#or everyone on iPhone gets free crabs for an hour

[readjthompson]

Happy Halloween, people. Here’s an all-new short story (© me, now), free to read.

Bayou Ma’am

by Jeremy Thompson

“Those bitches!” Claude exclaims. “Those lyin’, stinkin’, blue ballin’ whores! Makin’ us the butts of their jokes! Gettin’ us laughed at by everyone! We oughta find ’em and stomp their fuckin’ skulls in!”

“And how would we even do that?” I respond, focusin’ on my composure, compactin’ the shame and heartbreak I now feel into a teeny, tiny ball that I’ll soon entomb in my mind’s deeper recesses. “They said they’re flyin’ back to New York City tonight, to that precious little SoHo loft they wouldn’t stop braggin’ about. They wouldn’t have done what they did if they thought we might see ’em again.”

Andre says nothin’, unable to take his eyes from the iPhone he manipulates, alternatin’ between the Instagram profiles of two hipster sisters, to better appraise our debasement.

#bayoumen is the hashtag they affixed to photos they’d taken with us just a coupla hours prior, at the one bar this town possesses, which we fellas have yet to leave. They’d flirted and led us on, allowin’ me to buy ’em drink after drink and believe that maybe, just maybe, one or more of us would be blessed with a bit of rich girl pussy for a few minutes…or twenty. They’ve got relatives in the area, they claimed, and had just attended one’s funeral. Some black sheep aunt of theirs. A real nobody.

Finally, Andre breaks his silence. “Look at this, right here. They used some kinda special effect to give me yellow snaggleteeth. I go to the dentist religiously. Look at these veneers.”

Barin’ his teeth, he reveals a mouthful of perfect, blindin’-white dental porcelain.

“Yeah, and they made Claude’s eyes way closer together than they really are and gave ’im a unibrow,” I say. “And they gave me a neckbeard and a fiddle. Look pretty real, don’t they?”

“Look at all the likes they’re gettin’. Thousands already. Everyone’s crackin’ jokes on us, callin’ us inbreds and Victor Crowleys, whatever that means. Look, that bitch Marissa just replied to someone’s comment. ‘Those bayou gumps were so cringe, we’re lucky we didn’t end up in their gumbo,’ she wrote. Fuck this. I’mma give ’er a piece of my mind.” A few minutes later, after much furious typin’, Andre adds, “Well, now she’s blocked me. Probably never woulda told us their real names if they knew that we’re on social media.”

Indeed, outlanders often make offensive assumptions when learnin’ of our bayou lifestyles. Hearin’ of our tarpaper shacks, they assume that we do naught but wallow in our own filth every day and smoke pounds of meth. Earnin’ a livin’ catchin’ shrimps, crabs, and crawfishes doesn’t appeal to ’em. They’d rather work indoors, if they even work at all. Solitude brings ’em no peace whatsoever. They care nothin’ for lullabies sung by frogs and crickets. Ya know, maybe they’re soulless.

I wave the bartender over and pay our tab. Nearly three days’ earnings down the drain. “Let’s get outta here, fellas,” I say. “It’s time for somethin’ stronger. There’s blueberry moonshine I’ve been savin’ at my place. It’ll drown our sorrows in no time.”

“Your place, huh,” says Claude. “We ain’t partied there in a minute.”

* * *

The roar of my airboat’s engine—as I navigate brackish water, ever grippin’ the control lever, passin’ between Spanish moss-bedecked cypresses that loom impassively, fog-rooted—makes conversation a chore. Still, seated before me, Andre and Claude shout back and forth.

“Bayou men aren’t fuckin’ rapists!” hollers Claude. “We’re not cannibals neither! I can whip up a crawfish boil better than anything those stuck-up cunts’ve ever tasted!”

“Damn straight!” responds Andre. “Bayou men are hard-workin’, God-fearin’, free folk! If they should be scared of anyone around these parts, it’s Bayou Ma’am!”

“Bayou Ma’am?!” I shout, as if that moniker is new to my ears. “Who the hell’s that…some kinda hooker?!”

“Hooker, nah!” attests Claude. “She’s a…whaddaya call it…hybrid! Half human, half alligator, mean as Satan his own self!”

“I heard that a gator was attackin’ a woman one night!” adds Andre. “Then a flyin’ saucer swooped down from the sky and grabbed ’em both wit’ its tractor beam! Somehow, the beam melded the gator and his meal together all grotesque-like! The aliens saw what they’d done and wanted none of it, so they abandoned Bayou Ma’am and flew elsewhere!”

“I heard toxic chemicals got spilt somewhere around here and some poor teenager swam right through ’em!” Claude contests. “She was pregnant at the time! A few months later, Bayou Ma’am chewed her way right on outta her!”

“Damn, that’s fucked up!” I shout, well aware of the grim reality lurkin’ behind their tall tales.

* * *

Bayou Ma’am is my cousin, you see. As a matter of fact, she was born just seven months after I was, in a shack half a mile down the river from mine. Her mom, my Aunt Emma, died in childbirth—couldn’t stop bleedin’, I heard. Maybe if they’d visited an obstetrician, things would’ve gone otherwise.

My aunt and uncle were reclusive sorts, and no one but them and my parents had known of her pregnancy. There aren’t many residences this far from town, and none are close together. It’s easy to disappear from the world, to eschew supermarkets and restaurants and consume local wildlife exclusively. Uncle Enoch buried Aunt Emma in a private ceremony and kept their daughter’s existence a secret from everyone but my mom and dad. Even I didn’t meet her until we were both four.

One day, a pair of strangers shuffled into my shack—which, of course, belonged to my parents in those days, up ’til they moved to Juneau, Alaska when I was sixteen, for no good reason I could see.

“This is your Uncle Enoch,” my dad told me, indicatin’ a goateed, scrawny scowler. “And that’s his daughter, your cousin Lea.”

Though itchy and bedraggled, though dressed in one of Uncle Enoch’s old t-shirts that had been refashioned into a crude dress, Lea sure was a cutie. Her eyes were the best shade of sky blue I’ve ever seen and her hair was all golden ringlets. Shyly, she waved to me with the hand she wasn’t usin’ to scratch her neck.

The two of ’em soon became our regular visitors. I never took to my perpetually pinch-faced Uncle Enoch, with his persecution complex and conspiracy theories shapin’ his every voiced syllable. Lea, on the other hand, I couldn’t help but be charmed by. She had such a sunny disposition, such full-hearted character, that I was always carried away by the games her inquisitive, inventive mind conjured. Leavin’ our parents to their serious, sunless discussions, we hurled ourselves into the vibrant outdoors and surrendered to our impish natures.

“I’m a hawk, you’re a squirrel!” declared Lea. Outstretchin’ her arms, she voiced ear-shreddin’ screeches, and chased me around ’til we both collapsed, gigglin’. “Whoever collects the most spider lilies wins!” she next decided. “The loser becomes a spider! A great, big, gooey one! Yuck!”

We skipped stones and spied on animals, learned to dance, cartwheel and swim. We played hide-and-seek often, with whichever one of us was “it” allowed to forfeit the game by whistlin’ a special tune we’d improvised. It was durin’ one such game that Lea made a friend.

“I’m comin’ to get you!” I shouted, after closin’ my eyes and countin’ to fifty. Our environs bein’ so rich in hiding spots, expectin’ a lengthy hunt, I was most disappointed to find my cousin within just a few minutes. There she was, at the river’s edge. Behind her, towerin’ cypress trees seemed to sprout from their inverted, ripplin’ doppelgangers. So, too, did Lea seem unnaturally bound to her watery reflection, until I stepped a bit closer and exclaimed, “Get away from there, quickly! That’s a gator you’re pettin’!”

