#one of these days maybe i'll do a full fledged heist fic

[apomaro-mellow]

Eddie steals the Hope Diamond; spicy six heist au

"I thought the centerpiece of this museum was a t-rex skeleton. What’s an elephant doing here?”, Eddie asked.

“That’s Night at the Museum, man. You’re thinking of the movie”, Jonathan said from next to him.

“Kinda disappointed to be honest. I go right you go left?”

Jonathan went to the left of the entrance while Eddie went right. Nancy was speaking to them both through earpieces. Getting a map of the museum was a fine way to get a general layout. But nothing beat getting actual feet on the ground.

Eddie moved around, letting the traffic of the museum move him. He knew he was moving in a non-linear fashion, but it was hard not to double back when he saw an interesting diorama or model.

“Eddie, don’t get distracted”, Nancy warned.

“Who me? Perish the thought”, he said, fully intending to do recon in the fossil exhibit, only to pass by the hall of gems and minerals. He let out a low whistle.

“I know who you would be perfect for”, he murmured to himself. But Nancy could hear him loud and clear through the earpiece.

“Eddie…we are not stealing the Hope Diamond.”

Eddie liked jewelry. And he liked Steve. Scratch that, he loved Steve. And he loved putting him in pretty things. That diamond necklace was a very pretty thing.

“It can be our little secret Nancy. I wanna surprise Steve with something nice.”

“Then buy him a legit diamond with your cut. We have a client that we need to keep happy.”

“I can multitask.” There was quite the crowd around the diamond, watching as it rotated in its case. Obviously he knew it wouldn’t be easy to lift it, even with their team. But they were already going to be in the museum to steal something from the Ancient Egypt exhibit. Why not get something else on the way out?

He and Jonathan finished cruising the museum and returned to the apartment space they were currently using to plan this job.

As expected, Nancy had a map of the whole place, all floors included spread out on a large table in the living room.

“We start at 1200 hours”, Nancy said. “By the end of this, we should have some T-rex teeth and have enough to pad our accounts for quite some time. Eddie, did you get a good look at the teeth.”

“I did. Between me and Bucks, we should have some decent replicas in time.”

Nancy nodded. “Don’t forget to reference Jonathan’s pics too. We need them to be flawless.”

“Alright, so everybody know their parts?”, Robin asked.

“I’m one part of the distraction with a pizza delivery”, Argyle said. “Once the guy’s out there, I keep him occupied for as long as I can.”

“Jonathan and I will handle the security cameras. We go in, knock ‘em out, and make sure it switches to our pre-made loop”, Steve said while twirling a pen in his hand.

“Steve keeps guard by the door and I keep an eye on the cameras. If we need any interception, he’ll run point”, Jonathan added.

“Once everything’s set, Big Wheel and I will do the switcheroo”, Eddie illustrated by juggling some of the stones he’d bought at the gift shop. None of with were as eye-catching as the diamond.

“Once we bag the teeth, we meet up with Robin in the van and then we’re out”, Nancy said.

Argyle raised his hand up for a high five which Jonathan answered. “And another one in the books.”

Steve pulled Eddie away from the others into the kitchen and gently pressed him against the fridge. Eddie initiated a kiss, ready for some lovin’. Going over a plan always got Steve hot for some reason. Not that he was complaining.

But then Steve pulled away and looked him in the eyes. “Nancy said you’re planning on doing something stupid.”

Ah, this was an interrogation.

“Is it stupid to act on my desires and do what I please?”

“Is this like the art museum where you just had to touch that Pollock painting?”, Steve asked.

Eddie avoided his eyes. “Something like that.” If Steve kept at it, he would end up telling him everything. And he wanted it to be a surprise. He just knew the look on his love’s face when he presented the necklace would be worth more than all the gems in the world.

He cradled Steve’s face and kissed him and then kissed him again. “Just trust me, baby.”

He’d never do anything to put Steve in danger. And he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t think he could swing it.

As Nancy had planned, the op began at midnight. The pizza gambit, which Nancy had only been 40% sure would work, actually did. When Steve and Jonathan successfully made it to the surveillance room and took over, she breathed a sigh of relief. Now she only had to worry about the wild card in the group. Eddie pretty much always deferred to her leadership. But anything regarding Steve was like invoking impulse.

Nancy was working on removing the first tooth when she saw Eddie looking up at the cameras. He bit his lip and then turned to her.

“I gotta do it.”

“You realize it’s stupid and reckless, right?”, she said in a whisper but kept her eyes on the fossil.

“Love makes you crazy. But I don’t need to remind you. Madrid ring any bells?”

