#oh much like a stranger to yourself — pureposer ⊸

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— Continued from here. —⚅ ⚅— @pureposer —⚅

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Still with this. It hurt, being referred to this way. He didn't feel good around Hazuki a lot of the time anymore. He couldn't make amends with him, and that made him feel sick in the pit of his stomach. He'd gotten so worked up, too worked up. He'd ruined everything and tried so hard to impose his love upon this person. A casualty of his former self. It tore him up inside.

But he knew that displaying that feeling, internally our out, would do him no good. He saved his mourning for the moments when he was alone and closed off from others. For moments when he couldn't be seen by his Composer or city or anyone else. Making sure he was warded so not a soul could take note of his pain, and he tucked it deep in the lowest cavity of his chest. And instead he smiled, and he tucked his hand in his pocket, and he hunched himself a bit to look as careless as possible.

"Of course not, Composer," Hanekoma replied in a professional tone. "You can walk away at any point that you get bored of me. I simply want to re-establish a connection with you so that our districts might work better alongside each other in the future. My own Composer aside, I feel as if I'm involved with maintenance enough that I should be on better terms with you. Otherwise, should something go astray, I won't be able to communicate with you properly enough to fix the issue. You have my guarantee that I will refrain from inserting my own opinions about things into our conversations going forward."

It felt so cold, but this was the best that he could hope for. Anything. Anything was better than the emptiness he felt concerning Hazuki. He was going to take responsibility. He was going to keep up with this Composer. He was going to protect this city. He didn't have to have a close relationship to do that much at least.

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— Starter for @pureposer​ —⚅

— ★ ⚄ ★ —

It felt like he had made a lot of progress with Hazuki since their last meeting, but he couldn’t just hang back and allow Haz to do all the work here. He knew he had to go and seek him out on his own, make Hazuki spend more time with him. He wanted them to grow closer, to become the family Hanekoma had been so afraid of just a little bit ago. Struggling to push everyone away and then struggling to bring them back in was an exhausting situation, and after things had gone so poorly with Joshua he was even more tired. But that wasn’t an excuse at the end of the day and he knew that. It didn’t matter how emotionally drained he was. If he wanted to have a relationship with someone he had to be the one to reach his hand out.

So he had invited Hazuki out to eat and had made his way to Dogenzaka to wait for him. He knew that Hazuki wouldn’t deny him. He knew he’d see him in time, and he didn’t even keep track of how long it took. Whether he was early or late, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he showed up. So when he saw that familiar face framed by that yellow hair he pulled a lazy smile and waved him over.

“Hey, Chickadee,” he purred, and he reached out his hand to Hazuki to offer him a hug, if he’d take it. “Nothing important today. I just wanted to spend some time with ya. I missed ya, so I thought I’d ask to take ya out.”

[strawberry-barista]

⚅ —Starter for @pureposer — ⚅

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Hanekoma was going about his usual day when he saw Hazuki walking along the street. He was honestly surprised to see the neighboring Composer in his neck of the woods again, since he figured Joshua would always go to his city after everything that had happened.

But still, he waved as they neared each other and adjusted the case strap on his shoulder, "Well, look who it is. Fancy meeting you here, Haz. You come to see Josh?"

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— Continued from here. —⚅ ⚅— @pureposer —⚅

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Hanekoma's smile faded instantly at his words and he furrowed his brow, "You... You tortured and murdered my daughter, Haz. Brutally. Why would you think I'd be okay with you after that? Especially after you'd already told me you wouldn't do this shit anymore. Especially after I begged you not to hurt anyone else. And... especially after you did already tell me you didn't want to be close to me. I was gonna step back because you requested it. You don't wanna get to know me. You don't want me to know anything about you. You put that boundary down and I followed your lead. So we are... only acquaintances, right? But you... you made it very damn difficult to get along even as acquaintances after you decided to damage Hope's soul. Hurting her wings... The logistics aren't the same, but it's the same concept. You're really hurting a very deep and instrinsic part'a her, and you had no right. She never did anything to you but be there for you. I... I know you apologized. So that must mean there is some remorse there. I accept that she's happy with your apology and since it's not my autonomy it isn't my place to hold grudges. But how the hell did you think we'd still be getting along after you did that to someone I love so much?"

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— Continued from here. —⚅

— ★ ⚄ ★ —

“Well, I think I should apologize to ya,” Hanekoma replied, and he reached up to place his hand over the spot Hazuki’s had just been. “I hurt you. I got... emotional and worked up, and I hurt you. And I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have put ya through that. I shouldn’t have... put ya through anything that I have. I guess the extent of the damage I’ve caused you, it doesn’t stop at that incident, does it? I hurt ya a lot, didn’t I? And I... I wanna make it up to ya. Whatever you need me to do, you just give me the word. Because I know just my saying sorry doesn’t really do shit. Sorry isn’t going to make ya feel better. I did too much for that to be the case. I wanna do what I can, then. I wanna help you. I care about you, Haz. I know it doesn’t seem like it. I know I’ve done a piss poor job of showin’ it. But I care about you. I... I love ya, kid. I wanna do better from here on out.”

