#oh god and the filter that was used all over the place innit

[rockinthebeastmode]

Doin’ Time

A/N: Hey! I finished a WIP! I’m not sure how I feel about it quite yet but I hope anyone someone enjoys it. Special thanks to @arathewallflower for reading first and assuring me it didn’t suck. You da real MVP 👌🏽😘 

Fair warning, there is pot smoking within, if it’s not your thing, I apologize. Should be easy enough to skip through. S1-esque AU. (Loosely) Inspired by Doin’ Time by Sublime. All music mentioned is youtube-linked.

You can find my other fics here.

@mmfdfanfic @eveerez @i-dream-of-emus @lilaviolet @lau-vm @hey1tskat1e @tinakegg @kneekeyta @likeashootingstarfades @girl-looking-out-window @stinemarine @lurkernolonger @crystalgiddings1993 @milllott @ssecondaryy @buddyhollyscurls

Doin’ Time

Finn Nelson was a bit of a grumpy sod.

He could admit that. He knew he could barely tolerate anyone other than his mates and family. Since football and boxing started bulking him up and he got his fringe just right, he had birds drawn to him in droves. That could be nice, except he found himself practically non-verbal with girls and that only got him so far. He remembered shotgunning a spliff to Julia Fisher and having to endure trying to talk music for all of five minutes before giving up. And who could forget his brief stint with Stacey Stringfellow? Thankfully, she wasn’t much of a thinker, much less a talker. He reckoned he would’ve stuck that one out longer had she not played Backstreet Boys every bloody time they’d make out at hers.

Honestly, he couldn’t give a rat’s arse about dating at the moment. It was the summer before his second year at Stamford City College and he just wanted to chill with his mates before his dad was back on his arse about grades and preparing for university. He’d been looking forward to a summer spent with his boys Chop and Archie, drinking pints at the Swan, seeing shows at the Basement and of course, smoking as much pot as his allowance could buy but Chop kept inviting Izzy and her mates around. He could just about handle Izzy’s exuberance sober but Chloe’s fawning over him and Archie was getting old.

Then there was Rae. Quite possibly the only girl he’d come in contact with since puberty that didn’t fall over herself over him--not that he wanted her to, mind. She annoyed the fuck out of him. 

She was loud and obnoxious and thought she was hot shit just because she could match Chop for jokes and banter with Arch, all while gossiping with the girls. He could’ve ignored her well enough if she didn’t call him out every time he was the least bit quiet or broody. And don’t even get him started on her so-called music prowess. Sure, she liked some of the same music as him but if she couldn’t appreciate one of the greats like Marley, she definitely didn’t ‘know her music’.

Either way, he planned on staying as far away from her as possible. All he needed was his mates. No girls allowed.

***

“Finny! A birdie tells me you’ve got an empty tonight,” Chop’s voice rang loudly into the phone and Finn held the receiver away from his ear, rolling his eyes with a grimace. Fucking Archie and his big mouth.

“No parties! Chopper, dad’ll murder me if we trash the place,” he quickly replied, Chop scoffing on the other end.

“Aww, c’mon, mate, it’ll be a laugh. Nothing too crazy, we’ll keep it nice and exclusive,” Chop tried to reassure him but Finn knew his game. They’d only known each other their entire lives.

“Bollocks, remember what happened last time you kept things ‘exclusive’? Kendo had half of Stamford’s drug scene in my bloody living room.”

Silence fell on the line and Finn smirked in triumph. He went to get off the phone when Chop spoke again.

“We’ll make it a mates’ night, a’right? Pizza, booze, games. Just the gang.” Finn hesitated with his response and Chop sighed, “I just picked up some spliff, I’ll smoke you out.”

Finn glanced at his dwindling stash next to his bed and groaned low.

“Fuck. Fine. What time?”

***

Around 8 that night, a knock sounded on Finn’s front door. He opened it wide to reveal Archie with a stack of pizzas in hand, Chop with a gap-toothed apologetic grin… and the girls standing behind them with a bag of snacks and bottles each. He ushered them inside with a barely forced smile, grabbing Chop by the shoulder before he could pass. The others made their way into the living room, greeting Finn cheerily and chatting amongst themselves. When they disappeared from view, Finn punched Chop in the bicep as hard as he could muster.

“Ow! Jesus Christ, Nelson!”

“Sod off, you said the gang only!”

“Soz, mate, Izzy just--” Finn cut him off, rolling his eyes.

“Of bloody course, enough said. Anything to get your lil’ Chopstick wet, yeah?” Finn groused, crossing his arms. He dodged a swipe to the head, grabbing Chop in a headlock. They tussled fruitlessly around the foyer, knocking into the walls and narrowly avoiding tumbling into the staircase. They stopped and looked up when a throat cleared from the doorway.

“Do I need to separate you two?” Archie asked, raising a brow. Finn released Chop and shoved him away, giving him a final glare.

“You’re lucky I don’t curl you up,” he grumbled. Chop pulled out a large bag, filled with numerous buds of varying greens, with accents of purple throughout.

“Smoke and make it better?” Chop replied smugly, puckering his lips with a wink. Finn smiled begrudgingly, Chop and Archie exchanging cheeky grins.

“Let’s hope so, knobhead.”

***

Izzy and Chloe looked at the bong apprehensively as Chop took the first hit too hard and coughed violently, Archie clapping him on the back. Finn shook his head with a snort, noticing Rae smirking across the circle.

“Ooh, can you roll us a spliff, Finn?” Chloe simpered, reaching out a hand to his forearm. He shifted away, ducking his head in a nod before sitting up straighter and reaching for his rolling tray on the table. He opened the stash jar, sprinkling a small pile on a paper and carefully tilting the paper to roll a small cone. As he licked the paper to seal it, he looked up and met Rae’s eyes. There was a certain glint in her eyes as she glanced him over before quickly looking away and reaching out to Archie.

“Hand it over, Arch,” she said breathily, her cheeks pinking a bit. Finn couldn’t help scoffing slightly as he tapped the weed down and twisted the end of the joint. Rae looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“There’s no filter on that one, girl,” he warned, before lighting the cone and handing it to Chloe across the circle. Rae sneered, taking the bong from Archie with a short mocking laugh.

“I’ll be fine, Finley.”

He resisted rolling his eyes, waving a hand with a derisive, “Go for it.”

Everyone’s eyes were glued to Rae as she held the bong to her lips, flicking the lighter into the bowl and sucking on the stem, the clear piece becoming white with thick smoke. She tossed the lighter at him with narrowed eyes, the bowl burning bright. The orange glow faded and the gang watched open mouthed as she effortlessly raised the bowl, inhaled the smoke within and placed the bong on the table calmly, her cheeks puffed out. She locked eyes with Finn before she exhaled a massive cloud, the room filling quickly with smoke.

