#no okay but all j o k e s and hahas aside

[iwaasfairy]

Fairy, I’m so fucked. I’m in this weird fwb situationship with my cousin not cousin’s best friend’s best friend. He’s such a bum too its like straight out of a dark fanfic 😭 I actually want him whyyyyy???? He’s broke, jobless, and has his head stuck so far into FFXIV you’d have to fish him out just to ask him what’s up. I’m so out of his league too and he doesn’t even like me!! Half the time I’m not sure why he can’t just watch porn to get off but wants my pictures. I’m simultaneously grossed out knowing what he’s doing but also attached to this because it’s the only time he really gives me time of day. I want to drop him but I also can’t bring myself to. Talk some sense into me please. I feel annoying texting him so much when he really doesn’t care.

giRL YOU BETTER FUckIN STOP IT do not tell me this musty dusty crusty gross uggo man who's neet-ness is currently oozing out through my screen has you wrapped around his finger(s). that's honestly embarrassing for you bABE likE COME ON NOW. you knOW YOURE wAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE AND YOU'RE STILL THERE FOR WHAT REASON???? does he make you feel pretty? no. does he make you feel important? no. does he do anything except beat his meat to anything he can get his gross unwashed hands on from you? no.

you best fuckin kick that man to the curb before the day is over giRL lIKE COME ONNNN,,, love yourself. i love you. i know you're sexy as fuck. this man has nothing on you

[shangyangjunzhu]

THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY VERY LONG POST AND I AM NOTIFYING Y’ALL

SPOILER ALERTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

a lot has happened and it is kind of hard for me to remember the sequence but i’ll go through it one by one

a) asu knows that su jin-er’s kid is not zitan’s; from what we’ve seen in the drama so far it can only be tattoo general

b) su jin-er gives birth and apparently it is quite evident that the kid is not zitan’s, which means zitan has no use for her anymore and he is about to kill her tell awu asks for su jin-er and he is like okay take her away

c) su jin-er thinks awu is gonna give her poison wine but it turns out that she isn’t and instead sends jin-er and her baby off to jiangnan to live the rest of their lives together

d) there is this very interesting conversation that takes place between awu and xiao qi about how he is willing to take revenge against everyone even awu’s family, and that kind of sets the tone for future episodes

e) nanny xu misses the grand princess and goes to the monastery and ends up seeing jing-er there and that’s when huaien offs her on wang lin’s command

f) awu goes to look for nanny xu but asu tells her that she wasn’t here (he knows, he saw it and he breaks down but you know he can’t go against daddy wang); xiao qi’s soldiers dig around the monastery to find nanny xu dead; awu is devastated and she is aware that it must have something to do with asu and she obviously like i can’t trust you anymore

g) huaien and yuxiu finally visit awu and xiao qi; difference is yuxiu is here to meet them; huaien is here to plot; he reveals evidence that it was indeed zitan who plotted against him using helan zhen. s/n yuxiu tells awu that she was better off in the yuzhang mansion and that she can’t talk with huaien at all and that she can’t seem to read his mind

h) xiao qi is ready with his troops to kill zitan but awu is like wait what’s going on and after he gives her the evidence she is like “zitan is still the emperor think about the people of the country and the mess it’s gonna create” and xiao qi notices the calm in her eyes and is like “you knew all along” ( which isn’t true she found only two episodes ago)

i) xiao qi is in the court with his army and he is on the verge of killing him but awu intervenes and basically stops from doing so but not without chopping off a block of wood from zitan’s throne; it is then that he leaves but not without awu sending him off by standing on the fortress and they nod to each other (ahhh my heart) and it is then a flashback is shown which may be hinting towards the fact that all of this was done so as to let xiao qi and the soldiers leave the city so as to find out who is plotting what and then come in.

j) zitan has this whole mope session about how xiao qi almost killed him and it is then that awu gives him a whole deal of reassurance that her zitan gege shouldn’t be that way and all (i skipped through it cuz it was just so boring)

k) now that xiao qi is out, daddy wang and co. are ready to put their plan into action and they do but not without yuxiu trying to stop huaien with every bit of might left in her by literally holding onto him but huaien flings her aside and tells her that she isn’t capable of stopping him.

