#not really but I'm saving up my money cuz I wanna buy expensive shit and I wanna study abroad so

[makemycitybreak]

I need to start thrifting more I wanna look more emo again

[cheguevaraismydaddy666]

bro i'm so overwhelmed rn. everything in my country is getting stupid expensive because of the ukraine war. i only get very little money from the state and i'm kinda emotionally dependant on weed like i don't NEED to smoke everyday (already can't afford that) but like, i still need it tho. i feel like absolute shit without, it's the only thing that can make the mean voice in my head shut the fuck up for a second. i don't eat a lot but my roommate does...and my cat. and electricity is getting more expensive too, so i need to save up from now on... i mean, electricity now is 30euros. wifi is also 30. i only get 400 each month. so it's already down to 340. that's so fucking little.... i NEED weed. i smoke at least 3g a week (usually it's more like 5g tho) and like....that's expensive, considering i need to buy food and other household items like fucking dishsoap and toilet paper (which is also getting more expensive here?)idk... and i'm a smoker so that's also about 40 bucks each month.... seriously that's not easy to manage. i've been living on my own (with a friend living on my couch) for a few months now, and my mom had to buy me food or lend me money every single month since then. and she bought me a laptop and i'm paying her back in 30euro rates each month. so that's also less money. and i don't even really have friends that smoke (because i don't really have friends, ha!) except one and we barely meet these days (cuz she has better friends), so i need to pay for my shit almost entirely myself. idk.... and also, WHY TF ARE BOOKS SO EXPENSIVE??? like, man, i just wanna live and do everything i can to not feel like dying everyday, and the only thing that helps is weed and books and games. like, being sober for just a few days is horror to me. the only 'good' thing about not smoking is that it's easier to starve. honestly these days i usually either starve entirely all day and if i eat then very low res. i only actually eat when i smoke. that's good i guess... i don't even have a scale which is pissing me off. was at the doctors the other day and found out i lost 5kg, but i need to check every day:(. seriously, fuck being alive. universe, can you please make a plug or something fall so desperately in love with me that he gives me weed for free? thanks lol. and yeah idk.... things are hard rn. really hard. ptsd is fucking me up. the heat is fucking me up. i'm so fucking depressed and have no energy. i'm ghosting so many people. i have two friends. i've been abandoned by everyone i considered my friend. i just shamefully retreated, now i sit in bed, shitpost, look at memes, read, re-play games i've already played multiple times already, cuddle with my cat, think about killing myself, chain smoke to kill hunger, self harm, cry...... it takes HOURS for my body to let me sleep, so i can't even escape my reality like that. a nap??? that is LITERALLY not possible. also i had the second weird sex dream about a old guy i know.....yeah whatever bye nobody (cuz nobodies reading this god i love tumblr)

[drzedzworth]

I HAVE HAD IT!!!!

Listen up and listen well

I'm going to go over this one last time

I am actually struggling! I have to much house dammage! I have a roach infestation!! And the worst part is

I am actually loosing my home!

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?!

Because my dad and mom had a buisness that makes $100s if not $1000s of dollars! But then, my dad kicked her out of thier company WITHOUT HER KNOWING!

Now HE has all that money, and he barely wants to give us a single dime!

So now, here i am, 2 or 3 years later, i do commissions to support myself and mom!

I turned 18 in march so now i can buy commissions however i want, BUT now

WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO GET YELLED AT EACH TIME I BUY SOME FUCKING ART!!!!

It is STUPID! I buy art yes! But i try to save, i don't spend unless i can, AND sometimes i pay half and half

But nooOOOO while i am scared to buy commissions, MEANWHILE LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE SPENDING 100S OF DOLLARS ON BIGGER CLOP ARTISTS!!!!

And even as going as far as fucking

ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON A YCH!!!!!

And i Charge, like $30 for 2 ponies fucking! And instead i get hate

Even when i was on amino, i get HATE!

YOU'RE GETTING MAD AT ME BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET COMMISSISON!?!?!? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

And EVEN GO AS FUCKING FAR AS TO TRYING TO RUIN MY SALES!!!

IT'S HER DECISION! NOT YOURS

And so on, we talked and she even bought a plushy from me

And i used like %70 to help pay for my mom's car bill!

Me and my mom worked hard to survive!

WE REALLY DO

But what pisses me off is that, when i wanna buy something nice, and something I'm able to afford, People like this come up to shit talk me!

Now my turn..

First of all, I wanna buy something for myself, something nice, but not to expensive, yet, i bet, I BET

She spent $150+ on one peice of art

While i spend like $40 the most! On art

And EVEN I've bought commissions TO HELP OTHERS

There's a couple people who are begging for commissions, and i feel bad for them becuase i don't see anyone else helping! I buy it and i ger shit talked for it

Shit talked for supporting smaller artists..

And let me tell you something else!

I HAVE ONLY DRAWN FOR 7 YEARS

You have NO IDEA HOW FAR I'VE COME FROM.TERRIBLE, OVER 3000 GODDAMN DRAWINGS AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY I SUCK?

I make sure it's right, if it isnt, i crumble it up and start again!

I make sure my costumers are happy! I make sure that everything is okay! It's my job, LITERALLY, i live off this!

But what MAKES ME ANGRY is I'm here in Tumblr, getting nothing but goddam dust bunnies cuz no-one ever commissions me here! EVER

I have to go to the customers! And even then i get into fights with admins in group chats and such on fucking kik

KIK! Why kik? Cuz i got KICKED from Amino! The only place i was doing well!

Anyways, now what bothers me is i post my art, and only 4 likes..

I have 704 followers, maybe more, and i get 4 fucking likes, WHAT THE HELL

They don't even reblog, but when i offer free art, or when another big blog reblogs it, they swarm like flies!

And when i livestream, fucking hell, barely anyone shows, most of the time I'm just lonely! But i still keep streaming.

And now here's the point

.

I'm already having a bad day, i had to fight with this person on telegram over an RP! But then this other guy, joins my stream, and starts telling me to kill myself and my art is garbage, he's been in multiple streams and all of a sudden, shit talks me

......................................

I AM SICK OF THIS! GETTING YELLED AT IF I BUY ART, GETTING YELLED AT WHEN I TRY TO EARN COMMISSIONS FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

PEOPLE BEG FOR MONEY ALL THE TIME, I'M BEGGING FOR WORK

There was this woman before getting hit by hurricane irma, she begged for donations amd such, she got over $200

I make a similar post, guess what...

I only got $20...you fucking joke...

I had to take out $100 before the.storm hit

ALL OUR FOOD GOT SPOILED

Becuase of no power!

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, BOTTOM LINE

I am a vector artist and I do commissions! I buy commissions when i am ABLE to!

But It's unfair how you could tell me

My art is trash, my prices are to high, I'm a liar, I'm just gon a use the money for commissions to buy, you name it!

I wouldn't kill myself because my mother needs me, more than ever, and i need her! And we are trying to survive, and if you don't care, and continue to yell at me, and shit talk me, bully me, or even trying to get a commission order

UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW➡