#one of my most hated things in high fashion photography is the 'dead woman' fucking thing it drives me crazy

[cantquitu]

Wonderful interview with Olivia by Maggie Gyllenhaal in Interview Magazine. I think you’ll find it very interesting, made me even more excited for the film!!

Maggie, my beloved! 💕THANK YOU!!

[lubdubsworld]

Under my Skin. ( Namjoon/Oc) (Yoongi/OC)

Author’s note : i would like to apologize for the completely unoriginal titles. i clearly suck at naming my fics, smh. 

Chapter 3 

“this is weird.” I say softly, propped up against the headboard of the bed, the thin white sheets covering me up, shoulders bare and stinging a bit from the cold air. Yoongi is lying on the opposite end of the bed, leaning back on huge pillows, my camera grasped firmly between long ivory white fingers as he snaps away a few pictures. He’s shirtless, chest bare and starkly white against the sheets, bed cover hanging lazily off his sharp hip bones. He’s all smooth skin and lean muscle, skin faintly flushed and sweaty. 

After a nice dinner, we had spent the night walking across the skywalk, while i snapped off some truly spectacular photos of the Seoul skyline. I realized during the course that Yoongi was a lot like me, laidback, casual and an easy going guy. 

“You have some amazing post-coital glow thing going on, seems a shame not to record it.” He says, going back to check the pictures. I’m pretty certain at least a few of those pics have nipple-slips. I make a mental note to delete them before my roommate accidentally saw them. 

“For posterity?” I grin. 

“For posterity.” His gummy smile is blinding, displaying sparkling white teeth and the whole thing is just unfairly adorable. 

  i shake my head and fumble for the bra that’s hanging off the lamp shade and his hand shoots out, gripping my wrist. 

“Don’t. You’re pretty this way.” He protests and I tug my hand away. 

“I’m cold.” I mutter in protest and he sits up, the camera placed to the side, forgotten already. I smile as he crawls over, drawing me in till I was cradled against him. 

“I’ll warm you up.” His lips pressed briwfly against my ears and I sigh. 

“What am i even doing here? “

“Having bomb sex and playful banter? Why’re you complaining?”

“Because, you’re an idol  . This is stupid. whatever this is, it’s reckless and dangerous. ” I shake my head. 

“It’s too soon to think that far , come on. It’s just... you’re really pretty and you’re intelligent. And I love Photography and honeslty it’s like all my favorite things in a girl and I feel like letting you get away would be like, the worst mistake of my life.”

“That’s oddly creepy but very sweet.” I laugh, burrowing closer to the warmth of his body. 

“Tell me more about you. Where’s home?” He says curiously and i hesitate. 

“Busan...” I say softly. 

“When did you come to Seoul?” he asks. 

“When I was fifteen. I got a scholarship to the School of Performing Arts. And then after High School, another Scholarship to the Seoul university. i got into the photography department three years ago. I’m in my final year. Working on my thesis and hopefully I’ll land a nice job by the time i get out...”

“Parents?” He lightly stroked back my hair. 

“Dead.” I say shortly. 

He doesn’t reply, just hums. 

“SO how did this happen? How does a photographer suddenly start taking fancams.” 

“Beats having to work in a supermarket. “ I say drily. “ Mostly because it pays and i get some experience too. i mean, i know I can’t actively build a portfolio on what I do, it’s all copyrighted stuff after all but, I’ve learned a lot. Lightings, angles how to make the subject look good. It’s a learning process.I don’t see it as anything different from one of the classes I take in college and i work just as hard. ” 

“Am I too?” He says curiously. 

“Are you what?”

“A course you’re taking and working hard at? ” He grins. 

“Something like that....You’re just... an interesting elective that i’ve taken up for fun.” 

He laughs at that. i hesitate a bit before turning over. 

“What about you?” 

“I came here when I was eighteen. No scholarship though. Came on my own bucks. Ended up sleeping on the pavement some nights but.. yeah, was worth it at the end I guess.” 

I swallow. 

“you should be pretty fucking proud of what you got done.” i say firmly. 

He shrugs

“It’s just luck, most of it. The right people at the right time. Mostly it’s about grabbing on to opportunities when they come around. “

“And the right people.” He adds. “ I’m nothing without my bandmates. I’d die for them. Especially Joon ah and Hoseok... ”  

I swallow. 

 Didn’t yoongi hyung pay you yet? You know you aren’t special right? 