Indeed, we’d both been warned, many times, to avoid the bayou’s more dangerous critters. Black bears and bobcats were said to roam about these parts, though we’d seen neither hide nor hair of ’em. Snakes flitted about the periphery, never lingerin’ long in our sights. We’d seen plenty of gators swimmin’ and lazin’ about, though. As long as we kept our distance and avoided feedin’ ’em, they’d leave us alone, we’d been told.

“Oh, it’s just a little one!” Lea argued, scoopin’ the creature into her arms and plantin’ a smooch on his head. “A cutie-patootie, friendly boy. I’m gonna call ’im Mr. Kissy Kiss.”

I studied the fella. Nearly a foot in length, he was armored in scales, dark with yellow stripes. Fascinated by his eyes, with their vertical pupils and autumn-shaded irises, I stepped a bit closer. Mr. Kissy Kiss’ mouth opened and closed, displayin’ dozens of pointy teeth, as Lea stroked him.

“Well, I guess he does seem kinda nice,” I admitted. “I wonder where his parents are.”

“Maybe his mommy and daddy went to heaven, and are singin’ with the angels,” said Lea.

“Maybe, maybe, maybe,” I mockingly singsonged.

Suddenly, a strident shout met our ears: my mother callin’ us in for lunch. Carefully, Lea deposited Mr. Kissy Kiss onto the shoreline. He then crawled into the water—never to return, I assumed.

Boy, was I wrong. A few days later, I found Lea again riverside, feedin’ the little gator a dozen snails she’d collected—crunch, crunch, crunch. A week after that, he strutted up to my cousin with a bouquet of purple petunias in his clenched teeth.

“Ooh, are these for me?” Lea cooed, retrievin’ the flowers and tuckin’ one behind her ear. “I love you so much, little dearie,” she added, strokin’ her beloved until his tail began waggin’.

Their visits continued for a coupla months, until mean ol’ Uncle Enoch caught us at the riverside as we attempted to teach Mr. Kissy Kiss to fetch. Oh, how the man pitched a fit then.

“No daughter of mine’ll be gator meat!” he shouted. “Sure, he’s nice enough now, but these bastards grow a foot every year! By the time he’s eleven feet long and weighs half a ton, you’re be nothin’ but a big mound of shit he left behind.” Seizing Lea by the arm, my uncle then dragged her away.

When next we did meet, a few days later, my cousin wasted no time in leadin’ me back to the riverside. “Where are you, Mr. Kissy Kiss?” she wailed, until the little gator swam from the shadows to greet her. Sweepin’ him into her arms, she said. “Let’s run away together, right this minute, so that we’ll never be apart.”

“Oh, that’s not such a great idea,” a buzzin’ voice contested. “Little girls go missin’ all the time and their fates are far from enviable.”

“Who said that?” I demanded, draggin’ my gaze all ’cross the bayou.

“’Tis I, Lord Mosquito,” was the answer that accompanied the alightin’ of the largest bloodsucker I’ve ever seen. Its legs were longer than my arms were back then. Iridescent were its cerulean scales, glimmerin’ in the sun.

“Mosquitos don’t talk,” I protested.

“They do when they were the Muck Witch’s familiar. Now she’s dead and I’m free to fly where I might.”

“I ain’t never hearda no Muck Witch.”

“And she never heard of you. That’s the way of southern recluses. Still, such is the great woman’s power that she grants wishes even now, from the other side of death. The Muck Witch’ll ensure that you never part with your precious pet, little Lea, just so long as you follow me to her grave and ask her with proper courtesy.”

Well, I’d been warned about witches and the deceitfulness of their favors, so I attempted to drag Lea back to my shack, away from the bizarre insect. But the girl fought me most ferociously, clawin’ flesh from my face, so I ran for my parents and uncle instead.

By the time the four of us returned to the riverside, neither girl nor gator nor mosquito could be sighted. We searched the bayou for hours, shriekin’ Lea’s name, to no avail.

A few weeks later, after we hadn’t seen the fella for a while, my parents dragged me to my uncle’s shack, so that we might suss out his state of mind and offer him a bit of comfort.

“I found her,” Uncle Enoch attested, usherin’ us into his livin’ room, which was now occupied by a large, transparent tank.

Atop its screen lid, facin’ downward, were dome lamps that emanated heat and UVB lightin’ from their specialized bulbs. Silica sand and rocks spanned its bottom, beneath a bathtub’s wortha water. At one end of the tank, boulders protruded from the agua. Upon ’em rested a terrible figure. If not for the recognizable t-shirt she wore, I’d never have surmised her identity.

“Luh…Lea?” I gasped. “What in the world has become of ya?”

Indeed, though Lea had wished to always be with her beloved gator, I doubt that she’d desired for the creature to be merged with her, to be incorporated into Lea’s very physicality. Patches of scales were distributed here and there across her exposed flesh. Her beautiful blue eyes remained, but her nose and mouth had stretched into an alligator’s wide snout, filled with many conical teeth. And let’s not forget her long, brawny tail.

After our initial shock abated and dozens of unanswerable questions were voiced, my parents took me home. Never again did they return to my uncle’s shack, but a dim sense of familial obligation had me comin’ back every coupla weeks, to feed Lea local muskrats and opossums I’d captured, and help my uncle change her tank’s shitty water.

The years went by, and Lea moved into a succession of larger tanks. Eventually, she grew big enough to wear her mother’s old dresses, seemin’ to favor those with floral patterns.

Finally, just a coupla months ago, I arrived at the shack to find Lea’s tank shattered. Torn clothin’ and scattered bloodstains were all that remained of Uncle Enoch, and my cousin was nowhere to be seen.

Not long after that, the Bayou Ma’am sightings began, which vitalized increasingly outlandish rumors and the occasional drunken search party. Luckily, no one has managed to photograph or film Lea yet, as far as I know.

* * *

At any rate, back in the present, I cut the airboat’s engine, leavin’ us driftin’ along our twilight current. It takes a moment for our arrested momentum to register with Claude and Andre, then both are bellowin’, askin’ me what the fuck’s goin’ on.

Rather than voice bullshit answers, I whistle the special tune my cousin and I improvised all those years ago, again and again, to ensure that I’m heard.

Moments later, Lea bursts up from the water, wearin’ a floral dress that had once been red-with-white-lilies, before the bayou muck spoiled it. In the fadin’ light, blurred by her own velocity, she could be mistaken for a primeval relic, a time-lost dinosaur of a species hitherto unknown. But, as her nickname had been so freshly upon their lips, both of my passengers, nearly synchronized, cry out, “Bayou Ma’am!”

Whatever the fellas might’ve said next is swallowed by their shrieks, as Lea tackles Andre out of his passenger seat while simultaneously swattin’ Claude across the face with her tail. The latter’s nose and mouth implode, spillin’ gore down his shirt.

Attemptin’ to gouge out Lea’s eyes as she and he roll across the deck, Andre instead loses both of his hands to her snappin’ teeth. Blood fountains from his new wrist stumps as he falls unconscious.

Claude tries to dive off the side of my airboat, but Lea’s powerful mouth has already seized him by the leg, its grip nigh unbreakable. She begins shakin’ her head—left to right, right to left—until Claude’s entire right calf muscle is torn away and swallowed.