i) they march into the palace and it is then that yuxiu is seen from a very high part of the palace, begging huaien to not continue and telling him how they would have nothing if it were not for awu and xiao qi. she also tells him that all they ever wanted when they were back in ningshuo was world peace and that he is trying to destroy it. she tells him that she could beg awu and the emperor to forgive him and that everything will be alright. huaien is like nope and he shoots an arrow right at her and barely misses probably to deter her. but in this moment yuxiu is like so you want me dead and JUMPS OFF THE BUILDING. I kid you not he does not even go to her ; he has this little scream and his eyes just dilate and then he is like keep going. hu yao, who was left behind by xiao qi to protect awu, sees huaien and rages at him trying to kill him but ends up getting killed instead.

l) they charge and awu is like i am gonna get you out of here safely zitan and tries to use the secret passage but guess what that has been infiltrated as well. so they have no choice but to go to throne room where all the soldiers are there and daddy wang makes his epic entry shocking awu and zitan.

m) daddy wang sits on the throne and is like hahah i made it and awu is like this seat isn’t for you and threatens to kill herself the same way the grand princess did and wang lin is terrified and tries to stop her, which he does but now song huaien is like haha i am gonna be the new king now and he is like get daddy wang out of here.

n) he goes to awu and says xiao qi is useless, be with me, i am useful and pulls out the hairpin she asked huaien to give xiao qi on the day of their wedding and gives it to her. awu slaps him and is like get the fuck out of my face

o) xiao qi comes to the rescue and shoots an arrow at huaien and it is then that he reveals that he never really left and that he has known all long about him being a traitor it’s just that he never knew for whom and it is then that huaien gets up and brandishes his sword saying he did it for himself only for him to injured by a couple of spears. he says a bunch of stuff that i didn’t understand and then he dies. xiao qi breaks down and wails (oh god i cried)

p) awu finds wang lin and they have a really emotional conversation and then he dies right in front of awu.

q) awu, xiao qi, asu and caiwei are seen walking together after a brief time skip and awu tells asu that they plan on leaving the capital and going back to ningshuo, which asu tries to convince them against but realizes they are at peace there. yuxiu’s kid is shown playing with awu’s other adopted children and awu is seen crushed at how yuxiu left behind her child without even giving the kid a name. awu entrusts asu to caiwei and ask them to live a happy life. asu and awu part emotionally and awu and xiao qi leave for ningshuo.

r) zitan steps down from being the emperor and i assume jing-er is placed on the throne with asu acting as the regent.

s) awu and xiao qi are shown in ningshuo with dozens of kids and their friends from hulan assembling a map of cheng and letting their adopted daughter jump on various locations in the map the same way awu did when she was younger. awu is pregnant and they talk about how they want to watch all of their adopted kids and now their kid grow up happily

closing thoughts:

- i loved how they depicted the impact of the greed for power. wang lin, the dowager, huaien, potato, wanru are all dead and the reason lied in their insatiable greed. unfortunately collateral damage takes place too as seen with the hu siblings and yuxiu.

- i will be forever mad at how yuxiu died but jin-er is still alive; i mean i understand how awu still cared for jin-er despite her treachery and i know yuxiu wanted nothing to do with huaien and his evil ways and that she would rather die than be complicit with him but still i am so sorry yuxiu baby you deserved way better

- i do like the fact that the whole show off between awu and xiao qi was actually a secret plot; they’re good actors ngl

- i can see that a bunch of stuff has been cut off because the flow isn’t very clear but that’s forgivable as i know a bunch of stuff was cut down

- the dowager die btw like i don’t even care

- the happy ending was all i ever wanted!!!!!

- it’s confirmed; monarch industry takes the place of #2 on my list and will probably not move down further any time soon.

if you’re still here throw a comment so that we can share our feelings!