That was hard to say, like trying to choke down a rock. But he did it. And he hoped that the gesture was at least recognized. He supposed he couldn’t expect Hazuki to just accept all of that. Not after what he’d done. But he had to try. He had to make it up to him. And maybe... He wanted to try getting closer to him, too. To make himself a part of Hazuki’s life. He didn’t want to pull away from people anymore.

He was the friendliest iteration of himself that he’d ever met. Now it was time to put that quality to good use.

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— @pureposer asked: —⚅ ⚅— 📖 —⚅

Journal Entry

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His eyes are dry, but his heart is heavy. Empty eyes gaze down at the page, tears in his chest.

I saw the shadow of the city Painted Bloodstains across shadows across your perfectly still face I watched everything fall apart and you You didn't care Yet somehow I saw your pristine eyes and I thought 'Yes, I can get through to him' 'I can teach him what it means to feel' 'I can be a part of the growth that makes it tomorrow' And I met you at the gate And I tried to Make you Mine There is so little of me left Nothing, nowhere, no way out All I see is blood in your eyes Where is my pristine boy? What did they do to you? Please Please

[strawberry-barista]

⚅ — Official Announcement — ⚅

{From here on out, @strawberry-barista and @pureposer will be connected through their canon universes. Decaf will be Haz's canon Hanekoma, and Salem's Haz will be Decaf's canon Haz. We will be weaving our stories together from here on out.}

{Chickadee's tag will be #oh much like a stranger to yourself — pureposer ⊸ and he will be featured on my Connections page as soon as I'm able to update them.}

{I hope you're looking forward to seeing these two move forward together! Honestly this mostly happened because Dusty's Joshua clicked so horrificly well with Salem's Haz, and so much has happened with them, it just seems natural to move forward in this way. I can't wait to see if these two ever overcome their differences.}

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— @pureposer asked: —⚅ ⚅— ★ —⚅

Muse’s Feelings

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I like you / I hate you / I dislike you/ I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me/ You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /

[strawberry-barista]

⚅ — @pureposer — ⚅

⚅ — ☼ TeeHee!! — ⚅

Confession Meme

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I would hurt you if the opportunity presented itself | I never want to see you again | I’m jealous of you | I find you attractive | I find you REALLY attractive | I crave your approval | I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about your approval | I enjoy your company | I want us to have a future together | I wish we were dating | I wish we’d never met | I’ve thought about you while masturbating | I would fuck you | I’m using you | I love you | I’d take a bullet for you | I’ve been dishonest with you | I wish you’d leave me alone | I’d do anything you asked of me |

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— @pureposer​ asked: —⚅ ⚅— 🌟 + Hazuki 👀👀👀 —⚅

Character Bonds Meme

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{Hanekoma is trying very hard to develop a familial bond with Hazuki, but handling Hazuki is like working with active explosives. He’s sure that one wrong move will have the whole thing spiraling. This is especially bad when we consider the complexity of Joshua’s relationship with Hanekoma and Hazuki respectively. Should Hanekoma discover how Joshua and Hazuki are conducting themselves he might find himself in even more of a panic. Another thing that makes the situation with Hazuki quite complicated is the fact that Hanekoma can’t really put a finger on where Hazuki’s real boundaries are. He’s been given permission to hug Hazuki before, but he knows generally Hazuki doesn’t like being touched at all. And he can’t figure out when these things might change. Nor can he rely on Hazuki telling him when they change and being open about it. So it sort of leads into a mess. Hanekoma wants to become closer to Hazuki, but he just doesn’t know how to do that or what he might be doing wrong, so he’s still trying to puzzle it out.}

[strawberry-barista]

⚅ — @pureposer asked: — ⚅

"Hmm...Well. At this point I don't know what to say. Your attention was wonderful. But...I figured I can say a few, silly words to others and they'd give me a much more fruitful reaction, I suppose. As the humans say, you suck...Do humans say that? I'm sure of it....Anyway. Must be tragic to be you now. You know, considering I'm so wonderful to exist around. I'd feel bad, if I had any reason to care. Though I still hope you threw all that stuff I gave you out. I keep thinking back to what I gave you, and feel physically humiliated by it. Not by the items, but by the fact I gave the cool things I found to you."

Words Desired Meme

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[strawberry-barista]

⚅— @pureposer asked: —⚅ ⚅— 💔: Hates their guts. —⚅

Hearts of Feeling Meme

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"Hazuki... I fucked up with him real bad... I tried to shove so much shit onto him. And after everything that happened... I don't think there's any recovery for that. He doesn't care about me, that much is obvious. We are on professional terms but... I'll never be his friend, unfortunately. I hate that. Even if I apologize it doesn't mean anything to him. I'll have to be careful from here on out... Not to let that happen again. Not to try and get closer to anyone than they ever want to..."