“Ah, God, that hurts!” he shouts. His eyes meet mine and he begs, “Help me! Kill the bitch!”

“Sorry,” I respond, comfortably perched in the driver seat, an audience of one, watchin’ Lea’s teeth tear through the fella’s arm, as his free hand slaps her snout.

After Lea’s mouth closes around Claude’s skull, my friend’s struggles finally cease. Not much is left of him now. All of his thoughts and feelings have surely evanesced.

Groggily, Andre returns to consciousness, only to find himself helpless as Lea tears away his pants and consumes his right leg, then his left. She takes special delight in dinin’ on his genitals, as is evidenced by her waggin’ tail.

Blood loss carries Claude’s soul away, even as Lea moves onto his abdomen.

* * *

I’ll miss Claude and Andre. Friends aren’t easily attained in the bayou and they were the best ones I’ve ever had. All of the memories we made together will be carried only by me now. When I’m gone, it’ll be as if those events never happened.

Perhaps I should say a prayer as I push what little is left of their corpses into the dark river, but all I can think to say is, “Farewell, cousin,” as Lea swims away, glutted. Does she even care that I sacrificed chummy companionship to help keep her existence unknown?

It’s tough as hell to fight a rumor, but I’m sure gonna try. I’ll say that Claude and Andre hitchhiked to Tijuana, cravin’ a bit of prostituta. No need to further enflame the Bayou Ma’am seekers. If many more of ’em disappear, it’s sure to spell trouble for Lea.

Perhaps my cousin’ll be captured one day, for display or dissection. Or maybe I’ll discover the Muck Witch’s grave and attempt to wish Lea back to normal. Is Lord Mosquito still alive? If so, can it be persuaded to help?

Whatever the case, I wasn’t lyin’ about that blueberry moonshine earlier. Lickety-split, I’ll be drinkin’ my way into slumberland, and therein escape familial obligation for a while.

[simkhira]

I Have 300+ Gameplay Mods?! & Yes, They All Work Together...

Yes, you read that correctly. I have over 300 gameplay mods / overrides in my game. 340 to be exact. & Yes, they all work just fine together. By that I mean hardly any last exceptions / errors. So if you are looking for ways to spice up your game - here you go, sis:

⭐ = my ultimate faves

PLEASE SEE ALL 300+ LINKS ON YOUR MOBILE DEVICE! desktop tumblr won’t let us be great.

BIG DISCLAIMER: Use these mods at your own risk! Just because all 300+ of these mods work for me, does not mean they will work for you. ALSO - when patch day comes, do not refer to this list for the most up-to-date versions of mods… I will only be updating this list when I feel like I need to.

O K A Y

let’s start with... the basics:

MC Command Center ⭐

UI Cheats Extension ⭐

More Columns in CAS ⭐

No Mosaic ⭐

CAS Background

CAS Blob Remover

CAS Immersive Lighting

CAS Tidy Accessories + Details

New Loading Screens

Cube Map Remover ⭐

Into the Light (Lighting Mod)

Out of the Dark (Lighting Mod)

Twinkle Toes (Lighting Mod)

No Fade on Sims and Objects

Build/Buy Camera (Tab Mode) ⭐

Lot Trait Effects Hider

Smaller Plumbob ⭐

& then you need... realistic socialization:

Chat Pack ⭐

Whim Overhaul ⭐

Meaningful Stories ⭐

Personality Please

Better Elders

More Face to Face Conversation

Call Over Sims (Higher Distance)

Call Anytime + Chat Longer on the Phone

Unlisted Phone Numbers ⭐

Low Fun is Boring

Family Matters (Share Big News with Family Members)

Share More News ⭐

Congratulate More

Ask What Happened More

Conversation Tweaks

Chat Standing Still

No Stand Up to Greet

No Rude Intro Animation

No Flirty Animation

Apology Fix (Don’t Apologize if Your’re the Victim)

Angry Walk-style Only When VERY Angry

Less Intrusive Conversations

NPC’s Get Out of My Convo

Autonomous Parenthood Social Interactions

Autonomous Social Interactions

Reduced Idle Chatting

Know Your Coworkers / Classmates ⭐

More Away Actions

More Social Activities

Spend Weekend With

Teach Me the Rumbaism

now let’s talk about... realistic romance:

Chemistry System ⭐

Pillow Talk After Woohoo ⭐

No Shy First Kiss

No Woohoo Dance

Shower Woohoo Tweaks

No Romance for Family

Restricted Romance Interactions

Less Jealousy

Simda Dating App

Can I Come Over?

Date Night Event

Movie Night Event

Set Family Relationships ⭐

Set Extended Family Relationships ⭐

Bathroom Privacy Tweak

Bridal Shower Event

Bachelor(ette) Party Event

Auto Engagement / Wedding Ring ⭐

Vacation Weddings

Sit at Weddings

Better Wedding Presents ⭐

Honeymoon Event

Buy More Gifts from Phone

Ask for Romantic Massage

Realistic Divorce ⭐

Traumatic Divorce for Children

Improved Relationships

No Restaurant Bill When Invited ⭐

Faster Cooking at Restaurants ⭐

Better Food Quality at Restaurants

Finish Eating in Restaurants

Restaurant Guests Overhaul

Restaurant Sit Tweak

(can y’all tell that restaurants annoy me? lmao)

first comes love, then comes... pregnancy / toddler / kids / fur babies:

Ages Behavior Tweaks

Toddlers Spawn at Parks (with Parents)

More Children at Beaches

Pregnancy Overhaul

Rub Your Baby Bump (Small Pregnancy Overhaul)

Determine Baby’s Gender for All ⭐

Ultrasound Scans ⭐

Baby Shower Event

Amazing Birth (Rave About Your Delivery)

Advanced Birth Certificate ⭐

Sibling Care Tweaks

Make Less / Clean Less Mess

Auto Brush Teeth After Puking

Auto Put Activity Crafts into Inventory

Allow Toddlers to go to Services

No Call Out of High Chair

Toddler Power Nap

Better Toddler Milk

Better + Younger Nanny

Call a Babysitter ⭐

Call a Dog Walker

Shorter Dog Walks

Dog Walkers in Other Worlds

Scold All Pets

Sell Grown Up Pets

Pet Food Serving Overhaul

More Efficient Pet Brushing

Kids Can Walk Dogs

Kids Can Order Espresso

Kids Can Ride Bikes

Kids Have More Phone Interactions

Kids Can Cook

Kids Can Do Retail

Kids Can Garden

Kids Can Make Flower Arrangements

Kids Can Make Robots

Kids Can Workout

Kids Can Do Spa Activities

Kids Can Play Guitars

Kids Can Play Ping Pong

Birthday Anytime

Let Friends Age Up ⭐

No Auto Put Away Toys

No Auto Put Away Pet Toys

No Puddles Under Tubs (Toddler Bath)

Has to Pee Walk-style for Kids Only

Better Homework ⭐

Better Grade School ⭐

Better High School ⭐

Preschool for Toddlers ⭐

School Projects are Fun

More School Holidays

25 School Vacation Days

Prom Night Event ⭐

Sleepover Event

Pizza Party Event

Field Trip Event

Family Reunion Event

Pool Party Event

speaking of school... university:

Less Credits for Degree ⭐

University Costs More ⭐

University Holidays Fixed

Higher Scholarships ⭐

Rejection Letter

Harder Distinguished Degree Acceptance ⭐

Degree Required for Promotions

Faster Run to University Class

Teens Jump to University

Choose Your Helmet

Choose Your Roommates ⭐

Roommate Age-Checks

Roommate Significant Other Fix

Roommates No Random Outfit Changing

Roommates No Random Item Spawning in Dorms

Roommates No Spawning Meals

Roommates No Trash

Roommates Sleep All Night

Roommates Less Music

College Org Members Are Uni Students

Faster University Homework ⭐

Faster Tutoring Class

Copy Graduation Photos and Diploma

No Bad Microwave Buffs

No Ghosts on Campus

Sports Fixes

Game Day Event

Graduation Party Event

once you graduate... careers & aspirations:

Plan Career Outfit

Better Work Actions

Enlist in War ⭐

Live in Business

Faster Retail Actions

Faster Record / Edit Videos on Video Station⭐

Higher Acting Gig Payouts & Royalties ⭐

More Realistic Overmax Pay ⭐

Higher Payments for Paintings ⭐

Higher Royalties for Apps/Games ⭐

Higher Royalties for DJ Mixing ⭐

Higher Royalties for Lifestyle Brands ⭐

Higher Royalties for Song Lyrics ⭐

Higher Royalties for Music ⭐

Freelancer Edits are More Successful

Sketchpad No Fees

Campaign Rally Event

Visible Political Position

Watch Political Speeches at Podium

Retirement Party Event

The University Aspiration Pack ⭐

Accomplished Lady Aspiration

Family Aspiration

Grow Up Aspiration

Teacher’s Pet Aspiration

Knowledge Aspiration

Retirement Aspiration

Romance Aspiration

Famous Pastry Chef Aspiration

Twilight Years Aspiration

All-Rounder Aspiration

Programming Genius Aspiration

Travel and Culture Aspiration

Wellness Aspiration

9 to 5 Career Pack ⭐

Night Shift Career Pack ⭐

Part Time Career Pack ⭐

Fitness Career

Health and Beauty Career

Modeling Career

Journalism Career (Adult + Teen)

Trust Fund Career (Adult + Teen)

Welfare Recipient (Adult + Teen)

Saturday Jobs (Teens)

Oceanography Career (Teens)

Private Tutoring Career (Teens)

All Freelancer Careers (Teens)

Tutor (Odd Job)

Woohoo (Odd Job) - lmao

Art Show Event

hahaha... adulting sucks:

Basemental Alcohol ⭐

Happy Hour Event

SNB Realistic Bills ⭐

SNB Banking

Invest in Stocks

Lowered Thermostat Bills

Instant Thermostat ⭐

Auto Wrinkles for Adults

Life Decider 

House Warming Party (No More Fruitcake)

Door Knock Notification ⭐

Island Events Notifications ⭐

No Strangers Knocking at Your Door

Quick Showers / Baths ⭐

Shower + Bladder Reliever (don’t judge me)

Power Nap ⭐

Sleep All Night

Smarter Robot Vacuum

Functional Tide Pods

Clean Your Bedsheets

Auto Put Away Clothes

Auto Start/Dry Clothes

Laundry on Community Lots Costs

No Idle Laundry Animations / Sparkles

Don’t Prep Food Where You Angry Poop ⭐

Don’t Wash Dishes Where You Angry Poop ⭐

Eco Dishwasher

Faster Cooking ⭐

No Auto Set the Table

Ask to Cook, Bake, Grill

BBQ Event

Custom Food + Recipe’s ⭐

Custom Drinks + Recipe’s ⭐

Grannie’s Old Cookbook + Recipe’s ⭐

Bake Cupcakes in Oven

Coolers are Cooling

Advanced Fishing ⭐

Fishing Trip Event

Fish for Crabs, Lobster, & Shrimp

More Seafood Servings

More Snacks in Fridge

More Food at the Bar

More Food in the Cafe

Flea Market Every Sunday

Get to Church

just in case you... get famous:

No Fame Decay ⭐

Celebrities Never Reject Fans

Celebrities are Quarantined in Del Sol Valley ⭐

Get Famous Award Overhaul

Less Celebrity Reactions

Famous Sims Gain Followers Automatically

More Follower’s Resolution for Everyone

Free Staff (Chef, Barista, Bartender, etc.) ⭐

Gardeners and Maids on Weekends

Red Carpet Event

whatever you are... just be happy and healthy:

Fitness Controls ⭐

Balanced Calories ⭐

Go for a Walk

Hiking Increases Herbalism Skill

Power Workouts

Athletic Outfit in Winter ⭐

Healthy Drinks

Improved Meditation Stool

Improved Spa Day Tablet

Improved Yoga Mat ⭐

Craftable Pottery

Less Elder Exhaustion

Less Sickness

Longer Basketball Games

More Fun Stuff

Online Gaming with Headsets

and I can’t forget these... more gameplay mods:

NPC Controller ⭐

Improved Autonomy

Simulation Lag Fix

Simulation Timeline Unclogger

Improved Autonomy During Loading Screens ⭐

No Empty Venues When Arriving ⭐

No Temperature Deaths ⭐

No Death from Murphy Bed

No React to Stranger’s Death

Realistic Death (Mortem) ⭐

Memorial Event

Freezing Sims Don’t Turn Blue ⭐

More Club / Holiday Icons

Make Hidden Holiday Traditions Selectable

Random Holiday Traditions

Wellness Traditions

More Holiday Icons

Less Rain More Sun

Less Snow More Sun

Summer Blow-Out Event

Christmas Eve Event

New Year’s Eve Bash Event

No Ugly Rain Outfits

More Umbrella Variations in World

Open Umbrella on Rainy Days Only

No More Broken Umbrellas

Destroy Leaf Piles ⭐

Dress Code Lot Trait

Gender and More Lot Trait

Preferences Lot Trait

Add Sims to Groups During Events

No Auto Club Gathering ⭐

Flower Arrangements Slower Decay

Take Photo Overhaul (Moschino Stuff) ⭐

Snorkel Everywhere

Don’t Turn NPC’s into Spellcasters

No Role Outfits for Sages

ROM Portal Only for Spellcasters

& you also need these... much-needed overrides:

More Sponge Colors

More Sippy Cup Colors

More Dog Leash Colors

White Ice Skates

Better Food Textures (All of Them) ⭐

Hidden Bassinet ⭐

iPhone X Phone Replacement

Playing Cards Replacement

Military Salute Overhaul

Small Saucer Light ⭐

Working Medicine Cabinet ⭐

Working Alarm Clocks ⭐

Realistic Fighting Animation 

Oasis Springs + Island Living Palm Trees ⭐

special thank you to all of the wonderful mod creators! seriously, I could not play this game without you guys... (no, really.) There are way too many of you guys to name without missing someone... so if you reblog this, all I ask is that you please tag your favorite modders! (& maybe even add your favorite mods?)

[fleurpodcastarchive]

ֹׅ  ⠄✹  ︴did you see that FREYA, DAWN & AVERY just moved into the ala moana apartments?! sheesh, hopefully they show up to the landlord’s office within 8 hours otherwise they’re going to be evicted. PARK SOOYOUNG, SANA MINATOZAKI, IM NAYEON are now taken.

☇PARK SOOYOUNG, SHE/HER → ❞ did you just see FREYA CHAI walking out of the ala moana apartments here in honolulu, hi ? yeah i heard the TWENTY FOUR year old arrived from PARIS, FRANCE about ONE MONTH ago. i stalked their instagram and their aesthetic seems to be BREAKFAST IN BED, ROSE GOLD IPHONE CASE, PUTTING ON FUZZY SOCKS. i read on your tinder profile that you’re a CANCER, that’s dope, but let’s hope you’re not A CRYBABY. rumor has it they’re paranoid about A CLASSMATE BEING TAUNTED BY HER AND HER FRIENDS getting out on fleur’s podcast — everyone seems to be fair game at this point. ꒰ y, 20+, est.