“Jesus, Raemundo,” Chop wheezed, his eyes wide. Izzy and Chloe exchanged incredulous glances, Archie grinning wide.

Finn cleared his throat, looking to the side with a frown. There she went, sticking him right back in his place. She pushed the piece across the table with a grin.

“Your turn, Nelson.”

***

The girls ate their slices and watched agape as Finn and Archie scarfed down half a pizza each, with Chop clearing a full one shortly after. He patted his abdomen contently, unleashing a tremendous belch. Chloe and Rae wrinkled their noses, Izzy’s hand reaching out and swatting at Chop.

“Disgusting boy,” she admonished, Chloe frowning and placing her half-eaten slice on an empty box.

“Yeah, save some for the rest of us!” Rae chimed in with a laugh.

“I paid for it, you lot had better show some appreciation and pay up,” he jeered, pulling a jester hat from God-knows-where and holding it out expectantly. A grumble went around the room as everyone checked their pockets and each threw in small bills and change. Rae flicked in several 20p and Finn swiped one from the pile.

“Don’t you owe me one of these for last week?” he asked, flipping it in his hand a few times. Rae laughed snidely, tilting her head.

“S’pose so. But really, Finn, what good is 20p for the jukebox if you have shit taste in music?” she taunted, Chop and Archie letting out a long “ooooooh” in unison, Chloe and Izzy giggling. Finn scowled, biting his cheek. He didn’t bother responding, instead pulling the rolling tray towards him.

“Is there nothing but reggae on this playlist? It’s doing my head in,” Rae grumbled, glaring over at the stereo. Finn’s eyes narrowed.

“What’s wrong with reggae?” he argued, barely pausing in his rolling. He didn’t look at her but noticed her scoff in his periphery.

“It’s all the same, innit? Repetitive drum beat with a mediocre bassline,” Rae mocked, rolling her eyes. Finn licked the spliff closed and lit it, taking a long drag.

“I didn’t hear you bitching earlier when you were bopping around to Spiderwebs,” he retorted, stifling a smirk at her reddening cheeks. She sniffed, shrugging a bit.

“Ya can’t not dance to Gwen Stefani. No Doubt’s the exception,” she waved a hand dismissively. Finn shook his head, handing her the spliff.

“Right, whatever.”

The music faded out and Spaceman started. Rae glared at him incredulously.

“Oh, for fucks sake, Finn.”

Finn stopped the music with the remote and nodded at the stereo.

“You think you’ve got something better?”

Rae raised a brow at him and gracefully stood, going over to the system. Finn shook his head at her back, exchanging a shrug with Archie.

“Are we just gonna sit here and shoot the shit all night or what?” Archie asked, tapping his fingers restlessly. Finn couldn’t blame him. If it was just the boys, they would’ve started something up by now. The fuck were they supposed to do with a bunch of girls?

“Spin the Bottle?” Chop grinned, shooting a wink at Izzy.

“If you want to snog your girlfriend, no one’s stopping you,” Chloe grumbled, crossing her arms.

“What about a game?” Rae piped up from the stereo, pointing at the consoles and cases lined up on a table under the television. With that, Archie sat up from his bored slump. She went back to looking through Finn’s library of music as the others agreed and went about picking out a game. Finn kept a curious eye on her as she scrolled, watching her face change with each new artist. He saw her go back and forth between a couple options before clicking a song quickly and standing, turning back to the gang. The opening notes of her choice played and a fluttering started in his gut when she levelled a mischievous smile at him.

I can’t stand it! I know you planned it

“Nice one, Rae,” Archie praised, shooting Finn an amused grin. His lips quirked in return, trying desperately not to meet Rae’s gaze.

“Ta muchly, Archibald,” she chirped, her wide grin becoming impish, “S’not bad for mainstream.”

Finn felt his face burning at her nonchalant retort, but he repressed his embarrassment, turning the TV on and lowering the stereo volume slightly.

“What’re we playing, then?”

***

Finn didn’t have many choices for multiplayer games but they took turns playing rounds in some button-mashing fighting game before settling down with Guitar Hero. Finn and Archie alternated guitar and bass, Chloe taking vocals with Chop dominating the drums before attempting to show Izzy how to play. Rae just watched, laughing with them over Izzy flailing the sticks around trying to hit the colors in time and Chloe fumbling the lyrics. When they’d decided to do one more song, Chloe handed the mic to Rae.

“Here, babe, you give it a go,” she said, waving off Rae’s protesting as she went for the loo. Rae held the mic tightly as Archie scrolled through the song list.

“Any requests?” he asked Rae, smiling gently as if to reassure her. She bit her lip and perused the list, her eyes alighting on something quickly.

“Love Spreads,” she said decidedly, loosening her grip on the mic a bit. Finn barely repressed a grin at her choice. Not only was it one of his favorite songs, but his best to play. He couldn’t help wanting to impress her, especially since she’d one-upped him all night.

He kept quiet as the loading screen appeared and Chop took his place back at the drum kit, shaking a finger at Izzy. Chloe returned and the song title flashed with the runway popping up. Finn tapped his fingers along the buttons quickly before the song began.

He revelled in Rae’s widened eyes in his periphery as he nailed every note of the intro, trying desperately to keep his face straight. He broke when she uttered a low, “Jesus, Finn,” before starting to sing along.

***

Rae hadn’t taken her eyes off him since they’d shut down the game and he’d brought out the rolling tray again. The others had gone into the kitchen to make more snacks and pick out bottles for a drinking game.

“Can you stop staring at me?” he glanced up at her with a frown, “Freaks me out.”

She shook her head as if to clear it and sent him an eye roll, her lips quirking a bit.

“I was only supervising. That joint you rolled earlier was a bit limp,” she teased. To his surprise, he felt a grin tugging at his lips and he looked up through his fringe to see her smirking cheekily.

“You can just smoke outta that lung killer if you’ve got a problem with my spliffs,” he returned, nodding at the bong she’d hit perfectly earlier. She half-shrugged, her eyes bright.

“Now, Nelson, I wouldn’t wanna step on your toes. I know you like to think you’ve got superior stoner knowledge.”

“Finally something we can agree on,” he countered, giving her a crooked grin as she laughed. Chop bounded back into the room, bottle of vodka in hand, the others trailing after him with snacks and mixers.

“Right, you lot. The game is simple. Sip your drink every time they sing Roxanne,” Chop said, pouring generous amounts into six cups.

“I thought you do shots, not sips?” Rae asked, her brow furrowing.

“We did last time. What a fucking mess,” Archie chimed in, shuddering at the thought.

“Vomit everywhere--” Chop started, Izzy cutting him off.

