#not really but just to be safe bc they allude to sex ig

[transvampireboyfriend]

"Eddie!"

Eddie hears the call coming from the kitchen all the way up in Steve's room, Steve's voice echoing in the eerily empty walls of the house.

A house Eddie knows that Steve hates.

The thought always squeezes Eddie's heart, but he reminds himself: this time next week they'll be settled into their new apartment where no walls will be empty if Eddie has any say in it, which he does, at least a third of a say.

And even if Steve and Robin don’t let him paper the walls with photographs, Eddie will do his damnedest so that Steve never hates their home.

 "Yeah?" Eddie calls back to answer Steve, the word a little garbled around the screwdriver he's holding in his mouth.

 "C'mere!" Steve replies. Eddie sighs.

He looks down at the very heavy wooden desk top in his hands then looks at the open door.

He balances the top of Steve's desk on his knee so he can hold it with just one hand, using the other to take the screwdriver out of his mouth.

"What is it, sweetheart? D’you need my help?" he asks, once his mouth is free, his eyes drifting towards the hallway as he waits for Steve’s reply.

"Come. here!" Steve demands. Eddie sighs again but Steve’s annoyed tone makes him hold back a smirk.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something, babe!" Eddie calls, he'd rather finish taking the desk apart first, if it's not too urgent.

"EDDIE!"

Eddie gets so startled, he drops the heavy slab of wood right at his feet. He's glad the floor is carpet up here and not the dumb precious hardwood floors of downstairs.

"Jesus Chris-" he mutters, dropping the screwdriver too, before running down the stairs, sliding in his socks down the hallway and grabbing onto the door's frame to haul himself into the kitchen.

He enters the kitchen a little winded to find Steve standing in front of the stove with a worried frown.

"WHAT is it, Stevie?? you scared the shit outta me!" Eddie accuses, heart hammering in his chest.

Steve at least has the decency to look sheepish while he just stares at Eddie for a second.

"I think I over seasoned the chicken" Steve says quietly after a bit.

Eddie rolls his eyes at him. His heart wants to give out and he kinda wants to strangle Steve. Not in a fun way.

He looks so worried though... it's kinda cute.

He gets kinda serious about cooking for them, whereas when it is Eddie’s turn, he takes it as an opportunity for chaos.

Robbie is more of a toss up, Eddie has noticed. She notoriously contributed to the legendary popcorn s'mores but then she also pinches Eddie really hard whenever he tries to intercede with soup night so it'll be interesting to see how they all work out once they split all meals among them.

Eddie sighs for the third time in five minutes. This time, though, the tension in his shoulders bleeds out with his exhale and he feels a fond smile appear in his face.

"I'm sure it's fine, baby" Eddie tells Steve, both a reassurance about the food and about Eddie not really being mad at Steve for scaring him.

Steve switches the sheepish look for a pout.

"No it's not!" he whines, dragging the words out, Eddie has to contain his grin, he’s so endeared "It doesn't taste right, come taste it" Steve demands, his hand reaching out and flexing his fingers like he wants to grab Eddie and pull him close. Eddie wouldn't be opposed.

"You know I eat anything, right?" Eddie comments, walking over to Steve, "I literally eat your sp-" he gets cut off by Steve's hand coming up to cover his mouth.

"No!! !" Steve declares, his eyes wide, "You are not finishing that sentence, Eddie, ohmygOD!"

Eddie snickers behind Steve's hand. Steve's clearly trying to chastise him but Eddie can't take his boyfriend seriously when he's red in the face.

Steve eyes him warily, but presents him with a small piece of chicken speared through with a fork. "Here," he says, and drops his hand from Eddie's mouth.

Eddie takes the offer and slowly chews on it, making a show of figuring out what it tastes like. He gets a light smack on his arm for his troubles.

He shrugs.

"It tastes fine." he tells Steve with his mouth still half full. Steve scrunches his face a bit.

"It's not too salty?" Steve insists. Eddie chuckles and circles his arms around Steve's waist to hold him lightly.

"No, baby, it's fine. It's good!" he assures Steve, and presses a kiss to his jaw for good measure.

"I feel like it tastes different than usual" Steve grumbles, pouting again, making Eddie want to kiss his face all over.

Instead, Eddie presses the back of his palm to Steve's forehead.

"You coming down with something?" he half-jokes. Steve chuckles and bats his hand away.

"M' fine." Steve protests, leaning his head to the side in an attempt to get away from Eddie's chasing hand.

He fails, and Eddie pinches both his cheeks in his hand, forcing him to pucker up.

"I've probably tasted it too many times" Steve explains, his words distorted by Eddie's hold and Eddie laughs, delighted with what he achieved.

He presses a kiss to Steve's mouth and Steve smiles against it.

"Sorry I interrupted your woodworking" Steve says when Eddie releases him. Eddie snorts.

"I'm just taking it apart" Eddie tells him, walking right into Steve's setup.