“ Do you do this with a lot of girls?” i hate myself the moment the words were out. 

“Take them to bed? Sometimes. Take them to an expensive  hotel ? I’ve done it once or twice before.... Tell them about my life story and take naked pictures of... no. You’re the first. ” 

I feel worse. 

“Then why-”

“You’re honest. True to yourself. You know there’s a distinct lack of genuine people in the world. I like people who act the same with everyone. And i feel like you’re one of those people. “ 

I didn’t reply and he pulls me closer. 

“Besides, I think you’re good at what you do. I spoke to my PDnim ... you can give me your portfolio and maybe the next photoshoot you can sit in. If they like your work they’ll hire you as an assistant. At least it’ll be experience you can put on your resume. Don’t waste your time chasing idols. That’s not something a girl with your talent should be doing... ” He says seriously and i go still.

“what?” i stiffen , pulling away.

“ It’s just an opprtunity. i’m giving you an opprtunity. Don’t overthink it. “ His voice is awkward and a little annoyed and i try to still my pounding heart. 

In the end, it’s not really an option. i’m not an idiot. An opportunity like that is invaluable.  I promise to send him my portfolio and he agrees to call me once he talks to his boss. 

“I’m busy the next few months. Our Comeback is next month. October 12... I’ll get you free passes for the stage, if you promise to come without your camera.” 

I laugh. 

“i get passes anyway. and sorry , i don’t go  anywhere  without my camera” 

~~~~~~~~

“ I need just 100 dollars! What fucking use is a scholarship if you can’t give your old man , 100 dollars?” My father is gripping the edge of the couch with blue veined fingers, the inside of his wrist and elbows littered with needle marks and he has that feverish look in his face that i’ve come to associate with hurled abuses, broken glasses and bruises that couldn’t be hidden with make-up. 

“i didn’t get paid yet. I still don’t have a job, you know that.” I grit out impatiently. My landlord hates me. She’s in her early thirties and she once tried to make me sneak her into the backstage of a BTS concert because she ‘ wanted to find Jung kook. Aside from the fact that Jung kook is a baby( barely legal) my neighbour was beyond creepy. I’d yelled at her to stop being a pervert and to find someone her own age. 

In return, anytime my father came around to visit, the stupid woman let him into my apartment. 

“You’re shitting me. Gimme that stupid camera then, if you’re not making money off it. I’ll at least sell that piece of crap and buy myself some stash.” 

I clench my fists. This was tiring. I had classes in an hour. i grab my purse and get the money i got for my last assignment. i count it out carefully, keeping just twenty dollars for the food this week. There was a GOT7 comeback and an ASTRO stage as well. They would pay less but maybe if i took on a couple more (  but you have two papers to turn it, fuck..) I’d be able to make rent this month. 

 “ i have forty dollars. That’s all i have. Take it and leave.” I snap, grabbing the cash and thrusting it in his face. 

My father stares at me with a seedy look in his eyes. 

“I’ll be back for the rest , later this week.” He says, snatching the money out of my hands and stalking out. 

I watch him leave and sigh, dropping my head into my hands. 

There went six hours of shivering in the cold and making Min Yoongi look good. 

~~~~~~~~~

The next three weeks were a frantic mess of shows and concerts, lots of bruises from being jostled in crowds , finishing two papers and finally finding a muse from the fashion department to pose for my piece on Extravagance. Now all i had was my final paper to turn in and i would be done for this semester. The last semester would be my finalk thesis presentation and ?I would be done with college. 

And honestly, it was the thought of getting it over with, that kept me going. i was busy all day and Min Yoongi almost completely slipped out of my mind ( except when i occasionally felt too stressed out and took that snow globe out of the closet and stared at it . i couldn’t help it, because that trip to Florence had been one of the best times in my life. ) 

As October came around with  rainfall and winds, my boss told me that i would have to go for the BTS comeback stage at M! Countdown. He’d managed to get a special press pass for me and I was beyond flattered that he’d actually given me and actual journalitsic work. This wasn’t just recording. i could get pictures backstage for the offical article. This was actually something i could put on my resume. 

I quickly, nod, grinning ear to ear when he drops the bombshell. 

“ You’ll be focusing on Namjoon, this time.” 

i freeze in place. 

“what?”

“Kim Namjoon. He’s the leader. He’s the one our journalist will be interviewing backstage. JJ will ask the questions and you’ll just have to take a few snaps. it’s easy work. “ 

“The fancam..”