“Didn’t Barney get alcohol poisoning?” Rae and Chloe exchanged worried glances.

“Don’t think so. He’s so dramatic.”

“Our Finn made it longest! Two whole minutes,” Chop whooped, clapping Finn on the back.

“Two minutes?” Rae snickered, glancing at Finn with a withering look.

“D’ya even know how many times they say Roxanne, Rae? It’s in the sodding 20s.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s get started then.”

They all mixed their respective drinks, Chop going to the stereo to queue up the song. Rae leaned closer to Finn, a laugh already fluttering into his ear.

“Think you’ll last longer than two minutes this time?”

“Don’t you even worry about it, Rae-Rae. I can last all night,” he whispered back, enjoying her blush almost too much.

***

The game was a bit underwhelming with mixed drinks instead of shots but it served its purpose of giving a nice buzz while they settled down for a couple movies. It wasn’t long into the second one that Izzy passed out against Chop’s shoulder, Archie barely keeping conscious from his spot on the lounge. Around the fourth time Chloe and Rae yawned almost in unison, Finn shut the movie off, the gang splitting off to tuck in.

It was a few minutes after 2am and Finn was sat in his bed, his door cracked. He could hear his friends’ snoring from the other rooms and he turned up his music slightly. He’d just opened the window for a smoke when he heard his door creak open fully.

“Finn?”

He looked over to see Rae in his doorway, rubbing her eyes lightly with one hand, a cigarette pack in her other hand.

“What’re you doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Chop and Iz took your dad’s room, Archie took the lounge, and I was in the guest with Chlo but she keeps stealing the bloody covers,” she lamented, fiddling with the pack. She glanced at his open window and held it up.

“Fancy a spliff?”

***

“Where’s your crap reggae?” Rae teased, glancing at the entertainment center taking up half his opposite wall. Oasis drifted from the speakers, with Roll With It winding down. Finn nodded at the center with a devious grin, moving to get up and change it. She grabbed his arm to stop him with a comical, “Oh God no,” but let go almost instantly like she’d been burned. He felt a warm tingling where her fingers had wrapped around his bicep and he sat back with a shaky laugh.

The opening chords of Wonderwall filled the room as she took a rolled spliff from her pack, holding it out to him to light and hit.

“College starts soon. You excited?” Finn asked, handing her the joint back. She shrugged, dragging on it deeply. She remained silent as she let out a small cloud, watching the smoke disperse with a sigh. Finn cleared his throat, trying to think of something to say.

“It’s not so bad. Not much different from middle school,” Finn tried to reassure her but she scoffed at his words. He frowned and she smiled blithely as she tapped ashes off the spliff out the open window.

“I didn’t have the best school experience,” she explained, fiddling with a loose thread on his duvet. He nodded, not wanting to pry further and make her uncomfortable.

“You’ll have your mates though. Chlo and Iz’ll be in your classes. Arch will be there,” he paused, rubbing the back of his neck, before continuing, “...I’ll be there.” Rae grinned at his words.

“All my mates, huh?” she started, her grin turning mischievous, “Maybe I don’t wanna be your friend.”

***

“So it’s just you and your dad?”

Finn nodded, glancing from the ceiling at Rae next to him. They’d been talking the better part of an hour, quickly jumping from school to music to the gang and now to their families. Rae yawned for what seemed like the millionth time and Finn closed his eyes briefly, just listening to their deep breaths for a moment.

“Mum left when I was five,” he offered, almost unconsciously, and when Rae stiffened next to him, his eyes shot open and went to her. She smiled emphatically.

“My dad left as well,” she said quietly, keeping his gaze for only a second before returning to the ceiling.

“Maybe we have more in common than I thought,” he whispered lightly, chuckling when she swatted his chest.

“Doubt it,” she goaded, scrunching her nose at him. He scrunched his back with a tired smile, closing his eyes again. His breathing had just started to deepen when Rae nudged him.

“Finn?” she whispered softly. He murmured an affirmation, fighting sleep tooth and nail.

“Are we alright?”

He turned to her, opening his eyes to meet hers curiously.

“Yea, ‘course we are,” he responded quietly. She bit her lip, nodding a little.

“We’re mates, right?” he continued, before he could think about it. Her eyes widened a bit and she smiled.

“Yea,” she closed her eyes, smile still in place, “‘Course we are.”

***

Finn woke up what seemed like minutes later, his mouth like cotton and his eyes bleary. He blinked in the sunlight pouring in and was about to sit up and close the curtains when his eyes dropped to the girl beside him.

Rae was still sound asleep, her eyelids fluttering lightly. He watched her sleep, musing that maybe she wasn’t so bad after all. Though the night began like any other, with their snarky comments and annoyed looks and silence between them, it had inexplicably gotten better as it went on. He had to admit she knew her music--not as well as he did, mind--and she was funny as fuck, despite his attempts to ignore her loud jokes with Chopper and Arch. She smoked like a pro, which he couldn’t help but find attractive. Seeing the smoke pour from between her lips was easily one of the most erotic things he’d ever experienced.

He gingerly crawled across the bed and closed the curtains, before making his way back to Rae. He slid back next to her, laying on his side facing her.

He couldn’t deny she was beautiful. Her hair was a deep inky black, long and glossy. It was splayed across his pillow, gorgeous even in its disarray. Her eyes, though closed now, were so expressive, a darkened brown that cut sharply in annoyance, but also widened and shined with humor. He remembered her eyes hardened and glazed when they talked about college but how they’d softened when he’d said they were friends. Her nose was small and pert, almost as expressive as her eyes in the way it would wrinkle and scrunch when she laughed and teased and argued. And her mouth...full pink lips that smiled widely in mirth but pursed in irritation, formed perfect smoke rings and quite frankly, were slowly driving him mad.

His quiet observation of her was interrupted by her deep breath, her eyes blinking open. He smiled as she stifled a yawn and rubbed her eyes, moaning lightly.

“Hiya, sunshine,” he remarked, chuckling at the grimace she shot him. She nudged his leg with her foot and yawned again, only giving him a wave.

“What’s the time?” she whispered, stretching her legs straight before getting more comfortable. Finn glanced at his watch, trying to ignore the closeness of their legs.

“It’s half 9,” he whispered back. He bit his lip as she smirked and burrowed deeper into the covers, moving slightly closer to him in the process.

“Too early to get up,” she murmured, eyes locked on his. They stared at each other in companionable silence before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her brow furrowed and her lips quirked.

“You smell good,” she commented, her eyes still closed. Finn felt his face reddening and he swallowed hard.

“Yea? What do I smell like?” he inquired, a bit breathlessly. Her eyes opened before she answered.

