#omffffffggggg

[thetiredstuff]

OMFFFFFFGGGGG BROOKLYN NINE-NINE IS RENEWED FOR A 7TH SEASON OMFFFFFFGGGGGGGG

[disney-is-mylife]

My favorite bits of BATB 2017 (SPOILERS)

to my quote my friend Bridget: “I liked that the opening narration was basically just ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT OUR PLOT HOLES. WE KNOW THEY ARE PLOT HOLES. LOOK WE FIXED THEM. NOW. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.’”

THE COSTUMES ARE SO FUCKING GORGEOUS I CAN’T EVEN PIFHWEHGFIWHGUFQSHFUIHWEHNFLWJFR

Maurice’s gorgeously intricate music box (that totally hits me in the feels)

Belle’s “washing machine”

the awesome “librarian” who comes to Belle’s defense when the villagers basically go “MOST UNORTHODOX” to her teaching a young girl to read

BELLE ASKING FOR A ROSE BECAUSE I’M A SUCKER FOR ORIGINAL FAIRYTALE SHIT 

Gaston being the biggest dick that you just love to hate

and LeFou TOTALLY NOT wanting to bang said dick.... 

(lol jk, he does)

“Madam Gaston, his little wife. URGH!” 

the enchanted castle locked in a Narnian style eternal winter

Maurice remaining just long enough at the dinner table to comprehend that A FUCKING TEA CUP MOVED ON ITS OWN AND SPOKE TO HIM before politely forgiving it/him and GETTING THE HECK OUT OF DODGE 

“Oh yeah, a rose. I’m scared shitless of this clearly haunted/scary/enchanted castle, but I made a promise to my daughter, dammit!!”

BOTH BELLE AND MAURICE CALLING THE BEAST OUT ON IMPRISONING SOMEONE BECAUSE OF A FUCKING UNENCHANTED ROSE

the wardrobe is mARRIED TO THE PIANO I CAN’T 

LUMIERE AND PLUMETTE’S ROMANCE 

THE ENTIRE “BE OUR GUEST” SEQUENCE 

OBI WAN’S LUMIERE’S SEXY SINGING VOICE

Belle nursing Beast back to health because feels 

“Pffft, of COURSE you love Romeo and Juliet”

“BITCH, EXPAND YOUR READING MATERIALS AND I’LL GIVE YOU MY FUCKING LIBRARY” Beast

“totally making a silly joke and sheepishly acknowledging it” Beast 

grumpy Beast 

shy no-I’m-totally-not-reading-a-romance Beast

adorably lovable Beast

sloppy eater Beast 

Belle reading poetry in the snow to the Beast 

BECAUSE SYMBOLISM IS MY WEAKNESS 

ALSO 

DISNEY WHAT THE FUCK

WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME 

I WANT A BOOK THAT CAN TRANSPORT ME ANYWHERE, WHAT THE FUCK

Belle finding out about her mother’s death (because apparently there aren’t enough feels in this damn film) 

“OH GODS I ONLY VAGUELY HINTED AT THE IDEA OF DANCING, I DIDN’T EXPECT HER TO SAY YES!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING???”

(because nervous wreck Beast is best Beast)

THE DANCE

THE DRESS (YES I LOVE IT, FIGHT ME)

THE BEAST LIFTING BELLE IN THE AIR

THE ENTIRE HALL BECOMING AN ORCHESTRA 

DID I MENTION THE DANCE???

Belle going back to the village in her fucking yellow gown 

EVERMORE

EVERMORE

EVERMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE

*sobs for eternity*

*semi-forgives writers for replacing “If I Can’t Love Her”*

*but only semi*

LeFou beginning to see Gaston’s true nature and feeling torn

later on, LeFou realizing Gaston literally doesn’t give a fuck about him and switching sides in the fight 

“You deserve so much better than him” Mrs. Potts dragging Gaston through the ground BITCHES 

the wardrobe turning three men into drag, and ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY LIKING IT 

BELLE RUSHING BACK TO THE CASTLE WHILE MAURICE CHILLS WITH THE FUCKING ASYLUM MASTER/PERSON 

LUMIERE HOLDING PLUMETTE’S LIFELESS BODY DESTROYED MY SOUL

AND WARDROBE LADY SAYING FAREWELL TO HER BELOVED MAESTRO 

EVERYTHING FREEZING UP SLOWLY BEFORE BELLE BREAKS THE SPELL, LIKE THE MOVIE IS FUCKING WITH YOU

human Lumiere pulling up human Plumette in a pool of feathers AND MY HEART WAS MENDED AGAIN

BELLE ASKING THE PRINCE TO GROW A BEARD OMFFFFFFGGGGG

AND HE GROWLS AT HER HOLY SHIT 

(TOTALLY NOT GOING TO LOOK UP SMUT ON THEM. NOPE. NOT ME)

