#oh god okay i gotta stop trying to fuck with the tit electrode

[dredshirtroberts]

well the tape has not gotten any easier to deal with but at least i'm starting to accept my fate continuing for the next 26 hours. the amount of joy and satisfaction that's going to come from taking this shit off is going to be so big i'd have had to record it in my heartbeat diary if i still had the thing on.

sleeping was... interesting. Thankfully i normally sleep with wired headphones in so i'm used to being attached to a device for at least part of my sleep cycle. That said, sleeping was still a nightmare. When i *was* able to really get some good snorks and mimimis in, i was having nightmares or having my brain jumpscare me awake for No Reason I Can Tell. Like the falling sensation but like. without the falling sensation, just suddenly "Wah! i'm awake!" which, y'know. fun.

i'm also like. struggling with the Awareness factor. it's that "am i feeling my heart doing something or am I just Aware I Have A Heartbeat" sort of deal. Which like. I know is the point of what we're doing here is to see what the fuck is going on and if it's Heart Related or if it's like. Some other thing.

It does not help I also had a really bad anxiety moment yesterday and i can't tell if i was having a hard time because of Mainly That or if it was all separate issues yesterday. so that's y'know. fun.

i hate this. i hope it gives me all the answers we need so i never have to do this again. the tape alone is my own personal actual hell. i know it's there to keep things attached/tamped down so it doesn't pull or tug, but like. i can't do it, guys. It's so fucking itchy i am going to have the *worst* rashes in perfect rectangles all over my torso and they're going to be so fucking uncomfortable because - and this is the stupidest part - i won't be able to cover them with bandaids to protect the raw parts because the bandaids will make shit worse due to the additonal adhesives.

and like yeah, the tape is bad enough on its own! and then, then you have the Wires. which either are digging into my skin to keep them from moving around and then creating divots that later fill with blood and itch when the wires are no longer digging in, or the wires are moving around and tickling me constantly. My chest skin is already some of my most sensitive skin this is just an absolute nightmare honestly.

but it's going the way it's supposed to, none of this is abnormal it's just... annoying as fuck and that's why I never want to do this again.