#or conversely that people are more sex crazed now than they've ever been and it's destroying literacy or whatever

[annabelle--cane]

say it with me everybody: personal health is completely immaterial to morality, including mental health. leading a mentally unhealthy lifestyle (or what you perceive as a mentally unhealthy lifestyle) does not a bad person make. no one has to socialize, exercise, have healthy coping mechanisms, or lead (what you perceive as) a fulfilling life with fulfilling hobbies in the same way that no one has to go to the doctor to get a broken bone reset. both of those types of management of personal health are likely to be beneficial to the individual, but they are in no way moral requirements or debts owed to society. they do not actually say anything about a person's principles, personality, or actions towards others. additionally, people know themselves and their own situations better than you do. maybe a person judges that the physical and financial toll of going to the doctor outweigh the benefit of getting their bone reset, maybe a person just does not have the capacity to develop healthy coping mechanisms at this point in their life, and yes, maybe a person feels like they are totally fulfilled by "media based" hobbies alone and would feel no difference in their life if they picked up a loom. just like. let people be sick without accusing them of being representative of the lazy, degenerated state of modern society.

[partypuppynastja]

1, 9, 38, 55, 65, 72, 74 💖

1: Are looks important in a relationship?

I remember an old Twilight Zone episode in which we see a crazed man driving a car while his wife begs him to be reasonable and that she loves him, and then he crashes the car.

Later, it is apparent that he died in the crash and his widow is talking with her friends about how she thought he was the one who would be different, and her friends console her but tell her that it always goes that way.

We now cut back to earlier, and we see that she's finding relationship problems; her partner kisses her neck but recoils because it tastes bad; we then see her showering and scrubbing herself, distraught. In another scene, we see him returning home from work and he hears a squelching sound from the kitchen and we learn that his wife now has all the good looks of a compost heap, and apparently other physical attributes to match.

It turns out that she and her friends are sort-of-shapeshifting aliens who can create a sensory illusion for humans, but this illusion wears off after some years of emotional closeness (just for the person with whom they have been emotionally close).

Anyway, seeing this even as a kid, I could not understand the reaction. Like, sure, be surprised, and sure, it's a bit of a curveball, but this is still the person you fell in love with, and that their body is different should not be such an issue. Maybe a conversation needs to be had in order to effectively manage things, maybe it'll provide a challenge to your sex life, but couples face challenges together, right?

So I think looks can be important insofar as they are something that can be celebrated and enjoyed, and I think that someone's choices regards their personal presentation—insofar as some aspects of their looks may be choices—speaks for their personality and that can be of much more relevance, but critical? I don't think so.

tl;dr = can be a big factor yes but at the same time let's not overblow looks' importance.

9: Describe your perfect mate

She is very kind and caring, but also fighty about important things; she's someone I can count upon to stand alongside me for what's right. She's sweet and lifts my confidence while also not hesitating to voice her own opinion on something even when it differs from mine. She's an irresistible tease, the best kind of trouble-maker, and she's someone I can trust with my vulnerabilities great and small.

38: Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

I don't tend to pre-judge people and do tend to have an open mind; if I have information about someone that will make me dislike them a priori (say; they are conservative, for instance), it's probably something that won't change.

Closest I can think is that when Bella caught Hal's attention, I was initially wary because of some bad experiences with other people (I was also resolved to be supportive, but I was wary), but honestly their first messages to Bella eased my mind somewhat and once we two were talking they gained my trust and my good regard very quickly and my "I will also look after this one ruthlessly" love pretty promptly thereafter.

So: it's not that I thought I'd dislike them, but I was very wary and cautious, and it's incredibly rare (unprecedented, I think) that I trust someone that much that quickly, but more than six months later they've never given me cause to regret it.

55: Share a relationship story

So many to choose from! And between us we've told a lot of them, including this one, but I'll go for our engagement proposal:

My beloved had expressed to me that "the proposal is more important than the wedding" and various factors that it must have, and I for my part had various requirements I wanted me to meet before feeling worthy of proposing, so I wasn't ready to propose yet. But!