☇ SANA MINATOZAKI, SHE/THEY → ❞ did you just see DAWN SUZUKI walking out of the ala moana apartments here in honolulu, hi ? yeah i heard the TWENTY-FIVE year old arrived from NANTUCKET, MASSACHUSERTS about THREE MONTHS AGO ago. i stalked their instagram and their aesthetic seems to be VODKA IN A WATER BOTTLE, THUNDERSTORMS, AND SUNGLASSES TO HIDE A HANGOVER. i read on your tinder profile that you’re a GEMINI , that’s dope, but let’s hope you’re not THE CRAB. rumor has it they’re paranoid about THEY WOULD DRESS UP AS CHARLES ENTERTAINMENT CHEESE TO GET FREE PIZZA getting out on fleur’s podcast — everyone seems to be fair game at this point. ꒰ cay, 21, est.

☇ IM NAYEON, SHE/HER → ❞ did you just see AVERY HAK walking out of the ala moana apartments here in honolulu, hi ? yeah i heard the TWENTY-FOUR year old arrived from BALTIMORE, MARYLAND about FIVE MONTHS ago. i stalked their instagram and their aesthetic seems to be STAYING UP LATE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, TOO-LOUD LAUGHTER, GREEN APPLE SCENTED SHAMPOO. i read on your tinder profile that you’re a LEO, that’s dope, but let’s hope you’re not ATTENTION HUNGRY. rumor has it they’re paranoid about NOBODY LIKES HER FROM HER HOMETOWN DUE TO HER BEING A HUGE GOSSIP getting out on fleur’s podcast — everyone seems to be fair game at this point. ꒰ g, 22, est.

[itstimeforspring]

bring me home in a blinding dream

title from ‘castle of glass’ by linkin park. another of those fake dating aus because apparently they’re the source of my life.

She was going to kill Mary Margaret.

It’s one thing being set up on a blind date. Emma had suffered through enough of those; her sister-in-law kindly believes that there’s a soulmate out there for everyone, and the way to find them is through chance encounters. Emma gets plenty of chance encounters. Nothing like being a bail bondswoman to introduce you to a lot of men.

(She had pointed that out to Mary Margaret the day before. Her sister-in-law had frowned, raised an eyebrow, and said, “Yes, you definitely want to spend the rest of your life with a criminal who you caught while wearing four-inch stilettos. No, you’re going out to dinner with a friend of a friend of a friend that I heard was recently single. Tomorrow night. At seven. Be prepared.” She had then kissed Emma on the cheek, pushed her toward the couch, and had left Emma’s apartment without so much as a chipper “bye!”)

It’s quite another thing being stood up on a blind date.

She’d been waiting at the table for an hour, the waiter and the nearby customers starting to look a bit concerned. Two couples leaving had whispered, “He’ll show up, dear, don’t worry,” and she had managed a smile and nod for both of them.

Really, she didn’t care if the mysterious Walsh showed up at all. (That was actually all she knew about him, that his name was Walsh and that he had brown hair.) After a while, she was going to order the crab cakes and probably get a free meal, if not dessert as well, and she’d be fine. Mary Margaret would probably give up on setting Emma up on dates if she knew that her most recent He’s a great guy! You two are really going to hit it off! had turned out to be a complete arse who abandoned nice girls at restaurants.

But again, Emma didn’t care. She had no interest in meeting new guys, or getting into a relationship, or starting a family, or finding her one true love; she was interested in free food. She was just about to signal the sympathetic waiter with the clearly impressive musculature under the white button-down to bring her a menu when she heard, “Oh, I’m so sorry I’m late, love” next to her ear.

She was startled enough that she could accept the kiss the mystery man left on her cheek without punching him. Then he sat down across from her and smiled.

Well, at least he was attractive. Brown hair that approached black, well-trimmed beard, nice suit, and dancing blue eyes that she swore for a moment saw into her soul – then she stopped herself. Her life was not a rom-com.

“Walsh?” she had to ask. Somehow she doubted this was the he has light brown hair, brown eyes, and no beard last time my friend saw him she was waiting for.

“Nope,” the man said under his breath with a disarming grin. “Just go with it.” Before she could kick him where the sun don’t shine and make a run for it, he signaled for the waiter. “I’ll take a water, and the lady would like—”

He motioned for her to speak and she repeated “water” and added “with lemon” without thinking.

The man glanced down at the menu for a second and ordered the crab cakes, which she seconded. The waiter left with a grin to Emma, and the elderly couple nearby fairly beamed.

“I’m Killian Jones,” the man said. “And you are?”

“Emma,” she said. “Why are you here?”

Killian grinned and leaned back in his chair as the waiter set the water before him. After the waiter left, he said, “Every so often I pick out a fancy restaurant and wait on the lovely Evangeline to join me. When she never shows, I get a free dinner. Purely entertainment, love. And why are you here at this no-doubt excellent establishment here this evening?”

“Blind date,” she bit out. “Why did you sit down with me instead of waiting for your imaginary date elsewhere?”

Killian leaned forward and his bangs fell over his forehead a bit more, making him look yet more attractive. His eyes shone and she had to remember her resolution to not let the evening become a soap opera. “Saw you sitting alone, and a quick conversation with a sympathetic couple leaving the establishment let me know that you’ve been waiting for an hour. They wish us the best, by the way.”

“You told them I’d been waiting for you?”

“I told them my horrible boss had kept me an hour late, which is true, and that my phone was dead, which is also true.” He waved an outdated iPhone at her. “I may be a bit of a dashing rapscallion, but I’m an honest man. Except for Evangeline. Strictly fictional, that one.”

Emma rolled her eyes. Then the crab cakes arrived, somewhat more burnt-looking than in the pictures on the menu, but still pretty good. Of course, that could have been because she was absolutely starving. They took a bite in unison.

“So, where do you hail from, Emma?” he asked, dipping his next bite in the lemony sauce.

“New York City, New York,” Emma replied. “You?”

“London, England, United Kingdom. Who were you waiting for?”

Emma sighed. “Walsh. My sister-in-law was trying to set us up. How long have you been waiting for Evangeline?”

“Several years now, love.” Killian’s eyes laughed and her heart jumped.

They talked for an hour and a half without stopping except for more savory bites of the meal. They talked about their jobs and neither had realized that the other job still really existed—Killian said that bounty hunters were altogether too Star Wars-like, and Emma said that harbormasters had become extinct in the 1800s. Emma told him about David and Mary Margaret, and Killian mentioned his brother Liam. Emma realized why they’d been so quickly drawn to each other—they were a lost boy and a lost girl, as one of the social workers had once phrased the situation.

If this were a real date, Emma would have been slightly more excited than terrified about the future. She would have invited him back to her apartment for a drink, and she would have kissed him. He was incredibly hot, after all.

They finished their meals and Emma took another sip of water. She glanced at the dessert menu again. “I still wish we could get that cheesecake,” she mused.

Killian’s eyes suddenly shone a brighter blue. “I have an idea as to how we can still get that free dessert. Probably won’t get us the meal, but the dessert is nearly certain, and wine if we’re lucky.”

“I’m all for that,” Emma said, not even trying to hide her smile.