“Like weed,” she declared, smirking at his answering laugh before looking over his face, her eyes drawn to his mouth then meeting his again, “and...dark intentions.”

Finn felt a hot desire twisting in his gut and he leaned closer, trying to keep his cool.

“Wow. That’s deep as fuck,” he teased, grinning as she laughed, her cheeks turning a light pink.

“Dickhead,” she replied, coming ever closer. She bit her lip and his eyes fell to it, his heart skipping a beat.

“You’re the dickhead,” he retorted, moving his face towards hers slowly. He could feel her stuttered breath on his face as he moved to close the distance between them. Their lips were just close enough to brush faintly.

She jumped from him abruptly as sounds from outside the room reached them and Chop came barrelling through the almost closed door.

“Have you seen Rae, mate, she wasn’t with Chlo in--oh,” Chop stopped himself, before grinning widely, “Don’t let me interrupt, kids!” He went to leave the room again and Finn sat up, throwing the covers off of them to reveal their clothed bodies. Chop almost looked disappointed.

“Didn’t you learn how to knock, Peters?” Finn snapped, giving Rae an apologetic frown. She shrugged, her face turning a light pink. She got up and quickly went past Chop out of the room, her voice joining the others’ out in the hall. Finn stood and threw a punch to Chop’s arm that he dodged deftly with a knowing grin.

“Had a good night then?” Chop asked, feigning innocence. Finn levelled a glare at him as they left the room.

“Fuck off, Chopper.”

***

When Chop and Finn joined the others downstairs, Archie was holding a large trash bag open while Chloe and Izzy threw in empty bottles and pizza boxes. Rae was bent over the stereo, scrolling through the library with a joint hanging between her pouted lips.

Finn crept behind her, admiring the curve of her arse for a moment before shifting to her side. He bent to her level and got as close to her ear as he dared.

“I got a request,” he spoke quietly, barely stifling a laugh when she jumped, her hand going to her chest.

“Prick,” she grumbled around the joint, smoke lingering between their faces. He simply grinned, nudging her with his shoulder. She moved a step, dragging on the spliff as she watched his fingers tap through to Primal Scream and further to Movin’ On Up. Finn chanced a glance at her when the guitar began. A smile played on her lips, tinged with surprise.

“There’s hope for you yet, Finley,” she said breezily. She held the spliff out as she stood up fully, still smiling. He took it, placing it between his smirking lips. He kept his eyes on hers as he hit it, feeling his feet moving him closer to her. She came a half a step closer to him, her gaze flicking over him quickly. She watched as he exhaled and he tried not to lose his cool under her scrutiny. Her eyes fell to his throat and she bit her lip as he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

“Rae, we’re heading out, are you coming?” Chloe appeared to their side, looking between them with raised brows. Finn cleared his throat, glancing to Chloe before looking to the floor, feigning interest in the carpet. Rae stifled an annoyed sigh, telling her she’d be just a minute and to go on to the car. Finn met her eyes when Chloe walked off, chirping a goodbye.

“Soz, I should probably go,” she said reluctantly, already starting to turn away. Finn rushed to speak.

“I’ll give you a ring later this week, yeah?” he stated more than asked, instantly regretting his haste when she gave him a confused smile.

“Why?” she queried, shuffling her feet a bit. He grinned as reassuringly as possible.

“Because I’ve got some crap reggae to show ya,” he laughed, his face practically splitting when she rolled her eyes. He looked her over as her smile became firmer and braced himself for his next words.

“Plus...I like talking to you,” he began, moving the remaining distance to be right in front of her. “I don’t like talking to anyone,” he finished in a conspiratorial whisper. Their hands brushed from where they hung close and he felt more than saw a shiver run through her.

“Yeah, alright,” she said, barely meeting his eyes but smiling. She seemed to take a deep breath before holding her arms out for a goodbye hug.

“It’s a date,” he burst out, before leaning into her and kissing her cheek. She practically froze in front of him but recovered quickly, breathing out a laugh.

“Laters, Finn,” she said gently, her cheeks turning a deep red. He nodded, waving slightly as she walked away and out the door. His hand met his forehead in a smack and he shook his head at his dumb luck.

“I can’t believe that worked out,” Chop marveled, barking a laugh. Archie exchanged a grin with him and clapped Finn on the shoulder.

“Ol’ Finny’s in love,” he cooed, pursing his lips into a smooch. 

But Finn’s smile didn’t waver for a second.

[thankyousfg8b]

For Steeeve <3

Ohai Steeeve!

First things first, did you remember to turn the naughty filter on? ...You didn't?! Don't worry, it doesn't mean you're useless, tired or thick (you're honestly not!). I'll do it, boss!

Okay... I'm not really sure what to write here. Other than "thank you." Thank you once again for giving not just me, but I'm sure everyone else will agree, our happy place. Who'd have thought some genuinely lovely human (and occasional prick) from good ol' Miltykeens, being silly playing his games would bring us all together and we'd still be here nearly three years later, eh?!

I'm feeling really sad that you're not going to be around as much doing your thing again for a bit and that's okay.. right? You're doing the right thing for yourself and your loved ones and that's the most important thing. September will be here before we know it and I'll have your birthday website ready again!

Thank you for still trusting me enough to be #bestmod two years later. It's still my favourite thing that I get to do. Thank you for being my favourite human, friend and keeping me company at every stream.

OH GOD. What's this??!.. Emma's just requested more ASMR, hasn't she?! Get !elmo ready!!!! #shambles

Thank you for speaking up about your own wobbles and tough times over the last couple of months. It encouraged me to be more open with mine too. You’re never alone and it’s okay to not be okay sometimes, innit! (it’s not, but y'know what I mean?)

You da best, and we all love you very, very much. Look after yourself and the entire McNeil clan. Us Steeblings, including me (with any mini wobbles), will be okay. I promise.

It's not goodbye, it's be right back... Right? Just an extended break timer with some of Haimnh's highlight videos (aided by KB, bestest angry worm) while you've gone for a piss or more whiskey!

Things are tough, but the happiest thing I can think of right now is how much I'm looking forward to (hopefully) seeing you knocking on the window to make me giggle my head off while you're outside doing your naughty habit at a meetup again soon.

!discord

!book

!dvd

!gigs (FUCK'S SAKE, PLEEBS!)

The last thing I said to you in Leicester was "see you soon." So, let's stick with that.

See you soon, GodMod. You da best. Always here for you. GGG.

All my love and #BestTimes. 

Your little pal, all-round soppy git and bestest mod,

- Mskie (do I even need to put “Katie” anymore?!)

xxxx

P.S. Songtimes?! Asking for me and Ems. Oh, and I'm making a promise right now to have your !book finished by the time you're back properly!

P.P.S. We need a Mario Kart rematch soon! You were too good at SteveCon.