[bettsfic]

my reactions throughout the ep:

first i noticed jaime and brienne are standing together at the pyre lighting, then they’re across from each other at the feast

and then the drinking game. i just kept thinking, this isn’t happening. there’s no way they’re playing a drinking game, these things don’t happen outside of fanfic

then tyrion guesses that brienne is a virgin and i’m just. no. no this cannot be happening. this is literal, actual fanfic. i wrote this. i wrote this and i’m hallucinating it into reality. i’ve gone off the deep end

and TORMUND PUTS THE MOVES ON HER, and she slides right past him, real smooth, and JAIME STANDS UP AND PATS HIM ON THE SHOULDER. and still, at this point, i was thinking, i’m just imagining this. it’s not really happening. like i haven’t felt that kind of anticipation since the last time i hooked up with someone, and it’s been a long fucking time. these are GHOST EMOTIONS I’M FEELING

then my hopes were dashed -- maybe braime would happen off-screen, between the lines, so the lay observer would still be able to go “nah man nothing happened, the hot dude would never bone the ugly chick”

and tyrion, like the A+++ wingman he IS, pours his wine into tormund’s cup, ALL WITHOUT DIALOGUE and i hadn’t breathed in an entire minute, i was about to literally actually die from hope

then podrick’s SMUG LIL SMILE and TORMOND WEEPING “and after all that, this fucker comes north and takes her from me”

okay, okay, so now tormund sees it too, and if TORMUND sees it, surely OTHER PEOPLE SEE IT, surely i’m not going MAD

then arya GUTS GENDRY LIKE A NEWLY LEGITIMIZED FISH

OATHKEEPER OMINOUSLY HUNG BY A FIRE AND I BEGAN HYPERVENTILATING. SURELY. SURELY THIS COULDN’T BE IT. SURELY MINE EYES DECEIVE ME

“you didn’t drink” and jaime just WALTZES on in, and at this point i am sure a jet engine is going to fall on me and crush me before braime can be canon

jaime obsessed with the fact she didn’t drink when asked if she was a virgin, and her not understanding wtf he’s on about

“you keep it warm enough in here” and proceeds to awkwardly STRIP OUTTA HIM TUNIC while i sit here screaming IT’S GETTIN HOT IN HERE (so hot) SO TAKE OFF ALL YA CLOTHES

(i am. gettin so hot. im gonna take my cloooothes off)

useless dialogue “it’s the first thing i learned when i came to the north” LITERALLY NO ONE IS LISTENING BRIENNE

“very diligent. very responsible” “piss off” THERE they are

“how about tormund giantsbane?” J E A L O U S Y my braime modern au has NEVER BEEN MORE CANON

so softly: “you sound quite jealous” oh god she’s still so self-conscious, she’s like asking him, do u really like me or u lyin ? aka the way i’ve felt about this ship from the beginning 

“i do, don’t i?” BITCH I CAN’T TELL IF UR ADMITTING IT OR DISGUSTED WITH URSELF

*extremely high pitched, awkward laughter* “HAHA IT’S BLOODY HOT IN HERE” first of all has anyone said the word bloody ever in this entire series?

*proceeds to awkwardly take of his own shirt with one hand* HOW DO YOU FUNCTION JAIME RODRIGO LANNISTER

briennes FACE when he starts taking off his shirt she’s like “the fuck is happening. is this sex? is this gonna be sex??” highkey RELATE to that like “wtf he’s attracted to me? since when” feeling

he BITES his lil DRAWSTRING fucking CUTE AS HELL

“oh move aside” AND SHE DOES IT FOR HIM ok ok ok at this point i honest to god think i’m having a stroke, like there’s no WAY this is the point in the fanfic where i throw my gd ipad across the room and muffle screams into my pillow while rolling around going “oh my god oh my goddd”

“what are you doing?”

“i’m taking your shirt off”

I CAN’T BELIEVE THESE MORONS

the way he LOOKS AT HER when she finally GETS THE PICTURE he’s so IN LOVE I CAN’T EVEN FEEL MY OWN FACE

she takes his shirt off and he’s so BATTERED AND BEATEN AND GOD NIKOLAJ IS SO FUCKING HOT i am too ace for this

“i’ve never slept with a knight before” this line tbh should have been “i’ve never slept with someone not related to me before”