Killian reached into his shirt and pulled out a chain, upon which sat a silver ring. He unclasped the necklace and pulled the ring off, and Emma understood his plan. Suddenly she couldn’t decide whether to laugh or run away.

They both glanced around the room without speaking, making sure there were enough people looking. Killian stood slowly, the ring resting on his palm. Just as their waiter stepped around the corner, the man knelt down before her.

His eyes danced as he held up the ring between his thumb and pointer finger. “Emma, we haven’t known each other very long, but the moment I saw you I knew we were meant to be together. You’re an open book to me even if we don’t know the minutiae about each other, and that’s okay. Would you do me the great honor of marrying me?”

Emma stared down at him for a few seconds in a bit of a panic—he’d known exactly what to say, he’d made it poetic and romantic, it was nearly a real proposal—then remembered the game. She clasped her hands together and let a few tears escape her eyes. “Oh, Killian, yes! A thousand times yes!”

The restaurant applauded. A grin broke out across Killian’s face, and he took her hand to slide the ring on. He stood and pulled her up with him, and he kissed her rapidly, just long enough to feel the smile on his lips and taste the laughter in his breath.

The waiter approached as they were sitting back down and asked for their dessert and wine order on the house. Emma pointed at the picture of the cheesecake and Killian glanced through the wines before ordering white.

As they ate the absolutely delicious cheesecake, random couples approached them. “Let’s count how many ‘congratulations’ we get,” Emma said, leaning across the table right before the first duo got to them.

“Congratulations!”

“Congratulations, you two.”

“Proud of you, son.” This was a well-meaning older couple. “I’m sure you two will be very happy.”

“That was so beautiful! I literally cried! I was looking at you during the meal and I just shipped you two so hard! I’m so glad I got to see you!”

As that young lady left, Killian said under his breath, “I put her at fifteen, you?” He sipped the wine, which was excellent.

“Second that. Was she actually crying?” Emma sighed as she took the last bite of cheesecake. “Only two congratulations so far. These people are rude.” Killian laughed as they got five more ‘congratulations’ over the next ten minutes.

The waiter eventually brought the check, and they reached for it at the same time. “Let me have it,” Emma complained, tugging on the edge of the paper. “It was my table first.”

“No, Emma, my sweetest love, as your newly branded fiancé, I must insist. Let me be gentlemanly.” He removed the check from her grasp deftly and paid elegantly, with a compliment toward the waiter when he returned to take the receipt away.

They exited the restaurant that had, to the manager’s point of view, just changed their lives forever.

Killian laughed once they were out of hearing of the restaurant. “Well, Emma, that was an absolutely lovely evening. I’ve never had so much fun or success waiting for Evangeline as I have had tonight.” His eyes sparkled.

Emma looked down at the ring and twisted it on her finger. It was silver, with a small red gem in the middle. It was worn on the inside and perfectly polished on the outside. Somehow she knew, without having to ask, that it had been his brother’s ring. That was what made her decide. She gathered every last piece of her courage. “Would you like to come back to my apartment for a drink?” she asked in one breath.

Killian glanced at her. His eyes softened as he took her left hand. “I would like that,” he said, pulling her hand up to his mouth to kiss it. His thumb brushed the ring and he didn’t attempt to take it off.

She meant to wait until they were at the apartment before kissing him. The taxi driver got an eyeful. She didn’t care, because Killian was moving his hands up her sides and kissing her and whispering “You’re so beautiful” all at once.

When Mary Margaret checked on her in the morning, she stepped into the apartment to find Emma sitting on her counter with a silver ring on her finger and a shirtless man in front of her flipping pancakes. Killian turned around to look at the intruder and laughed when he saw Mary Margaret’s expression.

She managed to say “You’re—not—” before stepping back against the door.

Emma jumped down off the counter and took Killian’s hand. “Mary Margaret, this is my fiancé, Killian Jones.”

As Mary Margaret sputtered and Emma laughed, Killian kissed her hair and leaned his head against hers. Right then, she knew that the blind date had somehow been a good idea.

[emitakes2019]

March 24, 2019:

Sunday.... we just chilled the whole morning. See with my personality, I easily get bored. And at this time around, everyone was tired, no swimming, napping, relaxing. BORING.

Somehow me and mrs z talk for hmmm idk about an hour?!? I did it. I can’t believe I had an awesome conversation with her. And boy she talks so much. Her story telling is amazing-especially the ones about mr J hahaha. Apparently in Peru, fish guts and paint were spilled in the amazon river-aka everything. I tell her my embarrassing “well you done done me audition” for choir..apparantely there were WORSE auditions lol.

We could not take it anymore so..Julia and I get to work like the good FOB child labor kids we were raised to be. Bleach in one hand and a 1970’s mop in the other. The bathroom was about to be ‘spotless’. This Is when I found out there was a literal hole in the wall at the ceiling of our shower. Sweet. Fresh air.

The freaking pespartanians college kids come to eat our food once again, so we crowd in the conference room. We invite over mrs. Z and PT. Who knew it would turn into such a blast. PT has an obsession with McDonald’s ... “I crave...” me and mrs z both look at each other thinking he’s gonna say “weed” . You know when two people are thinking the same thing and there’s like a moment of pleasant connection. THAT WAS ME AND MRS Z. She high fives me and Wow I have no words. Then somehow we go from favorite desert to exorcism.............

Afterwards it was time to head to the waterfall. Now I thought it would be like.. you know JUST a waterfall, that maybe we could dip our feet in the green murk-ish water. Oh my word. The place we were taken to was RESERVED FOR US. Separate pools were built coming down from the natural falls, and ahhh it was such good time climbing rocks in the pools to go to the ‘higher level pools’. Our own free solo-bear gryll adventures. I felt like those fancy travel-blog “blue ass water” instagrammers. Took sick film/iPhone pics. Saw a crab.

At night, we all cram around a small tv on the ceiling—watching March madness game. UCF vs Duke. The kitchen Dominican ladies laughed at us. We are SO American. BUT it was an intense game, ending with a score of 77-76. Boys were is inspired so they went and dunked on each other.

[panclownrights]

Get To Know The Blogger (Repost)

1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

Binge watch my current favorite shows and movies. (Currently: Parenthood, Skam, and 13 Reasons Why

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned?

Leggings because they’re comfortable as fuck. 

3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue?

Yoga seems fun and I try to be a chilled person. 

4. What does your perfect room look like?

A rustic/vintage style room with a bunch of old cameras and maps and books but then also plants and fairy lights.

5. How often do you play sports?

If I played sports often I would not be on here. 

6. What fictional place would you like to visit?

I want to visit Idris (Shadowhunters).

7. What job would you be terrible at?

I’m terrible at any job that you have to do under pressure (most jobs) so I would be a really bad waitress. 

8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?

I have never climbed a tree. 

9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for?

Being able to find out certain information on anyone about anything.

10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have?

I am ALWAYS late. I can never be on time for anything. 

11. What job do you think you'd be really good at?

I think I would be good as a retail person or a makeup artist. 

12. What skill would you like to master?

Drumming, guitar, piano, singing, and reading fast. 

13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

A road trip across the US with my friends.

14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like?

An apartment type place that is an industrial building with old brick and a spiral staircase with a bunch of rustic accessories, located in a city. 

15. What's your favorite drink?

Hot chocolate.

16. What state or country do you never want to go back to?

I have never been there but I never want to go to Idaho.. I don’t know why??

17. What songs do you have completely memorized?

Anything Troye Sivan, 5sos, most One Direction. A bunch of songs.

