#oh right it's the cocktail of neurological and psychological troubles I have in freeloading in there

[yoiku]

bleurgh

I sure did underestimate how much putting a pricetag on anything I make messes with my head. Putting a price on a physical item is easier because I can sum up the material costs and add a fee based on an alright hourly pay for the work. With art that's just not an option in my case, if I charged by the hour I spend on a pic the prices would be way too high. I'd need to count in the time spent on communication as well as drawing too, like you're supposed to, is what I hear from people running an actual business. I went with prices that I feel comfortable charging. If I look at them and try to compare to how much groceries I could get for the same price, I feel like I should be charging more. (I think everyone probably feels that these days though >_>; ) If someone would just slap on prices that are good enough for whatever the monetary worth of anything even is in this day and age of uncontrolled, ever rising inflation, I'd feel so much better about it. I wouldn't have to keep second guessing a thing I came up with. My head has been going brrrrrrrrrrrr in such a bad way for several days that I wasn't able to rest, and I hate it so much that the more I keep thinking about it the worse I feel and at this point I am once again having to fight the "well I sure ain't worth anything and anything I make even less so" - bullshit every time I let my thoughts wander. And boy do they wander. At least I am so used to it by now that so far I'm still able to recover from the barrage of doubts with the good old "sigh, we been there we done that" after i've been both mentally and physically drained long enough. So it could be worse. Just that it would be nice if it was even a bit better. It doesn't help that the turn of the year is always a bad time for me, it makes me look back in retrospect the same way my birthday does, and it never fails to make the depression pop up big time. Big part of why I decided to set the comms opening on jan. 1st even though I could have them open already. I knew my mood would be down in the dumps, so getting to work the first thing after the remainder of december will be much better. I am feeling pretty determined to try and make as much money through comms as I can next year. My pc is starting to really show it's age, and after doing my research, I'd rather go for a new one and sell my current for parts. If I wanted to give my setup the kind of refresher I'd need, the price is going to get high enough that might as well go for a new machine entirely and hopefully not have to worry about having to replace parts for another 8 or so years. So, at least I have a good motivator there. My pc is still healthy even if it's gotten slow, so I still trust it to not suddenly die on me...mostly. I dove into a marathon of CIV6 for 3 days in hopes of redirecting my many trains of thoughts and it worked as long as I kept going. But I need to do something productive or I'm going to start bouncing off the walls. But first, an attempt at a decent nap.