“i’ve never slept with anyone before” YOU KNOW I HAVE TO WRITE A CODA. YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. I CANNOT PASS UP CANONICAL VIRGINITY LOSS. I CAN’T

then the K I S S which was cut off FAR TOO SOON AND I AM ANGERY

(but him stand on his TIP TOES to get a better ANGLE which is 100% a nikolaj move)

we find out he’s STAYING IN WINTERFELL. i want to CHEER but i DON’T because i know there’s NO CHANCE IN HELL that will HAPPEN

“i’m happy that you’ll finally have to climb for it” god bless u tyrion

“what’s she like down there?” “that’s not your concern” ok not only do i think this is OOC for jaime “hold you down and have my way with you [sic]” lannister but also it hurts my heart he’s never been able to kiss and tell bc the only other woman he’s been with is cersei so he doesn’t even know what spilling the tea is like

“I KNEW YOU WERE FUCKING HER” god what an entrance. we stan a bamf sellsword

fast forward. jaime is staring sadly into the fireplace and HERE IS WHERE I KNOW IT’S ALL GOING TO FALL APART BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. I REFUSED IT WOULD GO CANON AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT WOULD BE UNCANON WITHIN THE SPAN OF MINUTES

[closes door] my subtitles say. CLOSES DOOR. NO FUCK U JAIME EUGENE LANNISTER

he would’ve been GONE were it not for taking 87yrs to saddle his gotdamn horse

“stay here. stay with me.” i’ve seen some shit about how it’s OOC for brienne to start crying or w/e but i’m just. nah. nah when you’ve been protecting your heart your entire life and you finally give it to someone, and they betray you, there’s nothing that can keep you from crying

“you think i’m a good man?”

here my heart was saying “mr stark i don’t feel so good” before crumbling into dust and floating on the wind

“she’s hateful. and so am i.”

here’s where my heart is really broken, because brienne isn’t just crying about jaime leaving -- she’s crying about being wrong about him, and that all her fears about him are true, and he’s leaving her after she’s finally opened up to her. that’s what pisses me off the most about this episode. i feel like so many of us have been the Good Woman to bad men, and have watched those men, after years of our emotional labor to make them better, go back to their shitty ways, their hotter women, their abusive toxic relationships.

i have never felt more of a personal divine calling to write something than this episode. i have to fix this. it is my duty to fix it. i don’t know how yet but it’s gonna happen

[trickkombowerskru]

NSFW ABC’S-Monty Green

Request:Yes

A- Aftercare

(What they’re like after sex)

Monty is great at aftercare, he is like an aftercare king

B -Body Part

(Their favorite body part of yours)

Just like Jasper, Monty figures himself to be a boob guy 

C- Cum

(Anything having to do with cum….we’re all thirsty nasty ass hoes don’t act surprised)

He always helps clean you up after

D- Dirty Talk

(How much do they dirty talk? What kind of things do they say?)

If you ask him to Monty can be okay at dirty talk, but don’t expect him to degrade you

E- Experience

(How experienced are they? Do they always know what they’re doing?)

This sweet boy was a virgin before you, so he isn’t the most experienced, but he tries his hardest to please you, and most of the time he definitely succeeds

F- Favorite Position

(Self explanatory)

Monty loves it when you ride him, he loves watching your boobs bounce, and holding onto your hips 

G- Goofy

(Are they serious or goofy during sex)

He mostly lets out some nervous giggles during something new

H- Hair

(Are they well groomed? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc…)

He is decently groomed

I- Intimacy

(How romantic they are within the moment)

Monty is a soft sweet boy of course he is so intimate with you during sex

J- Jerk Off

(How often they masturbate)

I mean the boy was a virgin before you so before you were together, if he gets a glimpse at your cleavage, he’d have to excuse himself, sometimes even doing it now when you’re really busy

K- Kink

(One or more of their kinks)

Monty is lowkey kinda a sub so when you get dom, ooof it gets him going

L- Location

(Favorite place to have sex)

He doesn’t really have a preference

M-Motivation

(What turns them on)

Getting a view of your cleavage in a tank top, gets Monty hard in two seconds flat

N- No

(Something they would never do to you)

Monty won’t do anything that hurts you 

O- Oral

(Are they a taker or a giver?)