“That too. Because you’ll be busy backstage, i’ve asked other kids to cover the fancams. You can just watch the concert. No need to film. “ 

I nod wordlessly. 

I was screwed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kim Namjoon still hates me. 

That much is obvious, as i stand to a corner of the stage, clutching my camera while JJ took notes next to me. The screaming is unbelievable and as the rest of them do their soundcheck, I try to ignore the way Namjoon keeps tossing glances at me. Yoongi gives me one subtle wink and a small pouty kiss that send the fans into a frenzy and ignores me completely afterwards. Or So I assume. i’m too busy trying not to spontaneously combust from the heat of Namjoon’s gaze. 

In the seductive lighting , with his perfect make up and insanely well fit clothes he looks like something straight out of a Grimm’s brother’s fairytale. A wayward prince . I can’t believe how utterly sinful their attire is, expensive jackets and in Namjoon’s case, a poet shirt with a firm black waist band and ruffled lace in the front. His hair is off his forehead and his legs look like they’re a few miles long at least. His pants are skin tight and tailored to perfectly fit his thighs and his calf muscles and honestly, there’s nothing more disconcerting than the way his dimples keep peeking out at sudden intervals. 

I’ve never been happier about not filming. My brain is turning to mush. 

But as the first strains of the music start, i can’t help turning my camera on, simply because i felt naked without it. It’s easier, safer to look at him from behind the lens of my trusty friend. I grip it harder and it’s better , through the lens he’s just another subject. Someone to record. 

focus. Lighting. Angles. Posture. Learning Process.

Except the only thing i could learn was that his legs were too long, his waist so mouth-wateringly lean and everytime his palm moved over his waist and caressed his crotch, I felt like dying. 

But really, why were they grabbing their crotch?!

 the worst part was, Namjoon kept glancing at me, and each time he did , i felt my throat constrict. He moved sharply and i realized that he wasn’t even a bad dancer. He was just too tall and too.. manly . Namjoon would look so much better in a suit in a board room , gripping a glass of scotch and playing God. 

The choreo was brutal , and by the time they were done with all three songs, the boys ( men really ) wwere sweaty and tired. Me on the other hand, I was completely zoned out. My breath came in stark pants and it felt like there was cotton wool in my lungs and I felt disgusted, my shirt sticking to my skin and the hair at my nape dripping with sweat. 

i feel saturated with feelings of inadequacy, like i’m doing something wrong and it feels a bit like I’m going to overflow, like all these miserable feelings are going to spill out of me and make a mess on the dirty floor . I choke on air as I grip JJ’s sleeve, letting her lead me to the backstage door. 

“Hello. Nice to meet you, Rapmon ssi..” JJ shakes hands and bows and I just stand there, too stunned to react. 

But he does it for me. 

“Hello, Ae Rin.” He says, voice low and polite and so respectful, not at all the rough angry tone I’d heard the last time. He sounds amazing. Whisky smooth and attractive. 

 My name. How did he know my name?

“ So about this comeback..”Jj began her questions and I pulled the camera up, trying to get the right angle. The first two clicks are easy. And then he glances at me and my mind comes undone like a ball of wool in the hands of a kitten. I stare stupidly , wondering how his stare was all it took to unravel me. What the hell’s happening? 

i drop my gaze to the camera and review the pictures, frowning when I notice the smudged lipstick in the pics. I look back up and it’s there , on the corner of his lips.

“You’ve got...” I stop, picking at my own lips to try and tell him that his gloss was smudged, except all the gesture did was draw his gaze to my lips and the way he stares at my mouth... it’s not good. 

“Fix it..!! Come Here!” Jj hisses and pushes me in his direction and I stumble forward, stunned. Did I really have to ..

I slowly get down on my knees in front of him and my throat is parched. 

He stretches out, offering his face to my touch and I feel cross eyed, staring at him as my thumb presses against the plush softness of his lips. I swallow, audibly, loudly and his gaze slips to my throat, and I wipe at the smudge, once and then twice. When I do it again, in a trance, his tongue sneaks out, without any warning, tip brushing against my finger and I yank my hand back in shock. It’s enough to almost send me sprawling and his hand shoots out , fast, gripping my wrist firmly. He pulls me back up and I topple over, my palm landing on his thigh and my fingers curling on the lean muscle of his leg without conscious thought. 