One night, we were talking about the topic of proposals, and she wondered out loud if I would say yes to such if she were to propose, and I noted the above but also that yes, if asked, I certainly wouldn't say no, because I love her very much and she's the love of my life.

She was sat on the bed, and because we were chatting and I don't like looming over her, I knelt at her feet as I often do—it's just how I sit. However, that took away her ability to get down on one knee for me, as she asked:

"Will you maybe be the happiest person alive and marry me?"

And I thought yes I willl, but that's an odd way to ask, I am somewhat hard of hearing and maybe misheard, so I said:

"Say again?"

"Will you make me the happiest person alive and marry me?"

Which is apparently what she said the first time, and now I said:

"Oh, then yes, I will"

And that was that, without a ring or audience or grand foreplanning or whatnot, but just a little sweet moment between us 💕

65: What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I'll say mu on this one; the answer that unasks the question on the grounds of an intrinsic fallacy. Not only do I think that "routine" may not really go so well with sexuality, but also, I think "foreplay" as a notion is very cisheteronormative and has never really spoken to me. Play is play. Sex is sex. Sex is play. Where are we going to draw the line?

Maybe: she offers me her pussy so that I can eat it

72: What words do you like to hear during sex?

Being a little hard of hearing I'm probably going to mishear a lot honestly; there's a lot going on, my face is often somewhere that makes useful lipreading difficult, and sex is an unfortunate time to have to be all "say again?"

So whatever it is should hopefully be discernible by the general gist, and hopefully laden with hopefully positive feedback regards what I'm doing.

I will confess I am also a slut for degradation, but it has to be the kind that's also expressing an appreciation, "what a disgusting little puppy doing a good job for me" and such.

74: What's the most superficial characteristic you look for

I don't really look for characteristics; I perceive what I perceive and judge people on the basis of such. There's no "Does this person have..." kind of assessment from me.

[starship-imzadi]

S5 E12 Violations

This opening immediately brings to mind the "repressed memories" craze in psychology in the 1980's and 1990's. The "fad" has since become regarded as incredibly harmful and dangerous as human memory can be quite malleable and undependable. A lot of people were treated to believe they had repressed memories of horrible abuse and sexual trauma in their childhoods, made horrible accusations, for events that never actually happened. Not only do these fabrication create real trauma and ruin relationships, they also delegitimize the actual trauma and abuse others have suffered and very much remembered from their childhoods.

Now, that isn't quite applicable to this episode, but this episode has some heavy moments and perhaps the worst abuse, out of all the abuse, Troi suffers through the series, and I want to address it the best I can.

"father, you know you're not supposed to probe someone's memory unless they've given you permission."

A.k.a. you have to get consent

"you are right, but sometimes with a beautiful woman I cannot help myself."

Red flag?! But not the red flag we're looking for. (Still: not appropriate) Beverly's laugh doesn't seem like acceptance to me, rather it's the socially acceptable way for women to cope with remarks that certain men think are flattering but are actually creepy. In a post #metoo world my hope is that as a society this is understood better than when this episode aired. I'm sure for many women it's just as evident as it ever was.

To be clear, this memory reading isn't sexual. What it is, is intimate. For whatever reason no other type of telepathy in Star Trek is depicted as a high form of intimacy, except for the now forgotten telepathic link that Troi and Riker have (which was formed because of the closeness of their relationship). But, to have access to someone's mind would be an incredible vulnerability, the sharing of one's mind a great intimacy, and the invasion of one's mind a great violation. A strong analogy for these is sexuality.

I want to make this distinction because there are violations and intimacies that are not sexual, and I think allowing for a broader analogy makes this a stronger story.

This conversation between Geordi and Data about memory feels like exposition to explain the concept to the audience. But, it seems to misrepresent some of the finer points, like how human recall and triggering recall actually works, how neurological structure and age factors in, how trauma effects memory, or in fact how humans encode specific memory or general concepts (like remembering the layout of your childhood home.)