LEFOU AND FORMER DRAGQUEEN TOTALLY HOOKING UP POST FINALE 

[misstheman]

Okay

So I just saw the extended The 100 trailer and I sO FUCKING HYPED YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW CLEXA IS SO GONNA HAPPEN

[guesswhatyouguys]

No.4~ Spiraling into Sensational Bouts of Road Rage: A Series of Level-Headed, Reasonable Observations

As a kid, living in America (hum along!), and also being male, I was interested in one thing more than almost anything. You know what I mean, LADIES: mathematics. Haha, LOLOL just kidding (OR AM I), what I really am talking about is cars. I had seven hundred thousand Hot Wheels cars, one for every hour of my life. I sold them for a shiny, shiny nickel. I also played a whole lot of racing games. I played the same French countryside level of Need for Speed 4, the demo version, from a disc that came inside a computer magazine (of course there is a YouTube video of it, THANKS INTERNET), I raced it so many times that I could execute it with a level of accuracy normally reserved for describing successful laser eye surgery. You are confused right now. I can feel it. I say all this because, to this day, I continue to be a fan of driving. I like getting up in the morning, taking a ride around the French countryside (I live in France), then pulling into the office in Atlanta (also I live in Georgia) after a nice morning commute. NEVER HAPPENS. Why? Because three out of every three people who get driver's licenses are nowhere near ready enough to get into these giant moving weapons. And it's not just teenagers. What teenagers lack in experience, they more than make up for in state-mandated driving instruction courses. They've had to log hours upon hours of driving time with a licensed instructor, like one has to do for a pilot's license. Did you know that in most states, if you're over 18, but you have never had a license, if you pass the "road test" (There's a cone! IT IS A CHILD DON'T HIT THE CONE), and you show proof of residency, you do not need to endure an instructional period of driving? You can literally drive off the lot that day, having never driven on a real road, with other real living people, and animals, and cones that are actually children. That is crazy! HOW IS THAT ALLOWED Here is an important distinction which is frequently ignored: A person's ability to control his or her vehicle is not indicative of that person's awareness of, or interest in, the state of control in which his or her vehicle is at any given time. I am talking about oblivious people. I spend a lot of time driving in Atlanta, and I can tell you, Atlanta is all like, "Oblivious drivers: I has it," and then kisses its miniature giraffe. I spend some of my time for work in Toronto. "What are you, Canadian, now?" -All of my super-extra-clever friends. One thing I recently noticed was the difference between how traffic flows in Atlanta and in Toronto. There is a highway in the Toronto area, the 401, and it is the busiest highway on this continent. It is eighteen lanes wide. That is a baker's dozen lanes, plus five more lanes. Naturally, I try to avoid that highway at all costs, because More Lanes does not equal Less Traffic (Math, again, LADIES). I don't always take that highway, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis. Also, when I do, I have noticed that everyone is just driving . . . slow. They are all creeping along, barely breaching 2 mph (~828.5 kph I believe), but never faster, and never slower. Compare that to a city like Atlanta (or NYC, or Washington, or probably LA, I don't know, I've never been there because I lack the necessary actor-grade bone structure to "make it" there). A few weeks ago I was on a highway in metro Atlanta, probably 9am. I'm driving along at 70mph. Suddenly I need to slow down. A lot. A LOT. Oh no oh god oh no oh god, okay, I'm fine. I'm fine, but I have come to a complete stop. Whyyy? That is a great question. 10 minutes later, after stopping and starting for 35 total feet of road, traffic opens back up to 70mph. Again: Why did we stop? WHY AND SO: Instead of commuting on the highway, most days I take back roads. That's great! Except for one little detail, they are all one lane each way. Inevitably, for a person who drives somewhat faster than the speed limit, this raises two issues. Issue 1 is the Toyota Corolla that was last serviced during the Cold War. It is the UPS truck whose driver is on his last strike and will not crack 20mph no matter how much you yell. It is the lady in the SUV who bolted out in front of you with barely any room to spare, apparently in an unbelievably huge rush to get out on the road so she can go as slow as possible from that point on. You cannot pass them, they clearly cannot be bothered to notice other living and breathing human beings around them, and everyone cannot wait to just be anywhere else on earth than right there at that moment. Issue 2 is the guy who is treating this residential road as the pilot program for Autobahn America. No speed at which you will drive will be fast enough for him. If you are driving 45 miles an hour over the speed limit, he will be driving inches from your bumper, and miles above your break-even patience level for people being assholes. This guy needs to find the nearest ravine, preferably a canyon, most preferably the Grand Canyon, and then find himself with an insatiable interest in the idea of freefall.