#one of my favorite neighborhood squirrels was lost today & i'm not getting over it

[blanche-elizabeth-devereaux]

I'm not sure why, but I feel like modern Charles would become extremely emotional & upset everytime he happens across road kill. It doesn't matter what animal it is, either, and it'd honestly ruin his entire day. Hell, maybe Arthur even has to put in extra effort to cheer him up because it's so damn upsetting. It's just such a sad loss of life & he'd probably understand.

[justmelagain]

I feel like absolute SHIT. I'm in the midst of a MASSIVE flare atm due to no longer having insurance & unemployment & effectively out of even the most basic of meds, not to mention RXs that really, REALLY made a huge difference. But this isn't my main issue today.

Scrappy. Scrappy-Doo. Scrapadoodle. Scraps. A neighborhood stray cat since at least 2012. He got his name from the way he used to fight with anything & anybody. He created a litter with a feral girl in late 2019. 3 babies, only 1 has survived up until now. My stepdad, Bud, started feeding Scrappy right after we noticed the babies to get him to hang around our house more. He instantly became a lovebug! Bud took him to get fixed January 2020 before the planet went into meltdown. Scrappy got meals, treats, pets, brushings, love, a comfy bed in the garage...& a family that loved him finally. Probably the absolute BEST year of his entire life! But we'd noticed early on that he had respiratory issues. In fact, I'm pretty certain he actually had congestive heart failure. 2 of my cats have it & he sounded exactly like they do. We knew too that it was just a matter of time.

Now, it wasn't all roses with Scrappy here! Our 2 indoor/outdoor cats had to basically become indoor cats because he would attack them for invading HIS new territory. They were terrified of him! Also I get great pleasure feeding the crows & squirrels every day. Scrappy killed one of my squirrels a few months ago & it bothered me a lot. Then last weekend he killed another one & it just tore me up! One that I'd been getting really close to. And I was very angry at Scrappy! So much so that I've basically ignored him ever since. But I also had a lot of regret too because it was my fault for trying to tame the little squirrel so he'd eat out of my hand.

This picture is from Tuesday night. Bud was getting ready to go play softball & Scrappy wanted to go with him apparently.

Scrappy took a dark turn overnight though. At 6 am, Bud brought him in the house all wrapped up in his favorite binky that I'd gotten him for Xmas. He was having a horrible time trying to breathe. Bud tried calling a couple of the local vets. First one said they were booked up today. The second one wasn't open yet so he then decided to quit wasting time on the phone & just cuddled with him on the bed, brushing him.

He took his last breath a little after 8 am. Bud buried him in the backyard in his binky with several of the other babies lost over the years. And all damn day all I could think about was his last few days I ignored him. And he definitely knew it too. And I hate myself. I am so very sorry, baby boy!!

*RIL SCRAPPY*

2/24/21