"Oh! Well," Steve starts, in a tone that lets Eddie realize what he's done, way too late. "To hear you tell it, baby, you had to go chop the wood and sand it down and build the desk so you can then start taking it apart-" Steve trails off with a satisfied grin when he sees Eddie's scandalized look.

He's helping disassemble the desk because Steve had given up on it in the first place, had even said he'd pay for the one moving truck they'd have to hire just because of it, since the damn thing didn't fit in Eddie's van.

So, Eddie had volunteered to do it himself, take it apart that is, and after the first try he had developed a thirst for vengeance against the thing and now here they are.

And Steve has the nerve to tease him about it.

"Stevie, they put that thing together in hell!" Eddie exclaims, pointing an accusatory finger out the kitchen door "and you didn't keep the manual-" Eddie turns his finger on Steve now. Steve chuckles and interrupts him to point out:

"It didn't come with a manual, my father had it built"

Eddie doesn't miss a beat.

"Well, whoever built it is a moron!!!" Eddie says. Steve loves hearing Eddie rant against every decision David Harrington has ever made, so Eddie appoints whoever took his money for that desk as his mortal enemy (one of many, needless to say), before he continues his rant,

"There are screws all over that thing! and I had to spend two hours just figuring out how to take it apart without doing irreparable damage to it- I can show you my notes!" Eddie makes to take the folded notebook out his back pocket but Steve extends a placating hand to remind him:

"You have,"

Eddie remembers now, and if that didn't tell Steve how big a deal this is, Eddie can tell him just fine,

"I'm telling you," Eddie continues, wildly gesticulating, and feeling like he's about to hop on the kitchen table, or at least a chair "I'm keeping a journal of how I'm taking that monster apart so I can trace back my steps when I have to put it together again,"

Steve is now covering his mouth to keep from laughing out loud, so Eddie turns it against him, "because you are certainly not gonna help me with it! Stop laughing! I'm so serious!!"

Eddie is not serious, at all. But Steve is full on laughing now and Eddie thinks if he didn't need to work for a living he'd choose to do this instead, spend days on end just making Steve laugh so hard he briefly loses his breath.

Eddie dons a put upon look that he knows is just absolutely ruined by the grin he's trying to contain.

Steve wipes at the corner of his eyes trying to take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, baby," he tells Eddie, wrapping his arms around Eddie's neck, "I won't tease you about it anymore, I promise" he can't seem to stop smiling and Eddie loves it, wants it to last as long as it can.

"Empty promises!" Eddie answers dramatically, "you men are all the same" he earns a snort and another bout of laughter from Steve. Eddie shakes his head vehemently as Steve rides it out.

When he manages to breathe normally again, Steve places a kiss to Eddie's shoulder.

"No, but appreciate it, Eds. You know." Steve tells him honestly, pressing a sweet kiss against the corner of Eddie's mouth.

"Hmm" Eddie hums disapprovingly, making Steve huff.

"I love you" Steve tries, tracing the sides of Eddie's face lightly, playing with the ends of his hair a bit.

 "Yeah, yeah" Eddie says dismissive, while his heart tries to beat out his chest.

 Steve sees right through him and nuzzles against his cheek.

"Lunch will be ready in 20" Steve murmurs, and Eddie's always been helpless against the casual affection that Steve can inject into the most mundane things, he can't really contain himself any longer.

"I love you too." he tells Steve, before burying his face in Steve's neck. Steve chuckles a little and hums against Eddie's temple, clutches him tighter and runs his hands through Eddie's hair gently, making Eddie sigh contentedly.

"Should I set the table?" Eddie offers after a bit, coming back to eye level. Steve caresses his cheeks adoringly.

“No, no," Steve says, "you go fight that desk, honey."

Eddie snorts and crumbles into laughter, everything he had to hold back before, coming out in giggles as he bats Steve's arms away from him.

"I hate you!" he exclaims between laughs. He playfully flips Steve the bird and turns on his heel to march back up the stairs.

"Give it your all!" Steve calls after him, barely coherent in the middle of his laughing.

Eddie rolls his eyes but has the biggest smile on his face.

[unknwnxquantity]

There’s this girl I had a thing with. We helped each other get over our situations and vent about our exes, this pain we felt from both our situations. I kinda just used her in the beginning to process my back and forth rollercoaster with my ex, while she genuinely cared for me as a person, even if it was just being my friend. I used her and hurt her. But we had this connection thru txt that was one of the most bizzare things Ive encountered: in the beginning of our txting it was as if I was talking back to myself; like I was her and typed out each response. Over the course of a little over a month, we went from me always ghosting her and talking to her when it was convenient, to her getting fed up with my excuses and basically said in so many words, “listen this is the last time I’m gonna try with u but I wanna hook up, u have until 7 tonight to respond back about what u wanna do.” And so... we hooked up in her car. Four hours into the night, until 330am.

