#nothin personnel crab

[sirfetchd]

now why did he just say that to a crab

[that-fellow-from-dres]

Tumblr should add a purchasable feature that's just

A Fucking Gun

It's a fucking gun. The cost depends on the gun control laws in your country. It costs about £3 in most countries but it's like. A nickel in the US.

What does it do?

You can shoot people with it. When you buy the gun it comes with a set amount of bullets that you can use to shoot another blog. If you shoot a blog while the user isn't online, then your murder attempt fails and the blog has a bullet wound in it until the user goes onto their dash and treats it using a Tumblr Official Surgical Crab provided in emergencies like this.

However, if the user is online, then they will hear a loud bang and be shown a 3D-rendered cutscene which I will detail later. Their dash is covered in blood and will eventually fade to black. The blog is deactivated, and through that blog the user will only be able to browse Tumblr Purgatory, which is just normal Tumblr but only containing posts from deactivated accounts.

The other party involved is the victim's two or three best Mutuals who, along with the murderer will also see

The Cutscene

Everybody is portrayed by a random gender-nonspecific body with no visible skin, with their PFP floating in place of their head. It's rendered like an SFM animation

A dark alleyway sparely illuminated by yellow light streaming from second-floor windows, presumably the back of some public establishment. It's dusk, and the rain is heavy.

[Only The Murderer Sees This Part]

A silhouette falls over the entrance. The camera zooms towards it. The Murderer. View changes to over-the-shoulder as The Murderer walks calmly and confidently towards The Victim.

[The Murderer and The Victim See This Part]

Camera moves to in front of The Victim performing some random action. (Winding a cartoon alarm clock, studying a cool rock, pondering the orb, releasing a small frog from their person, etc.) The Murderer walks up to about two paces behind The Victim, and pulls out their Fucking Gun, which has an incredibly detailed and hyper-realistic model compared to the rest of the scene. That Click Noise Guns Make When You Draw Them is heard and The Murderer says a single line in a random TTS voice in a random language (There are subtitles in both that language and the viewer's language. They're something along the lines of 'Nothin' personnel, kid' or 'If only it didn't have to end this way' or 'check out this cool gun I have'). Gunshot, and The Victim is shot straight through the heart. They collapse on the floor.

[This Part is Seen By Everyone]

The camera cuts to a door at the back of the alleyway opening and The Mutuals run in. General expressions of exclamation and they run to The Victim's dying body. Dramatic last words are given by The Victim and they die. Despair from one of The Mutuals. A different member of The Mutuals looks up and points. Camera zooms in on the darkened figure of The Murderer, as they silently slip out of the alleyway. This is also the only indication given to The Mutuals as to who The Murderer was.

There would be less common variations on this, such as variants where The Victim only has 1 mutual, or no mutuals, the Vengeance Cutscene in which a user who was a Mutual in a previous Cutscene murders the original Murderer, and the Betrayal Cutscene where a person who would qualify as a Mutual is The Murderer.

Whichever Cutscene happens, The Mutuals then have to participate in an asynchronous co-operative puzzle game in which they learn the ropes of necromancy in order to bring The Victim back from the dead. Upon completion of the game, The Victim's blog returns to normal. Mostly. Depending on how well The Mutuals do in the game, The Victim may Come Back Wrong™, which involves applying random filters to their PFP, changing random characters in their URL and potentially turning their Checkmarks into horses. These changes would slowly wear off, The Victim's blog returning to normal after 48 hours online.

There would also be several other endings, including Eeby Deeby, which occurs if all of The Mutuals block The Victim during the course of the game. In this case, The Victim is sent to Eeby Deeby and deactivated for good. Sans Undertale appears if all of The Mutuals but one are shot during the game and Vriska Serket will appear if one of The Mutuals murders at least one other Mutual and seven others.

Yeah that's the gist of it. @staff pls add