!addcom !brb (thanks, Nighbutt!!)

*closes tab*

[dangpankoozie]

My thoughts on 7x19 and the promo

1. Aria…what is with the bad lying fml 2. Lucy literally just KILLED that scene with Dunhill omg (I love Lucy so much) 3. "glad you agree" gave me chills fml 4. Listen Spencer I literally give 0 shits about your Mary drama people are dying 5. Why would the daughter of a politician and the daughter of a real estate company owner need money? It's not money that's in the Lost Woods for Spencer to find is it (calling IT!) 6. How much can a ratty haunted motel cost anyway 7. Gas leak? Why? What's the point of trying to kill them? What do they have against bilaurentis? 8. …….it's just a dream sequence….the most hyped up scene is a goddamn dream sequence (good job, Mar!) 9. Emma Thorwald? Who dat? 10. Both fell asleep while watching the game,,,,disappointed but not surprised 11. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. THAT'S ALL OF THE NAT WE'RE GETTING? 12. "How did we both fall asleep" idk you tell me Alison lmao   13. DON'T IMMORTALIZE SPALEB LIKE THAT SPENCER WTF 14. Kind of digging this spaleb bromance,,,, kind of not 15. Caleb and Ezra? What 16. Kind of creepy if you realise Ezra used to teach at the school Caleb went to (and now they're bromancing!?) 17. But who cares that Ezra used to be a creepy stalker-teacher who exploited little girls right (love is love, innit?) 18. Side note: IAN PORTRAYS EZRA SO WELL AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 19. The way Ezra literally pounced? On Aria? Wtf? #shady stalker-teacher right there 20. Ezra and the "body in my trunk "moment was much needed comic relief 21. That frozen …oh tf expression IS LITERALLY ME 22. Sudden appearance of the Two Crows Diner is…sudden 23. "did he go back to the car?" yes Spencer in his invisibility cloak,,,clearly he is in the car 24. Why do Caleb and Mona have a chemistry that just…is good? It's natural but WHY 25. FIRST IT'S THE COFFEE, THEN IT'S THE PIE, THEY'RE HANNA'S #PARENTS CONFIRMED! 26. "we swim around in this fishbowl like we're in control,,, we are NOT" killed me. This is the line that made me like this episode. Janel Parrish deserves so much more than this show has given her 27. Hanna and Caleb: bickering 28. Me: oh my GOD! Who. THE HELL. CARES? 29. Mona is Houdini #confirmed 30. AD sending messages like that. THIS IS THE AD IM INTERESTED IN not the one that used emojis for the lols 31. Alison apologizing to Aria signals character development and I AM HERE FOR IT   32. The petals falling on Hanna….i literally died 33. Can we just. All take a moment. To thank our lord and saviour for giving us that amazing scene between Charlotte and Mona. Just. OH MY GOD. This is the quality acting that used to prevail on PLL. THIS IS WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. THANK YOU VANESSA RAY AND JANEL PARRISH. I didn't even have any words. HOLY HELL. I LOVE THIS. 34. THIS IS HOW YOU DO A REVEAL, PEOPLE! 35. But what I don't get is this: if Charlotte just wanted to fool everybody so she could play the game again, what was the point of revealing herself in 6X10 in the first place? 36. Mona killed Charlotte so that her friends won't get hurt again 37. Said friends continue to exclude and hurt Mona 38. #give mona better friends 39. Spencer and Hanna taking such good care of Mona is my aesthetic 40. Wait…..so there is literally no significance in the result of that puzzle? It's not a mask, or a grave, or a map or an ultrasound or anything? It's just a stock image? Good job, PLL! 41. Aria being wise but also being too late is literally me 42. THAT MOMENT WHEN THEY JUST WALKED OUT OF THERE AND BUSTED THEM WAS AMAZING. LINDA TANNER IS THE SAVIOUR THAT THE ROSEWOOD PD NEEDS BUT CANNOT HAVE 43. Okay so Mary Drake taking the fall for them is literal PROOF that she gave Alison and Spencer the Lost Woods not for the money but because there is something important inside 44. So Archer Dunhill was just a con man? That's it? I don't like this irrelevance 45. Why was he British then? What's the point of riling Wren theorists up like that? 46. Mary doing the shush…I still don't trust her. 47. Alison finding out who killed her mom through a live interrogation. Why do they hate her so much? And how did Spencer conveniently forget to tell her friend who killed her mom? 48. You guys I really love how empathizing Spencer, #1 Anti-Mona Stan is being right now. She knows how it's like to be pushed over the edge and to need help. I really like this. This is so heartwarming and beautiful. 49. Why the hell is Toby not here? Why are they making him so shady suddenly? What is the Purpose? 50. I thought Wren was going to be in more episodes? Where is he? I think he filmed scenes but they didn't make the final cut; probably because he was too shady and they revealed too much (hopefully) 51. Okay I honestly think that hyping up the blunt weapon was such a clever move. They made us get so worked up over it and threw hints everywhere but then they SIKED us in the BEST possible way. I LOVED that little tidbit of detail, how the evidence was right there. It's just such clever writing, something this show hasn't exhibited in such a long time. 52. MOST IMPORTANT: WHERE. IS. JASON. The writers haven't said shit about Drew coming back YET they SAT DREW DOWN and told him the whole story before the others knew. Is it because they wanted him to empathize with AD and portray him better (yes please!) I did hear he would be coming back for 7B? But he's not here? And Drew himself didn't really say much about it? Shady shit. 53. I mean, Jason literally did get the worst life out of every character in the series, and he got the least help for his problems. So honestly, it makes sense if all of that pent-up anger results in AD. And he's out of the country all the time, but he still is always in New York when Alison wants to meet him? 54. Ezra being plenty shady too. Writing another book? DYING? Hopefully lmao 55. So Lucas' relevance to this story is over? Arcturus was his big reveal? Why? And what's the explanation for sharing that look with Aria? 56. Mona saved this show you guys. THEY BETTER TREAT HER RIGHT AND NOT KILL HER OFF NEXT WEEK ISTG. 57. Yup! Just leave the game game there why don't you? Best decision ever! 58. A riding into the sunset like that was very LOL and very why?? At the same time   59. THAT PROMO? KILLED ME. 60. Snowglobes? snOWGlobES? TOBY AND JENNA! RELEVANCE! YES! 61. Lmao see I TOLD YOU Mary was shady. Attacking (? I think) her daughter like that lmao 62. Melissa's scene is probably a flashback. The mood of that snippet is different and she's smiling and was that a horse (?) and the filter is less stark than the rest of the snippets in the promo 63. Addison? And Jenna? ?????? 64. Listen listen listen if they make a spin-off starring Addison as Alison II and her minions LITERALLY NO ONE WILL WATCH IT so just don't waste your money Freeform 65. "I cant marry ezra" hate to say I told you so but I told you so 66. "I can't marry ezra" LITERALLY WHAT WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU SINCE SEASON 1 EPISODE 1   67. OMG what if halfway through the Ezria wedding Aria realizes she didn't forgive Ezra for the book and she pulls out halfway which is when AD swoops in and steals the show ??? #yes 68. WREN. WITH A GUN. GUN. IN WREN'S HANDS. WREN HOLDING GUN. GUN HELD BY WREN. I really think Ezra is going to die yallz 69. Don't think they're going to make Wren AD anymore though, if he's in the promo like that. Still rooting for him, but probably not. 70. Okay what if Ezra wrote another book and kept it shush from Aria and AD got hold of it, and saw that Ezra actually got something right in his life for once, and hence sent Wren (assuming AD is Adynamic Duo/team) to shoot him!! BUT NOT BEFORE they sent the liars a draft because the #truth is important and hence making Aria stop short of the worst life decision she ever made lmao