Hooking up with her, we’ll call her IR, was a healing experience. My ex and I weren’t intimate for months and months until we broke up. She didn’t like sex, and I guess she was so hurt she just couldn’t trust me with her body the way she did before in our relationship. But since IR and I were both broken from our past confusions and circumstances with our exes, we just wanted to be friends with benefits. But being with someone in that way, the way our bodies fit like puzzle pieces, cuddling, opening up about some of our pasts, fully naked.. and just engaging on such a passionate experience, mind u this was the first time we ever met up... it did something to me. Being intimate snapped me out of the spiral i was going down with the ending of my ex and our situation. I felt really warm inside when I was with IR in those moments. And she felt the same too in her own way.

From then on we saw each other like multiple times in one week, like 6 times in total. Everything moved so quick, my feelings got so intense so... fukking fast. As did her feelings for me. We talked on the phone until 6am several nights, she’d come outside my house @12 or 1am and be hooking up until 3 to one time even 6am (I got in trouble but it was worth it). I met some of her family, she met mine (except my sister bc u gotta be real special to meet her) and came over to my house. I went to her sister’s place in upstate New York; 3 hr drive each way listening/jamming to throwbacks, holding hands, learning more of the other, runnin thru sprinklers.. she even thinks I’m her twin flame (she doesn’t fully understand the concept but I do feel a soul connection to her so I didn’t wanna shut her or the idea of that down), but the relationship she had with her ex made me think otherwise. We wrote each other two letters each to the other, both very descriptive, but with my second letter alluding to the possibility of me being in love with her. IN LOVEEE?! I mean.. I do feel intensely and reevaluating the things I said, I could see the confusion.. but she didn’t even wanna tell me unless I dragged an answer out of her?? She was being distant after that.. and also because things got too serious too quick, us professing strong feelings to each other.. and since the foundation of our friendship surrounded our feelings toward our exes, I had to really ask her “hey.... r u truly over ur ex?” And... she wasn’t. Here I was repeating the same fukking patterns. Jumping into something with someone so intensely , so fukking fast and not taking it slow; how do u expect different results by repeating the same fukking destructive patterns? My feelings were so confusing and complex for her, so deep yet kinda shallow. Like I wanted to fit her into this box of the person I wanted her to be in my life. I overromantize a lot and get so fukking attached. And then they fucking push me away bc I scared them too much. When I feel someone pushing me away, I have this overpowering fear to pull them right back in super hard. That never fukkin works out it just makes them lose mad respect for u and think ur a fucking joke or safe option (subconsciously). She felt for me but in her mind she felt I felt too much too soon, and she wasn’t prepared for such a shift. Neither was I but then here we were being intimate every single time we were with each other and holding hands.. cuddling. Kissing. Exploring. Inside jokes & synchronicities. I’m the first person to make her cum out of the ten bodies she’s had! I’m the first girl she’s been with, and she even revealed she sticks to what’s comfortable; which in her case is asshole men. I can’t hookup with anyone without developing deep feelings. I can’t separate the two AT ALL. Sex and intimacy is sacred, how do ppl fukk causally and not develop feelings?

Anyways in the end, IR chose to work things out with the ex bc she would’ve regretted it if she didn’t give him one last chance “like I kept giving my ex”. And that didn’t even last long, only like 4-5 days before he put his hands on her and they got in a big argument lmao. I don’t have those strong feelings anymore, but damn do I still wanna be her friend? Or do I like her? But she’s so cringe?? Lol idk.. I wanna talk to her tho. I really do but without feeling used or like a second option. She said I’m not , but I’ve learned, peoples words ain’t shit if it isn’t backed up by actions. I’ve already started sending her things even after asserting I wanted to be more than friends, nothing more and needed some space, but now I just wanna be friends.. she just wasn’t keeping me in the loop with her whole ex situation until I confronted her about it and I hate that shit. She always emphasized honesty!! And loving to call people out on their shit! But god forbid I do the same. I went back on my word even when I tried to place strong boundaries. I had to place them again with her when she told me about the recent situation where her ex got physical with her.. this is all just new to me.

I need to let time pass.. maybe it’s because she was the closest thing to a relationship I’ve felt to someone since my ex. I’m trying to really focus on healing myself, especially since all the other girls I was talking to didn’t work out or I wasn’t feeling them anymore. I feel I gotta be single for a long time, but I want her in my life, especially since she feels the connection too and wants to be friends. But is it disrespectful toward myself, like would I just be an easy go-to option? I don’t think she’s done done with the ex. Maybe she is.. I shouldn’t care tho. I need to be alone. Even tho I’ve been sending her stuff on ig and snap, I went back on my word by still contacting her only two weeks after this big thing took place where I found out she thought I was in love with her. I always see the good in ppl; their potential for greatness and to reach that. She’s on that spiritual path as I am with angel numbers, loa, manifestation and the signs/laws of the universe.. but am I just holding onto what was had in the past and not being realistic about the now? Did we ruin our potential by being engaged so soon? This whole thing happened in the span of two and a half months, with our friendship escalating in that past month and it ending like 2-3 weeks ago. Can I even be her friend at this point?? Does she even still think about our connection or has she moved on? I guess I’ll see, I’m just tryna make sense of it all.