#oh yea also happy Neil banging out the tunes day

[custom-emojis]

Happy 4/13 everypony, I hope you have a good Homestuck Day! I’ll probably be posting something for the occasion. >:3c

[xicarcalii]

why me?

pairing: billy hargrove x (female) reader

summary: sad reader and a bit of a dick *understandable though* billy hargrove. 

note: inspired by two of my favorite movies.

warning: slight cussing, teen pregnancy...*i mean its just mentioned but still.*

california 23/6/85

2:30 a.m.

she sat in her pajamas in the living room of the one bedroom apartment her and billy bought. two months. it had been two months since they left hawkins together; and now she was regretting why she had said yes in the first place. she knew exactly where he was, didn't even have to question it. all she asked for was one day. after he would get off work at the garage, they would go out to their favorite diner, have dinner, and then she would tell him something that would change both of their lives forever. (y/n) didn't know how he would react; would he be happy that he was going to be a father in 9 months? would he leave?

her thoughts were quickly disrupted by the ringing coming from the kitchen, she got off the sofa and answered it, expecting to hear a drunk billy. yes. every night for the past week, he would go off gallivanting with his old high school buddies and do god knows what. (y/n) didn't mind at first but after awhile it was getting old.

instead of billy (y/n) got the owner of the bar, patrick epps.

"hey (y/n)?"

"yeah, patrick."

(y/n) and patrick were no strangers, if billy wasn't with his friends running around he was at the bar. either drinking or getting into fights.

"you need to-"

he was cut off by (y/n)'s deep sigh.

"i'll be over soon, just put him...somewhere." throwing her head back.

"will do sweetheart, see ya in a bit."

and with that she hung up, grabbed the envelope along with her keys and left.

the car ride on the way home was silent.

(y/n) looked over to billy who was leaning against the passenger window, looing down at the fresh cuts on both of his knuckles. (y/n) thought he changed. he was so much different back home. in hawkins. she pictured steve, standing in front of her, arms crossed; saying "i told you so." in all honesty, (y/n) missed hawkins, she missed her parents, steve, nancy, johnathan, the party. she never saw california as her home, knowing now, how billy felt when he first moved to hawkins. they were both only 18, living together in a one bedroom apartment, barely making enough for the both of them, now having to worry about a baby on the way. how the hell were they going to do this? her thoughts were cut off by billy’s voice.

"look, (y/n). i got your messages at the garage but then the guys wanted to go out. i was only going to be out for an hour, okay? i was going to call yo-"

"that's such bullshit billy, you and i both know that, you'd rather spend the evening with your friends instead of me. your girlfriend. perfectly fine. even though we already made plans."

not even music could tune out the tension growing between the two. nothing could if i’m being honest. the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

(y/n) pulled into the parking lot and looked over at her drunken mess of a boyfriend.

"are you going to tell me what happen tonight at the bar?"

he shook his head ever so slightly.

she sighed, turning off the car. she began looking around the vast parking lot before speaking again.

"how many drinks did you have? are you still drunk?"

"not anymore." billy mumbled into his lap.

"were you even going to show up tonight, or were you just going to leave me sitting at home, to worry about you till you would decide to come home?"

(y/n) said this as she grabbed the envelope out of her purse. she looked down at it, reluctantly giving it to billy, placing it on his lap.

"what is this?"

"open it." she said emotionless.

"what is this?" now holding the off white envelope in his bruised hand. (y/n) turned herself, fixing her position in the drivers seat to face billy.

"open it." she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"why?"

"open the letter billy, please."

(y/n) looked away as he began to read it.

"i’m letting you know i plan on expanding our house two more feet."

billy chuckled at the card, repeating what it had said before looking back up at (y/n) who had already met his gaze. he looked back down, opening up the card, pulling out a positive pregnancy test.

billy's face went blank. 

a dumbfounded billy was going to be a father. he wanted to keep his calm and tell (y/n) that everything would be ok but a part of him, no scratch that, a huge part of him didn't want to turn out like neil. the man who had abused him ever since his mom died. slipping back into reality was hard to say the least.

"what the fuck is this? is this a fucking joke."

he wasn't yelling but (y/n) knew it was just a matter of time.

"no it's not a joke billy, wh-why would i joke about this."

"is this like a-"

"yea." she said, eyes closed.

billy could barely hear her response but he already knew what she said. denial, of all things. i mean they were still kids themselves, fresh out of high school. "like wha-" he said, frantically flipping the test over and over again, repeatedly. almost as if the positive sign would turn into a negative one if he went at it long enough.

"i-(y/n) i can't do this."

"yea...figures." she scoffed looking down now, playing with her fingers. "something else you don't show up for."

"(y/n)! i-yo-"

"billy, i gave up my family for you, my friends, the people i've known my entire life, a school i busted my ass off trying to get into, my job, fuck! i gave up everything i knew to be with you so trust me when i tell you this, i'm not giving this up too, this is bigger than you and you know that!" (y/n) said, blinking rapidly trying to hide the visible tears that were forming.

"how-i-i thought you were careful?" billy now fixed himself so he was now also facing (y/n).

"careful!" she said as her eyes widened.

"(y/n) you know i can't do this-i can't i can't raise a kid (y/n) i just can't."

(y/n) knew he was doubting himself, and she knew why.

neil.

neil always told him he was useless, he wouldn't be accountable to anything or anyone. putting all this nonsense into billy's head drove him to believe it. the mental and physical abuse drove him to be a complete dick. but with (y/n). with her, he was a completely different person and she knew he could do this. he just had to tell himself that.