18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in?

Twilight in Forks, Washington. 

19. What do you consider to be your best find?

Um... I dont know?

20. Are you usually early or late?

Late forever and always.

21. What pets did you have when you were growing up?

Two cats, two hamsters, a bunch of fish, hermit crabs, and a dog. 

22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with?

Mainly any type of advice. Boys usually with girls and girls usually with rumors and gossip. 

23. What takes up too much of your time?

My phone, specifically a website called Quotev. 

24. What do you wish you knew more about?

I wish I knew more about psychology. 

25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years?

Who the fuck froze me?

26. What are some small things that make your day better?

When an idol of mine posts a new picture or video. Or when a new clip or episode of one of my favorite shows comes out. 

27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to?

5 Seconds of Summer. 

28. What's the best way to start the day?

Waking up around 9 am, showering, and having a fruit with coffee. 

29. What TV shows do you like?

Skam, Shameless, American Horror Story, Shadowhunters, Scream Queens, 13 Reasons Why, Modern Family, The Fosters, Riverdale, and Parenthood. 

30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should?

LGBTQ+ channel.

31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished?

Any actors that started at a later age (19-23) and are on successful, popular shows or movies now. 

32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently?

22 seems pretty great. 

33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

I refuse to watch most horror movies. 

34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend?

A successful binge weekend of movies and tv. 

35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without?

My iphone. 

36. What is your claim to fame?

I don’t know, acting??

37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way?

I enjoy writing letters and reading physical books. 

38. What's your favorite book or movie genre?

Fantasy or realistic - fiction. 

39. How often do you people-watch?

Basically everyday. 

40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about?

On how teenagers in high school need to be kinder towards each other and watch what they say and do that could be hurtful to someone else. 

41. What's the best day of the year?

Halloween.

42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of?

I’m pretty sure most people have heard of psychology and astronomy. 

43. How do you relax after a long day of work?

Laying in bed and watching Netflix. 

44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched?

I have been watching Shadowhunters ever since it aired then watched the movie and now am currently reading the books. 

45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home?

I went from Florida to Boston without my family one summer. 

46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen?

I have seen many heartwarming things. 

47. What is the most annoying question people ask you?

Where do you want to go to college? 

48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation?

Either Shadowhunters or Evan Peters. 

49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?

Make them all have some form of sparkly accessory and have any of my favorite shows air on each person’s televisions whenever they are on. 

50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

They should take a trip alone. 

51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting?

Whitewater rafting. 

52. What's your dream car?

A purple jeep or a Volkswagen van. 

53. What's worth spending more on to get the best?

Foundation always. 

54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get?

Actually most trends like the thing on the back of people’s phones or the unicorn frap I do not understand. 

55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

Being able to travel. 

56. Where is the most interesting place you've been?

Disney World. 

57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it?

Playing the drums and yoga. 

58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week?

I went on vacation.

59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again?

The Malec kiss scene in season 1 episode 12 on Shadowhunters. 

60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have?

A retail job at Barnes & Noble. 

61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see?

Ace a Biology tests since I suck at science. 

62. How different was your life 1 year ago?

I lived in a different state, went to public school, and had friends. 

63. What quirks do you have?

I rant about my current obsessions, I do not know how to make eye contact, and I dodge away from conversations. 

64. What would you rate 10/10?

My gay ships. 

65. What fad or trend do you think should come back?

I thought the Rainbow Loom was awesome. 

66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen?

Shirtless guys.

67. What kind of art do you enjoy most?

I enjoy face paint.

68. What do you hope never changes?

Our freedom of speech. 

69. What city would you most like to live in?

Boston or New York City. 

70. What movie title best describes your life?

The Art of Getting By. (The movie is basically me)

71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now?

I am not doing any work. 

72. What's the best way a person can spend their time?

Doing what they are most passionate about and feeling care free about it. 

73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make?

I would make furniture that looked like it was from a fairy tale world

74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been?

In a spa.

75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?

I won a cute and expensive bag without realizing that’s what I signed up for.

76. Where would you rather be from?

I am from New York and I like being from there.

77. What are some things you've had to unlearn?

I did not have to, but every summer I forget everything I learned that year in math.

78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months?

I am going on vacation with my cousins. 

79. What website do you visit most often?

Quotev or Instagram.

80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford?

High quality makeup. 

81. Where do you usually go when you have free time?

I go to my bedroom.

82. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

My bedroom. 

83. What's special about the place you grew up?

I have never grown up in one place. I move every 4 years. 

84. What age do you want to live to?

95 seems like a good age.

85. What are you most likely to become famous for?

Makeup or acting. 

86. What are you absolutely determined to do?

To live my life to the fullest and not have regrets on things I did not do. 

87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do?

How to draw a skull on my face using just eye shadow. 

88. What do you wish you knew more about?

I answered this question earlier on. 

89. What question would you most like to know the answer to?

What is my future going to be?

90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person?

What are your passions?

91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major?

I stopped believing in my religion and the political opinions my family has. 

92. What's the best compliment you've ever received?

You are really interesting to talk to. 

93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do?

Scream as loud as possible. 

94. Who inspires you to be better?

My idols (there are a lot).

95. What do you want your epitaph to be?

She lived a long, full life doing what she loved. 

96. What haven't you grown out of?

Hugging my mom in public. 

97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in?

A high school.

98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well?

Throw a party. 

99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about?

Nothing at all. I am not interesting. 

100. What's something you will never do again?

Throw a party. 

101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future?

I hope to be more confident, daring, and adventurous. 

102. What keeps you up at night?

Things I keep putting off or events that happen the next day. 

103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had?

That I was a negative person and needed to change for the better. 

104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done?

Drink underage. Risky, I know. 

105. How do you get in the way of your own success?

I am a big procrastinator. 

106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?

My body.

107. What is your biggest regret?

Not applying myself more (I’m still working on that).

108. What do you look down on people for?

The way they behave and treat others. 

109. What bridges do you not regret burning?

Toxic or one sided relationships. 

110. What lie do you tell most often?

I’m almost ready.  

111. What would be your spirit animal?

A hedgehog. 

112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older?

Living on your own.

113. What are you most likely very wrong about?

A lot of things. 

114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it?

A rainbow and glitter.

115. What's happened that changed your view on the world?

How negative or hurtful people can be.

116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned?

That there is no point in being negative about a situation because it will not do anything to fix it. 

117. What is the most immature thing you do?

Wear hair bows.

118. What are you famous for among your friends & family?

Being the outcast. 

119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be?

The pool. 

120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have?

Making money to live even if it is something you do not enjoy. 

121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die?

Travel to all the places I want to visit, being successful in some sort of way, and helping to make a difference somewhere. 

122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?

So far, 10 was back when things were simple so stay there till further notice. 

123. What's the best thing you got from your parents?

Their attitude on doing what makes you happy. 

124. What's the best thing about you?

I am passionate about many things and have big dreams. 

125. What blows your mind?

How people think it is cool to not care about things. 

126. Have you ever saved someone's life?

No. 

127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at?

How easy I can find out information about people. 

128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?

Black hair, dark skin, brown eyes, tall, skinny. 

129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?

I watch about 5 movies a week, I am homeschooled, I have been to Disney 25 times. 

130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?

None of my scars have interesting stories. 

131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life?

A work in progress. 

132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life?

When I went from public school to high school. 

133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned?

It is hard to find genuine people who care about you when you’re young. 

134. What do people think is weird about you?

My obsession with sparkles. 