Best episode in a long time but that's because of Janel Parrish, Ian Harding and Vanessa Ray. Lucy Hale did good too. But Janel Parrish stole this episode. LOVE HER SO MUCH. If she does anything after PLL I will 100% watch it      

[ellenembee]

The Revelation of All Things - 26. In which tugging tangled hurt leads to philosophical discussions

Read the full fic here on AO3.

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Warning: Because I want to be as considerate as possible, super vague reference to dubious consent near the beginning of the chapter (just under the cut).

Cole sat in the corner and listened. Once most of the injured from Haven had passed on or recovered, he'd found the upper floors of the tavern a good place to find the hurt. As people drank, their brains loosened the tight hold on hurt and let it sing louder. He could find it better, though the helping became harder if the person drank too much.

He also wanted to be closer to Sera. She reeled in such circles, he thought he might never be able to catch hold and find a way to help, but being near her, he could see through the spinning hurt more clearly. Sometimes, she wanted to rip out the pain like she might an arrow festering in her flesh. Other times, she hugged it tight, shoving each cookie-shaped shard of pain deeper inside in an attempt to fill the emptiness. She made little sense to him. But few people made sense to him outside of the hurting and helping. He thought he might be able to help if she would trust in someone.

Along with Sera, the Iron Bull often sat downstairs nursing a drink, using loud laughter to cover up that he drank far less than anyone suspected. His mind presented a unique puzzle for Cole - bright flashes of memories that should cause hurt... would cause hurt if they'd happened to others. But a dark filter dulled the flashes, refused to allow the hurt to hurt. It should be good, but the gauze covering the brilliancy of memory was not of his own making. That made it bad. Cole couldn't understand it any better than that.

There in the tavern, he hovered on the fringes of a thousand thoughts. He heard the hurt call out like pin pricks in his ears, light touching the mind, fingers pinching at his skin, threads of memories wafting and waiting to be caught, pulled, untangled.

The door opened downstairs, and he sensed her - or rather the anchor - as she entered the tavern. Murmurs of respectful greeting followed her as she crossed through the tavern to the Iron Bull. 

Eyes and thoughts also followed her, most honored, awed, but a few, bitter like gall, rose up to sully Cole's mind - savage, slave, knife-ear, bet I could make the little rabbit scream if I bent her over-

Cole cut off the thoughts to listen to her conversation with the Iron Bull. He mentioned drinking to dragons the following evening, unadulterated excitement and a bright flash of hacking, bloody joy bubbling through the hazy filter. She laughed. Cole liked her laugh - light and airy clouds, soft pillows of melody. She started up the steps.

He watched her walk around to Sera's door. The Inquisitor's hurt usually hid behind the brightness of the anchor, but today, he could hear her clearly. Unsure. Scared of what it could mean. Hopeful. Have to stop thinking of him. Need a distraction. From his perch, he heard Sera speaking a part of her hurt out loud.

"So, Inquisitor. It is Inquisitor, now, right? Remember that war we talked about stopping? Full of little baddies I can stick with little arrows? That's not a friggin' Archdemon, is it? Andraste, what'd I step in?"

"Andraste? Let me know what she says. I could use some clarification myself."

"It's swearing, not praying!" Sera exclaimed before adding in a small voice, "She doesn't answer. Not like she's supposed to." Cold. Quiet. Too quiet. Death... can't think about it. "I know what happened to you, or what everyone here thinks happened. It seems... I don't know what it seems." Scary magic. Demons ... could she become an abomination?

"The ancient thing trying to kill us seems pretty real."

"Don't get me started! Oh... wait. Too late, right? A magister who cracked the 'Black City'? It's a hazy dream, right? I mean, if it's real real, then the seat of the Maker? Real thing. A seat needs a butt, so the Maker? Real thing. Fairy stories about the start and end of the world? Real things. It's too far, innit?" What is real?

Evana's face screwed up into a perturbed moue. "You joined to help the 'little people' caught up in this. But do you believe... or not?"

"In Andraste? Of course!"

"But you doubt what you're seeing and hearing?"

"It can't be true true. Even fanatics don't want to be this right. Look, I have arrows. I can make this Coryphellus believe in those. Good enough?" Sera lowered her voice as if talking to herself. "Please be good enough."

"But... you like to have fun. The Inquisition seems like an odd fit. Why are you really here?"

"What do you mean?" Does she see through me? "To help people."

"It's just starting to sound like you're looking for something more."

"More? Pfffttt..." I'm transparent, like glass. She sees inside. "Okay, fine. There's talk, and... I want to see."

"See what?"

"I don't know! I just... I've got all this Chantry stuff in my head, and it makes sense, right? But it's... fuzzy. I want to see if it's all really real. I just don't know if I want to really know. So, I'm selfish. It's all for me. Count yourself lucky, I guess."

"It's OK to doubt, Sera. I... I don't even know what I believe anymore, so how would I know? Is there a Maker? Were the ancient Elven gods really gods, or were they mortal beings that we lesser creatures just came to worship? What does it even matter in the end, right? We're here. What's done is done."

Yes. That. Keep wading in that. "Now you're making sense! What I want is to get everything back to business as usual. A nice, simple system with simple problems. Helps me. Helps people. Helps you. In that order. For now."

"You're starting to not sound completely crazy."

"I know? Scary, innit? So bring 'em on. But first, food. I'm starving."

Cole watched Sera take the Inquisitor's hand and lead her downstairs for supper while plaintive thoughts swirled around her in flurried snowflakes. Sera is stronger than she looks. We need strength. Don't think of strong hands. Don't think of dying. Don't think of him...