“I’m sorry about the last time. i was out of line.” His words catch me off guard and i feel like I’m sinking and the sensation is so foreign and unexpected. His thigh feels firm beneath my fingers and his grip on my wrist is hot and firm and oddly grounding.  I wonder what it would be like to have those long , firm fingers on other parts of me and a whimper bubbles out before i can smother it. 

Namjoon looks even better upclose and there’s something unreadable in the way he looks at me. His gaze is heavy and fond, affectionate and curious and almost sad. I feel like i’m drowning and I have to tamp down the urge to press my palms against his face and slot my lips over his. To climb on his lap and just kiss him senseless. 

But he’s sitting with JJ and I’m kneeling on the floor in front of him, the camera forgotten, my hands on his thighs and this is not how this is supposed to go at all.

“I.. it’s.. fine. I’ll just go.” I stumble back and stand up. 

My legs feel weak, my heart feels battered and my mind is still on stand by. I go through the rest of the interview like a zombie, my brain complete mush. When he finally leaves, JJ gives me a look that is part disbelief, part annoyance. 

“God, why didn’t you tell him you had a crush on him?! i mean could you be more obvious...” 

I shut her out, my mind running in circles. 

I didn’t have a crush on him. I was sleeping 9 or had slept 0 with his best friend. 

I didn’t. 

I  couldn’t. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE : Oh wow, this just took me back to college when i had this super huge crush on an older guy.i would literally start tapdancing when i saw him, hahaha... Thank fully he never knew...  kekekeke... 

What do you guys think? 

[jessicakehoe]

From the FASHION Archives: Lady Gaga Was Always Going to be Famous

Since its launch in 1977, FASHION magazine has been giving Canadian readers in-depth reports on the industry’s most influential figures and expert takes on the worlds of fashion, beauty and style. In this series, we explore the depths of our archive to bring you some of the best fashion features we’ve ever published. This story, originally titled “Gaga” by Elio Iannacci, was initially published in FASHION’s February 2014 issue.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY INEZ AND VINDOOH AND STYLED BY BRANDON MAXWELL, LADY GAGA WEARS A JACKET, PRICE ON REQUEST, BY COME DES GARCONS AND GLASSES, PRICE ON REQUEST, BY EARLY HALLOWEEN. HAIR BY SHAY ASHAUL BY TIM HOWARD. MAKEUP BY YADIM FOR ART PARTNER. MANICURE BY JIN SOON CHOI FOR JED ROOT.

It’s hard to believe that it’s only been five years since Lady Gaga released her first album, The Fame. The sheer number of images, hits and sound bites the 27-year-old has ushered into popular culture is uncanny. The New York native’s wardrobe choices have inspired lookalike fans and popularized collections from such designers as Jean Paul Gaultier and Hussein Chalayan. Her first fragrance, Fame, launched in 2012, sold six million bottles during its first week. University courses have analyzed her socio-political significance. She’s the only chart-topper to have used the word “transgendered” in a Billboard number one hit (2011’s “Born This Way”), and her 40 million-plus Twitter followers and 60 million Facebook fans have witnessed her fight for equal rights for women and the LGBT community. Last year, Time Magazine’s readers named her the second most influential person of the decade (beating out U.S. President Barack Obama). Unlike so many in her line of work, Gaga’s affection for fashion is not a flirtation. Whether donning legendary labels, new technologies or message-based garments, the woman formerly known as Stefani Germanotta is a living, breathing canvas. Which is probably why Donatella Versace chose Gaga as the new face of her label. Before her upcoming world tour, Gaga sat down with features editor Elio Iannacci to talk about her latest obsessions and her current album, Artpop.

You once said you wanted to be regarded as the female Andy Warhol. Do you feel closer to that goal? When I said that, I didn’t have a concept of where my career was headed. When I was writing Artpop, I was really looking at where we are now as a culture. I was in H&M the other day, looking around just to see the effect that Monster culture has had on street fashion. People used to say, ‘Who is this weird girl with her crazy outfits?’

How did the subsequent surge of fame affect you? I never let anyone change who I was. I was always willing to go down with my own artistic ship. I create things that I really care about—I fight for images, for music and for the community of fans. Born This Way was all about equality and being yourself from the inside out, but now there’s a need to celebrate that. Artpop is a celebration.

You have a mandate to make a space where high and low art, fashion and music can live together. To many, this is still seen as a radical act. This is the dilemma. I don’t believe there’s pretension in art. You don’t have to know anything about art to love it. You just have to be next to it and feel it. I want my fans to know that we don’t have to succumb to what people think a pop star should be in order to be successful.