Monty loves you around him, but he is far more skilled with his mouth than you may think

P- Pace

(How fast or slow they take it on you)

He is always sweet and slow unless you ask him to go faster 

Q- Quickie

(What they think of them and how often they occur)

I mean back on the ground quickies were kind of necessary after Mount Weather  

R- Roleplay

(How often you do it)

I mean neither of you are really into it and poor Monty would get so flustered if you were 

S- Stamina

(How many rounds can they go? How long can they last?)

He can’t last past one round and a blowjob

T- Toys

(Do they use toys on you or do you use toys on them?)

If you want him to use them on you he will, but he doesn’t edge you on with them

U- Unfair

(How much they like to tease you)

Monty doesn’t really tease you aside from some neck kisses

V- Volume

(How loud are they?)

Monty can MOAN, but usually he keeps it concealed unless you’re riding him 

W- Wild Card

(Anything)

You and Monty can get experimental, but not too often usually once every few months

X- X-Ray

(Let’s take a peek inside their pants)

Let’s just say Monty puts that small penis stereotype to shame ;)

Y-Yearning

(How high is their sex drive?)

I mean he is in his 20′s, but you also are always busy trying to save the world so......it’s high but nit as high as your usual guy his age, but I mean rest assured you made up for the time crunch you had before with  those long six years in space haha

Z- Zzz

(How quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He tends to fall asleep pretty quickly after coming down from his high 

[ladykailolu]

​Rules: answer the questions, and when you are done tag up to 10 people.

Tagging: Anyone can do this if they want to

A - Age: 22

B - Biggest fear: Falling and burning all my bridges. And oh yes, FAILURE

C - Current time: 7:50pm

D - Drink you last had: Water and tea

E - Every day starts with: Checking tumblr, performing a daily draw with my Wicca oracle card deck, and preparing my outfit for the day. Gotta stay classy

F - Favourite song: Ah, I’ve recently been spamming the song tracks “A force so evil” and “Entering Raccoon City” from the 6th Resident Evil Movie. They’re sooooooo good

G - Ghosts, are they real?: Hm hm, I believe so.

H - hometown: Philadelphia, PA

I - In love with: Haha, well, I love my son, Nagito Komaeda. And I was recently reminded of how much I admire Albert Wesker from the Resident Evil series. Dem shades tho (I want them)

J - Jealous of: Ehm, the person I really, really, really like??? I mean, they said they never feel lonely even when they’re alone. And they’re soooo fucking good at socializing than I am and everyone just pines for their attention. Haha, yea I guess I’m mad and jelly as hell lmao

K - Killed someone: No

L - Last time you cried: Probably last weekend. I was too fucked up over my pressing interview and the very possibility that I’m a failure even tho I graduated college because I can’t find one job that will accept me.

M - Middle name: Marie

N - Number of siblings: I have just two older brothers

O - One wish: Uhm, become a dragon??? Nah, my wish right now is to actually feel okay for an entire day.

P - Person you last called/texted: My sister-in-law and a lot of friends

Q - Question you’re always asked: “Why are you so quiet?” Lmao People tell me I’m so quiet, they don’t notice when I walk into the room. If I was in the Danganronpa series, it’d be quite hard to find and attack me lol Needless to say, my quietness offends a lot of people.

R - Reasons to smile: Hearing some very uplifting and encouraging words from my friends. They really do make my day.

S - Song last sang: Eh, I don’t sing much, but I guess I sang a bit of the Five Night’s at Freddy’s song by the Living Tombstone in my head over and over and over again.

T - Time you woke up: 8am because I was sick with a headcold (again) and had a dermatologist appointment

U - Underwear color: Light-green, aqua

V - Vacation destination: Japan--I’d like to tour the whole country someday

W - Worst habit: I’m a lazy ass by default, so it takes an awful amount of strength to get out of my seemingly innate habit of lying around doing nothing, haha. Also, I tend to be very confrontational when speaking to others if we disagree. I’m trying to hold back tho

X - X-rays you’ve had: Aside for my mouth from the dentist, I’ve also had x-rays done for my abdomen.

Y - Your favorite food: I like lots of food, tho. Uhm, I guess one of my favorites is stuffed-crust pizza. Pizza is always a good time.

Z - Zodiac sign: Pisces