ninomiwaifu - Tumblr blog

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jimin clips that provide me with so much serotonin and love that it literally makes me tear up (part 4)

cr. namuspromised, jung-koook, 0613data

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some yoongi gifs until he comes back home (12/?)

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cuties

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oh my gosh 😳

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some yoongi gifs until he comes back home (9/?)  

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24th

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I miss Arashi

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happy saturday ♡

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#gosh he's so hot doing this

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yoongi making this year the bestest by having long, black hair 8.0

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JUNGKOOK — 'Seven' campaign behind the scenes film

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what was the reason...

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[ninomiwaifu]

Hi..

I don't even know why I'm writing this right now.. or to who.. it just hit me..

I've been off Tumblr for over 4 years, and now I'm back. I had an old account with the same name as this one, and I deactivated it in 2019, deleted everything from it, along with AO3, and just moved on..

I was a HUGE #arashi fan back then, and oh I loved them so much, so so much it was becoming a burden, a pressure, one that my mental state was not able to handle anymore, and just in a blink of an eye I snapped. Those were dark times for me, I can vividly recall the crying, the excitement, the love and adoration I had for these gorgeous 5 human beings that pushed me forward, helping me in my darkest days. Through them I discovered a lot about myself and my passion, and it shaped me into the person I am today. But at some point, everything became too much, they were an unreachable dream, and I couldn't help but spiral into a maze of self destruction and blame, pity.. I knew about them in 2014, during my last semester in college, and I will not be exaggerating if I say they pulled me out of an unknown darkness, and slowly, my love for them guided me to discover what I really want to be in the future, what I am now, and probably will be for the rest of my life...

August 28, 2019. The date is, and will always be engraved in my heart, the day I decided to cut all ties with Arashi.. I deleted all of their pictures, their music, posters, deactivated all accounts, and abruptly removed all signs of their existence from my life. Looking back now; 4 years later, I realized how I was never able to truly thank them; for being there when I needed them, for helping me in ways they're probably unware of. Selfish? Maybe I am, but even though they were deleted from my life, never, NEVER from my heart.. and soon after that, they announced their hiatus. I took it well, too well actually, and went on with my life. I slowly began listening to their songs again, following their news, but never like the avid fan I was before. It still hurts, thinking about those years I followed them, but I can say I'm glad, looking back, knowing they were a phase I needed to reshape my life and personality, and now, I'm back.. I'm not a fan anymore, I mean, not as I was before, but everytime I come accross them, there's a nostalgic smile painting my face and my heart.. They're not around as much as before, and it breaks my heart somehow; looking at the lack of news, the tours, the music... But it's okay, really, I know they're happy and successful, I know they are where they want to be, but I can't help it, missing them, after all these years, you know?

I don't even know if there are still active fans on this website, or on any other platform, maybe someone out there will relate to what I'm feeling at the moment, even if it's just one person, but it's okay.. I created a new account with the same name, and I probably would never be able to find all the fans I was following back then, but I guess I wanted to have a connection out here, even as small as an account, just to document things as simple as some random GIFs..

I miss you Ohno Satoshi, Sakurai Sho, Aiba Masaki, Ninomiya Kazunari, and Matsumoto Jun.. I miss you guys so much.. and I love you all so much.. I'm forever grateful to have known you, to have been a fan. Even if it's all now in the past, you still hold a special place in my heart, a place no one would be able to fill but you. Thank you for all the support and guidance, for all the good memories. I wish there was a way I can get my old account back, just to read that last post I wrote about leaving.. I can't remember any of the words I wrote, but I'm sure they were full of love and apologies..

I'm where I always wanted to be, I have my dream job, and I'm sure your presence was a part of why I was able to achieve that.

I love you so much.. stay safe..

AMNOS forever 💜💚💙💛❤️

[ninomiwaifu]

Oh my how much I miss them..❤️💛💙💚💜

🔺AMNOS🔻

[ninomiwaifu]

What color will I waiting for the future?

Just look at the previous music video memories and surpporting the 25th anniversary for Arashi!

[ninomiwaifu]

he's just a boy, and i'm just a girl. 🫶🤪