You were accepted into The Juilliard School as a child, but your parents placed you in a private Catholic school. Had you gone through that classical training, would there be a Lady Gaga? Probably. There’s this implication that if I wasn’t so successful I would have to stop. But I never would have stopped. I would be in some bar, being Lady Gaga.

You’ve recently taken workshops with Marina Abramović—the performance artist who has risked her life for her art. How have they changed your perceptions? I thought that after The Fame, The Fame Monster and Born This Way, it had all worn me down. It felt like my mind and every muscle in my body had been taken by the noise and the cameras—but it hadn’t. I went into the woods with Marina [for an artistic workshop] and I realized how strong I really was. [Marina] will balance on a stick between her legs for nine hours and go numb in the name of art. For her, it’s all about creating this experience with the audience where they’re watching her suffer for her work. Once I was out there with the sound of the river and Marina’s calm, sweet voice telling me to close my eyes and find my way home, I knew I could do anything.

Let’s talk about the paintings of you hanging in the Louvre in Paris. You sat with Robert Wilson to recreate some historic works. Which were the most challenging? I have a connection to old souls, so there was sort of a séance element where I asked artists of the past to give me permission to feel their pain. When I was doing [Jacques-Louis David’s] The Death of Marat, I lay in each position for six or seven hours. I also did my own piece, where I hung upside-down for 45 minutes in bondage. It wasn’t meant to be sexual. I believe everyone has the power to be an art hero. You don’t have to wait until you’re dead to be appreciated, [even though] this is the age when they wait until you die to write nice things about you.

At a time when you were criticized for gaining weight, you created the body revolution movement and asked fans of all body types to post photos of themselves on your site. Did seeing their bravery help your self-esteem? My self-esteem was fine. I didn’t have a problem with my weight—the world did. The body revolution was just my way of liberating myself from that criticism. That’s what I wrote ‘Do What U Want’ about. Did it heal me? No. But I was happy to see so many fans stripping naked to show they didn’t care either. I want to remind everyone that the people who win Nobel Peace Prizes and cure diseases are not supermodels. Your legacy does not need to be a perception of beauty that’s not realistic.”

In 2009, you gave a speech at the National Equality March in Washington and called it the most important moment of your career. The rage in that speech was directed at U.S. President Barack Obama. Do you think it had an effect? You don’t know exactly where your activism is going to land. I was just one person speaking out. I grew up with gay friends, and when I started to come out with my music, they were still there, supporting me. How could I sit down every night making money off a ticket that they’re buying for my show, knowing that they don’t have the same rights that I have? I can’t do that.

Donatella Versace once told me you are today’s quintessential role model. You’ve written a song about her on Artpop that hints at how misunderstood she is. Why do you think she’s so misjudged? Nobody really knows anything about her. She is the most kind, loving, sweet woman. The point I am making with a song like ‘Donatella’ is that you love to love her and you love to hate her. It’s this thing we have in common. The truth is, we’re having a blast doing what we are doing, so that’s our silver lining. We don’t mind being these blonde martyred icons as long as we have our champagne and our Marlboro cigarettes whenever we’re together. I went to her house in Milan last year, and I was having a really tough time. I was exhausted on the Born This Way tour and she opened her home to me and had 50,000 white roses in the house. I don’t always have anyone to look up to, but seeing Donatella, where she is and how far she’s come, I get to have a role model.

You’ve managed to give the Fashion Police less power by showing up on the red carpet in meat dresses and giant eggs. Was this a conscious choice? My whole life is a fucking red carpet. The red carpet has become ridiculous. All these women are starving themselves to look amazing because this is their big moment? Why shouldn’t the press adore them every day for being entertainers? I use the red carpet as a stage. I was supposed to do something at the VMAs that they didn’t let me do. I was very upset about it. I wanted to have five or six Gagas walk the carpet in all my looks from all my videos. A lot of exciting things happened at the VMAs, so it was strange that I couldn’t do that.

You’ve written three songs with the word ‘fashion’ in the title. What keeps drawing you to this contradictory, extreme, egotistical and often magical world? It was always the thing that made me feel like I could be anything, no matter what anyone said about me. When I felt small or unimportant, my ability to sew things and invent myself like an art piece meant everything. That’s why I’ve always cared about my costumes and my show. It’s never been marketing… fashion gave me a sense of who I am.

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