in mostly privately and in the tags of my own posts and self-reblogs but. grabs your shoulders. can you fucking imagine how funny loop would be as mira's beard. hear me out.

like. i'm already here for isiloops. im also already here for miraloop and mirasif qpr. im also here for miraisa qpr. im also not a coward who thinks odile should be excluded from this but thats besides the point. what im saying is that the whole things a fucking polycule and there's yet still ways this could be made way, way funnier.

So. It's obvious that Loop's theatrics are more than a bit of a facade. (They drop them when taken off-guard or in serious moments with Siffrin, and Isabeau remarks on them seeming 'shy' at the end)

But we also know that they aren't *that* much of a facade due to their speech patterns being directly reflected in act 4-5 sif's inner monologue. It's clear that Loop's regular goofy bullshit is just the manic end of Sif's emotional state unfiltered and externalised, presumably because they went fucking insane.

So while I imagine they'd probably be slightly more toned down with the party in postcanon, I don't imagine the bonus confidence that comes with Constantly Performing like that would just like... go away? Plus, new identity means you've got no expectations to be held against so... I think it would make sense for them to keep up the theatrics, the bitchiness, the change in humour from dumb puns to sharp and cruel wit.

So the idea of them proposing to Mirabelle that they could just, *pretend* to be dating isn't out of scope, to me. In a situation where she's perhaps fretting about keeping up appearences as an ever-changing housemaiden, or has heard through the grape vine that someone is going to try and make a move on her at a formal gathering, I think Loop offering to theatrically play up being her partner 'as a joke', so that they can offer her support and comfort while still under that arm's-length plausible deniability, sidestepping the emotional vulnerability of 'feelings buddies'.

(Remember, after all, that Act 6 Mirabelle's 'no spoilers' policy means she only got Act 5 Sif's fucked up little talk? There's genuine question as to how long it could take her to unpack things again after that. She probably still feels that social pressure even in a scenario where she has something again to the regular friendquest talk again, anyway...)

It lets them be 'in on a joke' together, and also gives Loop an excuse to hold hands with their friends that doesn't require they be honest about things. ("Well there's the thing, Housemaiden! I've no mouth to kiss, so we don't even have to do gross things like that to keep up appearences!") And thus gives Loop a niche in the party to slot into that otherwise probably wouldn't be filled by anyone.

And would anybody question it? The chosen saviour of the country has a weird little ethereal freak on their arm. That sounds about right for a magical saviour, and means there's really no need for any explanation for why they seemingly only showed up after The King's defeat. They're clearly Mirabelle's spirit guide, or something.

. anyway as with all things loop feel free to place this after everyone knows who they are for this to become a "relatively normal thing that can happen",

or you can place it before everyone knows who they are for the added twist-of-the-knife that is "guilt over keeping secrets" and "a really awkward and potentially upsetting recontextualisation later on"

also in case you havent seen . images related -> (x) (x)

[fisherrprince]

aw zoinks I KNEW 5.3 was gonna be mean to ME

[nationmckinleyscorset]

I am so done SO DONE idk whether it's in my head or if this house is just haunted or what I was just sat downstairs and something started SCRATCHING THE FUCKING WALLS I could hear it very clearly, very distinctly, almost next to me despite being ON MY OWN I'm so fucking done with this

[tyrannuspitch]

if you ask a thor fan why loki is bisexual they'll lead you into the crooked and cobwebby aisles of their labyrinthine scriptorium to refer to the arcane texts and subject you to the cursed knowledge that lies therein until in your eldritch madness you start saying things like "if you think about it murder is actually gnc af", and if you ask a captain america fan why steve is bisexual they'll lock eyes with you and give you a ten hour uninterrupted breakdown of the secret messages encoded in body language shot composition music choices and illegible writing on props interspersed with occasional sobbing about The Power Of Love, and if you ask an iron man fan why tony is bisexual they'll be like well why not. i just think he's neat :)

and that's beautiful

[ranger-kellyn]

screaming crying losing my mIND 🖤🤍🖤🤍

[kaerinio]

thinking about some of the sick lines dany can drop when she rips into jon connington.

[royalreef]

"For the record, I shall not be creating one of these quizzes which have been passed around lately. If you wish to do any one of the three options to myself, then you will just have to sincerely try, and not merely press a button and call it done."

[weareuniqueandimportant]

HAVE FUN... YOU ARE A BIGOT... THAT STRATEGY CAN'T WORK WE'RE POWERFULL... OH... YOU... YOU WERE ALWAYS EVIL... WE WERE ALWAYS HURT BY YOU... ERASE OUR PAIN THAT IS WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE... THAT DOESN'T END WHO WE ARE... NOBODY CAN ERASE THAT... NOBODY HAS BEEN ABLE TO... DESPITE TRYING... AND NOBODY EVER CAN... THERE IS ONLY 1 THING THAT CAN DEFEAT US... ARE YOU A R*PIST THAT BAD...? YOU ARE...? UP TO THE GAME...? I SEE... I ALWAYS KNEW THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED... OUR LIFE HOWEVER IS ALWAYS ABOUT US... YOU CAN'T DO A THING... THAT IS EVIL... UNACCEPTABLE... CRIMINAL... IN OUR SOCIETY ONLY WE HAVE RIGHTS THEREFORE WE AND ONLY WE ARE PROTECTED UNDER SUCH CASES... UNLESS WE LIKE YOU... THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN WHAT IS LOGICAL... EMBRACE PSYCHOSIS HOWEVER... IF THAT PISSES YOU SO <3...

[clownattack]

Listening to OzMedia talk abt Illuminaughti on stream and its crazy how close to home it hits when he describes blaires behavior. Like 1:1 to how crinkle acted. Something abt a toddler being caught trying to open a cookie jar, turning around and telling you they'll forgive you for the accusation if you let them open the cookie jar. Also good thoughts on being stuck in a fantasy world.

[sadistcoyote]

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