#one day I’m gonna get therapy and fix my shit you’ll all see agdhjfjt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deityofhearts · 10 months

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at this point I have so much like trauma and paranoia around love, being loved and loving others. like I want to be loved but I also can’t fully believe or accept that anyone would possibly love me or that they won’t get tired of me and stop loving me especially given the reason that it’s traumatic in the first place like, even knowing why I’m like this does nothing to make things any better or easier to deal with. That said I do want to be loved I want to love people but it just gets hard for me to not let my insecurities get in the way and make it harder for me to maintain relationships and cause me to hurt other people because of it, I want to think I’m getting better in that I’m at least trying not to hurt others because of how I feel but like idk, it’s a whole thing

#deity dialogue #sorry that I post about this so much I’m just always working through it #I do genuinely love people and I am aware I am loved and I’m glad that I’m loved but my brain refuses to like accept that I’m loved I don’t #feel like I’m allowed to be loved #but like idk #this is what years of having people tell you either they’re the only person who loves you and another person telling you no one loves you #does I guess el oh el #all I can do is my best and if that’s not enough then take a step back before lashing out and hurting others again #one day I’m gonna get therapy and fix my shit you’ll all see agdhjfjt #I just wish I wasn’t like this I’ve ruined so many relationships and hurt people and that’s worse than hurting myself #no one deserves to be hurt because of my own bullshit #divine despair #<- sad tag for blocking purposes #also it’s that time of the month and I’m 90% sure that’s make me even more emotional pls send help #like idk I don’t even believe my roommates want me half the time #I have to like occasionally check in that they don’t secretly hate me

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