#nunalastor asks

[nunalastor]

Every time I see one of the "alastor got pregnant and now is put into the situations" asks I can't help but think "do you really think this man won't get an abortion as soon as he gets the memo?"

Oh yeah, sure the Mister "I Do Whatever I Want And Value My Autonomy Above All Else" is going to accept being put into a vulnerable state???

Alastor abortion ark is coming up

😭

[nunalastor]

Absolutely enthralled by depictions of RadioApple that are basically:

Lucifer: This is my boyfriend, Alastor. he's mean and smelly and has seven undiagnosed mental disorders, and that's not even mentioning all the atrocities he's committed, but if anything ever happened to him I would go absolutely fucking nuclear.

Alastor: And I may be asexual but I think that's incredibly sexy of him.

😌

[nunalastor]

Radioapple Secret Marriage/Relationship au:

(They were married from the beginning but no one knows. This is extremely self indulgent cause no one else was making this.)

When Alastor fell into hell, he needed some time to get his bearings – understanding his strength as well as other things. And as soon as that was done he wreaked havoc.

(Lucifer's pov from now on)

Lucifer had heard of a new overlord. Someone murdering and making others suffer while broadcasting their screams on radio. And usually, he never bothered with this stuff, demons could be demons and he wasn't someone to care about a few suffering sinners.

But when he saw the fact that his daughter couldn't sleep because she was worrying about the demons – he let her listen to the radio once and they both listened in silence to the screams – and when he saw how depressed she had been, he decided to pay this "radio demon" a visit.

And for one, he hadn't expected the radio demon – Alastor, apparently – to be so... How do you put it? Kind, welcoming, motherly, accepting... Well, let's just say that Lucifer's day wasn't dull when talking to him.

Originally, he was supposed to have a 'talk' with Alastor (basically give him a beat down but let's not sweat the details). But as time went on he found himself enjoying their conversations, his little antics and his cooking were all amazing. Everything Alastor did would just brighten his day, especially since Lilith was in the process of separating Charlie from him so he'd just started losing his daughter and wife – who was probably going to ask for a divorce soon.

He opened up to Alastor and the demon was surprisingly good at giving advice (honestly, that demon was full of surprises). And despite the good advice, Lilith kept leaving and soon the divorce happened along with his complete loss of custody over Charlie.

He would've gone into a deep depression had it not been for Alastor checking in on him and making sure he was okay. And so they hung out more, Alastor would always make sure to give him some homemade food and he also always asked Lucifer if he was okay.

Lucifer knew he was a sinner, a cold blooded murderer, a cannibal and so on. But honestly, he had fallen head over heels for Alastor. Alastor, who was quite sweet if you found him at the right time. Alastor, who always pretended to be a bad person by pretending to have bad intentions. Alastor, who cares for and loves his mother dearly.

He found Alastor beautiful, every side of him.

And so, he inevitably confessed. With the hope that he wouldn't end out like the street rat whom Alastor saved – Box, or something like that (yes spelling mistake was intentional).

And he didn't. Alastor certainly didn't love him (he only said "I like you too" which sort of hurt Lucifer but he didn't really care much about the difference) but he did accept the confession. And with that Lucifer felt as if he was over the moon.

They did couple things – human couple things. Both of then were inexperienced but it was lucky that Alastor often studied others around him. So they did those things.

They hugged, kissed, they even held hands! Could you believe that? And with their fourth date came Alastor's actual confession. "I love you." Alastor finally trusted him enough to say that L word.

Of course most of their dates were done under disguises or they had private dates where no one could see them. And with time Alastor began to open up even more.

Lucifer heard about his abusive, neglectful father. His murderous tendencies. The way he always felt different, somehow. And he comforted Alastor about these things.

It was nice, since he loved Alastor's genuine smile.

And soon he proposed – or they both did. Lucifer considered it his win since the ring he got was much more beautiful than Alastor's. But Alastor's held more sentimental value (it was a ring his mother had left him before she died). So they decided to leave that one at a tie.

The ceremony was held in private. Lucifer didn't want his daughter nor his ex-wife to know of his quick moving on and Alastor didn't want people to know how soft he could be.