She thought of the Commander while he thought of her. Cole furrowed his brow, uncomprehending. They could speak, but they didn't. Fear, confusion, self-denial choking back words that could mend the deep fissures of their minds. The Commander's thoughts were not so harsh as the other templars - his song softer, gentler - but old hurts clung to him like the wounds healed and reopened time and again by his demon torturers. Where the demons left off, he took up ripping himself open to pour in anger and pain. However, as time marched onward, and despite the twisted lyrium lady's picking, the wounds healed. Only hideous scars now remained, eating at his sleep, eroding his confidence in his worthiness, the new him shamed by the him from before. Now, without the silver song to seep forgetfulness between the memories, the nightmares came and tormented him. Afraid to fail her again. Death... dying... abomination... Afraid to lose her. Afraid the song will be too much. It whispers all the time now, even on good days. But she's coolness in heat. Water to slake the deepest thirst. Maker, I want her so badly.

"I should tell her. Untangle fear with wanted words." Cole whispered himself down to where the Inquisitor sat. "Hello."

"Oh! Cole, you scared me. What are you up to tonight?"

Cole trained ice blue eyes on violet blue. "He's afraid, too, but he wants it anyway. Dorian helped him see."

Sera screwed her face up, stuck her tongue out at Cole and then turned to the Inquisitor. "Um... what's it talking about?"

The Inquisitor turned red. "N-nothing. Cole, can we speak of this later, just the two of us?"

"Did I help?"

"I... well... yes, actually. But it's not something we should discuss just now. OK?"

Cole smiled and nodded. The tumult of her mind quieted. He'd helped.

"Do you want to sit with us, Cole?" she asked.

"Yes. I'd like to sit."

Cole sat down and looked directly at Sera. Sera groaned. No no no no!

"Why'd you let it sit with us?"

Embarrassment cut through the brightness. "Sera!"

"You don't have to be afraid, Sera," Cole tried to assure her. "I won't hurt you."

"Go away, weirdo."

"I won't stab you when you are looking somewhere else. I won't do that to your boots. Or that other thing to your arrows. I don't understand what that last thing is, but I won't do it either."

Sera turned to the Inquisitor, accusation in her head and on her face. "Why does it keep talking at me? You did this. Why doesn't it talk to you?"

"I thought the party wasn't until tomorrow," came a fourth voice. "Don't you know that no party is complete without me?"

Dorian took another chair and sat down next to Cole.

"Shite! I'm surrounded by demons and magic-y folk." Sera rounded on Cole. "And could you at least not stare past my eyes? Creepy that."

"But you aren't your eyes. You live behind them."

Sera made a face. "See...? That right there, creepy! I'm out, Inky. You're on your own with this lot."

Sera grabbed her food and ran away to hide from fear. Cole would have to find another way to help her. Later. Right now Dorian's hurt drew his attention, bright and shining and tangled.

"Dorian, you said I could ask you questions."

Dorian sighed. "It's true. I did say that. But give me a moment. I need to get a chessboard so the Inquisitor can practice."

Dorian came back shortly with a board and set it up for a game. They started off, and within a few minutes Dorian took four pieces from the Inquisitor. Cole didn't know the rules, so he watched the pieces move as hurt flowed in and around him, tethered to this person or that. No one said anything. Once Cole figured out the game, however, he began giving the frustrated Inquisitor pointers.

"You should put the pretty black horse there."

Dorian made a noise of disbelief. "Are you helping her from what you can see in my mind?"

"No, I see other things in your mind." Cole turned to the man, picking up one thread out of the tangled mess of his hurt. "Why are you so angry at your father? He wants to help and you know he does, but--"

"I see you didn't forget after all." Dorian sighed. "I'm not certain I can explain it to you."

"You love him, but you're angry. They mix together, boiling in the belly until it kneads into a knot."

"Sometimes... sometimes love isn't enough, Cole."

"Enough what? Please explain, Dorian."

Dorian sighed again as he moved another piece on the board. "I was rather hoping I had."

Cole saw the pain, and he spoke it, trying to pull it out and make it hurt less. "His face in the stands, watching as I pass the test. So proud there's tears in his eyes. Anything to make him happy. Anything. Why isn't that true anymore?"

"Cole, this... is not the sort of discussion to have in a tavern. Please drop it."

Distress welled up inside Cole. "I'm hurting you. Words winding, wanting, wounding. You said I could ask."

Dorian finally turned his attention from the board and looked at Cole. "I know I did. The things you ask are just... very personal."

"But it hurts you. I want to help, but it's all tangled with the love. I can't tug it loose without tearing it. You hold him so tightly. You let it keep hurting, because you think hurting is who you are. Why would you do that?"

Dorian looked at the Inquisitor. "Can you tell him to stop? Banish him back to the Fade or something!"

The Inquisitor smiled softly. A soothing smile. Cole wished she would always smile like that.

"Cole wants to help you," she countered. "Maybe you should let him."

Dorian sighed a third time, more heavily than before if possible. "Marvelous! Everyone's so helpful! Have you let him help you?"

Embarrassment again. Cole felt a little uncomfortable for some reason. He turned to Dorian and nodded.

"I told her about the Commander."

Dorian perked up immediately. "Oh? And what did you say about the Commander?"

The Inquisitor cut in. "Dorian, it's not appropriate..." "You just got a glimpse of my life that I didn't necessarily want to share. Turnabout is fair play."

The Inquisitor pressed her lips into a taut line, then nodded, face reddening further. "Cole simply said that the Commander was ... afraid... but he wanted it, too. And that you were the one to help him see."

Dorian cackled and smacked his leg, a joyful expression on his face. Cole liked the change from his previous sour mood. Perhaps Dorian liked to help, too, in his own way?

"Oh, did he now? It's good to know all that chess playing wasn't in vain. He is quite a formidable opponent, though. I believe we're tied on wins now."

She smiled, but turned to Cole. "Do you understand why it wasn't appropriate to say those things out loud, especially around other people, Cole?" Confusion clouded the words. Both their minds were more at ease since he'd shared the Commander's thoughts, but the Inquisitor told him it was bad.

"But I helped you both."

"But... when you do that, you rob people of the ability to say such things themselves. If Cullen were to say that to me now, it would have less impact because I already knew it. It would lessen a moment between us. Does that make more sense?"

"So..." Cole began slowly, "you'd rather hear the words from the person they belong to?"

"Yes. Most of the time. Unless that person has absolutely no intention of saying anything... but even then." She sighed, trying to shuffle thoughts around to make a picture for him. "You see, there's something that shifts in a person when they decide a thought should be shared, spoken out loud, with another person. It's significant. We all have a lot of thoughts that we'd never want shared because they are just thoughts we'd never dream of putting into action. But when I'm struggling with something, I have a choice to speak or not. When you speak our thoughts for us, it takes our choice away from us. It can be a good thing, but other times... I don't know. Dorian, you just had your relationship with your father laid before me. What are your thoughts?"

