#nont needs about a 1000 hugs

[sunshinechay]

Nont feels like a replacement. He came in disguise but I think once that disguise got dropped, I think he assumed that everyone has come to care about him as well as his brother. I think that statement is true, but I think Nont doesn’t believe it.

He just learned his brother may have died by suicide, but also that Nant may have staged it. Nant was a sex addict, a drug addict, a man capable of violence against someone he claimed he loved, manipulative and more cunning than Nont had imagined his brother to be. Nont idolized his brother but now that has all come crashing down.

Nont is upset and sad and angry and yet all anyone seems to care about is that Nant might still be alive. They want to keep searching, they want to find him, they don’t seem to care that Nont is coming apart at the seems. That he is losing the one thing that made him want to find out what happened to his brother, the pedestal that Nont put him on.

So he walks away from the boys he hadn’t realized he wanted to be friends with, he goes towards a man he might be falling in love with, thinking that man loves Nant. He offers to be Nant for that man just once, because he wants to feel that love. He is so desperate to feel wanted by someone that he will burn himself alive just for the chance to feel like someone wants him, even just one time.

But the way the boys look after Nont walks away, how uncomfortable Prom looks at the idea of pretending that Nont is Nant. They do care about him, they do love him. They don’t want him to leave or to feel like he is alone. Nont is a part of their lives now, but none of them know how to say it in a way Nont will believe, so they say nothing. Prom tries to show him through action, but all it does is convince Nont that Prom is in love with Nant. That Prom is not in love with him.