And they were just like any other married couple, just much much more healthier and loving. And for the matter, they barely fought. Those days were when they first met. The days when Alastor didn't trust him and Lucifer wanted to beat him up learn why the hell he broadcasted screams.

So when it had been their seventh year living together in private (Alastor temporarily stepped away from his 'job' to spend married life with Lucifer), Alastor decided it was time to get back into the loop. Lucifer was quite sad about this but Alastor assured he would always make sure to come back on weekends.

It was funny to see that one day Alastor was standing beside his daughter and treating her like his own. And it was hard to act like he hated the demon, especially when he loved him so much.

(For the record, this is Lucifer fell first AND harder and it is not very canonlike but who cares! Both of them are a happy cute couple who pretend to hate each other and cuddle when no one is watching.)

(I needed more wholesome aus but no one else would write them so I delivered this. Have a nice meal kids.)

👀

[nunalastor]

If Alastor was a lady she'd be too powerful, I just know that she'd be able to turn Lucifer, first supporter of women's rights, into a burning misogynist (this is a joke this is a joke this is a JOKE)

Stop joking I wanna see it

[nunalastor]

If Alastor's got a massive harem, he could just take every single dick at once and give them all a night they'll never forget.

Takes them by cutting them all off and using it in his fancy lil dishes that he makes

[nunalastor]

The one (read it, ONE) time Alastor is like, "Oh WOW" about Adam is when he cooks him sinners ribs.

It was because Lucifer said Adam couldn't please Alastor in any way, shape, or form, and Adam went "bet".

So he cooked him sinners ribs, and if there's one thing he can fucking cook, it's fucking ribs, and he used a fuck ton of spices because he has *had* Al's Jambalaya, he knows he likes spicy shit, thank you very much.

So he gives it to Al, and he was like "..." for like half a second Adam thought he did something wrong before Alastor actually said "Oh this is delicious." And immediately grabbed more.

Adam looked at Lucifer with the most smug face on earth while Lucifer was just fucking FUMING.

👀

[nunalastor]

Fuck it. Chaggie Madoka Magica AU with hints of Radioapple.

After Charlie is killed by a fated catastrophe in hell, Vaggie sells her soul to Roo to go back in time to save Charlie's life. But it fails. Again and again and again, hundreds of time repeating the same six months after the extermination, falling more and more in love with Charlie while hiding that all of her experience had changed her and made her more jaded to everything they are trying to do.

Her mission would be a lot easier if she hadn't learned the hard way that Alastor had also sold his soul to Roo, and part of the reason for Charlie's death was that Alastor witched out from his deal, and Lucifer sacrificed his life to defeat Alastor and make sure he wouldn't be alone in death. This happened every time without fail.

So now Vaggie's mission changes slightly. She had originally given up on getting Alastor and by extension Lucifer out of this alive, she had gone through it so many times with her sole focus on Charlie, but now she realizes that Charlie's dads might be the only way to make sure Charlie survives.

As much as she loathes doing it, for Charlie's sake she will do anything. It's time to figure out how to break Alastor's deal.

👀

[nunalastor]

Seeing how he fell for lilith according to charlie luci would take 2.0 seconds in the presence of female Alastor and seeing her supporting Charlie and fall head over heels in love

👀

[nunalastor]

Wait wdym your posting mid tornado

Theres something a bit more important happening don't you think

Lmao yeah my city is getting gangbanged by tornadoes and we're chilling downstairs at work. There's a few around the general area and our airport just got fucked up on live feed. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

[nunalastor]

Dark Forced Family/Possessive Lucifer with added eldritch insanity. You know that trope in some Lovecraftian stories where people slowly lose their minds the longer they're exposed to The Horrors?

Lucifer does not want to CHANGE their dear deer, oh no, just give him...suggestions. And so Alastor will catch glimpses out of the corner of his eye of something horrifying, something that does not belong in this world, , and when he turns to look it'll just be Lucifer doing normal things. He'll hear voices whisper to him at night, or dream that the walls bleed with golden blood. It's so bizarre, and he's sure that Lucifer is doing it on purpose, the anxiety and paranoia are overwhelming. He's becoming obsessed with figuring out a way to keep his grip on reality, not knowing that this is Lucifer's roundabout way of chasing him into his arms.

