#not Aiba Masaki anymore

[ninomiwaifu]

Hi..

I don't even know why I'm writing this right now.. or to who.. it just hit me..

I've been off Tumblr for over 4 years, and now I'm back. I had an old account with the same name as this one, and I deactivated it in 2019, deleted everything from it, along with AO3, and just moved on..

I was a HUGE #arashi fan back then, and oh I loved them so much, so so much it was becoming a burden, a pressure, one that my mental state was not able to handle anymore, and just in a blink of an eye I snapped. Those were dark times for me, I can vividly recall the crying, the excitement, the love and adoration I had for these gorgeous 5 human beings that pushed me forward, helping me in my darkest days. Through them I discovered a lot about myself and my passion, and it shaped me into the person I am today. But at some point, everything became too much, they were an unreachable dream, and I couldn't help but spiral into a maze of self destruction and blame, pity.. I knew about them in 2014, during my last semester in college, and I will not be exaggerating if I say they pulled me out of an unknown darkness, and slowly, my love for them guided me to discover what I really want to be in the future, what I am now, and probably will be for the rest of my life...

August 28, 2019. The date is, and will always be engraved in my heart, the day I decided to cut all ties with Arashi.. I deleted all of their pictures, their music, posters, deactivated all accounts, and abruptly removed all signs of their existence from my life. Looking back now; 4 years later, I realized how I was never able to truly thank them; for being there when I needed them, for helping me in ways they're probably unware of. Selfish? Maybe I am, but even though they were deleted from my life, never, NEVER from my heart.. and soon after that, they announced their hiatus. I took it well, too well actually, and went on with my life. I slowly began listening to their songs again, following their news, but never like the avid fan I was before. It still hurts, thinking about those years I followed them, but I can say I'm glad, looking back, knowing they were a phase I needed to reshape my life and personality, and now, I'm back.. I'm not a fan anymore, I mean, not as I was before, but everytime I come accross them, there's a nostalgic smile painting my face and my heart.. They're not around as much as before, and it breaks my heart somehow; looking at the lack of news, the tours, the music... But it's okay, really, I know they're happy and successful, I know they are where they want to be, but I can't help it, missing them, after all these years, you know?

I don't even know if there are still active fans on this website, or on any other platform, maybe someone out there will relate to what I'm feeling at the moment, even if it's just one person, but it's okay.. I created a new account with the same name, and I probably would never be able to find all the fans I was following back then, but I guess I wanted to have a connection out here, even as small as an account, just to document things as simple as some random GIFs..

I miss you Ohno Satoshi, Sakurai Sho, Aiba Masaki, Ninomiya Kazunari, and Matsumoto Jun.. I miss you guys so much.. and I love you all so much.. I'm forever grateful to have known you, to have been a fan. Even if it's all now in the past, you still hold a special place in my heart, a place no one would be able to fill but you. Thank you for all the support and guidance, for all the good memories. I wish there was a way I can get my old account back, just to read that last post I wrote about leaving.. I can't remember any of the words I wrote, but I'm sure they were full of love and apologies..

I'm where I always wanted to be, I have my dream job, and I'm sure your presence was a part of why I was able to achieve that.

I love you so much.. stay safe..

AMNOS forever 💜💚💙💛❤️

[arauruia]

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ARASHI’s TIKTOK (20/09/20)

[throwing-roses-into-the-abyss]

Me: oh my god aiba is trending on twitter, is he okay

Twitter: aiba cried on tv because he lost baba arashi for the 6th time

Me: ...... ok

[toraofftheice]

TV program with Shouma Uno

The other day I watched a TV program where they invited Shouma Uno. It was quite interesting (and Shouma is so cute it’s illegal I swear). But one thing particularly struck me… They showed his recent skating costumes and they were saying how expensive they are (they didn’t say the exact price of his, but the one he used for his last FS is similar to Yuuri’s FS costume so I bet it’s hella expensive because all those sparkly beads are hand-sewn), so they said “Oh it must be expensive to be a figure skater.. Do they give you money if you win?”, and Shouma said that yes, they get money if they win, but he’s always in the red. An athlete of his level can’t even make a profit… I mean, I know figure skating is VERY expensive, but jeez.. not sure if it’s just Japan, because I heard that in Russia for example they get lots of benefits from they state if they are ranked high (just look at Plushenko’s house). I guess it does depend on the country, but knowing that Shouma, who is just below Yuzuru and got so many medals in the past season, can’t make a profit out of it is kind of sad… I’m not surprised figure skating has lots of fans but not so many people practicing in Japan. You must be rich from the start if you want to compete seriously…

Another interesting thing is that he asked to add a few beads (like, a few grams of beads) to one side of his FS costume because if the weight of the costume is not well balanced on both sides his body tilts during jumps (I feel sudden respect for Victor training with a jacket randomly wrapped around his waist, considering that must affect balance and centrifugal force more than beads, and of course for anyone in real life who performs rotational jumps with weirdly shaped/unbalanced costumes, girls with longish skirts etc…).

Beside this they said lots of amusing things about him, like he hates vegetables and mostly eats meat, he doesn’t understand what’s nice about sightseeing so every time he is abroad he mostly stays in his hotel room playing smartphone games and the others know so they don’t even invite him to sightseeing anymore (he couldn’t even remember to what country he went for the Worlds lmao), he didn’t really listen to music until he went to see “Kimi no Na wa.” (Your Name) and now he listen to RADWIMPS nonstop, he just skates and doesn’t get ballet lessons etc, he never did any other sports like baseball and can’t play team sports, he decided to try figure skating because when he went to the ice arena to see the options Mao Asada (who was coincidentally training there) told him “you should try figure skating!”, recently he has taken a liking for darts, he trips a lot (he says he trips because the ground is not slippery like ice lol, but I actually heard this happens to many figure skaters), the inside of his bag is super messy, he likes darkish colors that do not stand out for his costumes and doesn't like frills, he says if he flubs the first jump in a program his heart gets half-broken right away, when they said “you can do the 4F, not even Hanyuu can do it!” he replied “well.. everyone is good at different jumps..” (he’s so shy), he is happier if they praise his expressions (his acting) in his programs than if they praise his jumps and he wants to get better at that, etc.

Anyone who likes Shouma should watch this one because it was interesting and definitely not lame like other varieties they invite figure skaters to, lol. By the way, it’s an NHK program called “Gutto! Sports” (グッと！スポーツ), hosted by Arashi’s Masaki Aiba. Maybe it will pop up on YouTube at some time..