Dorian had been silent through the Inquisitor's speech, but his mind roiled. Pain and relief... darkness and light... Is the knowing better than the not knowing? Doubt pushed in and muddled already muddy thoughts.

"I think you're right if the relationship is between two people who are likely to find their way eventually. For people who have no intention of reconciling - or are separated by great distances - I think Cole's gift could give some comfort at the very least and might even lead to a better outcome for both parties. Even though I'd rather not discuss these things in public, I wouldn't necessarily mind discussing them privately."

Cole nodded, catching a glimmer of understanding from the Inquisitor's words. Evana. His friend. A strange shift rippled through him, and the idea took on weight, solidifying a small piece of the circling, nebulous, ever-changing world inside his head. A thought... his own thought. One with such weight now as he thought he might be able to hold on to it, place it on a shelf where he could come back to look at it. He turned to Evana with questioning tone.

"So... you're saying I shouldn't tell the Commander how often you think of his hands - large, warm, strong - touching your body?"

Evana instantly became distressed. "No, Cole! Do NOT tell him that! Creators! I... I thought you couldn't read me like the others?"

"If your hurt is bright enough, it shines louder," Cole explained. "And you think that a lot."

Tears streamed down Dorian's face from his laughter. "Oh, you are more than hopeless..." He stopped laughing, wiped his eyes and gave her a lecherous look. "They are very nice hands, though. Big and strong... and you know what they say about a man with big hands? I can tell you, anecdotally, it's true."

"Oh, shut it, Dorian," she said without much bite as she swatted at him playfully, her cheeks flaming. "Or I'll tell Cole to ask you more questions about your father."

Dorian quickly quieted down. "As you wish."

A random chuckle burst from Dorian here and there, but overall, the mage remained silent. They turned back to the game and continued to play until it was apparent to both of them that she would lose... again.

Evana's mind filled with a conversation. Subterfuge. Can I lie to him? No. Upfront is better - can't bear to destroy the tentative trust. I won't trick him.

Yes. That could help. Cole stayed silent and let her speak it, though.

"Dorian, not to turn things so serious yet again, but speaking of your father... I had a conversation with Mother Giselle right before I came here. There's a letter you need to see."

"And this letter is from-?"

"From your father, yes."

Dorian leaned back in his chair, the game forgotten. Threads shuffled and shifted, pulling tighter in places, loosening in others. Father. The word stifles and scrapes at me. Can I bear to see even just his written word?

"And what does Magister Halward want, pray tell?"

"A meeting."

Dorian reached forward, his finger beckoning. "Show me the letter."

Evana reached into her pocket and pulled out the parchment, afraid of wicked wounds reopened. Trepidation coating his nerves like icy armor, Dorian grabbed the letter from her hands and read it, snorting as he reached the end.

"'I know my son'? What my father knows of me would barely fill a thimble." He threw the letter on the chessboard, scattering a few pieces. "This is so typical. I'm willing to bet this 'retainer' is a henchman hired to knock me over the head and drag me back to Tevinter."

Evana looked sympathetic, but the fear remained. "Or it could be the Venatori. Lure us somewhere remote, then ambush us."

Dorian tilted his head in acknowledgement. "Perhaps... although this does look like my father's penmanship. Or... could he have joined the Venatori? No... that can't... well, I suppose anything is possible."

He leaned forward, frustration etching his bones as it twisted the lines of his face. "I assume you've told me all this because you want me to go?"

Evana shrugged. "I think it might be good to see what's really going on. But I'll do whatever you choose."

Dorian gave a curt nod. "Alright, let's go. Let's meet this so-called 'family retainer.' If it's a trap, we escape and kill everyone! You're good at that. If it's not, I send the man back to my father with the message that he can stick his 'alarm' in his 'wit's end.'"

Relief flooded through her, carrying her mood higher. "OK! We'll leave before dawn the day after tomorrow, ride hard, talk with the retainer - or kill everyone, as you say - and then be back before anyone really notices we're gone. We can prepare for the Western Approach once we return to Skyhold."

"Hmmmm... that means we'll have to watch ourselves at the party tomorrow night... just like my father to ruin everything. I wonder how much he paid this retainer to wait around in case I showed? I guess we'll find out soon enough."

Evana laughed and then took a sobering breath. She gestured to the parchment on the table.

"Do you want to keep the letter?"

Dorian looked at it, his insides hot and stifled like a too tight collar. Reading words - do they give more hope or more pain? Finally, he grabbed the letter, stuffed it in his pocket and then looked back to the board.

"I take it the game is finished?"

"I would have lost anyway, and I've got to get some work done tonight. We have more nobles to meet with tomorrow." She grimaced, her insides folding in on themselves at the whispered slights she feared behind every cupped hand to rounded ear. "It almost has me convinced to meet with Madame de Fer, though I abhor her politicking. She could easily help Josephine with all these fat heads."

Dorian snorted. "Tell us how you really feel, darling."

"She's loyal to the Circles, you know? I mean the ones that treat mages like prisoners."

Dorian echoed Evana's grimace. "Well, everyone has problems, right? If she's a strong mage, use her to help the cause. You don't have to like her for her to be an asset. Like Blackwall."

"I don't dislike Blackwall," Evana huffed. "I just don't understand him. He reacts opposite of how I think he will every single time I speak with him."

"Which is why you don't speak with him?"

She shrugged, the discomfiting memory of one or two stilted conversations outside Haven rising up to fill her thoughts. So abrupt. Left is right. Up is down. Intent of words mangled by misunderstanding.

"He doesn't seem to like my conversation anyway. He and Cassandra - and he and Sera for that matter - get along well enough. I can't be best friends with everyone."

"I should hope not!" Dorian exclaimed. "It's much more gratifying to be one of a select few of the Inquisitor's 'close, personal friends.'" They shared a smirk, and she rolled her eyes playfully. After a moment, Dorian added, "But to get back to the point, can you really afford to refuse help, no matter where it comes from?" Like the help you took from this evil 'Vint.

"I suppose you're right," she muttered grudgingly, her mind also touching on the whispered words. Knife-ear. Rabbit. Vint. Misfits, all of us. "I'll think on it."

They stood from the table, heavy thoughts in their minds. But the hurt shone less brightly than before, and both of them seemed satisfied with the way things ended for now. Sometimes the deep hurts took time to untangle. And Cole was nothing if not patient.

He whispered away, the other two having forgot his presence completely. He felt another, stronger pull, now. The Commander's hurt shone bright like a beacon in the night. Cole needed to find a way to help him, too. That would be harder now that he couldn't talk about her.