Nancy paused in her work. Madrid, right. “Just don’t get caught or it really will be like Madrid.”

Eddie was already making his way from the fossils to the gems. He turned his earpiece on.

“Robin, Jonathan, mind giving me a little help?”

“Holy shit”, Jonathan hissed, pulling Steve’s attention from the door.

“Nancy was right, you are stupid”, Robin said with a shake of her head as she watched the feed from the van.

“What is it? What’s Eddie doing?”, Steve asked, coming over to look at the monitors.

Jonathan changed the one Eddie was on just in time. “He’s uh, taking a little detour.”

“I’m going. Where is he?”

“Steve, stay focused”, Nancy said. “Eddie will be fine.”

They heard footsteps and Steve’s head whipped towards the door. Thankfully, he was already changed into a guard’s outfit. He stuck his head out and saw a guard headed their way. If he looked in the room, he’d see two unconscious dudes on the floor and two guys who didn’t belong there.

Steve came out and closed the door.

“Hey!”

“Hey”, Steve replied.

“What’re you doing here?”

“What am I-? What am I doing here? Why are you speaking to me like that? Like you don’t know me?”

“Because I don’t”, the guard said.

Steve let his shoulders sag a little and made his eyes a little bigger. “I know what he made was kind of a fling but I thought...I don’t know maybe it could be something more.” The guard looked taken aback but not indignant. Good. “You really don’t remember me?”

“I think I’d remember a face like yours.”

Eddie listened while Steve flirted and it both made him proud and made him burn with jealousy. He’d have just the thing to show him who he belonged to later.

He knew Nancy was done when he heard two clicks. Eddie had closed the necklace up in a box prepared just for the occasion. When he rendezvoused up with Nancy, her eyes narrowed at the box.

“So you were going to do it anyway.”

“You know me, I’m like a dog with a bone.”

They got to the van and were shortly joined by Argyle.

“How was having the easiest job today?”, Robin asked.

“Easy, my ass.”

“Yeah, your ass. All you had to do was smoke with a security guard”, Eddie said.

“It was so goddamn tedious. He just went on and on about Robocop.”

Jonathan and Steve returned just about a minute after and Eddie immediately pulled Steve into his lap.

“There’s my baby.”

“And that’s officially another one in the books”, Argyle said, high fiving with Robin. “Celebration dinner?”

“I’m in the mood for French”, Robin said.

“If you guys are going out, you can drop me and Steve off at the apartment”, Eddie said while stroking his thigh.

The other groaned but Robin made her way there anyway. If going over the plan made Steve hot, a successful one with no hitches made him hornier than anything. He was already kissing at Eddie’s neck so he wasn’t sure what they were surprised by.

The others took off for dinner, leaving them alone with the fossil teeth to deliver in exchange for cash in the morning. Steve had Eddie pressed against a wall, kissing him but this time Eddie pulled away.

“I got a gift for you, gorgeous.”

“Hm?”

“But I need you to strip first.” All he needed was Steve. Anything else would get in the way of his beauty.

Steve smirked and turned away from Eddie. Just to be cheeky, he took off his shoes and socks first. Then he turned away and took off his shirt while heading to their room. He left a trail of clothes behind him, which Eddie dutifully picked up so he wouldn’t be chewed out by Nancy later.

When he got to the room, Steve was perched on the edge of the bed, one knee up to his chest.

Eddie almost forgot his actual intention and took him right there.

“Well? My gift?”, Steve reminded him.

“Right, right. The gift.” Eddie dropped the clothes and got the box. He got down on his knees and opened up the case, presenting the necklace.

“Eddie..”, Steve’s voice was breathless and he sat a little straighter. “You didn’t...”

“I did, baby. I saw it and I thought of you.”

Eddie got up and sat behind Steve to put it on him. He kissed his nape once he was done and Steve turned so he could get the full visual.

“How do I look?”

It was as Eddie had suspected. The hope diamond was a nice piece of finery on its own. But on the neck of the most handsome man in the world, it truly shined. Eddie could understand why a blue rock had been coveted for so long.

“You make it look so good”, Eddie said before leaning in for a kiss. Honestly it was like the necklace had been made for Steve specifically. As Steve laid out under him, Eddie got to observe the work of art he was. God, he deserved to be immortalized.

“If this was just a regular gift, I wonder how you’re gonna top it when you propose”, Steve teased as he lifted Eddie’s shirt over his head.

“Sweet thing for your engagement ring, I’m giving you the moon.”

Steve’s peal of laughter turned into sighs as Eddie nipped at his chest around the necklace. He didn’t doubt that Eddie would at least try a moon heist. He just wondered how much grief the others would give them for it.