135. What mistake do you keep making?

Trusting people. 

136. What have you created that you're most proud of?

I rewrote an alternate version of the ending to The Fault In Our Stars. 

137. What do you doubt?

I have a bad habit of doubting my ability to be confident and social. 

138. What are some of your morals?

Be kind, always. Do what you love. Have goals and make dreams. If you try hard enough and work your ass off, you will succeed. You are not getting anywhere with a negative attitude. 

139. What do you want to be remembered for?

Making a difference in somebody’s life. 

140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?

Having more of an opinion about things and standing up for myself. 

141. What is your favorite fragrance?

The A&F store. 

142. What do you think your last words will be?

I love you. 

143. Who or what do you take for granted?

The amount of free time I have. 

144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?

I stay up super late with the lights on and take very long showers. 

145. What is something you're insecure about?

My body. 

146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received?

Do what you love is the best. Get a high paying job to make money is the worst. 

147. What irrational fears do you have?

Not knowing what my future is. 

148. What makes a good life?

Living the exact way you want to live with little regrets. 

149. What's the last adventure you went on?

I don’t even know. 

150. What is the most memorable gift you've received?

A ring my aunt gave me that was made from one of her mother’s stones she had on her old jewelry. 

[stegzy]

It is well known, perhaps written in ancient scripture, that a day out to the British seaside is something everyone must commit to at some point in their life. In that regard, I am blessed for I try to make regular trips to the seaside.

Living in the centre of the UK, where nearly everything is three and a half hours away, means that I am the furthest away from the seaside as you can be at any point in the UK. Moreover, the selection of seaside destinations reachable within a reasonable time from this point is a little bit grim. Hunstanton is one such place, with its miles of coastal caravan parks; Skegness is another, again with miles of coastal caravan parks. And yet for just a half hour extra drive, one can reach beautiful Cromer, which is where Mrs Gnomepants V2.0 and I have just spent our bank holiday weekend.

Cromer Pier

Regular readers (if there are any left) will know that I have visited Cromer before – a small sleepy Norfolk coastal town famous for its crabs. Cromer’s tiny streets are littered with shops selling curios, knick-knacks and tat that most people will only use once, a place which once enjoyed a grander time of bathing machines, day trip ferries embarked via a pier and swanky hotels staffed by gentlemen in smart uniforms. A place as yet unspoilt by amusement arcades, kiss me quick hats and leery youths on drunken stag weekends.

Cromer seafront, pier and approach

A trip to the British seaside comes with a checklist of things to do. Over the years I have pared down my list to three things:

Fish and chips

Ice cream

Walk along the prom

While I might also occasionally chuck in “a paddle”, “Cream tea in the afternoon” and “A play on the penny cascades”, the core holy trinity of food and a walk does me just fine these days, and this weekend I managed all three successfully. The waters around Cromer are Norfolk brown in colour and not the tropical azure that I am used to these days and the thought of dissolving my feet paddling in effluent still does not fill me with joy. Cream teas, while abundant at British seasides, are only really any good when in Devon or Cornwall (sorry, I’m a jam first kind of heathen) and the lack of (or inability to find) arcades in Cromer saw away any chance of chucking away half a tonne of copper coins in the hope of winning a bottle opener in the shape of a naked lady.

Fish and chips @ Mary Janes

Mary Janes, Cromer

None the less, our trip to Cromer was most enjoyable. The seaside ennui began with a late lunch of fish and chips in Mary Janes. Quality, no fuss large cod and chips and a roll and butter for me, with an unbattered haddock and chips for Zoe. I tell you, providing you do your research well, fish and chips at the seaside never fails to please. Unless you’re one of those strange people who doesn’t like fish and chips. Mary Jane’s is a favourite of mine, with Scarborough’s Golden Grid and Whitby’s Magpie Cafe also in the top five fish and chip shops in the UK. Naturally, as any Yorkshireman would testify, the best fish and chips in the world are from Yorkshire, but alas, when it’s a four-hour drive to the Weatherby Whaler, Mary Jane’s will have to suffice. Oh, and don’t let anyone tell you that Harry Ramsden’s is quality fish and chips either. If they do, slap them with a wet piece of huss and tell them to get hence to McDonald’s for a Fillet-o-fish.

Further sights of Cromer

Next on the checklist was an ice cream. Now I’m a sucker for a whippy ice cream with a flake, but I’m also a sucker for locally produced ice creams as they tend to have unusual flavours. So we took a brisk walk along the pier and the prom (sadly, no brass bands tiddly-om-pom-poming) in hope of finding something worthwhile. Now, as the sun was out in all its glory in Norfolk this weekend, it seemed that every man and his wife, four kids and dog, were also out in force. As a result, the more ideally placed ice cream shops were rammed or had a line of queues outside. Indeed, the pier was quite busy, especially at the embarkation end (where the RNLI lifeboat station is) were middle-aged fathers tried to terrify their children into enjoying themselves by threatening them with freshly crab-laddered crabs. There were even a couple of armed policemen, but such a sight is the norm now that the British Police State is under martial law.

  Henry Bloggs, Bigger hero than you

Cromer was also home to the bravest man who ever lived, Henry Bloggs. Bloggs and his chums would fearlessly brave the elements, row a wooden boat far out to sea and rescue drowning townies from watery deaths while smoking a pipe and looking rather cool in a sou’wester. In force 10 gales. For free. With rain lashing his chops. Now you don’t see people doing much of that these days do you? No. You don’t. Now that’s bravery. And, when you’re that brave, you get medals, your own monument and a museum named after you. Not bad eh? Oh, and you also have lots of murals drawn around your town in your honour. Makes helping an old biddy with their shopping seem a bit limp.

    More Cromerian sights

  Sadly parking is a premium in Cromer on popular days, so three hours is not enough to enjoy a sit and a watch of the world going by so we had to leave. Previous visits to this part of the coast, however, had involved a stay or visit to Sheringham and being a stickler for tradition, it was only fair that we popped in to see what the place looks like in season, even if it was only for half an hour.

  Sights of Sheringham

Sheringham is the upmarket sister of Cromer. Middle classes, mostly with nearby holiday homes, price out the locals and swan about like they own the place. Mostly because they do. The stark difference between Cromer and Sheringham is evident from the upmarket theatre and selection of nearby restaurants in Sheringham. While Cromer’s fish and chips attract some diners, it is Sherringham’s mix of Nepalese, Thai and European restaurants that mark the contrast there. Indeed, short of organic, artesian gluten-free neo-paleo hypoallergenic ice creams, it is hard not to delight at the pomposity of some of the patrons. Children with names such as Pompidu, Sefton and Chanterey freely express themselves while aloof mums swig large glasses of Prosecco and dads pander to Parmesan and Chigley’s ever increasing demands in an attempt to be the best fathers ever.

  Indeed, much like Cromer, there are rows and rows of chalets lining the prom. For non-Brits reading, a chalet or beach hut is basically a really expensive garden shed which you’re not allowed to live in. However, it is this quirk that makes this part of the coast so picturesque. The sight of painted wooden huts often with unusual names being cracked open for the first time in six months is a delight to behold and, much like the bathing machine houses in Scarborough and Cromer, is an important part of British seaside heritage.

With bellies full of noms and a distance to travel to our B&B, we left the Norfolk coast once more and headed inland for further bank holiday adventure.

A day trip to Cromer by Stegzy Gnomepants aged 43.5 It is well known, perhaps written in ancient scripture, that a day out to the British seaside is something everyone must commit to at some point in their life.