Worse, no one at the hotel believes him when he finally does gather up the courage to tell them. They believe he's DISTRESSED, but they're sure Lucifer, who's such a nice guy, wouldn't do something like that!

And Lucifer, concerned as he is, offers Alastor little deals in the form of blessings to ease his declining mental health, slowly infecting his mind so that he can rebuild it with absolute loyalty to himself.

👀

[nunalastor]

Here's a silly little side thing for the Cox Chronicles ask where Vox successfully kidnaps Alastor: Velvette takes advantage of Alastor being tied up and helpless by snapping him into some decent modern clothes. She also uses the opportunity to rectify his travesty of a haircut since he's fried it to hell and back by straightening it for a hundred years. It basically turns into a whole spa day while Vox is screaming at her through the cameras to stop making friends with his trophy prisoner. Which of course just leads to Alastor being petty and leaning into it which makes Vox even angrier and Velvette likes him that much more.

👀

[nunalastor]

*looks at the serial roommate comic*

That’s the moment Alastor stops smiling

Alastor’s friend is dead

His eyes will never be open again

And his heart will no longer beat again

Guy LeBlouff

Alastor’s childhood friend

He’s a kind man

He went to heaven

Because he’s a good person

So why did he get killed?

He did not deserve this

He does not deserve to die

So why did this happen?

He did nothing wrong but be good

Why?

.

.

.

.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Is the only word running at Alastor’s head right now

As he hugs his friend’s dead body

With tears falling out from his eyes

Sorrow

He feels it so much of it

He never felt this feeling before

The sorrow is too much for him

Because he knew that Guy’s death is permanent

How did this happen?

How did I let this happen?

Alastor thought to himself

Blaming himself for not seeing this happen

And not able to protecting his friend

He eyed the bullet hole at his friend’s head

It’s similar to how he died back then on earth

Suddenly raging with fury

Who?

.

.

.

.

Who did this?

Who did it?

Static

You can hear it everywhere

So loudly

Along with the radios broadcasting horrifying screams

Phones and TV screens malfunctioning

The shadows going out of control

And Alastor the center of it all will find who killed his friend

And why they did this

Just like a detective he will find the culprit

He will get his revenge

With a smile on his face

Because you’re never dressed without one

But he can’t….

How could he?

When his friend is dead

(My first time writing something and I did it on an ask blog unbelievable I know and let’s be honest this is bad you can ignore this if you want)

👀

[nunalastor]

Heyyyyy

Only one thing today.

So, we have Lucifer x Alastor & (apparently) Lilith x Rosie. (I hc that both started out a queer platonic and one night they just made out so yeah.)

If Lucifer & Lilith found out the other had gotten a new partner/married someone, what if the four just went 'screw it' and just became a polycule?

This could also apply to Adam x Lucifer x Lilith x Eve.

WHY IS IT SO EASY TO PUT LUCIFER IN A POLYCULE THE FUCK???

Anyways.

How would sex work?

Asking for a friend. (Ahem, me.)

👀

[nunalastor]

HOWLING with laughter over that unhinged Facebook post. I absolutely NEED Alastor's reaction to seeing Vox calling him 'fertile' and 'sensual' on a public platform, because let's be honest, we all know that's something Vox would 100% post in a drunken stupor at 3am.

👀

[nunalastor]

Maybe when Angel is being irritating Husk pulls out a large glass and threatens to trap him and take him outside in it.

Yes. Kick that spider out of the hotel

[nunalastor]

Our Boyfriend

The effects of the Bayou are meant to disorient and misdirect. Alastor sings to his pregnant belly when he feels well enough, but it's pretty haunting if you aren't right by him because the sound bounces and warps around the environment.

If Lucifer wasn't Lucifer it might freak him out.

Michael is Michael and it still freaks him out. He's vaguely reminded of the holy choir back home.

👀