#noooooooo you can't even see the line breaks on the dashboard..... fjuck this is so much text i tried to break it up

[widonotts]

on fjorester

I wanted to put my thoughts together and say something brief in response to a bit of valid criticism on Discord, but it became a gargantuan monstrosity, so instead of doing what I usually do and just sending like 5 2000-character messages anyway, I’m just gonna... put this here, even though it isn’t formatted like a Tumblr post should be.

So… Jester and Fjord’s dynamic is much more complex than it initially seems, and I think that’s kind of the whole point.

The way their relationship started out could tend towards tropey (and in turn make it seem less deep than it was) because both of their stories intertwine into something very similar: from the beginning of the campaign, they have both been grappling with the question of 1) who they are; 2) who they’ve expected to be, and who others have expected them to be; and 3) who they have the responsibility to be as they grow and change.

Both Fjord and Jester begin the story trying to fit into these very different but equally claustrophobic boxes—Fjord trying to be Vandran, trying to be a leader, and Jester trying to fit into a fairytale, trying to be a supporter. They’re both denying themselves of their own self-worth, agency, and feelings in favor of the roles they feel like they’re “supposed” to play.

(I think this is where the idea that Fjorester is extremely heteronormative comes from, when in fact the parallel beauty of their arcs, both individually and as a pair, is that both of them start the story out conforming to heteronormative expectations that hold them back from the people they grow to be. They seem heteronormative because the evolution of the dynamic has been of two people with heteronormative ideas, unlearning them and growing.)

But even as they played these roles, Fjord and Jester always saw each other. This is, of course, partially because they knew each other for a month before the rest, but they never stopped trying to know each other. One of my favorite moments is in 2x43, after the battle against Avantika and her crew, when the Nein are starting to figure out where to go next. We’ve had a couple of weird moments where Fjord isn’t talking in a Southern accent, but we don’t really understand it. And then, Jester comes to Fjord one-on-one and asks about Vandran, and finally says, “Do you think if we find him, you'll stop talking like him?” It’s such an amazing moment, and so reflective of how much she cares.

That care is by no means one-sided, though, and I don’t think that’s always acknowledged. Fjord is not always wise; that much is true. He doesn’t always know exactly how Jester sees things (but that’s extremely true of everyone—in this past episode, Beau asking about TravelerCon to try and cheer her up, resulting in Jester finally opening up to everyone about how deeply sad she is, is a great example).

But even when he doesn’t initially understand, Fjord communicates with her and is open with her; he expresses that he wants to understand where she’s coming from, and he tries to (and succeeds at) doing so. He checks in with her, asks how she’s feeling, and is there when she’s hurting. He not only sees her but continues to try to see her as best he can.

Maybe it’s not brought as too much because it’s a funny group moment, but I think the “I’m not Fjord, I’m Jeff! Sell Jeff three things about the Traveler” scene is legitimately a really great example of Fjord just being there for her. It’s a hilarious scene, no doubt; both Fjord and Jes are brilliant, and the humor is only heightened by the Guidance and Fortune’s Favor Cad and Caleb keep giving, and then Yasha feeding Jester lines—it’s totally uproarious.

But it’s also just... Fjord supporting her. It’s him wanting to encourage her and help her feel confident. It’s just one example—I don’t want to pull up, like, a record of every time they’ve talked lmao. But even now, as Jester’s been going through so much, as her entire world is being flipped on its head, he’s been such a point of comfort for her. (But don’t get me wrong—each member of the Nein has been a point of comfort for her, too.)

No matter what, though, I don’t the onus is solely on Fjord to initiate something romantic if he wants something to happen. For one, it’s no longer clear that Jester is romantically interested in him. She hasn’t always made her affections clear, in my opinion. Her overzealous pursuit of him early in the campaign has waned as she’s grown and matured and let some of her expectations go, so it’s not something he’s just doing nothing about for no reason.

To an extent, he and Jester are in a similar place regarding their relationship: wondering how it can grow. (That’s what Jester’s blurb for “Summer’s Gone” in combination with the lyrics themselves says to me: that she still doesn’t know how their relationship will grow now that they’ve grown themselves.) Because neither Fjord nor Jester want the kind of relationship that early-campaign Jester was pushing; they want something more mature and full and reflective of who they are, not who they were trying to be. And that more mature, developed relationship has the possibility to take many forms.

I don’t think it’s totally fair to say that he made her doubt herself or broke her heart, when they both did a lot that made them question themselves and each other; when the problem was that they were both growing and learning and becoming, and that came with growing pains. During that time, Fjord still thought he was not his own person but a tool; he had very little value of himself.

That arc showed not only how he struggled with the power he’d been dealt, but also with the humanity he’d found himself with, really for the first time in his life. Fjord has been reconciling this whole campaign with the idea that he doesn’t have to be this lionized version of a leader, an ideal of a man, someone who exists not for himself but to support others so that they might reach their goals. He can be his own person, and he can do good.

Both Fjord and Jester have been on a kind of double helix of a trajectory, where they’ve both been learning to allow themselves to just be. To let themselves feel what they feel and take up space in the world. They both know that about each other—and they’ve both been there for each other as they both try to figure it out. I think that’s why, to me, it doesn’t fall into that category of one of those relationships that doesn’t need to be so drawn out; all of the incredible growth they have gone through is critical to their relationship developing into something more mature and truly genuine.

It’s just confusing to both of them to have this nebulous question around what their relationship is, and we’ll definitely have to wait to see which way it grows. But it’s a really beautiful and poignant dynamic to me, and one where both of them care very deeply and show that to one another really well in my opinion, so I’m invested in it no matter what.