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— @pureposer asked: —⚅ ⚅— ✨ —⚅

Positivity for You!

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{Salem! I just want to say how much I appreciate you as a mun, first and foremost~! You are such a nice and entertaining friend, and I think your art is incredible! You always find some weird and wonderful way to make my day, and I know when I’m hearing from you I’m going to have a good time.}

{When it comes to your writing, I have to reiterate as I often do how much I adore this very unhinged and unpredictable version of Hazuki. And I love love love the relationship we’re building between him and Decaf! The way that you give us an insight into the way his mind works and yet somehow we still can’t figure out what’s going on with him is just one of the most fun things I think I’ve ever encountered when it comes to a rp setting. Our threads are always engaging and there’s always something fun and interesting around the corner. Thank you so much for writing with me!}

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— @pureposer​ aksed: —⚅ ⚅— Figured out I am not Immune to Sending Memes So....The Truth about Hazuki for that Ask Meme if that's Okay? :0 —⚅

The Truth Meme

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Hanekoma’s mouth pulled tight and he pulled out the note left for him before. Fingers moved through his hair as he read over it and considered his thoughts. There was so much that went into how he thought about Hazuki he hardly knew where to start.

“I... don’t know how to word this...” he said after a considerable pause. “Hazuki is... I’ve put a lot of energy into trying to connect with him. I’ve been trying really hard to teach him about our world because I thought, as an angel that seems to have not gotten a whole lotta exposure, that maybe I could be close with ‘im. That maybe he and Joshua could get along. I guess I idealized my idea of what could be too much. I felt like I had a lotta patience at first... But he just... Keeps staying away from me. He pulls and pulls, and he refuses to meet me in the middle. He showed me with every action that he took that he didn’t want that future that I had planned. And I started to think maybe I oughta respect that... But... How can I look at something like this and give up? Even after everything he’s done. Even though we never could see eye to eye. I wanna be able to touch him one day. I wanna be able to put my arms around ‘im the same way I do Josh. I still want that, even after everything that happened. And he... acts like he might want it, too, sometimes. But I don’t know how to close the gap. I don’t know how to get past that wall... Haz confuses me a little, but... But I love ‘im. I love ‘im a lot.”

[strawberry-barista]

⚅— Starter for @pureposer​ —⚅

— ★ ⚄ ★ —

Hanekoma stood on the street and gazed over his surroundings. It wasn’t too often that he left Shibuya, but he thought he’d come into Shinjuku to find Hazuki today. Hazuki was always making stops in Shibuya, but he likely wasn’t going learn much by only looking at other cities. He needed to take a look at his own every once in a while. Next would only be a matter of finding him. But while Hanekoma was sure he could go around and eventually hunt Hazuki down, he knew that surely the Composer had already noticed his presence. He either wouldn’t recognize him and come to see what kind of entity was invading his city, or he would recognize the music and rush to the side of someone he knew (and hopefully trusted to some extent).

Still, that didn’t mean he couldn’t wander a bit, and so Hanekoma made his way down the street, letting his eyes drift over the scenery around him and focus on no particular element at all. Rebuilding a city from the ground up was a difficult task, but Hanekoma had to give it to the Shinjuku team for a job well done. He would have never expected that so much work could be accomplished in such little time. That must have been what came from having a team of reapers that were well and truly attached to their city. Now if only he could get Hazuki to feel the same way...

[strawberry-barista]

⚅ — @pureposer asked: — ⚅

🔔*

Misc. Actions Meme

🔔  - for my muse to wake yours from a nightmare .

— ★ ⚄ ★ —

Hanekoma's body didn't move at all when he slept. It completely shut down as if a corpse, so normally it would be very hard to tell he was dreaming at all. But terrible. Awful. Traumatizing it still was. So much so that his body awoke and he made awful sounds as it melded between being awake and being asleep.

A terrible thing for anyone to witness, and yet Hanekoma, having already lost much sleep over this very nightmare, was splayed across the counter like this as Hazuki entered. A short break turned into a nap turned into this wretched sight.

And upon touching Hanekoma's shoulder and waking him, the angel bolted upright with a deep inhale and fell backwards from the stool into the floor. All a very terrifying experience for Hanekoma, as he grappled with the floor and threw his arms up to shield himself from the claws, the eyes of gold. And though the presence beside him certainly wasn't Ancestor's, the idea of angels above him right now was nothing short of a waking nightmare.

"Wh-who-- what-- what the fuck...!?" He gasped, shaking, trying to right himself but only succeeding in propping himself up on his knees.