#oldguysthatarenotsohot

[sexroundtheworld-blog]

Central Park, New York, New York

Rate: 3/5

Hit or miss really. Winters are too cold too keep it up. I avoid it almost at all costs in the summer because the tourists think the Great Lawn would be the most magical place to bone, but really it’s just a bunch of slick bodies and too much B.O.- much like most of the city during that time of year, but the wide open area somehow magnifies the effect. I would like to recommend that this site splits up the park areas into different listings, because the shady areas under the trees are not too bad, but it can get prickly near the bushes and I’m too fabulous to be on the on the ground because it’s rocky outside of the lawn, my hands and knees are too precious for that. Some locals are territorial over their “secret” spots and some avoid this tourist magnet like the plague, but I enjoy the occasional quickie here on my break at work. It’s best in the fall because the colors are amazing, the weather is enjoyable, less crowded and more room to be wild on the lawn without accidentally stepping on sweaty strangers. Spring is wet, gross and full of pollen, my allergies push me back to the concrete part of the jungle.      

Blue light system available- the first public location outside of college campuses to implement this life saving system. If you don’t have a phone and are unable to call for help if in distress, this system alerts the police and park security of your location and their response time is known to be amazing. It definitely calms your nerves about being there during sketchy times of the night. 

Submitted by: malelookingforhisownryangosling

Overview: Reviews 10,000+

Would bring kids: 3.5/5                Enjoyed their experience: 3/5

Cleanliness: 3.25/5

Contraception Availability: 4/5 “Condom Dispensers Everywhere!”

“We want a wider range of protection!” “We need more napkin and doggie bag dispensers because unplanned quickies have lead to sticky situations.” 

Would recommend to friends/family: yes 

“It’s New York City, you may or may not love it, but it’s worth the experience!”

Warning: There are always cameras everywhere. You may be photographed  by tourists, or a Brooklyn Hipster and if you’re camera shy you may want to try smaller parks in Westchester just a train ride away.