"what- i can't look after him." "what? do you expect us to play catch together? go to a basketball game together? teach him how to drive? like how am i suppose to take care of him, i'm going to mess him up!"

(y/n) was indeed right. billy hated the idea have starting a family and ending up like neil. that thought was drilled in the back of his head for as long as he can remember.

"yes, you are going to mess him up billy; but not because your afraid of ending up like neil but because you're acting like a fucking kid still, be a man billy! i'm not going to hold your hand and push you around like a baby in a stroller! own up to your responsibilities!"

"oh fuck you (y/n)!"

"just man up!"

"fuck you (y/n), i can’t believe yo-!” billy trailed off.

"so this is my fault, all of this is my fault! all of this is my fault then? right."

the conversation got heated very quickly after that.

nodding her head, pretending to listen to billy, she didn't care about the tears that were streaming from her face or how billy was now screaming in her right ear. all she wanted to do was hide away. in her bedroom. in hawkins. in her home, the home she grew up in. not the one bedroom, one bath, her and billy bought. only knowing he would have a key, which would lead to the argument never leaving.

"you don't think this scares me (y/n)!?" 

"and you don't think it scares me?!" she bit back.

"i can't!, i can't!, i can't!, i can't do it! why do you even want me? why? i'm such a fuck up!"

those words hit (y/n) in the gut, she looked at him in despair. she felt bad for him, for thinking that he could ever be as terrible as his father. he turned away, taking a deep breath, putting his head in his hands. shaking his head; he continued.

"i can't, i can't, i can't do it (y/n), not unless you want the kid to end up like me or even worse me ending up like my dad."

(y/n) casually unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the car. she cried her way to the second floor. all she wanted was her mom. her dad. steve. she wanted to go home. so she grabbed her suit case and began to pack the various items along with her clothes that laid in disarray around the room.

"(y/n)!" she could hear the desperate teen from the other side of the room, she ran to the door and locked it; soon returning her suit case. the constant banging and screaming of billy was a headache at most but soon it died down to silence.

she grabbed her coat from the closet and walked out of the bedroom. billy sat on the love seat, standing up as she walked out, coat and bag in hand. 

they kept their gaze, to both, it felt like an eternity but give or take, it was only 10 seconds.

"(y/n) you can't be serious." billy said, trailing behind as she unlocked her car, throwing her belongings into it.

"this is not going to work, we are not going to work billy, we're too different, we're not right for each other." (y/n) said this as she made her way to the drivers side of her car only to be turned around to a now frustrated billy.

"we're not right for each other?"

"no we're not-"

"we're not right for each other?"

"no-"

"we are perfect for each other, this "baby" thing isn't a big deal, alright i see that now, just please, come back inside so we can talk (y/n)". billy said this trying to not lose his shit, he knew if (y/n) left he would be back to ground 0. to having nothing. no one.

"billy we are not perfect for each other, we may have been back in hawkins or if we didn't live in the real world but even though you want to live in a place where we're perfect for each other i live in the real world. i need a life that is more structured, i need a future that is more structured, i need to have my life together for this baby. our baby! and i'm sorry i want to be the person that you want me to be but i just cant!" (y/n) said throwing her hands to her sides.

billy walked towards her placing both of his hands on her shoulders.

"hey, listen to me, you are. you are! we've been through this so many times (y/n)!"

"i'm unhappy."

there was no emotion in that sentence. none. (y/n) stared at billy, eyes burning into his. she didn't mean for them to sound so harsh. but god they did.

"i'm unhappy billy, and tonight proves just that. you're so.." she trailed off, stepping closer to him to play with the hem of this shirt. "you really are so wonderful, and you're just sensitive, and-and romantic an-" she began, but was cut off by billy.

"weak." the sadness and desperation, disappeared. 

what was there now? anger. just anger and betrayal.

he scoffed, turning away from (y/n), walking back into the building.

"weak? no, billy i never said that you were weak!" she called out, following behind him.

"weak!" he spun around to face (y/n) as she jolted back.

"weak." he said in a softer tone, even though his eyes we still full of rage.

"i never said you were weak billy, stop putting words in my mouth!" she said, raising a finger to his face, only for him to roll his eyes and look away.

"do you love me?"

he asked, head still to the side.

"do you love me?"

he asked again.

(y/n) shook her head. "that's not the point!" she turned on her heel and began walking back to her car, once again, with billy hot on her trail.

"that is the point! it is the point, (y/n)!"

"that is not the poin-"

"you didn't answer me!"

(y/n) got to her car, looked down at the ground, then back up to billy.

"yes i love you."

"(y/n) if you love someone.." billy trailed off, walking closer to her with softer eyes. face to face he continued, almost in whisper.

"you work it out, you don't just throw it away, because you might never get it again."

she shook her head.

"i cant keep doing this with you anymore billy." moving her finger back and fourth between them. 

(y/n) voice cracked, she could feel the lump in her throat as she tried to speak. every time she tried to swallow it she would cry even more.

"i can't".

it was less than a whisper to billy's demise but that's all (y/n) could project at the moment.

(y/n) turned away from billy and got in her car, closing the door behind her.

billy banging on the window.

of course.

"(y/n) you can't just walk away from this, i'm sorry ok? please!"

"(y/n)!"

(y/n) started the car and drove off, heading back to hawkins, indiana.

part of her felt guilty for leaving billy but another part of her felt this was the right thing to do for both her and their baby. maybe he just needed time to think and mature.

she looked in her rear view mirror one last time to see billy, hands behind his head in defeat, walking back into the building.