"perhaps you would like to resurrect solve memories"

Is Beverly flirting with Picard? Or just teasing him

This scene with Troi brushing her hair and drinking hot chocolate is.... incredibly frustrating. Because of the "on again off again" or complete neglect of the story between Troi and Riker's relationship. Why have we never seen this part of their relationship before? Where does it fit it? I've seen people question at which point the memory becomes manipulated, wondering if Riker would ever force himself on Troi...which I would categorically say: no he would not.

"imzadi we can't, not when we're serving on the same ship"

"have you stopped thinking about us, just answer that" "I can't stop thinking about you"

They're clearly on the Enterprise, and Riker has a beard, and it could feasibly be somewhere in the past three and a half seasons. As the audience we are not privy to the original memory free of Jev's manipulations.

"Do you know what she was doing when this happened?" Riker's voice is so gentle.

Beverly's little smile as she walks in and sees Riker talking to Troi is exactly how I feel. "I miss you. Please don't stay away too long." Is so sweet and a bit heartbreaking.

Now, we see an apparent memory of Riker's. Troi's memory seemed to be hazy and pink like an old romance filter might be in black and white, but Riker's memory is distorted and stretched, and both have distorted and slowed audio. By contrast, Keiko's memory had no visual or audio distortion at all. Riker's apparent memory is feasible like Troi's.

Troi's assault is what almost everyone focuses on, because the "violation" of the episode is seen as an analogy to rape and because this element is inexplicably used again in the film Nemesis. However, I would like to point out that the two memories shown up until this point are both memories of vulnerability. The memory with Troi isn't just about sex, it's about the intimacy she has with Riker, a relationship they both want but don't feel like they're allowed to have. Riker's memory is of vulnerability of those under his command, as he has to actively make a choice that will kill a crew member to save the rest of the ship. His crew is ultimately his responsibility, their lives are in his hands, and he has to carry the responsibility of their deaths under his command.

Now we see Beverly's apparent memory. Her's is also a clear instance of vulnerability: seeing her dead husband's body. This memory is most likely of the three we see to have some reality to it. We do know that her husband died and Picard was the one to tell her and Wesley of his death. (It's mentioned in the pilot episode and in "The Bonding")

Rethinking the search parameters is incredibly clever on Geordi's part and he deserves more credit for it. It's almost... intellectually refreshing to see rather than a simple solution, and I applaud the writer who wrote this bit.

If Riker wasn't still in a coma he would be right by Troi's side.

"I'm remembering something from a few years ago" so, it is a memory, they're all actual memories, up until a point. "It's not Will, sombody's taken his place." when the person in her memory is hurting her the face isn't initially shown, we can't see who it is. But, before when the memory was safe and positive, we could see Will's face.

(the background soundtrack is a little too much and the whole sequence of Troi in pain makes me really uncomfortable.) And Worf and Picard.... don't react except Picard, very conservatively, places a comforting hand on her shoulder. Which fits with his decorum and all things considered is really, really sweet.

"A perverse source of pleasure perhaps. A need to exercise control over another." Even though Troi's memory was romantic or sexual in nature and through Jev's manipulation has the strongest direct parallel to literal sexual assault, rape is ultimately about power, the assertion of power, domination without consent. It is in direct opposition to intimacy, sexual or non sexual. intimacy is vulnerability plus trust and safety, regardless of what that vulnerability is.

I just realized the Ullian coats remind me of paper snow flakes.

I've seen some people confused that after everything that has happened why Jev would jeopardize himself by going to Troi. He seems to honestly like Troi, in whatever way he can, but at the same time is not in control of his impulses and desires, and whatever he likes about her is warped into his sick desire to overpower her. It's fantastic to see Troi fight back; Jev talks about how fragile she is, and it's important that we see that she is in fact NOT how he sees her.

"this form of rape" here is the first time the word is specifically used BUT I want to reiterate that Troi, Riker, and Beverly have all been subjected to this trauma.

It's good, and nice to know, that they will be getting counseling and help to process through what has happened. It's not always but on occasion TNG acknowledges that its characters have suffered with potential long term ramifications.