#not just oj the verge of tears i was in Autistic Meldown range i started ripping my tanktop by accident | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunar-fey · 10 months

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oh one last thing was REALLT not joking abt the panic attack thing. i was like on the verge of tears (and tbqh.........i havent actually cried but once since starting t. so maybe i WOULDA been crying by then if not for that) and i mention this bc there was a monitor in the room and i watched in real time as my ekg or whatever went from normal looking to SOLIDLY FILLED BLACK from the amount of brain activity. kind of cool to see that at least ig. okay enough out of me 👍

#adding this 30 minutes later in tags bc i dont wanna make another post but #headache is receding now.#so anyway i noticed the ekg and was like UGH IM SO UPSET. IM GONNA MAKE THE MACHINE CATCH FIRE WITH MY BRAIN #and then it went solid black (it had been when i first saw it too but ig my curiosity momentarily calmed me down?)#AND IT WAS SO FUNNY TO ME THAT I INSTANTLY CALMED DOWN. like i was stil anxious until she showed but i was fr like #not just oj the verge of tears i was in Autistic Meldown range i started ripping my tanktop by accident #i was just trying to pull the hem a bit as Upset Stim but it started tearing 😬#luckily i processed the sounr and went ' wait im not wearing anything under this' but i almost kept doing it anyway.#autism anger is REAL and POWERFUL

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